99 Problems.....but a Bitch Ain't One

It didn’t take long for Reese to drive to Piney’s Cabin. Reese’s irritation was evident while she was driving. She never took her foot off the break which caused everyone in the van to commit to being silent. It wasn’t until they pulled into the cabins driveway that Unser finally caved in and spoke. “So we got a plan here, or are we just locking her down at the cabin for the rest of her years?”
“We should have just left her locked up in jail for the rest of her life.”
“Alright enough! Op call Halfsack and tell him we got Cherry up at the cabin. You two stay in the van.” Jax said.
After being given the order, Reese immediately got out of the van and slammed the door shut. “Reese, get your ass back in the van.”
“No! I am not some croweater that takes fucking orders from Charming’s Prince. You go deal with this shit, and I am going to get a drink.” Reese turned on her heel and made way for the cabin. She got in and found Juice at the fridge inspecting what looked like old bologna sandwiches and an Irish lad sitting in the corner mumbling a Hail Mary. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Reese said in a hushed tone will approaching the kitchen.
“Oh hey Reese! Does anyone know you are here?”
“You know you aren’t a very good guard dog, cause you didn’t even bark when the van pulled up.”
“Shit, who did you come here with?”
“The two goonies, Unser and the little Cherry bomb. Looks like there are two runaways now in the cabin…. Where the fuck is the patron? I know Piney has some here.”
“Reese, I don’t know if you should be drinking anymore, you already seem a little feisty.”
“That’s what the alcohol is for you retard! You know I don’t need anyone telling me what the fuck to do anymore, and besides last time I remember you where the one getting me drunk, so what? Are you putting the breaks on that now?”
“well no, but….”
“But what Juice? Just go back to inspecting the fucking sandwiches or at least point me to the direction where I can find a bottle.”
“Fuck fine, the tequila is gone, but the Jameson is on the table behind you.”
“Thanks. You are finally being useful for once.”
“Hey you keep talking to me like that and I won’t be the one getting you drunk anymore. What is your problem anyways?”
“Nothing Juice. Nothing is my fucking problem! I just want a god damn drink with no obstacles around it. If you need me I will be outside.” Reese grabbed the bottle of Jameson and walked out onto the porch. She of course lit a cigarette and took a long swig out of the bottle. She kicked up her legs and put her head in her hands, the night had taken a wrong turn for her.
Both Jax and Opie where still standing outside by the van when they saw Reese come out of the cabin. Both could tell that she had changed a lot since they had been children. Reese was born to ride or die. Luanne might have been her mother, but Gemma was the one who raised her , Opie and Jax. There was a time when she was young, that she asked to prospect with the boys. But since she went away for school, she never came around. Opie and Jax both knew it was due to the fact that her father’s presence wasn’t in the club house and more. Both of them looked at each other wondering if they should just leave her be, or if they should go and talk to her. “I got this” was all that Opie said before he went to approach Reese.
“So you gonna tell me what really has you upset and screaming at innocent Juice, or are you gonna pretend that I am dead and not here.” Opie came up and sat on the bench with Reese.
“Are you going to order me around too? Cause if so, I will pretend that you are dead and not here.”
“You can cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on.”
Reese let out a long sigh, it wasn’t just Cherry’s presence that had annoyed her; it was the fact that she was going to rat on the club. Reese was just getting her family back, and if anyone ratted on her family, it meant seeing them behind bars just like her father.
“I am excited to come back Op, but with the ATF being around, and the little gash saying she was gonna rat….” She inhaled her cigarette “I just can’t take visiting you guys behind bars. I have done it too long with Otto, and I know I wouldn’t be able to do it with you and Jax. And I know I didn’t visit very much when you were Chino, nor did I see Donna and the kids, but still. I just can’t live that way. My dad being there is one thing, but the whole club…”
Opie took Reese’s cigarette to take a drag. “We were raised this way Reese. None of us wants to go in, but your strong, I mean Gemma practically raised you to handle these types of things. “
“Ya and you can’t throw little fits when shit hits the fan.” Jax came and interrupted.
“Hey asshole, I am having a moment here.” Opie shot at Jax.
“Ya I could tell. I am gonna take Unser back, Halfsack is on his way. You too want to continue this moment or take off?”
“I am going with. I want to go back to the club house and see if Chibs will help a girl out with getting her drink on, You coming Op?”
“Ya I am with you.”
They all got into the van and started their journey back to the club house.
============================= ======Club House========================================
Tig, Piney, Bobby and Eleanor walked into the clubhouse immediately heading to the bar to continue drinking after starting the bar brawl at round up.
“Nothing gets the night started like a redneck bar brawl, right guys?” Eleanor laughed as she leaned over the bar grabbing a shot glass and bottle of Jack.
“Nothing would end the night better than you falling into bed with me though, Razzle.” Tig said as he rubbed her thigh.
