Hello Stranger

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10/12/13

i'm still really tempted to go search up some fan fiction but i'm still kind of terrified. because it's, like, why??? why are you writing about (very detailed) sex between two perfectly straight blokes?? i don't?? i can't?? why???

do you understand why i'm terrified now? the fan fiction i happened to stumble upon was an all time low one. something called jalex? all time low's a really great band and they're amazing live, and the most homosexual thing i've ever seen alex gaskarth and jack barakat do is like a little peck on the lips – when i was searching up live shows. and there's also that gif of alex and martin from boys like girls snogging on stage in protest because of the shit security. but i'm pretty sure he's got a girlfriend. maybe they both do. and i'm also kinda sure that as much as jack makes himself out of be a bit bisexual, he's perfectly straight.

long story short, fan fictions are still weird. to me. but i get what you mean – the whole letting go of their emotions in a positive way. at least they're not doing harmful things to themselves, right? and they're happy. writing gay fan fiction about their idols make them happy, so i'm sure said idols welcome more gay fan fiction.

and about your family situation: is it inconsiderate for me to say that i wish i was there? recording the whole thing and eating popcorn? HAHAHA. i'm sure you all completely owned your aunt and uncle. you're right about homophobes having a special place in hell. i mean, i'm a generally nice person, yeah? i don't particularly hate anyone, and even when i'm mad at someone i try to make myself forgive them for whatever wrong they've done because life's too short for me to have 'enemies' and hate people for what seem like minuscule problems amongst the entirety of the universe. but homophobia and just people telling other people how to live their lives – in general. that... that i cannot stand. that i really fucking hate.

the term you've used for those people is perfect. pretentious assholes. that's what they are. hell yeah.

back to the point at hand. what were we even talking about?

okay, just went to check the previous entry/letter. and i agree with you. whole-heartedly. people who don't listen to John Mayer are missing out on the greatest experience of their lives. and i listened to the songs you said you like. John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin' is one of my favourite songs, too. House of Gold is a massive tune. not that big of a fan of The Great Hendowski tho. mostly bc i don't know what he's yelling and i don't rly understand it but to each their own, yeah? :)

and about your question... i don't really know. i've had the privilege of travelling to quite a few places already, but i think i still really want to go to somewhere like South America, or South Africa, or even some countries in Asia. it'd be pretty damn cool to be able to travel all over the world and bring back a tiny souvenir from each place. then when my kids ever say that i'm lame and uncool because i've never gone out i can whip out my souvenir collection and go: "HA. i've travelled across the world. you haven't. who's uncool now?"

... yeah okay maybe that'll just make me seem way more uncool but ehhhhh i've still got time. plenty of time.

i don't know what question i should ask you :(

how about this – make me a playlist of your all time favourite songs. the songs that people like usually tell you more about them than they ever would, so let me get to know you properly by listening to the songs that you like. just list the songs down or something and i'll look them up, download them all, and listen to them whilst laying in bed. promise.

i'm really looking forward to that now.

– stranger x

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"You alri', mate?" The blue-eyed ginger grins over at the younger, getting to his feet to greet the other with a hug before settling back down into the chair he was previously comfortably slumped in.

"I'm good, thanks," Harry beams back at him as he slides into the seat opposite him. "How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks," Ed says in response, smiling, too. "So what's been going on with you?"

And Harry just smiles, telling Ed things about how insane their last tour was, how many amazing fans they've got to meet, how beautiful the places they went to were. He retells funny stories and fills Ed on what's happened in his life since he last saw the elder (which would've been at the Teen Choice Awards) and Ed does the same.

The pair of friends just sit in the little diner, munching on their sandwiches, exchanging stories. Then Ed's telling him about his new girlfriend and how wonderful she is and Harry, though completely happy for the elder, feels a tug at his heart.

He's lonely. He can admit to that, very easily. He's really fucking lonely – though not in a sense that he's got no friends or whatever. He's lonely in a sense that he just fucking really wants someone. Someone he can hold hands with, cuddle, kiss, be all cute with during the day, be something completely contrasting to 'cute' when they're alone in bed at night. Someone who is his, and only his.

Not in a way that he's objectifying her. God no. He hates when women get objectified. Which is rather ironic since Harry Styles the Womaniser is basically his full name ever since One Direction got big.

(Also: cue Britney Spears' Womaniser because who the fuck even says womaniser any more?)

He's referring to her being his in a way that he's the only one who gets to kiss her and touch her the way that he would. That she wouldn't be allowed to fool around with anyone else. Neither would Harry, because Harry actually takes relationships seriously. He likes the idea of eventually settling down. Getting married, having kids, maybe a cat or a dog, too. that sort of thing. The idea of waking up to the same person every day for the rest of his life is daunting as hell, but it's comforting. Because you know, that at the end of the day, even after you tell yourself that you're tired of being with only one person – there would be no one else who you would rather have in place of that other person.

Harry wants that. He wants the whole package deal.

He's fucking terrified of commitment – also: very ironic – but he really wants that. He just hasn't met someone who's able to make him feel like maybe he could envision himself as one half of a happily married couple, in which they stay together till either one of them dies.

He pulls his lips up into a smile as Ed continues talking. Harry doesn't really know what he's talking about now. He's trying to listen – he really is. But you know when you're trying so hard to concentrate on something, you end up not being able to concentrate on the thing at all? Yeah, well, that's what's happening to him. He's trying to hard to concentrate on what Ed's telling him but he physically cannot so he just carries on looking intently at Ed's face, nodding along every once in a while.

Ed finishes telling the story that he was telling with his hands moving about animatedly with a small laugh and a fond shake of his head and Harry just lets out a single laugh, too, because it's already rude enough that he wasn't even listening – he might as well act like he really was concentrating as hard as he looked to be.

