635798

The train ride to Bergen-Belsen was uneventful. Lenz and I sat in silence the entire way. There was no drama: I was given food, water, and whatever else was essential to live. None of the passengers suspected anything. For all they knew, we were just a Nazi and a random citizen who happened to be sitting next to each other.

It was when we exited the train that everything began to happen. My days at Auschwitz were immediately brought back to life. Nazis yelled orders, sending prisoners here and there. Prisoners spilled out of their cattle cars. All were in a daze. I watched as children were dragged away from their parents and stood helplessly as they screamed. I ignored the German shepherd that pushed passed me and I didn’t jump when a dead prisoner fell at my feet. Children walked passed me in lines, unknowingly marching to their death. Women went to my left and men sulked to my right.

Lenz patted my shoulder. “Brings back memories, eh?”

“Unfortunately.” I sighed.

Arms crossed, I followed Lenz inside the camp. I was astounded by what I saw. Instead of barracks, dirty tents covered the grounds. Each tent had multiple patches and holes were still seen. Some threatened to fly away with the strong winter wind. The prisoners that have been here before were the walking dead. Their uniforms were tattered and falling off their boney bodies. Nobody’s skin had pigment unless one considered the cold blue a pigment. They shuffled through the snow in their socks. No one had shoes.

“It’s dreadful here,” I said.

Lenz shrugged. He said nothing, sending a sign that I had to get used to it.

I was brought to one of the only barracks in the camp. Due to the swastika covering all the windows, I knew it was the headquarters. Lenz opened the door and waited for me to step inside first. I took a deep breath, embraced what was going to happen, and set a foot inside. It set off a loud creak, and everyone inside stopped what they were doing to look at me. Aufseherinnon gasped, Kapos backed away in a corner, and Nazis glared.

“Go on,” Lenz whispered.

I put my other foot inside. Nazis stood at my sides, creating a path for me. Each one was snickering, muttering things like Jew-lover. None of them ever took their eyes off of me as I walked their path. Their silence buzzed in my ears and it made my footsteps more prominent than I wanted them to be.

When Lenz closed the door after we entered what seemed to be a broom closet, noise erupted outside. I heard my name multiple times and it wasn’t said in a positive way at all. As the men made fun of me, the women claimed they would never marry a man like me. Not that I would marry women like them.

Lenz had his ear to the door. “They’re calling you a coward.”

I splayed myself across the floor, hands behind my head. “How am I the coward when I was the one who risked my life to help the enemy?”

Lenz chuckled. “Touché.”

“What am I doing in here?” I asked. “Why don’t you just kill me already?”

“I’m waiting for your Jew to get here first,” Lenz said. “One of you will watch the other die.”

“And who’s dying first?”

Lenz shrugged.

It was only a few minutes later when a piercing scream made both Lenz and me jump. The Nazis in the other room reacted to it, telling whoever was screaming to shut up. The door to the room Lenz and I were in opened, blinding us with the light. When it closed and my eyes were adjusted, I noticed two people were inside, one of them screaming.

“Another Jew pushed her out of the cattle car,” a gruff voice – Kurt’s voice – said. “She was trampled on the ground.”

635798 was crying – and nearly hyperventilating – in Kurt’s arms. He set her down next to me and I saw her right leg. It was contorted, bruised, and possibly bleeding. She lifted herself up, frightened to put any weight on her leg. Tears spilled down her cheeks. I could feel a few landing on my hand.

“I could’ve shot her, but I have a feeling Herr Heilbronner would be angry,” Kurt said. “I’ll wrap it up while we wait.”

So he did. He wasn’t what I would consider gentle, and 635798 whimpered continuously. I held her hand and she squeezed mine every time she felt a shock of pain. When Kurt was finished, he set her foot on the first-aid box and stood up.

After twenty minutes of awkward silence, there was a knock on the door. Vater, two Nazis, and even Arzt Mengele walked in. 635798 sat up straighter while Lenz and Kurt stood up and saluted.

“Mengele,” Lenz said after sitting back down. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on the run,” he said. “The Allies are looking for me but I decided to stop by first. I was given an offer I never thought I would get so I had to oblige.”

“Herr Heilbronner,” the middle aged Nazi said while looking at me. “I’m sure you know what the future holds.”

