Going to Pasalacqua

‘How can we make amends
When we said, all we said
I call and you don't pick up
How can I stay instead
That I hope It's for the best
I won't, and I wont give up
I'm sorry mother
I know I let you down
I'm sorry for how I up and left this town
How can we push aside all the bad
And make it right
Now you've got me all choked up.
I'm sorry brother
I know I let you down
I'm sorry for how I up and left this town
Please just listen
'cause I don't ask for much
I'm my own man,  I make my own luck’
- Luck —American Authors

Starry nights and city lights. Shining over us. The stars light a little blurred and polluted by the street lights lining Billie's street.

It was only a matter of time and he should have known that... I cant stay away from home for a extended period of time. Let's be honest here, I'm sick of the old life I used to live everyday. Wondering idly what things would have been like for me had I never met Billie in the end. Surely not as exciting.

Like a black night without stars to light the sky. But now my stars are back. 

As much as Mike wanted to have his graduation party at Gilman's. Ollie insisted it wasn't the ideal place to do it. A graduate should be a little more straightened out and bold minded- I think her advice went in one ear and out the other.

I wailed with joy as we entered the house. Billie was the only one who had stayed behind at the party while Ollie, Larry, Mike and Tré all came back to the house to prep for their own get together. Mom and dad had agreed to come tonight as well, wanting to celebrate Mike's accomplishment. Though I knew their real reasoning behind being so proud and fond of Mike- he was the only member of Green Day that had graduated. Or at the very least tried to get to that point. Tré and Billie had lost interest in education rather quickly.

I had tried to make conversation a bit, but the music was too loud to allow that. So really all we did was lean against the fence in his backyard, laughing and smiling, looking up at the stars while our voices were lost to the deep bass in the punk music Mike had picked out. 

“Oh my God, I'm so doing limbo.” Billie laughed. Shrugging away from the fence “Hold my beer.” he grinned cheekily at me and handed me what clearly was a bottle of root beer. I watched him line competitively beside Tré. Carefully eyeing each other and trash talking. Before snapping their spines backwards to crawl under a increasingly lowering PVC pipe held up by Mike and Larry. They were laughing too much to hold it straight.

Billie got pissed when Tré was still able to do it after it was a mere foot and a half off of the ground. In his annoyance, he shoved Tré into the kiddy pool. Tré flailed around in the shallow six inches of water pretending to drown. 

Mom and dad ditched the party after ten thirty. The Gilman goers were showing up and I and Billie drifted out the back gate. Unnoticed, onto the empty, streetlight lined street. West, the lights gradually got further apart till it was pitch black near the boardwalk and beach. We began walking in that general direction in the darkness. The noisy clatter of our shoes on the cement sidewalk. Till it was just us walking hand I and hand in the darkness. I hummed some tune I'd picked up somewhere. Probably from the radio that mom always has playing in her record store.  Billie shot me a look of recognition after I hummed for a full thirty seconds uninterrupted.

“Kiss?” he scoffed. He kept walking beside me as he scrutinized my face. 

“Really? I had no idea.” I said with false disbelief. 

He rolled his eyes and laughed “Sure you didn't.”

The night was warm. I had left my jacket back at the house so it's a good thing for the almost constant Californian warmth. I knew we had reached the beach for multiple reasons. Those being number one, the briny scented wind that tossed my hair in black waves behind me. The salty smell that was oddly comforting to me. The crunch of tiny rocks under my sandals, my feet sinking to conform to the sand. The air was both cooler here and humid. We immediately went left, disappearing into the trees. I stayed silent during the familiar hike. I knew every twist and turn. Because I knew where we were going. To the meadow that was a safe haven to me. Though I had never been here before alone. Billie had always been accompanying me. No one else. Billie refused to tell Mike or Tré where he disappeared to on Sundays. But today wasn't Sunday. It was a warm night with a full moon, every star in the sky visible- it was the best thing ever.

We sat under the willow for about five minutes in silence. Shoes kicked off, my head resting against his chest. Listening to his even breathing and the smooth beat of his heart. When his chest vibrated with the sound of him suddenly humming. A low song, I couldn't tell if it was meant for me to even hear because it was so low. I strained to catch every word.

“Little boy and the little girl. 
Under the old tree
Looking up at the canopy of stars
Dreaming of who we will be
The future they have
Has already been planned
for they will stay together
They are so young,  
But the moon is so bright. 
So say you'll stay with me forever tonight.”

I bit my lip and hadn't realized the tear drops had brimmed over and streaked my cheeks in lines that would only appear under the influence of his poetry. Or soft lullaby-like song. I heard him chuckle softly at my reaction. So in response, I scrubbed at my blurry eyes with my palms. Smearing away the tears. But he only laughed softly and wiped at one I'd missed.
I chuckled darkly. Looking into his eyes. And for the briefest second, grief shot through me if how he could ever really be mine. He could belong to anyone. But instead he fell for the weirdo girl who was a escapee from the hospital which was close enough to being called loony. How he accepted me after that, for all those weeks from now and then, I may never know.

***
We parked in front of an long trailer house. I got out with everyone else. Aware of the weird look I got from Billie when he saw me walk through the icy puddles of rain water barefoot. I guess I was so mental it didn't phase me. We sopped up the steps and she opened the door. 
“Here, Tré can take you and show you around.” she encouraged. Tré grinned at me and took my freezing hands and led me for the hall down the right.
Tré seemed to know the house as well as any Armstrong. Except he wasn't, which tells me he is probably here a lot.
“And this is Billie's room. I'd advise you stay out of there, he's kind of touchy. And this is Ollie's room, this is the guest room. Bathroom, Kitchen.” he waved them off as we went along.
I nodded. Following him.
When we had gone full circle. He went back to the living room where, when I met Billie's eyes hesitantly. He looked at me like he had just seen the light... Which tells me that Ollie told him about me being an escape from the Hospital.
I looked away awkwardly when his stare had dragged out too long. He blinked several times and looked away too, turning to go to his room. Which closed door I'd seen during my tour with Tré.
Ollie grinned at me and softly took my hand from Tré's and led me down the hall past Billie's room. To the bright guest room at the corner. 
“I hope you don't mind staying with us for an short while.” she smiled.
I shook my head no, then looked down the hall to Billie's closed door. 
“He'll come around. Just give him some time.” she smiled then turned and headed toward the kitchen.
I took another look at his door before looking at my own. I opened it to look inside
***
I blinked. Realizing I'd been daydreaming. I looked up at Billie. Who stared up at the stars. I still have no idea how he accepted me. Because it took me long enough to accept myself.