I'd Be So Good to You

My name's Jack Barakat and I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend, telling you in person isn't an option. These are texts I almost sent to you that could ruin our friendship.

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:02.25am Date:25/04/14
'I know it's early and you're probably asleep but I need to get something off my chest. Can we meet up later?'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:03.15am Date:25/04/14
'I think I'm falling for you.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:03.27am Date:25/04/14
'Please don't break my heart?'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:03.39am Date:25/04/14
'You are everything wonderful in life. You are sunshine and rainbows on a rainy day. You are the beautiful flowers that grow in desolate areas. You are the way your voice cracks slightly when you talk about something you love. You are the way one side of your mouth smiles when u compliment you. You are perfect to me.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:03.55am Date:25/04/14
'You understand me so well. You know when I'm upset and need distractions. You know the signs of my relapse to stop me. You have impeccable timing.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.06am Date:25/04/14
'I've liked you since the first time we met, you make a great first impression, fancy dress and good music is the way to my heart.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.15am Date:25/04/14
'You should know by now that being nice to me and casually touching my arm is dangerous. You don't know what you do to me.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.19am Date:25/04/14
'I feel so comfortable around you, like I'm indestructible. I don't feel as self conscious. All of my other worries go away.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.28am Date:25/04/14
'I notice the way your face lights up when you smile, the way you bite your lip after you say something risky. The way your hand runs through your hair when you're thinking. The way you stand with your arms folded across your chest when you're uncomfortable. The way you half pout half smile for pictures. Each of these make me fall for you harder.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.45am Date:25/04/14
'I'm trying so hard not to be in love with you.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:04.59am Date:25/04/14
'When I'm lying in bed at night surrounded by darkness I can't help but wonder if you're thinking about me too.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.02am Date:25/04/14
'She wasn't good to you. I'd be good to you. She didn't know what she had. She didn't know how lucky she was. She didn't know how jealous it made me when she posted pictures of you both everywhere. I couldn't escape it. It was like she was rubbing it in that she had you and I didn't stand a chance.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.18am Date:25/04/14
'I wish you could like me for me, I wish I didn't have to subtly change things about myself to make you notice me.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.30am Date:25/04/14
'I wish you could be the last thing I see at night and first thing I see in the morning. Your face makes it all seen worth it.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.37am Date:25/04/14
'I think we'd be that couple who could insult each other with compliments. The one who made fun of each other for silly things, argue over toaster colours and matching bedsets.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.40am Date:25/04/14
'I just wanted you tell you that you're beautiful and I know you don't believe it. But every little thing you do makes me smile. The way you touch my arm when we talk. The way you encase me in your hugs that are longer than usual and rock from side to side. The way you look me in the eyes when we talk, that makes me blush.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.47am Date:25/04/14
'I'm afraid that if I keep this to myself I am going to grow old and regret not telling you. Move away and still have that feeling of 'what if?' that need to know if I had told you how I felt, would things be different?'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:05.56am Date:25/04/14
'I want you to be mine.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:06.02am Date:25/04/14
'Why her? What does she have that I don't have? I can see you aren't happy with her. She takes work. Relationships shouldn't be like that. They should come easy. Like best friends with perks. It shouldn't have to be difficult to work up the energy to talk to her!'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:06.11am Date:25/04/14
'It's not fair. She isn't even trying to keep you, and I'm doing everything I can to get you to notice me.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:06.17am Date:25/04/14
'When we're together it makes me want the day to never end. When we laugh and talk for hours I wish the world would just stop, so I can just sit with you in an infinite world of everything that is just us.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:06.23am Date:25/04/14
'Just love me back.'

To: Lex Gaskank <3 Time:06.37am Date:25/04/14
'This was a stupid idea. Flyzik's a dumbass, I'm gunna kill him.'

I sighed, exhausted as I went to my drafts and highlighted the twenty three messages I had saved to send to Alex. Knowing me, I'd send them when I got drunk. I half smiled, thinking about how nice a life with my best friend could be. Wiping the smile away I clicked the button.
'Do you want to delete these messages?'
My finger hovered over the button. I hesitated as I thought things over, but the thought of losing him as a friend was too much to bear.

'Yes.' I sighed heavily as I pressed it with a heavy heart.