Heart's Desire

The room was quiet and my heart was beating like a drum, a drum that has been banging the second I came through that elevator steele doors, I can not just feel it; I could hear it , and I am sure the entire Tri-state area could hear the sound of my heartbeat going down and up like a marching band, but in my case there was no general to lead it; so it sounded confusing and misleading.

I look down to my food, feeling really nauseous for some reason. Do I really want to be here? Do I want to succumb this feelings I have for a man who is as messed up as me? Am I sure?

"Is everything alright?"

My eyes were covered by fog as I feel tears were building up. I suppress it hard enough to let out one word before I burst into waterworks that could drown LA and make it known as Atlantis.

"Yes."

My fork grazed on top of my steak as I make circles around it. I had to know. Does he truly have feelings for me?

"Please tell me what's eating you up, seeing you did not eat your food and it looks like you are about to throw up any minute." Carter says softly.

"I want to know you." I finally mustered up the strength to say those words.

"What do you want to know about me?" He lifts up his glass of white wine and place the rim of the glass between his lips, and I licked mine, knowing him and of course knowing me I want to feel his on mine.

"The girl."

Carter stiffened gulping his glass fully of awfully white wine, I on the other hand hate wine, seeing I had grown up with this liquid for the past 15 years.

"I had an affair with a student two years ago. she fell in love with me and I don't do love so I got rid of her telling her its over, seems she never got the memo."

My lungs yet again has ran away and the fear spread through my entire body like a unhealthy sickness, with no cure insight. I was-am in love. Will he get rid of me also?

"Please say something." He whispers.

"What are we?"

"What do you want us to be?" -to be in a relationship telling me you love me and not just want me-

"Don't turn this back on me Carter, I ask you the questions you answer." I spat out. Seeing the look in his eyes I should quickly retreat that statement, but knowing how I did not think around him it just fell out; word for word.

"You and your smart mouth," he chuckles putting a piece of juicy steak in his mouth, chewing it gently. "I want you Jessica. What I had with that student does not compare to what we had- or still have."

"What do we have? Only lust? What is the comparing? You being a professor and I a student, a student falling for you, than the student falling in love with the professor. I am sure this is the same situation so yes, I can compare your past relationship with what we have now. Or is it not a relationship?"

"There is a difference," he growls throwing his purple napkin on his remaining food. Looks like Carter Grey also lost his appetite. "a huge one."

"Can you point them out, because I don't see any?"I ask with a small smile. 'Don't go there!' My inner goddess yells crossing her arms with a small pout.

"You." me? "I never needed anyone like I needed you. Hell Jess you send me over the top; never in a million years a girl- a woman has done that," carter lift up his hand pushing his hair away from his facade. "You do that. And I like it. Jess I like you." But do you love me?

"The question still states Cater what are we?"

He closes his eyes and I could swore pain was written all over his face, do I hurt him? The question is it a good hurt or a bad one?

"I want you to be mine."

"I know. But what are we?" I ask more demanding placing my hands on the table practically leaning in.

"Now? At this moment you are my everything."

What?