Molly

I am excited for you to stay with me, but i am cautious of what you will think about my eating disorder, i think its more violent than i make it out to be..

I wonder if you will stop me, or just listen and let it happen, or hold my hair back while i lace my only talent (if you can call it that) in acid.

I wonder if you will judge me, i wonder if i will be able to feel comfortable around you...

I wonder if..

Its always an if..

Im interested too see what you are writing about me, I've never seen any of your stuff before, but you are articulate and like writing, so I'm not worried, I'm worried about how i will be portrayed, i hope you can do a justice.. (joking)

Your funny and sweet, but sometimes, i want to hear more than sex and drugs... I know thats all you do, but sometimes i dont want to hear about how high you are or how you miss being high..

I can't remember what we used to talk about before drugs.. Or tayse.

"Hate is a strong word" is what i said to you, but i mean it, sometimes i genuinely hate those around me, sometimes i genuinely think that nobody likes and and nobody actually cares about me.

I am like a child and not just I'm the sense of what i do, but how i feel, i constantly need someone there, i constantly need to know I've got someone to fall back on, even if i want to be alone or i am depressed, tit always helps to pull me aside and just hug me... sometimes all i need is a hug to know that things are going to be ok.

Your hugs are nice as well..

I dont really know how you put up with me.. sometimes i wonder how badly i have to fuck up for you to leave.

Im just kinda waiting. Sarah left, Meagan left, Brock left, Tom left....

People leave me all the time, but after all this time, you haven't and i find that comforting..

But I'm still waiting to fuck up big enough to finally see how far you can be pushed.. I dont want to find out those limits though..

I feel sometimes that i can't be true with you, like our friendship isn't one like i had with sarah, with sleepovers and board games and pizza nights.. its kind of a school/bus/sex/drugs talking kind of friendship..

And to say the least, i want the pizza night, board games and wine nights with you..

But I'm not sure how to say that...

I guess i just did

Im not sure why there are so many line breaks in these things, i think i try to add emphasis but it just turns out being cocky and artsy (i almost forgot how to spell try..?)

You said "ill keep that in mind" then "but dont get your hopes up"

Your friends won't like me.. I can tell.. Not even i like me..

Im going back to therapy tomorrow and i think I'm going to show her my blog.

My greatest dream would be being your band manager, but like you said "dont get your hopes up" and i won't, when someone says something like that, its best to forget the idea all together because the amount of doubt in that sentence far outweighs the odds of getting the gig as flyzik.

I had a rough day..

And somehow seeing you made it a bit better..

Im gonna take some pills and go to sleep...