635798

Vater blew a whistle next to me.

Roll call.

Sunrise ran over Auschwitz on my first morning there. Like a fool, I expected the sunrise to brighten the place. It didn’t. Everything looked the same as it did before: Sad. Drowsy. Deathly. Even the shadows that dragged behind everything looked as if they were about to make a kill.

Vater and I had duties in the women’s ward of Auschwitz. We watched as they all piled outside. Barrack after barrack was emptied of the living. The dead were left behind. The women stood in groups of twenty-five – five rows, five women each. To my surprise, 635798 was in the group right in front of me. She was in the third row, all the way to my left, to the right of her barrack. Her hands were behind her back and I couldn’t see her face very well since she was looking down. The little girl – she couldn’t have been any older than ten – next to her glanced at her every so often. Perhaps they were friends.

Selection Day was today. That was when a certain group of people were chosen to be put to death. Today’s group? The refusing. The so-called “doctors” were to go around and ask every woman to do something. If they refused, they would be put to death.

The doctors began to go around. A woman in the front was already being sent away. I didn’t know what the doctor asked but it must have been something simple. This was because he was passing the other women and all I saw him do was talk to them. Yes, as simple as a command may be, there were prisoners who refused to listen, even if it meant life or death.

Four women were sent away by the time the doctor got to 635798. She didn’t look at him, and her shoulders rose but never went back down. The doctor said something to her. She made no reaction whatsoever. I squinted to get a better look at what the doctor was going to do next. His hand went to 635798’s chin. Her body jerked a little, simply due to instincts. The doctor tilted her chin up as he spoke. 635798 looked at him. The two of them studied each other and finally, the doctor moved on to the little girl. 635978 finally let her shoulders go down.

The doctor passed the little girl and went to the blond next to her. She was one of the refusals. As she walked away, I recognized her. My eyes widened. I haven’t seen her in two years. Her name was Shifre Schwab. She used to live next to me and she was great friends with Aalyshah. Ever since World War II started, everyone in the neighborhood tormented Shifre and her family. They were, in fact, Jews. Due to the annoyance, her family decided to move in 1942. They went to Amsterdam if I remembered correctly. It was hard for me to picture Shifre in a death camp like Auschwitz. How would Aalyshah react if she knew her friend was here?

Shifre made tiny hand gestures towards 635798 and the little girl. The two of them looked at her with shiny, tearful eyes. Shifre’s gray eyes moved towards my direction and they sparked with recognition.

She was so much different from the person I last saw two years ago. She was a lot skinnier due to the lack of food here. Bones poked through severely at her ankles and wrists. Shifre always had a pale complexion, but not as pale as now. Her skin was nearly transparent; I was able to see every design her ice-blue veins created. The hair that sat atop her head was once long and strawberry blond. Not anymore. It was short from the haircut she had when she first got here and it wasn’t growing out right. It stuck out in the oddest of angles. The color – Jeez. It seemed as if it was never strawberry blond in the first place. The dirt that landed in her hair during her time here colored it brown. The little sun out now didn’t shine it like it used to. Even Shifre’s gray eyes changed. They weren’t wide and youthful anymore. The largest they opened was half-mast. And the optimistic emotion that once shown had been replace by misery.

There was no way I could let Aalyshah know about this.

After Shifre and other chosen women were taken away, roll call was over. It was time for me to go back to the gas chambers again (as much as I didn’t want to go). But first, I had to talk to 635798. I found her making her way towards a waiting Kapos. It was the opposite direction of the way I had to go but I didn’t care. I started walking over there before Vater caught my arm.

“Where are you going?” He leaned in closer and whispered, “The gas chambers are the other way.”

“Uh…” I took a quick glance at 635798. She was slowly pushing her way towards the Kapos. “There’s someone doing a wrongdoing. I’ll… I’ll be back!” And I ran for it before Vater could question me even more.

I caught up to 635798. I jumped in front of her and put my hands at her sides. Since 635798 was looking down, she didn’t notice it was me. A gasp escaped her lips as she shut her eyes tightly. She covered her face with her hands. Her body gradually began to tremble in my grip as she whimpered.

The Kapos started walking towards me. “Um, sir. She has work-”

“I’ll only be a minute,” I said. I put my hand on the small of 635798’s back and began to guide her to the back of her barrack. The Kapos didn’t question what I was doing. After all, I still had higher authority over him.

No one was watching us there. I pulled 635798’s hands away from her face. We exchanged eye contact and she recognized me. She signed what sounded like a sigh of relief.

“How are you?” I asked.

635798 shrugged. She scratched her cheek and left nail marks in the dirt that was there.

“Did you know Shifre?” I asked, remembering the gesture she made to her.

635798 nodded, eyes widening.

“She was my neighbor at one time,” I said. “Nice girl. She and my sister were the best of friends.”

635798 grinned, but it seemed forced.

I leaned closer. “Would you like to meet at the same place as yesterday again?” I whispered, in fear of eavesdroppers.

635798 nodded quickly.

“I’ll bring food,” I said. I looked over my shoulder. The Kapos was waiting impatiently by Father. The two of them didn’t speak to one another.

635798 pointed towards the Kapos and began to inch away. That was when I saw her hand that had the bandage.

I grabbed it gently into my right hand. “Didn’t I just put this on? It’s covered in grime already.” Indeed it was. Not a single spot was clean and it was peeling off her hand. “Is the wound infected?”

She shrugged.