Eleanor laughed while smacking his hand, “or beating your ass in the ring, old man.”
“Play nice kids. Shots for peace.” Bobby said handing both of them clear shots.
“Well, if it’s for peace. I can’t really say no can I?” Eleanor laughed as she looked at Tig.
“To peace.” Tig clinked their shots together not taking his eyes off Eleanor as she threw it back.
“What was that? Fermented asshole, god. Peace sucks.” Eleanor said making a face.
After taking the shots, every one’s head turned toward the clubhouse doors to see both Opie and Reese walk in. Eleanor didn’t know who this mysterious woman was but he was coming in hot and bothered by something, maybe she needed to get laid, Eleanor thought.
“Son of a bitch” was all Reese said when she walked behind the bar to grab a bottle of Jack and a shot glass. She quickly poured herself a shot and tossed it back. She slammed down the glass and continued to pour herself another.
Eleanor watched wide-eyed as the girl behind the bar poured one shot and then another. Maybe it wasn’t a lay that she needed -it was obviously a whole bottle of whisky. Maybe she needed a shot for peace, Eleanor thought.
Eleanor silently slid the bottle that Bobby was drinking out of to the girl and poured a shot for herself holding it to her, “Shot for peace?”
Reese looked at the woman who was sitting at the bar across from her and analyzed her gesture. Who the fuck is this bitch who is asking for a shot for peace? She thought to herself. Reese filled up another shot with the Jack that she was drinking and ignored this black beauty woman.
“War it is then.” Eleanor said to herself and took the shot. Eleanor felt pressure on her shoulder and shot a look at Tig.
“Razzle, this is the girl who’s joining us for that Ménage à trois we talked about.”
“You wish.” Said Eleanor and Reese at the exact same time.
A silence fell over the room. Both women eyed each other for several seconds, but to the club it felt like an hour. Eleanor just sat looking at Reese while she threw back another shot, without taking her eyes off of Eleanor.
Reese Slammed down her shot glass on the bar and took the empty glass that was sitting in front of Eleanor and started to pour her a drink. This bitch aint half bad. She had thought to herself.
Eleanor saw the gesture that the girl was making. “So… What are we drinking?” was her remark back. This is gonna be a beautiful friendship, Eleanor thought.
“Jack do you have a problem with that?” Reese said.
“I’m from Texas, what do you think?” Eleanor asked with a smirk.
“I think I just found myself a drinking partner.” Reese said while lifting her shot glass for a cheers.
“And then there was peace.” Eleanor raised her glass to clink it the woman.
All of the men just looked at the two girls, all knowing that they had just started a disaster that was in the making.
‘“Well is anyone going to introduce us you arrogant assholes?” Reese said while pouring another round for the two of them.
“And if it’s as the girls you’re going to sleep with Tig, I’ll break this bottle and castrate you.” Eleanor said while glaring at Tig.
“And another cheers to that!” Reese and Eleanor raised their glasses again and tossed back the shots.
“Well if you two would stop drinking without us, we can introduce you two.” Piney stated while eying the empty shot glasses.
“El, this is my niece Reese. Reese this is El, she staying with us for a while. He father is the president of SAMCAT.” Bobby interjected.
“You’re Reese! I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity. I’ve heard nothing but troubling things about you. I like it.” Eleanor said while watching Reese pour another shot for them.
“Well that hookers mouth is just like her vagina, just a big trap.”
“You better watch your mouth young lady,” Piney said while taking the Jack bottle away from Reese and Eleanor. “You two are already making me nervous.”
“Well then Piney, you better share your tequila! We would also like matching straws for me and El.”
“Jesus Christ.” was all Bobby and Opie could say. The night was turning for everyone, except for Eleanor and Reese, there was trouble brewing in the air and all the men could do was sit back and enjoy the ride.
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Reese and Eleanor Continued to drink, and left the boys to do their own thing. Well the boys actually left them to watch a couple of croweaters working the stripper pole. The croweaters where skanky as shit and where grinding up on each other to Britney Spear’s remake of I Love Rock and Roll. Both Eleanor and Reese knew these skanks were trying to be “Ride or Die” bitches.
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“You want to really piss of these prostitutes?” Reese asked to Eleanor.
“I would like nothing more than to barf but go on.”
“Ok two of these skanks I went to high school with, let me tell you, their viginas could hold volleyballs in them. I say we….”
Do a line of coke. Eleanor thought to herself. “make ourselves a couple of drinks and show them how the big girls play.”
“That was exactly what I was thinking Darlin!” Reese said with a wink. “I hope you don’t mind scotch. I created this cocktail at one of Gemma’s family dinners…I am calling it the thirsty crow.”
