Status: I will update every second comment. this is my first try in this so I would love some feedback.
Heart's Desire
Chapter Fifteen: when the levee breaks
When I was thirteen I had my first boyfriend. I would not actually call it boyfriend. It was more a 'friend' who was a 'boy'. We went to the movies, I still remember clear as day that Lion king was playing on the big screen. That was actually the only movie we did not have or need an adult present.
His name was Charles. Handsome boy. Blue eyes and blonde short hair. He was my definition of a perfect man. For a thirteen year old girl every guy was the perfect man. I remember he put his hand on mine and gave me a slight smile. I was so nervous that I almost peed myself. Holding hands is forbidden my father always used to say. Kissing can kill you. And intercourse will lead you straight to hell.
Comparing Charles with Carter is impossible but one thing they both had in common was a fear. Controlling and demanding. For a thirteen year old boy it is just a weird but for a twenty- seven year old man? Now that was for me beyond creepy. Abandonment issues.
Twee weeks of 'dating' I decided it to quit the 'dating' game and focus on my future. Charles did not like that and he became overly obsessed. Luckily I got out before it became, well before it became disturbing.
Now I am in the same situation it is just different guys and different aspects . I already fell deep in that hole and can not get out. But I did not dig it, Carter Grey did. It was my choice to fall in. It was my choice to say yes. Now. There is now turning back. And to be true to myself I don't want to turn back.
"Miss. Lawson what do you think of this?" Professor Cage asks.
"I surely believe its your own choice. Even though you have your own life in your hands. You can't take it away as well."
"You are right." He agrees going up the stairs where the stoner's sit.
Physiology and human interaction always fascinates me. Learning the ways. Expressions and emotions. Maybe I can get through Carter using this kind of equipment and actually trigger something to tell me the truth why he is so overbearing, possessive and well disturbing.
•~•
"One bedroom, a open plan kitchen and living room and one bathroom, the balcony as you see looks out into Campus," the woman waves her hand to the door glass doors. "Perfect view don't you think?"
Her white teeth grin also disturbs me. A sales woman should not be this happy. Assuming she is rich have a her husband that loves her and have sex every night.
"I will take it." I say with a weak smile.
"Cash or credit?"
"Paying 12 months straight forward. Also the deposit is in."
Her breathe hitched as she nod slightly. "That will be fifteen thousand."
I pulled out my little black book and write in the box fifteen thousand dollars. I tore it and hand it to her. "Fifteen."
"Welcome to the building Miss. Lawson."
"No thank you."
•~•
I came to my dorm room tired as hell. Tired from crying in the damn bathroom after every lesson. Just as I put my bag down a text message beeped.
I turn to the door seeing mandy with a another girl named christie Mac. Red head and goth. I don't get her. She is always so happy. Than bam she is sad.
"Wanna watch some movies?" Mandy asks in my direction.
"Sure." I open my in-box seeing the name Carter Grey.
*Carter Grey- I will be seeing you tonight? Bring a night bag. When you arrive hand your keys to Erickson. He will put your car in my parking lot. Don't disappoint me.*
"Own parking lot?" I ask replying back. *Jessica Lawson- alright will be there in an hour. Xoxo.* I should really stop doing that.
"How about some scary movies, Cabin in the woods?" Christie asks.
"Oh uh, rainchek," I whisper walking to my closet, throwing a jean a top and some underwear in my sling bag.
"Where you going?" I twirl around grabbing my bathroom kit.
"Uh, staying at Jenny we are working on a project."
"Really?" I hate lying to her.
"Yeah, so you have," I wave my hands around "the whole dorm to your self. I will be back tomorrow." I zip up my bag slinging it over my shoulder. "Bye."
Without waiting for a respond I march out of my dorm room.
•~•
"Hello Miss." Erickson greets me at the door.
"Uh..hi. Keys?" I ask more than say wiggling my set of keys in my hand.
"Yes." He seized it and open the door for me. "Have a great night." I fully not too intend to.
"You too." I smile weakly at him and walked in. Its so awkward talking to Erickson.
A few minutes later of listening to opera once again the cart stopped and the two steel doors open. One step at a time I walk. Trying not to trip.
Friday is creeping around the corner. So is English. But now I am at my Professors apartment. How will tomorrow be like?
"Jess." Carter speaks; wearing a white sweat pants and is half naked. He gulps his hard liquor and climb off the bar stool. "You came."
"I keep my promises." Unlike you.
