My Secret
A Farewell
-"Marshall, don't do this.."- I say breathless
-"Vic,everything is true"-he says and holds my hand making me feel the rush
-"what do you mean?"
-"everything Royce said is true"
-"Marshall.."- I say and pull my hand away from his
-"it's true, we were great together,we were madly in love,I still don't understand why we broke up"-he says and that makes me angry,
was he serious?
-"you don't understand? you don't understand?!!you played with me and with my feelings ! you used me!" I spat
-"that's not true! and you're the one to talk! you left me without a reason, so don't blame this on me because you were the one who ended up this, you were the one who ended up US and everything we had, we could have been so happy together, we could have been a family but you took that from me too because you supposed I didn't want more children "-he says with anger
I wanted to cry so badly but I won't , I already have cried too much because of him,I need to be strong
-"you told me you didn't want more children, I broke up with you because yo played with me, you cheated on me, you fucked your wife while you were with me when you told me you would leave her time and time again or I'm lying Marshall?, maybe I'm lying "-I say with a sarcastic tone
-"I told you I needed time, it wasn't easy for me either , I had Hailie, and I wanted to give her everything and the family I never had"
-"I understand that, but when I told you we should break up so you could start a new life with her you didn't let me go, you always told me how much you loved me and that you needed me, because you always do that, you manipulate people"
-"I don't manipulate people! everything I said to you was true!!"
-"you don't know how much you hurt me Marshall.."-I say, trying to hold my tears back
-"how do you think I felt when I woke up that morning and couldn't find you, I asked everybody and no one knew anything, then I tried to call you like 100 times but you didn't answer, how do you think I felt when you did that? you broke my heart"- he says shuddering
I looked at him , I could feel he was being honest and I didn't like to see him like this, it breaks my heart, I guess I still care about him
-"Marshall, let's not talk about this more, and focus on Cristian"
-"yes, you're right , that's the past and we can't change it, the important thing is the future, our future"
our future?
-"what's gonna happen with Cris?, do you want him to come to visit you on holidays?"
-" victoria.. I want him to live here in Detroit , you too "
-"Marshall, we aren't going to live in Detroit, our life is in Spain, I have my sisters,my parents, my job and he has the school .."
-"that's not problem, you can find a job here and we can search for a school for him too, he can goes to the same school than Whitney , you can visit your family as much as you want , they can come to Detroit too and I'll pay for everything till you find a job and you and me can tr.."
-"Marshall, it's not that easy ok?I can't leave everything behind and move out to Detroit" I say cutting him out
-" you already did it once, why you can do it again?"-he says holding my hand again
-"yes and look what happened"
-"Vic don't do this, don't take him away from me again, he needs us, please .."-Marshall says staring at me
-"Marshall , he's in the middle of the course, he doesn't finish till the summer, so I'm sorry but no"
-" Victoria, listen."- Marshall mumbles
-"no, I'm sorry but no, please Marshall understand, I'm doing what is best for him"
-"taking him away from his father is the best for him?". he says with anger, I can feel how he's trying to be calm
-"Marshall, when he finishes school he can comes and visits you"
-" I don't give a fuck, I wanna be able to see my fucking son every day"
I can't say anything, I feel how he's glaring at me
-"let's go"- he say coldness
-"where?"
-"home, I'm gonna take you home"
-" that's not necessary, I .."
-" it is necessary , I wanna see my son and say goodnight to him"- he says whithout looking at me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we finally arrived after the awkward drive
Paul was waiting for us in the main door
-"hi guys, you're finally here, Cristian didn't stop asking for you and when you were gonna come home"
we heard Cristian's vcoming closer and then he appears
-"mum , dad!! I missed you"- he says and come to hug us, first me and then Marshall
he look at us and feel something is wrong even if we both smile at him
-"what's up?, why are you guys so serious?"
-"Cristian, nothing happens,go and put your pijama on, it's time to go to bed"-I say, avoiding to answer
he's not happy with the answer and looks at Marshall
-"dad?"