“You sounded so much like Gemma it was scary.” Eleanor laughed. “The thirsty crow, hm. Sounds fitting and like I need to be drinking it.” Eleanor replied as they both made for the bar.
“Move it or lose it bitch.” Eleanor said to a croweater as her and Reese went behind the bar.
“Sometimes when I walk by them, I try to swing low with my elbow’s so I can just fucking elbow them in the cooter” Reese said while trying to make the drinks, but getting alcohol all over the bar floor.
Eleanor spit out the shot she was taking at Reese’s comment, doubling over the bar laughing. “Oh my God! I’m so gonna steal that move from you!” Eleanor said wiping her chin of the alcohol.
“You should totally trademark the move and call it the crotch buster or some shit.”
“Ya and when we do it in their asses we can call it the crow shitter.” Reese said while hoovering the spilt scotch from the bar. “I should probably get tested for herps now.”
“Well, it can’t be as bad as what you would get from those crusty things.” Eleanor said pointing to the dreaded clothes line of panties swaying near them.
“I know right? It’s like none of these whores have ever heard of monistate! like clear up the yeast girls, you could make more than beers with it!”
Tig watched as the two girls laughed hysterically at the bar taking a sip of his beer, all but ignoring the blonde croweater that was face first in his crotch. Pushing her off and not looking back as he heard her yelp in surprise as she hit the floor.
“So I see you two girls are all nice and cosy now. Why don’t we take this back to my dorm.” Tig said as he came and stood in front of them.
“Tig I don’t know how to put this… But hell no! I grew up with you, just the thought of me going back into your dorm makes me think of old man balls… Sorry not into it, no offense El. You gargle his old man balls if you want. But count me out!”
Tig pretended to wounded by her words by throwing his hands over his chest and turned to Eleanor, “The only thing I have had Eleanor gargled is my cum, and she actually liked it.”
Eleanor faked a gag, “Maybe in your wet dreams old man. But that toothpick you call a dick is going nowhere near my lips. Either of them.”
“Oh, Baby, if only you knew how big cujo really was you’d be on your knees begging for it.” Tig replied.
“You named your dick after a rabid killer dog?” Eleanor said while side glancing at Reese.
“Ya El, that doesn’t surprise me one bit. And I know your dick can’t be that big, because I have never seen the croweaters sore before. either that, or their viginas really can hold a volleyball in it.” Reese said while finally passing the finished drinks to Eleanor.
“You know how your girls feistiness gets me all riled up, I am just saying, I would much rather watch you two getting it to this crap on that stripper pole, than these gashes, who actually can fit a volleyball up their twats. I made them do it once before.” He said while leaning into the bar.
Both Eleanor and Reese looked at each other with disgust on their faces. “I don’t how anyone falls for that.” Reese said while shaking her head and sipping her drink.
Taking Reese’s hand to move away from the bar she didn’t give Tig as much as a glance as she called, “Better luck next time Cujo.”
Eleanor dragged Reese to the pool table. “You know how to shoot pool girl?”
“Wow do you get ghetto when you have been drinking? But yes dawg I do!”
Eleanor laughed, “What can I say, it comes out when I’m excited.”
“I like it! I feel like we could be apart of a Lodi gang! Cigarette?”
“You read my mind, need a light?” Eleanor said taking out her Zippo.
“Well if you are offering darlin! Mine is a piece of shit!”
Eleanor flicked the lighter open and held it out to Reese, lighting her cigarette and then lighting her own.
“I didn’t know you smoked reds too! seriously if you had a penis, you would be my old man.” Reese said in a calm and seductive tone.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Reese but I’m all woman.” Eleanor chuckled.
“Well if my mother was here, she would just suggest a strapon to make this relationship work.” Reese said while sipping her drink. “ I think we need more whiskey? ya?”
“Oh thank god, you’re a goddess in motorcycle boots.”
“Oh babe, you haven’t even seen my best pair of boots. Stay and I will go get the honey.”
“Bitch bettah have mah honey!” Eleanor yelled to her.
Eleanor watched as Reese sauntered back to the bar and thought now was a good time to analyze the crowd. Immediately her eyes went to a rather busty blonde in too short shorts gyrating on the stripper pole. Leaning on her pool cue she watched with a look of fascination and disgust.
“What are you looking at darling? Ok I have to stop, I sound exactly like Gemma and Jax and I am starting to get scared.” Reese said while putting two clean shot glasses and the bottle of Jack down on the edge of the pool table.
“Does it look like that… thing over there on the pole is having an epileptic seizure?” Eleanor asked tilting her head to the side, seeing if it would look better from a different angle. It didn’t.
“She is either epileptic or the imaginary dick she is riding has a taser attached to it.” Reese said while tilting her head in the same position that Eleanor’s was in.
“I wanna push her off the pole. Would that be wrong?” Eleanor said meaning to put out her finished cigarette in the ashtray but getting the pool table instead.