“I’ll check tonight.” The Kapos was walking towards us now. 635798 rocked on her feet, looking at him. My hand went to the small of her back and I gently pushed her towards him. “Go on.”

635798 squeezed my right hand and then took off in a run. I watched her bony legs somehow carry her without snapping. She skidded to a halt next to the Kapos. He smacked her side with the club in his hand. Her wince echoed throughout the area. Reluctantly, she followed him. Although, they went the opposite way than where I thought they were going. They went left. Buna, the work area of the camp, was to the right.



I had it. Second day of Auschwitz and all I wanted to do was leave. I gassed three groups of people today, one of them containing Shifre. Possibly one hundred in each group. That meant approximately 300 people were killed today. Because of me. Because I didn’t do anything to stop the gassings from happening.

Auschwitz was swallowed by the night. As soon as the third gassing was done I took off the majority of my uniform. The black boots and medium gray pants were still on but a white t-shit replaced the Nazi jacket. I left my cap on my bed.

I was walking down the path that divided the women’s ward from the men’s ward. A sack of food, water, and bandages was in my hand. I was almost halfway down the path when the meeting place came into view. 635798 was already there. Her legs were curled up to her chest and she rested against the brick post. I jogged towards her.

“Gut abends,” I said. I sat down in front of her.

635798 grinned. She sat up straighter.

I opened the sack and gave her a chicken wing. It was from my dinner, and that was some time ago so it was cold. 635798 didn’t seem to mind though. She bit into it as soon as it was in her fragile hand.

“I have water, too, if you need some,” I said. I put the canteen on her side. She took a drink and gave it back. “Now let me see your hand.”

635798 stuck her hurt hand to my side. As she ate, I unwrapped the bandage. The wound was dirty but it didn’t look infected. I was about to pour water but something struck me. The deep, blood-red wound on 635798’s hand looked like a gash on Shifre’s left shoulder-blade. I didn’t know how she got it, but I saw it as she was walking into the gas chamber. She was near the door by the time everyone was in. She turned around in time to see me lock her into the death trap. Her piercing screams were some of the first I heard.

Tears stung my eyes as I held 635798’s hand. She stopped eating her food and looked at me in wonder. As a tear escape my eyelids, she gasped. She pulled her hand away and then put it through a higher gap between the barbed-wire. Cautiously, she wiped the tear away with her thumb. I let her rest her hand on my cheek.

“I gassed three groups of people today,” I mumbled. I buried my face in my hand. “Shifre was in the first group.”

I received a confused look from 635798.

My stomach churned, and I had a feeling I just said something I wasn’t supposed to. I proceeded anyway. “Don’t rumors go around about the gas chambers?”

635798 shook her head slowly, eyebrows knitted together and mouth slightly agape.

I sighed. Might as well warn her. “There are many gas chambers here. They kill at least one hundred people at a time. We tell the prisoners to take off their clothes because they’re ‘going to take a shower’. From the roof, instead of pouring water, the SS men pour Zyklon-B which is very deadly. Kills in fifteen minutes.”

A-63636’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped.

“Do you notice people leaving and never coming back?” I asked.

She nodded.

“That’s most likely why.”

Her eyes widened even more. I felt her hand slowly leave my face. She pulled it to her side. The bone of the chicken wing dropped in the mud and her greasy hand covered her mouth. She choked out a cry and started to shake.

“You believe me, correct?” I asked.

She shook her head slowly, each shift taking a little more than a second. She backed away from me a little. Tears rimmed her eyes.

I put both hands on her face. As she hiccupped, I said, “Look, I didn’t say that to scare you. I said it to warn you. It’s real.”

635798 pulled out of my grip. Her whole body was trembling now. She buried her face in her knees and began to sob. My heart ached a little.

“Who did you lose?” I asked.

No answer.

“Dein Vater?” I tried. “Your father?”

A shake of the head.

“Deine Mutter?” I ran a hand through my hair. “Your mother?”

She was still for a second, but then she nodded.

A chill ran up my spine.

Still sobbing, 635798 started writing something in the mud. “Wohin gehen die Leichen nach?” Where do the bodies go after?

“SS men either – Are you sure you want to know this?” I asked.

A fast nod.

“Well… SS men bury some in mass graves. The majority go to the crematoriums. There the bodies are burned in ovens,” I explained. “That’s why the smell is so vile here.”

Right away I knew I revealed too much. 635798 almost screamed out a sob before she caught herself. She refused to look at me.

I sighed. “Look, don’t worry about being sent there. I’ll protect you from that. Okay?”

She didn’t respond.

“May – Maybe I should leave,” I suggested.

635798 wasted no time nodding.

I sighed again. What have I done? The poor woman was scared to death now. Maybe even scared of me. That meant we were back to square one. I stuck the canteen in the sack and then handed it over to 635798.

“Have the rest of the food. Use the water and bandages for your wound. Then hide the sack underneath a floorboard in your bed.”

635798 gave my hand a little squeeze before she picked up the bag. I got up to leave.

“Here, tomorrow?” I asked.

No response.

“Goodbye, then.”

I walked down the path. When I took a peek over my shoulder, 635798 was still crouched down, now leaning against the brick mast.



The next morning at roll call, 635798 didn’t look at me or the little girl next to her. She looked at no one. She didn’t make a sound, but tears were still streaming down her face. Her hands were held behind her back as she was staring off into the distance. That was when I noticed the vile stench that started moving along through the camp. I followed 635798’s gaze. She was staring at something behind me. There was black smoke coming out of the chimneys of the crematorium.

The black smoke of human flesh.