-"buddy, go and do what your mother said, ok?"
he nods and goes upstairs
we go to the living room , Nancy and Paul are watching tv
-"guys, what's up, what did you decide you're gonna do?"-Paul ask us with Nancy looking at us
-"she's taking Cristian with her to Spain"- Marshall says with anger
Paul and Nancy look at each other
-"Vic.." - Nnacy starts to talk but I cut her out
-"no, don't start with the same please, he has school, he's in the middle of the course and he can't leave now, I told him he can comes and visits him for holidays"- I say trying to explain it
-"that's bullshit, you wanna take my son away from me"
-"ok.. if that's what you want to think, go ahead
Paul and Nancy looking at us
-"you're such a bit.."
-"dad?, you want me to live here?"
oh shit he heard everything, why this kid has to be so quiet sometimes?
-"yes, I do, that was what we were talking about earlier, I told your mum , I want you both to move out to Detroit, so I can see you everyday and I can take you to the studio"
-"yessssssss, that's so cool, I'd love to see you every day dad"- he says smiling and hugs Marshall-"can we, mum , can we pleaseee?- he begs
-" no, I'm sorry, we have to go back to Spain"-I say sadness, I knew he wouldn't like it
his face changes and now he's sad and disillusioned , it breaks my heart in pieces
-"why mum?"- he weeps
-" I'm sorry honey, but you have school, I have my job an your aunts and grandparents live there"- I say trying to not to cry
-"but mum, we can visit them on holidays, I wanna be with dad and meet my sisters, I wanna us to be a family together, why you can't try being together? I wanna see you together"- he weeps even harder
oh no! hug him
-"honey, a couple has to be together because they want to, because they love each other .., you can't "try" being together, you know what I mean?"- I say as calm as I can even if I wanted to cry
-"but you love each other, I can feel it! they way you act with him , the way you look at each other, I know you mum, as I know you didn't forget him, sometimes I've heard you talking to aunt Marta about dad, "
my face is now pale ,Marshall glances at me
-"Cristian! what did I tell you about listening to other people's conversations?
-"but it's true tho"
-"buddy, do you want to come to the studio with me tomorrow?"- Marshall asks trying to change to subject
Cristian nods
-"dad, do something, tell her you lover her too, so we don't have to leave, I know she still loves you"
-"Cristian!!!"- I yell, this boy...
-"what? it's true!, I know you, you 're mean to be together, everybody around you know it, like Paul and Royce but you both are too stubborn to see it!"
I hear Nancy and Paul's laugh
-"Cristian go to your room now!"- I order him
-"goodnight guys, goodnight dad"- he says and goes to his room
Next Morning...
I woke up int he morning at 8, I hoped that everything that happened yesterday was a bad dream, but it wasn't Cristian barely talks to me, Paul and Nancy disagree with me
I was having my breakfast and talking to Nancy when Paul told me he was going to the studio with Cristian and then Marshall will take him home because Paul has to go to do more things and he's not gonna come home till late
soon after that Nancy and me got dressed and went out , after 4 hours we went back home, Cristian should be here soon, so we started to make the supper
10 mins later Marshall and Cristian arrived
-"hi babe, how are you?- I say and hug him
-"fine"
-"did you have fun?"-I ask and smile at him, he didn't smile back though
-"yes"
huh?
-"are you ok?"
-"yes mum"
-"ehmmm ok ..go and wash your hands the dinner is almost ready"
-"I'm not hungry , I wanna go to bed, I'm tired and tomorrow is gonna be a long day "
-"ok babe , good night"
-"Cristian, wait"-Marshall says
-" don't be sad buddy, I promise I'm gonna see you very soon and I will call you everyday ok?
Cris nods,
-"I love you Cristian,and don't worry, you will meet your sisters this summer"
-I'm gonna miss you dad"-he says weeping
-"me too son, and don't forget to send me the lyrics and do what I told you this morning"
he nods
-"I love you dad"
-"I love you too , goodnight"- he says and they hug
Cristian glares at me and goes to his room
great ,it's official, my own son hates me!
