Aphrodisiatic

~x~

I was eighteen. I was stupid. I was in love.

We were arguing, mostly because I had wanted to leave the house and get my own. I didn't want to be in the same house as her, I didn't want to do something stupid and hurt everybody. I was giving her some shitty excuse for wanting to go and my answers got vaguer every time she asked.

We were screaming.

"Why are you so damn adamant about this?!" She ran a hand through her reddish hair. She seemed hurt and that had, in turn, hurt me.

"Because I can't be here anymore!" I can't be here with you, I added silently.

Her face twisted and I saw the frustration rise on her face. She started to ask the same damn question, and I interrupted.

"I love you, Bella," I waited a moment, before going on. "Six years, Bella. I've loved you since I was fucking twelve, God, maybe even beyond that." I paused yet again. I was hoping for some response at this point. "I'm sorry, it's shit, but I do. I never called you Mom, and it's not because I hated you. It's because I love you." She was staring. There was a silence and hot salt water started to pour from my eyes. It was getting hard to breathe. I needed to leave.

I grabbed a jacket from a hook and opened the door. My throat was tight and my next words came out harshly.

"Goodbye, Bella." I ran out, slamming the door behind me.

~x~