Going to Pasalacqua

I huffed a sigh, I'd revolved the painting to include *other* Gilman bands besides Green Day. Acts I have seen in the past and associated with such as Operation Ivy, Fat Mike and a few others. I smiled, pleased with my progress but exhausted. It was five in the evening. We close up shop in thirty five minutes. But I was working until my fingers were stiff from holding the paintbrush and my eyes became bloodshot from straining for detail. It was definitely a way to get my mind off of my troubles and concentrate on the factor that I was only thinking about the overall punk scene. Not minding too much to the actual members of that society. Though 'Lint' had been by earlier and asked if he could autograph the wall. Right next to the silhouette of Op Ivy. I nodded and handed him a brush. Soon after that, the other members, including Tim Armstrong, has come to the store to also participate in The wonderwall of under-credited punk autographs.

Exhausted, I wiped my brow on the faded black bandana I'd stole from Mike when he'd walked past me five minutes ago. Let's say it's pretty easy to pick a bandana off a exhausted fishy smelling eighteen year old who was incredibly unaware of the surrounding world after work.

I laughed and dangled the bandana in front of his face after I'd approached him 

“Looking for something?”

He glared at me playfully and snatched it out of the air. Shoving it into the back pocket of his baggy teal jeans. Even though he didn't work his fish job today or for the rest of the week, his clothes still reek of dead fish. And I know personally that no matter how much Ollie washes his clothes, they still stink.

I held my breath briefly while he incased me in a tired hug. Until I realized I was supporting most of his weight and a snore fell from his lips. His face buried in my messy hair. I snickered and waved to my mom. She gave me a thumbs up and I helped Mike hobble out the front door to his van. Known already pretty well to me because of it's bright florescent color. I helped him, or shoved him into the passengers seat and fished his car keys from his front shirt pocket. I hopped into the drivers seat excitedly to find that he had left a Ramones CD on. I turned it up slightly and drove him to Ollie's house. Where I presumed he was still living even after I left. Hell, he lived there before u even got here.

I dragged him up to the all too familiar stood before the big white door. I took a worried breath, praying that Billie wouldn't answer, and was seriously debating just leaning Mike against the front door and dashing off into the night for home. It's not too far of a walk to my house from here anyways. The door opened followed by the low grumbling of profanities. I looked up, noticing a male presence. But was more then happy it wasn't Billie. It was Larry.

“Hey Adie... Ugh, you found him, and he seems to have finally found sleep for the first time this week.” he smiled tiredly and made room for me to help him into the house. I laid him on the couch. He let out a loud snore before flopping over and burying his face in the couch cushions.

Larry nodded “Thank ya much for bringing him back.” 

I looked up to see a confused Ollie standing in the corridor of the hallway. And I began to wonder if I was still on good terms with her or not. Because I am the other who called for a break, and Billie is her son. So seriously, who is she gonna side with?

“Adie dear, what are you doing here?” she asked “If you'd like, Billie's in his—”

“No. No, Uh that's ok. Just bringing Mike back.”

“Oh... Ok.” she said carefully.

Shit, nothing had ever been this awkward between us. Me and Ollie used to get along so well and now there is one of those awkward silences going on between us.

“Um.. I don't mean to intrude, but Billie said you guys were getting back together after your break. Is that true?”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair a few times.
“Yeah I hope so.”

She smiled and nodded slowly. “He misses you...”

I nod “But please, please Ollie. Don't tell him I was here tonight. He needs to do this himself without my interference.”

“So what then?” she asks, to get a clear view of what I'm asking.

I sigh and take a deep breath “Don't tell him shit.” I smile “I'll see you at the end of the week. Love you Ollie!” I call and dart out the door and begin running home. Fighting off the urge to go back and stand in the middle of the living room and scream until he woke up and saw me.

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

I woke up in my bedroom and remembered coming here before my parents had gotten home for work. Angle was watching tv when I'd snuck in so I slipped past her to my bedroom. I stared up At the ceiling. With everyday, I come closer and closer to the deadline which is my graduation.

The knot of nervousness twists in my stomach making me feel sick. I get up and get dressed. Chasing away the feelings of nausea triggered by the thought of graduation. I don't want to graduate. Because it signifies that it's time to grow up and nothing is fun anymore.

I go Down the stairs and found to my surprise, mom sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee after eight... She goes to work everyday at seven fourth five. 

Angie is also there, she is talking with my mom. About me..  I grumble and load up my book bag, planning to either go to the cemetery to visit the lost or go to the shop and continue painting.

“Oh Adeline! Your up!...” my mom calls as soon as I touch the door handle. I grimace at that. Nothing good ever happens when you get called out like that. 
I turn slowly and she stands in the kitchen doorway.

“Aren't you supposed to be a wor—”

“Work? Yeah but I called in already. Jason has got stuff handled today.”

I narrowed my eyes. What was she getting at?...

“Soooo?” she began

“That's a long so.” I mumble.

She laughed “Chin up Adie, we are going graduation dress shopping. I won't have time for the rest of the week, plus I figured we hadn't spent any actual time together lately.” she explained. Already having planned on my participation to dress shopping.