-"ehm Victoria I wanna talk to you "- he says serious
Nancy look at us
-"I'm going to the living room so you can talk"- she says and walks off
he stares at me
-"what?!!"
-"I gave Cristian my number and my personal email, I told him I will call him everyday after school "
-"ok..."
-" we're not gonna say anything yet , but we will have to.. eventually as he wants to have my surname ,and I need your account number.. to send you money every month"
-"that's not necessary, that wasn't the reason .."
-"I know, but I want to.."
-"Marshall, thanks for helping him with the songs and everything, you make him very happy, he loves you"
-"you don't need to thank me, he's my son"
-"I know but you hava made him feel so welcome, so loved, I've never seen him so happy , so thank you"
-"but you take him to Spain.."
-"Marshall I "
-"no I don't want to hear the same bullshit again, I'm only gonna tell you something, you better let me see my soon or you're gonna regret everything you did, I'll hire lawyers if nedded , I swear"
-"don't threaten me!"
-"I'm warning you, don't make do something I don't want to "- he glances at me and leave the house
I start to cry, Nancy hears me and hugs me
1 h later I go to bed, after I make sure everything is ready and our stuff is in our luggage
I go to bed and 20 minutes later I fall asleep
Next morning
I woke up, and go downstairs to see Cris and Nancy having breakfast
-"good morning guys"- I say with a smile and kiss Cris in the cheek
-"how are you babe?"
-"fine.."
oh no again
Nancy looks at me with a sorry look
-"where is Paul?"
-"he left 15 min ago but he told me to tell you he said goodbye"
-"ok, Cris, babe, go and finish to get dressed we need to leave in 1 h"
-"ok"- he says emotionless
40 min later....
we start to put everything in the trunk
after 20 min we're in the airport
Nancy and me drank a coffee while we waited for the boarding
20 minutes later...
we said our goodbyes to Nancy and go to our gate
15 minutes later......
we're on our way to Spain
-"Vic,everything is true"-he says and holds my hand making me feel the rush
-"what do you mean?"
-"everything Royce said is true"
-"Marshall.."- I say and pull my hand away from his
-"it's true, we were great together,we were madly in love,I still don't understand why we broke up"-he says and that makes me angry,
was he serious?
-"you don't understand? you don't understand?!!you played with me and with my feelings ! you used me!" I spat
-"that's not true! and you're the one to talk! you left me without a reason, so don't blame this on me because you were the one who ended up this, you were the one who ended up US and everything we had, we could have been so happy together, we could have been a family but you took that from me too because you supposed I didn't want more children "-he says with anger
I wanted to cry so badly but I won't , I already have cried too much because of him,I need to be strong
-"you told me you didn't want more children, I broke up with you because yo played with me, you cheated on me, you fucked your wife while you were with me when you told me you would leave her time and time again or I'm lying Marshall?, maybe I'm lying "-I say with a sarcastic tone
-"I told you I needed time, it wasn't easy for me either , I had Hailie, and I wanted to give her everything and the family I never had"
-"I understand that, but when I told you we should break up so you could start a new life with her you didn't let me go, you always told me how much you loved me and that you needed me, because you always do that, you manipulate people"
-"I don't manipulate people! everything I said to you was true!!"
-"you don't know how much you hurt me Marshall.."-I say, trying to hold my tears back
-"how do you think I felt when I woke up that morning and couldn't find you, I asked everybody and no one knew anything, then I tried to call you like 100 times but you didn't answer, how do you think I felt when you did that? you broke my heart"- he says shuddering
I looked at him , I could feel he was being honest and I didn't like to see him like this, it breaks my heart, I guess I still care about him
-"Marshall, let's not talk about this more, and focus on Cristian"
-"yes, you're right , that's the past and we can't change it, the important thing is the future, our future"
our future?
-"what's gonna happen with Cris?, do you want him to come to visit you on holidays?"
