Ruination

It had been three weeks since Byung-hee's death and early in the morning the guys, Soo-ah and I made our way to school. While Ha-jin and Kyung-jong chatted about things, I walked with my eyes to the floor and hands in my pockets. Everyone seemed to have gotten a little better but I was still counting the minutes until I would see the one who caused Byung-hee's death and tried to prepare myself so that I wouldn't lash out on him and maybe even kill him with my bare hands. How could someone have made someone die and still be riding to school every morning in an expensive, luxury car while smiling like he ruled the world? He didn't deserve to live. Byung-hee? Byung-hee did.

I continued to walk behind the group silently and soon as we got to the front gates the cocky voice of the boy I loathed with every inch of my being could be heard. Temptation quickly took over me, causing me to turn around in his direction and if it hadn't been for Ha-jin's embrace I would have probably pushed the cocky Pyo-joon onto the road of incoming cars.

"Calm down," Ha-jin whispered in my ear as he spun me away, "You don't want to do something you'll regret."

"Who says I'd regret it?"

"Your morals."

Although I hate to admit it, Ha-jin was right. If I ever did anything as horrible as cause someone's death I wouldn't be able to deal with it, not even if that person deserved it for being such a terrible person and killing someone else. Not even if that someone else was one of my friends. As we walked up the stairs and into the school I took deep breaths in order to calm down, it was easier because Ha-jin held my hand and made me feel like I wouldn't collapse but as soon as a few pretty girls were in sight, his fingers that were laced with mine, slipped away and I was left with nothing more than cold air seeping through the gaps.

It was always like this, Ha-jin was a playboy, he liked to play around and he would never let a chance slip away even if it meant that he'd let go of my hand in rough times because he knew that I knew that he cared for me and apparently believed that was good enough. It wasn't. It wasn't like he was never there through the worst times but it still happened and it hurt me because even though I knew what I knew, it was as if other girls were more important to him than I was. I just wished that one day, he'd put me before one of the girls that he wanted to take into his bed and prove to me that he was truly my best friend... But I doubted that would ever happen. It just wasn't who he was.

After school I walked home alone, it was cold, rainy and windy but I didn't mind. That type of weather, although chaotic, was my favorite and allowed me to relax. When I got home I took a quick, warm shower and changed into baggy clothes that kept me warm as my feet skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen where my mother was making hot chocolate and singing to herself. She poured me a large cup, topped it off with marshmallows and handed it to me.

I began to thank her but was abruptly cut off by the doorbell, "Thank you一"

"I'll get that."

A familiar voice suddenly filled the room, I looked up and standing before me was Ha-jin with a bag hanging from his shoulder. Whenever Ha-jin appeared with that blue and black bag, it was clear that he planned on staying the night which was usually a weekly routine. "Would you like some hot chocolate?" My mom asked him, he smiled thankfully at her while nodding and made his way over to where I was sitting on the couch. It didn't take long before we were finished drinking and eating the warm pastries that he had brought from the bakery so we headed upstairs into my room and sat in front of my heater under a blanket.

"Where were you all day?" Ha-jin asked me.

"Library. I wasn't tempted to kill Pyo-joon there."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have gone with you."

I looked away, a sarcastic chuckle escaped my throat, "You were too busy flirting."

"And? You know you're more important to me than them. Just tell me next time, okay?"

Ha-jin's hand was suddenly in mine, he rubbed circles on the back of my hand and laid his head on my shoulder. I wanted to protest, to tell him that I really didn't know anymore and to make him see what he was doing to me was hurting me, but I kept quiet and forced a smile, telling him that I understood and I'd be sure to tell him next time around. Saying anything about how his actions were affecting me would only lead to misunderstandings anyways, it wasn't like I liked him or anything of that sort but I knew that to him it wouldn't sound like that and I wasn't going to risk our friendship on some silly misunderstanding.

Just as always when it neared 10pm, we were already in bed, laying on our sides, eyes connected like magnets and a billion thoughts running through our minds. "What's the best way to ruin someone?" I asked Ha-jin. He gave me a bewildered look and I wished that I had never asked.

"Why do you want to know that?"

I hesitated for a moment, "If I can't kill Pyo-joon, I want to make him pay."

Once again there was nothing but silence and Ha-jin's big eyes looked nothing more than shocked. He started to shake his head, "Leave that to us boys. We already have plans for that asshole."

"Do as you please but I'm not going to stand by and not do anything about it myself."

With that I turned my back to him and tried to think of good ways in which I could completely destroy Pyo-joon and his friends. Nothing that I thought of seemed good enough though, it was all just a mess inside my head and so I decided to just sleep, hoping that in my dreams I would get a good answer but it came sooner than expected when Ha-jin put his hand around my waist and pulled me towards him before whispering something in my ear.

"Break his heart."