I sighed, she was right, we haven't done anything together in a while... “Yeah ok... Let's go...”

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

“Whatabout this one?” mom held out a knee length black dress. I actually did like it. But even so, the last time I was out dress shopping, was when I bought that blue dress. I smile and nod

“That's a nice one.” I rest it over my arm and go to try it on. More so in a daze as I change and come out and spin in little circles in front of mom and Angie. They cheer and give constructive criticism. I changed back into my short and t-shirt in the same daze with my mind in a fog lost in some little world that I was finding greater interest in then actually dress shopping.

“So what have you been up to?” mom asked as we continued to look through dresses just out of boredom. I'd already found a dress but still it was too early to do much else.

I shrugged. Wanting to avoid really talking about my life. “Not much I guess...” liar! Spill all about how you talked to Ollie last night, almost woke up Billie then ran all the way home. “Just thinking, about graduation.” I murmur. Masking my rabid thoughts. 

“Excited?” mom smirked as we walked towards the register.

I nod slowly “Sure.”

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

“Seriously? You threw a pie at the guy you were on your first date with?” I squealed. Angie laughing while a woman grimaced every time she did because she was trying to cut her hair. Mom sat next to the front doors flipping through a magazine while we sat here getting out hair cut and sharing our own drama stories.

“Yep, and you should have seen his face. I couldn't tell if he was angry or amused.” she laughed again. The woman looked close to smacking her and hanging onto the edge of being calm.

“I wish I had!” I laughed. Angie was getting her hair cut to her shoulders and I was getting mine layered. It was actually long enough to do that. It was as long as it had been before the accident many months ago. Maybe two or three inches longer. I guess I like it longer than shorter because I can do more with it to spruce it up. Curling, braiding, buns, ponytails. I can do it all with long hair. But having short hair reminds me of being with Billie on the beach. His long warm hugs and sarcastic remarks. The detail of which he uses to retell past stories of his life.

She nodded and smiled “It was the most hilarious thing.”

I laughed too. Man, did it feel good to laugh.

“And! *snort* And he was all like ‘Holy fuck!’ and I was just laughing. Everyone in the restaurant saw it!” she laughed more and so did I. The girly makeover hardly as bad as I'd made it seem.

It was only Wednesday though, Saturday is graduation. Oh God, only half way through the week. 

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

I hate it all now. Shit is too normal. Mike, Tré and especially Billie's presence are all so distant it's like they never even existed. I am right back to how it was a couple years ago. Sitting on the beige couch in the family room in fuzzy pink pajama bottoms watching Tv with my parents. I am really beginning to miss the new life I'd made for myself and was comic quite close to breaking bounds first and run headlong to his house and knock violently on his window and pour out my heart in a apology standing in the dark of night. But I should at least remember he is the one who got drunk.

I grumbled 

“I'm going to bed, night.” I sighed and got up, excusing myself and collecting looks from mom dad and Angie. I didn't return any emotion though, just trudged the stairs, walking over to the desk which had the slowly withering vase of roses atop it. Pulled open a drawer silently and dug around for the photograph. 

Me and Billie standing in his living room. Me blushing like a idiot and he is kissing my cheek cheekily. My smile huge. It was the night of the dance last year. I did t know that just because of the date-stamp on the lower eight corner of the picture. But because of the blue dress and Billie's casual suit and tie. I'd kill to hug him now. 

I sniffed. Realizing my eyes were hot and blurry, I hug the picture to my chest and walk over to bed, laying down and balancing it up against my bedside lamp. When the room was dark, I could still see the dim silhouette across from me. Staring at it until my eyelids for heavy and I fell asleep...
***
“Hey! Are you alive?” his voice asked sharper. 
I'd only Imagined all the sweetness. He was just plain brutal.
I glared at him.
“Jesus, sorry God. Damn I just came to get you for dinner like the sweet guy I am.” he said defensively. Getting up.
I dragged an hand down my face. It was wet. What the hell?
I sat up in bed in alarm and looked down at my bloody arm. Billie stared at me in horror. “I'll go get Ollie.” he said as calmly as he could manage. Sprinting down the hall. My throat tightened as I began to recall what I'd dreamt about. The hospital. And they had been poking needles of poison into my wrists. I pulled and ripped at them, tearing off the bandage and tearing my skin in real life. I felt the wet streak down my face.
Ollie burst into the room with Billie trailing her.
“Oh god...” she murmured. Looking down at the bedspread.
She helped me to my feet and instructed Billie to go wash it so it didn't stain while she mended me. But I think that she really just wanted him out of the room because she didn't want him to have to know anymore about my hospital past than he needs to because it will change the way he looks at me.
She turned on the light, rubbing the blood out of the wounds carefully with an wet washcloth. When she could get an good look at the cuts, or claw marks if you will... She secured an few rounds of gauze and taped them tightly. Then asked me to close my eyes while she rubbed the dry blood off my face.
When Billie came back, he leaned casually in the hall with Mike and Tré. Muttering low words. Billie stared at my eyes and shook his head slowly, turning to meet them. He whispered something to them. Mike raised his eyebrow skeptically. Then shrugged at whatever he had been told.
“There, all better.” Ollie smiled at me as she cleaned up the gauze from the sheets. The phone rang in the living room and she bounded off to answer it.
Billie looked at me cautiously before he entered the room.
“Here.” he offered “Let's get you into something else.” he was referring to my blood soiled t-shirt that Ollie had lent me.
I nodded, he walked into the room and pulled open a few of the drawers of the dresser until he found the one with shirts and jeans. He gestured for me to find something. 
He smiled softly before walking over to the windows and pulling the curtain around till none of the fading sunset light reached the room.
He walked out the door and shut it behind him without another word.’
***
“Hmm...” I hummed. Sighing contently. The sleep was always better when it included him. Even though it was one of my least favorite memories I have with him. It was a important one. He realized exactly how much of a fuck up I was. I opened my eyes slowly to a bright bedroom. Oddly disappointed to find it was only mine...

