Breaking Hearts Still Looks Pretty Cool

Two days later, pacing my room was fast becoming my favourite activity; or at least my most-pursued activity anyway. I may have decided in the dressing room to act on my feelings in a misguided moment of passion, but it was much more difficult in practise.

I imagined what I might say to Gerard if I actually got the guts to create a situation that involved both of us alone, but I went to no trouble to make such a situation happen. The more I saw him and Jessica explore the sights of Sydney and enjoy the hotel together, albeit in a fairly casual fashion, the more I got scared that he would laugh in my face if I told him the truth.

“Maybe I don’t actually love him anymore,” I said out loud to myself, collapsing onto my bed, which made a little puffing sound under my weight, “surely if I loved him that much, I would have the strength to tell him,”

I knew that it was a slightly dubious thought but I happily believed it nonetheless and lay back, contemplating life.

A knock on the door severely interrupted my thoughts and I fleetingly wondered with a pounding heart if it might be Gerard at last. I hauled myself up off of the bed and opened the door with tremendous effort.

Annabelle was standing there, biting her lip in the way she always did when she was caught between being excited and worried.

‘I should have known’ I thought to myself, smiling at her and walking slowly back to my bed.

“Were you just talking to yourself?” she asked, walking in after me and collapsing next to me on my bed.

“Yep,” I answered unashamedly, “How are you?”
“I’m great...” she answered, looking a little guilty, as though she felt she shouldn’t feel great when I felt so bad,

“Ooh what’s so great?” I asked interestedly. It was a nice thought that someone else should be having a good time of it.

“Mikey and I broke up...” she confessed, allowing a grin to crack onto her face.

“What?” I yelped, snapping up into a seating position, “How is breaking up with your boyfriend of,” I paused to count, and failed, “however many years good?”

She had the decency to look a little embarrassed, but it only lasted all of a few seconds, “Connie,” she said softly, “he broke up with me,”

“What?” I couldn’t see Mikey ever breaking up with Annabelle, despite the events of the past few months,

“He told me he could see that Bob and I have fallen for each other and that he had fallen for someone else so we were basically just friends under the title of boyfriend-girlfriend and that we should just be true to ourselves...”

It sounded like Mikey was pretty ok with the situation, so I broke out in a smile, “well that sounds good,” I replied,

“Yeah, and Bob and I are like, officially together now,” she grinned, “this is just the best feeling ever!”

“Yeah,” I sighed,

“Sorry,” she apologised, “I know things aren’t exactly...” she trailed off.

“Connie?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think that maybe you and Gerard should just move on?”

There was another knock on my door.

“Oh, that’ll probably be Mikey to tell you the news,” she said quietly, with an edge to her voice I could not interpret.

“Right,” I answered carelessly, getting up to answer the door. As Annabelle had predicted, Mikey was indeed standing there, shifting his weight from foot to foot and looking oddly nervous.

“I think I’ll just go on the rounds telling everyone the news then,” said Annabelle, bustling out of the door. As she passed Mikey, they exchanged a significant look, and she nodded her head as if to embolden him somehow.

“Come in,” I said gesturing with my arm for him to enter, whilst thinking that it was quite odd that I had to invite him in,

“Hey,” he jammed his hands into his pockets as he spoke and wandered into the main area of the room, not sitting down.
“So, Annabelle told me...” I said, getting the distinct feeling that I was going to have to initiate the conversation.

“Yeah, it’s good, isn’t it!” he enthused, looking genuinely happy but still nervous, “her and Bob are good together,”

“They are,” I agreed,

“I have someone in mind that I think I would be good with,” he said in a would-be nonchalant way,

“Oh?” I asked interestedly, sitting on the edge of my bed and patting the space next to me.

“She’s amazing,” a small smile played on his lips, “and we’ve had some great times together over the years; I don’t think I realised that I was even in love with her until recently,”

“Wow,” I answered, “did being away from her on tour like make you realise that you loved her?” I asked, burning with curiosity as to who this mystery girl was. I thought, with the old adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ that the tour may have been the precise catalyst that set his feelings in motion.

He laughed ironically, “She’s on the tour,” he answered.

“What?” I asked quizzically,

“She’s you, Connie,” he said softly, and then immediately looked down.

My mouth dropped open and I had no idea what to say. I didn’t even know what I felt, other than a huge well of numbing shock.

“Wh-WHAT?” I stammered, “Me? ME?”

“Don’t fr-freak out,” he stammered back, “I’m sorry, but I love you,” he said in a surprisingly firm way, having apparently pulled himself together, “and I’d like to be with you, please...if that’s ok,”
“Um,” I had no idea what to say. I had never even considered this eventuality, but in hindsight it seemed to be what Annabelle had been hinting at.

“Oh my God,” was my only other comment.

I sat in silence, trying to think of a more adequate response.

“Well?” Mikey asked after a few tense minutes, his voice was starting to shake.

“Mikey,” I said in an apologetic voice that probably was patronising to him, “I don’t know what to say...I’ve never even thought of you in that way, we’ve been friends for so long...and you’ve always been with Annabelle...and...” I trailed off. And I had always been with Gerard. That was the way it was. If I was destined for any Way brother, it was Gerard, that much I knew.

“This is about Gerard isn’t it?” Mikey was uncharacteristically angry all of a sudden, so much so that I actually drew back in a minor episode of fear,

“I didn’t say-“ I started to reply, but Mikey stood up so quickly I fell backwards on the bed with the motion.

“That’s what you meant!” he half yelled, “you’re so blind that Gerard is all you can see,” he heaved in a deep breath and carried on shouting before I could respond, “and what makes me sick is that I actually asked him if I could come here and ask you this,”

“What?” I gasped, I hadn’t even considered that possibility.

“Do you think I’d actually come on to my brother’s ex without asking him?” he sounded massively annoyed and insulted, “and you know what Connie? He doesn’t even want you, he wished me good luck and told me I was welcome to you, HE DOESN’T WANT YOU,”

Tears that were always close to the surface swelled in my eyes and spilled over without care.

I wanted to shout at him to get out but I didn’t have to, because the sound of the door slamming was already ringing in my ears.