-" victoria.. I want him to live here in Detroit , you too "
-"Marshall, we aren't going to live in Detroit, our life is in Spain, I have my sisters,my parents, my job and he has the school .."
-"that's not problem, you can find a job here and we can search for a school for him too, he can goes to the same school than Whitney , you can visit your family as much as you want , they can come to Detroit too and I'll pay for everything till you find a job and you and me can tr.."
-"Marshall, it's not that easy ok?I can't leave everything behind and move out to Detroit" I say cutting him out
-" you already did it once, why you can do it again?"-he says holding my hand again
-"yes and look what happened"
-"Vic don't do this, don't take him away from me again, he needs us, please .."-Marshall says staring at me
-"Marshall , he's in the middle of the course, he doesn't finish till the summer, so I'm sorry but no"
-" Victoria, listen."- Marshall mumbles
-"no, I'm sorry but no, please Marshall understand, I'm doing what is best for him"
-"taking him away from his father is the best for him?". he says with anger, I can feel how he's trying to be calm
-"Marshall, when he finishes school he can comes and visits you"
-" I don't give a fuck, I wanna be able to see my fucking son every day"
I can't say anything, I feel how he's glaring at me
-"let's go"- he say coldness
-"where?"
-"home, I'm gonna take you home"
-" that's not necessary, I .."
-" it is necessary , I wanna see my son and say goodnight to him"- he says whithout looking at me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we finally arrived after the awkward drive
Paul was waiting for us in the main door
-"hi guys, you're finally here, Cristian didn't stop asking for you and when you were gonna come home"
we heard Cristian's vcoming closer and then he appears
-"mum , dad!! I missed you"- he says and come to hug us, first me and then Marshall
he look at us and feel something is wrong even if we both smile at him
-"what's up?, why are you guys so serious?"
-"Cristian, nothing happens,go and put your pijama on, it's time to go to bed"-I say, avoiding to answer
he's not happy with the answer and looks at Marshall
-"dad?"
-"buddy, go and do what your mother said, ok?"
he nods and goes upstairs
we go to the living room , Nancy and Paul are watching tv
-"guys, what's up, what did you decide you're gonna do?"-Paul ask us with Nancy looking at us
-"she's taking Cristian with her to Spain"- Marshall says with anger
Paul and Nancy look at each other
-"Vic.." - Nnacy starts to talk but I cut her out
-"no, don't start with the same please, he has school, he's in the middle of the course and he can't leave now, I told him he can comes and visits him for holidays"- I say trying to explain it
-"that's bullshit, you wanna take my son away from me"
-"ok.. if that's what you want to think, go ahead
Paul and Nancy looking at us
-"you're such a bit.."
-"dad?, you want me to live here?"
oh shit he heard everything, why this kid has to be so quiet sometimes?
-"yes, I do, that was what we were talking about earlier, I told your mum , I want you both to move out to Detroit, so I can see you everyday and I can take you to the studio"
-"yessssssss, that's so cool, I'd love to see you every day dad"- he says smiling and hugs Marshall-"can we, mum , can we pleaseee?- he begs
-" no, I'm sorry, we have to go back to Spain"-I say sadness, I knew he wouldn't like it
his face changes and now he's sad and disillusioned , it breaks my heart in pieces
-"why mum?"- he weeps
-" I'm sorry honey, but you have school, I have my job an your aunts and grandparents live there"- I say trying to not to cry
-"but mum, we can visit them on holidays, I wanna be with dad and meet my sisters, I wanna us to be a family together, why you can't try being together? I wanna see you together"- he weeps even harder
oh no! hug him
-"honey, a couple has to be together because they want to, because they love each other .., you can't "try" being together, you know what I mean?"- I say as calm as I can even if I wanted to cry
-"but you love each other, I can feel it! they way you act with him , the way you look at each other, I know you mum, as I know you didn't forget him, sometimes I've heard you talking to aunt Marta about dad, "
my face is now pale ,Marshall glances at me
-"Cristian! what did I tell you about listening to other people's conversations?