I sighed and scooted up in bed. My mind is running me wild. With every night filled with silly dreams and memories I'd shared with him. The only good thing I could find about today, was that it was Thursday. Two more days, and that felt like utter eternity.

I put on the black leather jeans Billie had gotten me for Christmas. They were supposed to be for bikers. But neither of us owned a bike. And Billie was still learning to drive a car in general... But regardless I love them. I wore a light white cotton t-shirt too. Put on the same Chucks I'd always had. Billie had also bought me a pair of green ones for Christmas but I insisted that I had to wear out these first before I'd go on. His response had been a roll of the eyes and and snort followed by him saying “By the time you move on from those, your feet will be too big to even fit.” I remember that I had pretended to be offended.

I called goodbye to the empty house. Slowly aware that mom had offered Angie a job at the record store to earn some money to get her own apartment. I pulled on my too-big leather jacket that I had stole from Tré one time, he never noticed it was gone. I began my trek to the record store to commence work on my somehow vital now, painting.

I hummed the song Billie had written and played on many occasions, he'd never named it though. But I had committed it to memory so I could remember it's beat.

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

“—Talking about my generation. Just because we get around.” I sang, dancing “My generation, talking 'bout my generation.”

I got a funny look from Jason and stuck out my tongue at him before happily proceeding to Dance and sing away “I hope I die before I get old.” I grinned at him “Why don't you all just fade away?”

 Then he muted the stereo and the store fell empty of music.

“Quite enough of that.” he says smugly, a smirk in place on his face.

I stuck my tongue out at him “Ass.” I muttered. Continuing to dance to the beat from memory. The Who's catchy beat to their song My Generation. I'd listened to it a lot with Billie. He was a big Who fan. I sang without the song and began to miss him again. But preserved through the song because I knew better then anything that it was only two more days... Then Billie is all mine again. But what I seem to keep forgetting is that he may or may not have quit drinking.

And that could be a problem if it works out differ from what I want.

I painted a scene of the beach, the exterior of Gilman under street lights. And with careful recreation, I was also able to paint the exterior of this record store. Since it is the beacon for music lovers in the bay area aside from Gilman. I was intensely enjoying painting this, and was looking forward greatly to showing it to Billie and Mike and Tré when they come in.

As if on cue, Mike waltzed in the front doors. Filling the music deprived store with the cheerful chime.
I waved at him then turned back to the picture of the bay, slowly blending into the Gilman scene, I dotted the street lights up the street. Adding small amounts of lavender paint the more distant the lights became to let them blend into the night.

“Aloha Elizabeth!” he called. Waking back as he approached. 

I snorted “You do realize that you don't need to call me by my middle name right?” I chuckle, mixing together two colors I needed for sunset.

He shrugged and smirked “Sure I do. But just because it annoys you does not mean I will stop doing it, Eliza.” 

I threw my head back and groaned “Stoooooop.”

He laughed “How about noooooo?”

I glared at him. Noticing him wearing one of his shitty shirts he usually wore wrapping fish. So it wouldn't bother him tremendously if I did this...

I dabbed him on the shoulder with a big glob of bright orange paint. Grinning and suppressing a snicker as he stared at the spot in disbelief like he thought it wasn't possible for it to get onto him.

“Dammit Eliza—”

He stared down at the big, sloppy orange circle now on the front of his shirt. I smiled smugly up at him now. “Hmm, I thought I said something about not calling me Eliza?”

“What about Elizabeth?”

A big purple glob on his neckline.

“How about noooooo?” I mocked him from what he had said earlier.

He glared at me before warily saying “How about Adeline?”

I pretended to be thoughtful for a second “How about yes.”

He sighed in relief “Good.”

I put a green streak up his left arm just to watch him squeal “Uh! What the hell was that one for?!” he nearly shrieked.

I shrugged “Your just fun to fuck with.” I say nonchalantly, turning back to proceed painting after cleaning off the bristles of my paint brush. He grumbled and stocked off to the bathroom to try to get the stains out. I let out a war hoop of contagious laughter. Jason was laughing too while he checked out a customer. Angie who had been helping my mom stock shelves was laughing too, even a few customers were laughing. Except mom. She shot me one of her motherly ‘You shouldn't have done that’ looks. I dropped my gaze with hers before she had the chance to make me feel guilty.