I nodded slowly. 635798 looked at me with her eyebrows scrunched together, obviously confused.

“There are already too many people willing to help our enemies. The last thing we needed was a Nazi like you,” the Nazi continued. “When signing up, you were supposed to agree to exterminate them. Not help them.”

I bit my lip to prevent myself from saying anything.

“Wolfgang Heilbronner, it is my honor to announce that you are scheduled for a hanging tomorrow morning. Herr Josef Mengele will be performing it.” The Nazi looked at Vater and then back at me. “I can assure you that you have disappointed dein Vater and the rest of your family greatly.” And with that, he, Mengele, and the other Nazi were gone.

As laughter erupted in the room outside, 635798 pulled her good leg to her chest and rested her chin on it. Tears were welling up in her eyes again, and she avoided eye contact with everyone.

I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. It was obvious death was coming my way but I wasn’t expecting it to be this soon. How much was I leaving behind? Mutter and Aalyshah weren’t going to react well. In fact, the two would probably be more pissed than sad. I could imagine Aalyshah asking Vater why I was killed for helping. She would lock herself in her room and mourn. Not only was Shifre gone, but I would be gone. I couldn’t imagine Abbey’s reaction. She was still oblivious to most things in the war. How would Vater explain my hanging? I was leaving him behind as well. After the war, he would barely have any friends. Most were Nazis, and now the majority of them were in prisoner of war camps. I was leaving Lenz, if he even cared. Even though we’ve been having a rocky friendship the past few months, I still couldn’t push aside the good times we had together. It if wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t know how to play soccer, climb trees, box, the majority of the things I could do today. Believe it or not, but he taught me how to be helpful and compassionate (war really does change a man). One couldn’t forget who else I was leaving behind. I won’t even begin to explain this one.

Death and leaving people were my rewards for helping. I was being sent to the black abyss of eternity because I tried to keep someone alive. Was I scared? I didn’t know. The hanging wasn’t even twenty-four hours away but it was still too early to tell if I was scared of dying. I’ve never thought about death and this was my first time coming face to face with it. How was I supposed to deal with this?

“Lenz, Kurt. Let me spend some time alone with these two,” Vater said.

“Yes, sir,” the two replied in unison. They left after a “Heil Hitler” was said.

Vater brought over Lenz’s chair and sat in front of me. We stared at each other for multiple seconds, unable to think of words to say to each other. Vater’s eyes moved to 635798. She still sat in her previous position – good leg up and chin on her knee. Her body shook as she held in her cries. Her eyes were shut tightly, but tears still made their way out. When I put my hand on hers, she squeezed it as hard as she could.

“Wolfgang.”

I looked up at Vater. A certain glisten was in his eyes but I couldn’t tell if they were because of tears.

“I’m so sorry, Wolfgang.” Vater’s voice shook. “If I could stop this, I would. I could keep trying if you want but I can only save one of you if I’m lucky.”

“Keep your promise,” I said.

At this, both 635798 and Vater looked at me, confused.

“You know what I’m talking about, Vater,” I said. “Keep that promise.”

“Are you sure?” Vater asked.

I hesitated, but then I nodded slowly.

“Alright.” Vater stood up. “I just don’t know how to explain this to deine Mutter and sisters.”

“You’ll figure it out,” I said. “Tell them I said goodbye and I love them.”

635798 choked out a cry.

“Will do.” Vater looked at 635798. “We have to go now. The two of you aren’t allowed to see each other anymore.”

Before he could picked up 635798, I wrapped my arms tightly around her. She choked out her cries in my chest and wouldn’t let go as I tried to pull away.

I wiped a tear from her cheek. “Don’t be sad.”

“You’re dying because. ‘Cause of me,” she whispered.

“It’s alright.”

She squeezed me. “Don’t leave me.”

Tears welled up in my eyes but I didn’t let them slip out. “I have to. I’m sorry. I love you.”

Before she could say anything, I kissed her forehead and then pecked her lips. She grabbed my neckline when Vater began to pick her up and she refused to let go. I pried her hands away, trying to ignore the cries she screamed out. Vater held 635798 close to him. He stood in the room a while longer, waiting for her to calm down. When 635798 fell limp in his arms and her cries turned to whimpers, Vater left the room. I knew that was going to be the last time I saw either of them.

I finally let the tears stream down my face.