The bells hanging above the diner's door jingle then and Harry glances over Ed's shoulder to look at the people walk in and a soft smile comes unto his lips as he watches an elderly man push the door open and hold it for the elderly woman who walks in before him, smiling at the man as she passes by him. That's what Harry wants. Someone he still won't get bored of even after they've both got grey hairs on their heads and wrinkles and people are asking why they're still alive and singing in One Direction. Although he reckons the latter won't happen because even he knows that boy bands won't be able to stick around that long.

"Hey," Ed's voice makes Harry turn back to the ginger. He's got his brows furrowed together lightly as he looks at the younger, "You okay, mate?"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry mumbles, nodding. "Just, – " he says, shaking his head and smiling. Harry nods over to the couple who've taken a seat at the tables by the window and are both holding their menus away from their faces with reading glasses balanced on the bridge of their noses, "– s'cute, innit?"

"What?" Ed asks, turning to look at what Harry's looking at. Then he nods, turning back to Harry, "Yeah. It'll be nice if that's us when we're older, yeah?"

"That's what I was thinking," Harry smiles, "Well. I mean. Me and my wife. And you and your wife. Not, like, you and I. But that could happen if you'd like – "

"Piss off – you know what I meant," Ed laughs, cutting him off as he shakes his head – the younger laughing with a cheeky grin painted along his pink lips. "And you're not even twenty yet. We've both got so much more going on with our careers. And when we finally get to settle down... That'll be a fucking good period in our lives."



"I have a question," a female voice speaks and Harry jumps slightly in his seat, looking up from the book he had his eyes transfixed on to focus on the owner of the voice.

He raises an eyebrow, smiling unsurely at her, "And?"

"Do you, like, not have a life or something?" She asks, her tone light-hearted. "Because I've seen you here almost every day, and I'm pretty sure you're a part of the world's biggest boy band, so."

Harry's eyes widen before he's letting himself smile a little wider, shaking his head in amusement. He shuts the book gently, his fingers not letting the book shut completely so that he won't lose the page he's currently on. "Guess you could say that," he jokes.

"I knew it!" She cheers silently, dancing a bit on the spot. "I knew famous people don't have lives unless they're doing whatever they're famous for."

Harry chortles, ducking his head down for a moment before he's looking back at the green-eyed blonde. He recognises her from being an employee at the shop. She was also the one who'd insisted on him taking the umbrella, from when he'd left his mobile in the shop. "Oh crap," he mumbles suddenly. "I forgot to bring back the umbrella."

She waves him off with a small laugh, "Don't worry 'bout it. Like I said: they don't need anymore than they already have."

He smiles, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he tilts his head up to look at her, "You can join me, if you'd like," he gestures to the empty seat across from his own. She purses her lips, glancing around the shop and then shrugging a shoulder, sliding into the seat. "So... You and the other bloke – you're not just colleagues then?" He asks curiously, just to strike up a conversation.

"He's my... best friend," she says after a thought, a fond smile pulling at her lips.

Harry smirks then, "So if I started flirting with you and asked you out, he won't get mad?" He asks shamelessly because he's bored, she's pretty, and why the hell not, right? Plus. He knows that they're not just friends. He saw it with his own two eyes. He just wants to see if they really were just friends or not, for the sake of.

She laughs, "Not if you meant it in a just friends way," she grins at him. "I guess I should've specified then – he's my best friend and my boyfriend."

He chuckles lightly, "I know," he says. At her raised eyebrow, he smiles sheepishly, "I saw you two the other day. You were being cute together. Even if you weren't together, I'd just say you should date because you look good together."

"Thanks?" She laughs again. "I'm Juliet, by the way."

"Harry," he nods, offering her a hand to shake. "Though you probably already knew that."

Juliet shrugs a shoulder, "It's only polite to introduce yourself after someone introduces themselves, yeah?" She chuckles and he grins. "So, really. How come you're here so often?"

"We're done with... everything, really. For the year. Playing The X Factor USA's final in a few days and afterwards, we're on break till the next tour."

She hums, nodding along. "Sounds... tiring. But fun. But also tiring."

"It is," he laughs a little. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world."

Juliet smiles, sliding off of the seat to get to her feet. She threads her fingers through her hair, offering him a kind smile, "Well until you've got things to do: we welcome you with open arms. S'not that popular, anyway. Your escape from reality, because we all know reality sucks sometimes. Even if it's kind of a good reality like yours. You're always welcomed here."

Harry just looks at her then, tongue darting out to run across his top and bottom lip. Then his lips form the smallest of smiles, eyes practically sparkling. He looks at her because that's exactly what he uses the café for. Uses it for his escape from reality. And he'd always had this nagging feeling that tells him that he's going to eventually get asked to leave because all he ever does is buy one cup of coffee or tea and read a book. Doesn't even purchase it. That's what the café is for, but he still can't help himself from thinking that it'll happen.

Juliet's literally read his mind. Told him that he was always welcomed, and he's never felt more warmth in his heart; from the tiniest of gestures. "Thank you."

She smiles in response, shaking her head slightly. "We're all lost souls here. Welcome home."

·

someone said to me today: "we're all lost souls. welcome home." and this 'home' she was referring to was the café/bookshop that i found this journal in. so does that make you, my stranger, as much of a lost soul as i am? are you feeling like a map with no compass? like there's so many people around you, but you still feel so alone? like even though you know that you've got people who care about you, you feel like you don't belong anywhere? like although you've got a place to rest your head, a roof over your head, that you don't truly have a home?

then we are more alike than we think. i can be your home. your familiar place. so welcome home, stranger. why don't you stay for a bit?

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