“I mean I would never object to a good shove.” Reese said while pouring new shots for them both to take.
“We’d really be doing the club a favor. They would owe us.” Eleanor took one of the shot glasses Reese poured holding it to her mouth.
“I am all about the service darlin, plus I think they would be getting a better show.” Reese said while tossing the amber liquid into her throat.
Both Eleanor and Reese took another shot and threw their pool cues onto the table and made their way for the Harley stripper pole. Eleanor Immediately pushed the Blonde with the fake tits off of the pole, and the croweater fell straight on her ass. In the meantime, Reese had made her way over to the Jukebox and changed the song to Def Leppards “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
“I am sure that felt better than taking Tigs toothpick up your ass sweetie!” Reese yelled down to the floor, While both her and Eleanor reached for the pole.
“How about we really show you how to get a hard on slut!” Eleanor screamed while jumping on the pole.
“Get them off the pole!” Piney Yelled to Tig and Bobby.
“Reese, get the fuck off the pole. Let El do all the work!” Tig yelled. Reese’s Shaming of Tig finally worked.
“I do not want to see my goddaughter taking off her clothes.” Bobby stated.
“You think if I took off my clothes they would let me work here El?” Reese said dazed to her new best friend. The Liquor was finally getting to her.
“I think you would just be a step above a croweater, Reese.” Eleanor laughed.
“Ok thats all I needed to hear.” Reese stated and started to take off her shirt.
“Alright show is over.” Opie said while standing up and grabbing Reese’s legs and throwing her over his shoulder.
“No you troll let me down! I just want to hang out!” Reese screamed
“PEACE OVER! Give her back!”
“Did someone say peace shots?!?” Reese yelled while being taken back into the dorm hallway.
Eleanor followed behind Opie yelling a slew of curses tripping over Tig’s foot as he went to stand in her way.
“You mother fucker! You did that on purpose.” Eleanor cried as she rolled down the hallway towards the door separating her and Reese.
“Opie you said you wouldn’t tell me what to do! You bastard put me down! I need to play some more! I never get out!” Reese cried while he threw her on Jax’s bed.
Eleanor stumbled into Jax’s dorm room. “Please can we hang out for like ten more minutes? Please brother Opie? Don’t make me mad! You don’t want to see El mad!” She said while trying to make a hulk expression. “UUGGHHH” she screamed while flexing her muscles.
Tig trailed behind Eleanor chuckling as he watched the exchange, “Alright incredible hulk I think it’s time for bed.” Tig said as he moved towards Eleanor.
“Well they really went zero to sixty.” Opie said while nodding to Tig to take Eleanor away to his dorm.
“You guys are no fun! Why can’t we just play some more?” Reese said with puppy dog eyes standing outside Jax’s dorm.
“Wow that just took me back to the 90’s Reese, are you going to wet the bed tonight as well?” Bobby smirked from the end of the hallway.
“Fuck you Uncle Bobby! I only did that when Jax and Opie put my hand in water!”
“Alright everyone to bed! I haven’t said that in 17 years.” Piney stated while trying to shut the doors to the dorms.
“NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!” Eleanor screamed.
“FUCK THE POLICE!!!!” Reese screamed while clutching her shorts!
“Alright everyone to bed! Reese go to the bathroom! you are gonna shit yourself!” Piney said while almost shitting himself.
“Piney I am just trying to be like Snoop Dogg. We are being ghetto tonight!”
“No clubhouse is shut down…. Never thought I would say that!” Tig said.
Tig, Opie, Bobby and Piney put both Eleanor and Reese into their own dorms for the night and shut down the clubhouse. It was the first time in history they had to shut down a night of drinking due to two women.
Little did they know, that both where still ready to rally for the night. Eleanor was laying in bed with Tig and decided to get up and and see what Reese was doing.
“Where are you going?” Tig said while turning over on his back to get a glimpse of Eleanor trying to leave the dorm room.
“I just have to go to the bathroom, you know stick my fingers down my throat and let it all out, I will be back.” She said while exiting the room to leave. She walked down the hall to find Jax’s room and quietly opened the door to see Reese searching the room.
“What are you doing girl?” Eleanor said with a whisper.
“I think I lost my shoes…. wait did you too?” She said while still moving the bed covers to look.
“Ya I know where they are Reese. I saw them at the bar last.” She said while winking to try to make her attempt of drinking more evident to Reese.
“Ha you know what I think you are right. I know I left them by that Jack bottle.” Reese said while she pulled Eleanor to exit the dorm.
The two women had met for the first time that night. Both had been raised in the club by women who are the backbone to certain charters. They both had the club to call family. With each member being either their uncle or brother, but they had never had a sister. It wasn’t until that night, that they were able to say that they had their first girlfriend, best friend, and now sister.