"Shall we take a bath or shower?"
"Shower." I whisper.
"Mm." He held out his hand I slowly put mine in his. "I had a long, long day. I need a pick me up."
Oh dear.
His name was Charles. Handsome boy. Blue eyes and blonde short hair. He was my definition of a perfect man. For a thirteen year old girl every guy was the perfect man. I remember he put his hand on mine and gave me a slight smile. I was so nervous that I almost peed myself. Holding hands is forbidden my father always used to say. Kissing can kill you. And intercourse will lead you straight to hell.
Comparing Charles with Carter is impossible but one thing they both had in common was a fear. Controlling and demanding. For a thirteen year old boy it is just a weird but for a twenty- seven year old man? Now that was for me beyond creepy. Abandonment issues.
Twee weeks of 'dating' I decided it to quit the 'dating' game and focus on my future. Charles did not like that and he became overly obsessed. Luckily I got out before it became, well before it became disturbing.
Now I am in the same situation it is just different guys and different aspects . I already fell deep in that hole and can not get out. But I did not dig it, Carter Grey did. It was my choice to fall in. It was my choice to say yes. Now. There is now turning back. And to be true to myself I don't want to turn back.
"Miss. Lawson what do you think of this?" Professor Cage asks.
"I surely believe its your own choice. Even though you have your own life in your hands. You can't take it away as well."
"You are right." He agrees going up the stairs where the stoner's sit.
Physiology and human interaction always fascinates me. Learning the ways. Expressions and emotions. Maybe I can get through Carter using this kind of equipment and actually trigger something to tell me the truth why he is so overbearing, possessive and well disturbing.
•~•
"One bedroom, a open plan kitchen and living room and one bathroom, the balcony as you see looks out into Campus," the woman waves her hand to the door glass doors. "Perfect view don't you think?"
Her white teeth grin also disturbs me. A sales woman should not be this happy. Assuming she is rich have a her husband that loves her and have sex every night.
"I will take it." I say with a weak smile.
"Cash or credit?"
"Paying 12 months straight forward. Also the deposit is in."
Her breathe hitched as she nod slightly. "That will be fifteen thousand."
I pulled out my little black book and write in the box fifteen thousand dollars. I tore it and hand it to her. "Fifteen."
"Welcome to the building Miss. Lawson."
"No thank you."
•~•
I came to my dorm room tired as hell. Tired from crying in the damn bathroom after every lesson. Just as I put my bag down a text message beeped.
I turn to the door seeing mandy with a another girl named christie Mac. Red head and goth. I don't get her. She is always so happy. Than bam she is sad.
"Wanna watch some movies?" Mandy asks in my direction.
"Sure." I open my in-box seeing the name Carter Grey.
*Carter Grey- I will be seeing you tonight? Bring a night bag. When you arrive hand your keys to Erickson. He will put your car in my parking lot. Don't disappoint me.*
"Own parking lot?" I ask replying back. *Jessica Lawson- alright will be there in an hour. Xoxo.* I should really stop doing that.
"How about some scary movies, Cabin in the woods?" Christie asks.
"Oh uh, rainchek," I whisper walking to my closet, throwing a jean a top and some underwear in my sling bag.
"Where you going?" I twirl around grabbing my bathroom kit.
"Uh, staying at Jenny we are working on a project."
"Really?" I hate lying to her.
"Yeah, so you have," I wave my hands around "the whole dorm to your self. I will be back tomorrow." I zip up my bag slinging it over my shoulder. "Bye."
Without waiting for a respond I march out of my dorm room.
•~•
"Hello Miss." Erickson greets me at the door.
"Uh..hi. Keys?" I ask more than say wiggling my set of keys in my hand.
"Yes." He seized it and open the door for me. "Have a great night." I fully not too intend to.
"You too." I smile weakly at him and walked in. Its so awkward talking to Erickson.
A few minutes later of listening to opera once again the cart stopped and the two steel doors open. One step at a time I walk. Trying not to trip.
Friday is creeping around the corner. So is English. But now I am at my Professors apartment. How will tomorrow be like?
"Jess." Carter speaks; wearing a white sweat pants and is half naked. He gulps his hard liquor and climb off the bar stool. "You came."
"I keep my promises." Unlike you.
"Shall we take a bath or shower?"
"Shower." I whisper.
"Mm." He held out his hand I slowly put mine in his. "I had a long, long day. I need a pick me up."
Oh dear.