Going to Pasalacqua

It had been three days since I'd visited Walter. Turns out I have a damn broken nose now, I look ridiculous as shit. 

I laid in bed lazily at twelve PM. My shoes still on from my trek to the police station the evening before. I laid there in deep thought, lying on my back staring at the ceiling, smoking a cigarette. Though I'd promised Adeline to cut back, this was my first one in months. Id bought a carton last night on the walk home. 

My nose was throbbing, and in my head, I was imagining what Adeline would say if she were here... Lying next to me.

“You look ridiculous, no offense.” she grinned.

“Wow... None taken.” I laughed sarcastically.

“Thanks.” she beamed, leaning over to kiss the very tip of my nose, which amazingly caused me no pain at all, instead it made me feel all warm and loved like each of her kisses do, I've never told her that because she'd laugh at me and call me a cliché chick. I smiled over at her. 

“Y'know, Bill... I've been thinking about some stuff.” she sighed.

“You're leaving me?” I grinned at her.

She chuckled and shook her head “No, I'd never do that. I think I know what collage I want to go to.” she smiled.

“Which one?”

Her smile faded and she sighed, siting up with her back facing me so I couldn't see her face “It's so far away...” she murmured sadly.

I sat up too, leaning forward to see her face, I hugged her shoulder “Wherever you have to go, I'll follow.” I smiled up at her, her eyes brightened and she turned head a little to kiss my cheek.

“Thanks Billie.”

“So where do you want to go?” I smiled. 

She frowned and seemed to growl. Her lip quivering as she glared at the mirror on the wall.

“I didn't get a choice, they just... Took me. Billie they took me.”

I looked into her eyes with concern, but she had turned her head away.

“Who stole you?” I asked, concerned. 

She wouldn't answer.

I glanced up into the mirror to catch her eyes, her cheekbones sunk in and her hair fell out, her flesh peeled back and revealed  her teeth, she turned to face me, frowning “A11” she stated. Simply. 

I stared back at her dead eyes in horror and began to back away.

“Billie, honey, what's wrong?” she leaned towards me.

“Get away from me.” I seethed. 

“Billie, don't you love me?”

“I do but... You're not real.”

“Kiss me please, it will make everything better.” her jagged teeth twisted into a smile. I felt sick to my stomach.

She leant towards me and sighed, the smell of death was strong on her breath like the scent of liquor. I leant away as she hovered so close. 

It's her. 

It's got to be.

I turned to face her, my eyes still wide, I looked over her facial features. Her hazel eyes were dull, pale green. Her dark brown hair was clumpy and brittle, but still the same color. I couldn't make out the shape of her slender lips or soft cheekbones, those were long gone. I reached up with shaking hands and brushed her hair out of her eyes. Gripping her jaw, I yanked to towards me and planted my lips to her exposed teeth and rotting flesh, and just like that, she shattered to dust in my hands. Ash and bone fragments in my lap and scattered across my chest. Bits in my hair.

I scooted back so far I hit the headboard and hugged my legs. I yelled in horror, she was dead. I'd never find her, no one would. I hate myself for this, for letting her go alone. I should have gone, should have...

I woke up a screaming, sweaty mess. Id fallen asleep. Waken to the smell of burning. I sat up and coughed, waving my hand to clear the smell.

“Billie, honey what's wrong.” 

I spun around to defend myself and fell off backwards off the bed. But it was just my mom.

“Mom!” I sobbed. Jumping to my feet and hugging her.
She rubbed my back and I gripped her tightly. Waiting fir her to turn to ash and bone as well.

“What happened to him?” I heard Mike's voice demand.

“I, I don't know.” she sounded as horrified as I felt. I wanted to scream. At the world for being so cruel, at Ollie and Larry for not spending every moment looking for her. At Mike for not insisting I go with her. But yelling at them wouldn't make anything better. 

“Honey, what happened?” Ollie said in a stern tone, pulling away to look at my face.

“Adeline... Adeline's dead!” I screamed, spinning from her hands and sending my fist through the bathroom door in a rageful fit. 

“And it's all, all my fault!” I sobbed.

Mike tried to grab me and guide me back to the bed, I shoved him off of me “Get the fuck off of me... I'm fine. Fine... Fine.”

Everything went black and I fell into a bottomless pit. 

<><><>

I woke up, to bright lights and a hollow feeling residing in my heart. I knew what I needed, I needed another dose of my drugs, the sweetest, the quickest knockout on earth, I rolled over and opened my eyes, half expecting a excited set of hazel eyes and dark brown bob cut. To hug and kiss my face twenty times before running down the hall to fetch Ollie and the others. But my eyes opened and landed on a empty turquoise recliner. I stared blankly at the light sage green walls. The plain colors of everything set off any hope I'd had. I recalled the dream and I heard a obsessive beeping to the horror, I glanced up in annoyance at a heart monitor, the green spikes reaching high, slowly lowering as I let my thoughts disperse. 

“Billie.” Ollie sighed in relief, I glanced over a fraction and spotted her in last nights clothing. I felt horrible for putting her through all of this.

“What happened to you?” she whispered, crossing the room and sitting down in the recliner Adeline should have been occupying. For a second, I saw her smile, her crossed legs and old chucks. A jeans skirt she made from butchered jeans and that old Gilman shirt Mike bought her on tour. She faded as Ollie sat down, all I had was the memory of her being there. 
Ollie grabbed my hands that were ice cold in her warm ones. I could see the worry very evident in her eyes. Worry for me.

“When we came back... The sheets were smoking, you'd fallen asleep with a cigarette in your hand. It was just... That close to catching on fire, I could have lost you then.”

I tried to remember back that far, but I couldn't remember much more than the dream. Wait, no. It's not a dream, it was a retched nightmare. 

“I'm sorry.” I mumbled. Not looking up from the IV poking out of my wrist. 

“Why am I here? I need to be looking for Adeline—”

“Honey, slow down. You had a panic attack. You woke up screaming about... Adie. You were real upset and wouldn't let anyone talk to you.”

I faintly remembered that. 

I nodded slightly. Setting my jaw, how could I overreact in a time like this? I didn't have time to be strapped down to a hospital bed. I needed to be out there looking. Even though I was out of leads and running low on hope. 

“Honey...” she said quietly after a few minutes “We have to go home.”

It bothered me that they wouldn't be here for me and my search. But I nodded anyways “Don't worry, I'll be ok here alone.”

She pursed her lips “Sweetie, you're coming with us, we're leaving as soon as you're released.”

“What? No, I can't leave yet, what if Adeline comes back—”

“What if she doesn't?” she demanded.

I glared at her and pulled my hands away “How can you even say that.”

“Billie, we both know the only reason you are insisting on Adeline's safety is for the benefit of everyone else. You don't believe it yourself.” 

She stood up and dusted off her palms on her light brown khakis before kissing my forehead (something she hasn't done since I was ten) and smiled at me. 
“I'm going to go pack, I be back in a bit, ok?”

I nodded shallowly. 

As soon as she left the room, the feeling of determination came back red hot. I had to stay here, if I went home to Rodeo, Adeline might think I gave up or didn't care, what if... What if... 

I racked my brain for a plan to make her let me stay. I was eighteen, old enough to be on my own, but without a cent to my name. Maybe that was the reason she was making me go, or maybe she just didn't want to lose me to depression or alcohol or whatever. I sighed, maybe she was right. I needed to go home for a fresh start. Though I wont be close enough to the crime scene, I'd have to make it work. But for now, the only way I can help Adeline is by resting and getting out of this hospital bed.