-"but it's true tho"
-"buddy, do you want to come to the studio with me tomorrow?"- Marshall asks trying to change to subject
Cristian nods
-"dad, do something, tell her you lover her too, so we don't have to leave, I know she still loves you"
-"Cristian!!!"- I yell, this boy...
-"what? it's true!, I know you, you 're mean to be together, everybody around you know it, like Paul and Royce but you both are too stubborn to see it!"
I hear Nancy and Paul's laugh
-"Cristian go to your room now!"- I order him
-"goodnight guys, goodnight dad"- he says and goes to his room
Next Morning...
I woke up int he morning at 8, I hoped that everything that happened yesterday was a bad dream, but it wasn't Cristian barely talks to me, Paul and Nancy disagree with me
I was having my breakfast and talking to Nancy when Paul told me he was going to the studio with Cristian and then Marshall will take him home because Paul has to go to do more things and he's not gonna come home till late
soon after that Nancy and me got dressed and went out , after 4 hours we went back home, Cristian should be here soon, so we started to make the supper
10 mins later Marshall and Cristian arrived
-"hi babe, how are you?- I say and hug him
-"fine"
-"did you have fun?"-I ask and smile at him, he didn't smile back though
-"yes"
huh?
-"are you ok?"
-"yes mum"
-"ehmmm ok ..go and wash your hands the dinner is almost ready"
-"I'm not hungry , I wanna go to bed, I'm tired and tomorrow is gonna be a long day "
-"ok babe , good night"
-"Cristian, wait"-Marshall says
-" don't be sad buddy, I promise I'm gonna see you very soon and I will call you everyday ok?
Cris nods,
-"I love you Cristian,and don't worry, you will meet your sisters this summer"
-I'm gonna miss you dad"-he says weeping
-"me too son, and don't forget to send me the lyrics and do what I told you this morning"
he nods
-"I love you dad"
-"I love you too , goodnight"- he says and they hug
Cristian glares at me and goes to his room
great ,it's official, my own son hates me!
-"ehm Victoria I wanna talk to you "- he says serious
Nancy look at us
-"I'm going to the living room so you can talk"- she says and walks off
he stares at me
-"what?!!"
-"I gave Cristian my number and my personal email, I told him I will call him everyday after school "
-"ok..."
-" we're not gonna say anything yet , but we will have to.. eventually as he wants to have my surname ,and I need your account number.. to send you money every month"
-"that's not necessary, that wasn't the reason .."
-"I know, but I want to.."
-"Marshall, thanks for helping him with the songs and everything, you make him very happy, he loves you"
-"you don't need to thank me, he's my son"
-"I know but you hava made him feel so welcome, so loved, I've never seen him so happy , so thank you"
-"but you take him to Spain.."
-"Marshall I "
-"no I don't want to hear the same bullshit again, I'm only gonna tell you something, you better let me see my soon or you're gonna regret everything you did, I'll hire lawyers if nedded , I swear"
-"don't threaten me!"
-"I'm warning you, don't make do something I don't want to "- he glances at me and leave the house
I start to cry, Nancy hears me and hugs me
1 h later I go to bed, after I make sure everything is ready and our stuff is in our luggage
I go to bed and 20 minutes later I fall asleep
Next morning
I woke up, and go downstairs to see Cris and Nancy having breakfast
-"good morning guys"- I say with a smile and kiss Cris in the cheek
-"how are you babe?"
-"fine.."
oh no again
Nancy looks at me with a sorry look
-"where is Paul?"
-"he left 15 min ago but he told me to tell you he said goodbye"
-"ok, Cris, babe, go and finish to get dressed we need to leave in 1 h"
-"ok"- he says emotionless
40 min later....
we start to put everything in the trunk
after 20 min we're in the airport
Nancy and me drank a coffee while we waited for the boarding
20 minutes later...
we said our goodbyes to Nancy and go to our gate
15 minutes later......
we're on our way to Spain