Westbound & Down

Alan didn't know why but he hated hospitals, ever since he was little. He just had no idea why they bugged him so much. Maybe it was because behind every door lays a possibility of death. Behind every door lies the possibility of a family facing devastation from the loss of a loved one. Alan followed the route given to him by a nurse at the main desk, she was young, perky and kept looking down at Alan's crotch which made him a little uncomfortable given his situation at the hospital and the fact he's a little too gay for her. Alan felt his heartbeat against his rib age as his climbs the stairs to the third floor to the ICU unit if the hospital. His hands were shaking by the time he pushed through the heavy wooden door and walked to the white desk that stretched across on wall of the waiting room.

"Can I help you sweetie?" An nurse who looked like she was in her mid 50s smiled up at Alan, she made him relax a little, she was definitely a mother Alan had decided. She just had the motherly vibe about her.

"Um, my name is Alan Ashby, I'm here to see a friend, well see if he's here, they told me on the phone that I should come now. I am early but I'm just so worried." Alan gushed out in a shaky breath to the small woman who just sat looking at the ginger with sympathetic eyes. Soon enough Alan was in tears against this desk and no matter how much he tried to stop the tears just wouldn't stop flowing from his eyes and down his flushed cheeks.

"It's ok sweetie, come have a seat and I'll get you some water. Alright I'll be right back." She said softly to the crying boy in front of her and led him to a pink cushioned chair in the corner of the waiting room. Alan let his head fall into his hands and let the tears fall freely, he just wanted to know what was happening.

"Here you go hun, sip it ok. And tell me who your here to see so I can see if they've been bought up from surgery and if you can see them." Alan nodded and sniffles in attempt to slow his breathing down and to stop crying.

"I'm here to see my friend Austin. He came in a couple hours ago, he was in the ambulance when I got the call, his heart failed and they told me he may not make it but they'll try their best to save him. He's had a heart transplant. I just need to know he's ok, he means the world to me." She simply nodded at him and moved back to the desk and clicked a few keys on her computer.

"Ok Alan, are you looking for Austin Robert Carlile?" When Alan's head snapped up and he frantically nodded at her, smiled and continued, "he's been moved to a private room, you can see him now if you like, although he's sleeping but you can stay in the room with him." Alan smiled and he felt the tears coming back as he followed the woman through the plain white halls and into the section that had the private rooms. "If you just wait here for me Alan." She smiled as she gently knocked on the door to room 227 that had Austin's name written in practically illegible handwriting on the front in the slot. She simply held her arm outstretched in the room inviting Alan in. Alan quietly thanked her as she shut the door with a gentle click leaving Alan with a sleeping Austin. Alan didn't want to turn around just yet but he could hear the heart monitor beep as Austin took a breath in and out.

The tears soon came back when Alan slowly walked over to Austin's bed, trying extra hard not to make a sound that may wake him up. He just looked so broken. Tubes coming from his mouth and arms, patches on his chest that hooked him up to the monitors. Alan could bear to look at him, he looked so skinny, so pale, just so broken. Normally Austin was so full of life, always smiling and making a fool of himself to make others laugh and feel better. Here he looked so ill, so close to death. Alan sat in the chair that was next to Austin's bed, Alan pulled his legs up and hugged them, he better get comfortable because he wasn't leaving Austin's side until he could be discharged from the hospital. Alan fell asleep to the sound of Austin's heart monitor beeping in time to his breaths. He's still alive, he's going to be ok. Alan kept repeating in his head to reassure himself he wasn't losing his best friend.

"Your vitals look good, everything is going good with you Mr. Carlile I'll be back later to check up on you, you need anything just call." Alan was woken up by the sound of people talking and the door continuously opening and closing. Alan stretched out on the hospital chair he was awkwardly positioned in. He really regretted sleeping the the chair but what else could he do? He couldn't exactly go home and he most definitely couldn't cuddle up to Austin when he was in this state. Alan yawned and stretched again before setting eyes on Austin. Who was awake and smiling his lazy lopsided smile that Alan had grown to love over the last couple weeks.

"Hi Alan. How are you man?" Alan soon had a frown on his face, Austin almost lost his life and he's here wondering how Alan's doing? "What?" Austin looked at the younger ginger in confusion, Alan's moods changed frequently around Austin and neither if them knew why.

"You shouldn't be worrying about me Austin. I'm not the one in the hospital bed y'know." Alan simply said as he gripped Austin's had, careful not to knock the drip thing sticking in his hand. Alan had been crying a lot since he got the call that Austin was getting a transplant. He could only think of the worse. Austin simply gave Alan a weak smile before bringing his pale hand up to his lips and gently kissing Alan's knuckles.

"The nurse told me about you coming in late last night and staying by my side. I want to thank you for that Alan, your good to me Alan. Better than I've been to you, I don't know why you do it." Austin sighed. Alan simply let out a small laugh and shook his head making his slightly longer ginger hair fall over his eyes. "Y'know I like your hair ginger, it suits you better than any other colour." Austin smiled again which made Alan's heart break a little.

"I like it ginger too, my natural colour. All I need now is it to grow out so I don't look like a twat." Alan smiled as Austin laughed like he used to, the smile soon left Alan's face when he started to cough and splutter. "I'm sorry Aus, oh my god are you ok? Do you need help?" Alan started to panic. Austin shook his head, no.

"No it's nothing I'm fine Alan."

-=-

"Alan don't you think you should go home, get some rest?" Austin asked the short ginger who was currently 'plumping' up Austin's pillows. Austin loved having Alan with him 24/7 but he knew that Alan was beyond exhausted, if his breathing hitched in the night or if he coughed Alan would be awake and stay awake to make sure he was ok.

"No I'm fine." Alan simply said as he smiled up at Austin for a second then walked to the end of the bed to sort out his blankets. Alan did this every morning and evening. "I'm just going to get some coffee, need anything? Water, grapes, anything?" Alan asked as he pulled a twenty dollar bill out his pocket. Austin shook his head.

"Alan I'm being serious, it's been almost two weeks, go home, rest. I know your exhausted. And your basically living off coffee. You need rest in a proper bed." Just as Alan was about to respond Austin's doctor walked in with a clip board and a slight smile that made Alan a little uneasy.

"Mr. Carlile we have good news. You will be discharged tomorrow if all goes well through the night and if your morning check ups are clear." He smiled at Alan thinking the same as Austin. Alan had spent the whole two weeks with Austin, he never left the hospital and he didn't sleep well because he constantly woke up wanting to make sure Austin was ok.

"Thank you doctor, for everything." Austin smiled as he snuggled down on his pillows, matching Alan's equally blissful expression. Alan just couldn't wait to go home and have a proper shower and sleep, hopefully this time snuggling Austin.

-=-

"You know what Alan? It feels like we've been in here forever, like a lifetime." Austin chuckled as he shoved the rest of his belongings in his backpack that Alan would carry.

"So what are we going to do first then?" Alan asked as he slug Austin's bag over his shoulder and followed the older male out the room and to the desk where he'd be discharged.

"Going to yours so you can sleep and so I can cook you something proper to eat." Austin smiled as he signed his release papers. Alan smiled as he wrapped his arm around Austin's waist as they walked out the hospital, Austin smiled down at Alan before wrapping his arm around the younger males shoulders.

Alan knew in this moment he was falling again, he hadn't seen Austin in what felt like forever, the moment he's back in his life Alan starts to fall for him all over again.