Breaking Hearts Still Looks Pretty Cool

When we got to my dorms, Gerard paused and looked up at the building.

“So this is where my girl’s been living for the past two years?” he asked,

“Yeah,” I replied, “does it get the Gerard seal of approval?”

“Nothing will ever be good enough for you,” he pouted, snaking an arm around my waist. Being with him now was better than last time. He somehow succeeded in making me feel even more special and wanted than he ever had done before.

“Come on,” I breezed along, “I’m on the 5th floor,”

Once we got to the familiar pale yellow corridor, I became induced with shots of nostalgia. I rather felt as though I had grown up a lot on tour, and coming back to my dorms made me feel as though I was a 50 year old re-visiting her college days rather than someone simply returning after a couple of months away.

There was the sound of a door opening and shutting ahead, but I didn’t tear my eyes away from Gerard, who was holding my hand, at the sound.

“OH MY GOD,” screamed a female voice, “OH MY FREAKING GOD,”
I knew that voice very well, as well as the chorus of other ‘oh my god’ing voices that joined it.

“Connie??” Reagan demanded, running the remaining length of the corridor to me and throwing her arms around my neck.

“It’s so good to see you,” she gushed, “I have missed you living opposite me so much, how was it?! Why are you even here? You have to tell me everything!”

Ana, Sinead and Johnny all caught up with her, each with similar looks of excitement shining in their eyes.

Reagan’s gaze snapped down to Gerard and I’s interlocked hands and her jaw dropped, and eyes widened.

“Reagan, Ana, Sinead, Johnny, this is Gerard...”

Reagan actually screamed; a real, high pitched scream.

Gerard look baffled but incredibly amused.

“Nice to meet you, too,” he said sardonically,

“You’re together again now?” she demanded breathlessly,

“Yes,” I said smugly, proud that I could now finally say it. All of my past denying seemed so fruitless now. It was always clear, and must have been for everyone around me, that Gerard was all I ever wanted.

“That is AMAZING,” enthused Reagan, assuming the role of spokeswoman for my college friends,

“I’m so pleased you finally got it together!” squealed Johnny, camp as ever.

“I can definitely say that I am, too,” said Gerard, a glow of happiness radiating from his face.

“Connie,” said Johnny in an undertone, whilst Ana and Sinead introduced themselves to Gerard, “he is even cuter than you said he was...good catch!”
“Thanks,” I whispered back with a wink. It was as if nothing could ever go wrong again; everything miraculously had come together.

“So what brings you back here anyway?” asked Reagan, after all of the hubbub had subsided,

“There’s something I need to pick up from my room...” I explained,

“Right, well we were just heading out for lunch, do you want to come with?”

“Connie had her breakfast about half an hour ago,” Gerard chuckled, and my friends joined in heartily,

“She always was a late riser,” commented Sinead, nudging me playfully.

“Well, we’ll let you get on with the picking up,” said Reagan, for some reason winking at e suggestively, “And we’ll see you at the concert later, right?” she narrowed her eyes at me, “are you sure these VIP passes are real?”

“Yes,” I said emphatically, “of course they are!”

With that, Regan, Ana, Sinead and Johnny all said their goodbyes and departed, each of them practically bouncing about the concert later.

Gerard gently pressed his lips to my nose, “your friends are lovely,” he told me, “what was it we came to get?” he asked as I opened the door to my apparently empty dorm room, “don’t tell me, you left some vital piece of clothing behind, or a headband or a pair of shoes or...”

“You underestimate me, Mr Way,” I smiled, and led him over to my bed.

“Oh,” he said as if he was understanding something, and then kissed me fiercely, “Is that how it is?”

I laughed and tapped his arm, “No,” I replied, “I wanted to show you this,”

I pulled out the wooden box I kept under my bed. Usually I associated looking in that box with the renewal of heartbreak, tears and distress, but today it was a freeing sensation; this box was never going to be required again, because the pain was over; we were back together, and I could display everything I kept in here as freely as I wanted, just like with all the other pictures pasted across my walls.

“What is it?” Gerard asked curiously, stroking the rough lid, “is it like, a memory box?”

“Kind of,” I smiled, “It’s my Gerard box,”

He grinned as though I had just told him he was extremely special, “you have a Gerard box?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “after we broke up the first time I knew that I would never get over you, so I never let myself think of you and I put everything to do with you in this box, and I kept it under my bed...I guess I subconsciously wanted to be close to you all along,”

He seemed regretful right from when I mentioned ‘break up’ but he did his best to smile, sliding open the lid.

“Oh my goodness!” he exclaimed, “I’d forgotten about this!” he was holding my favourite picture of us together; the one from the gig at which he’d pulled me up onto the stage to ‘show me off’ to the crowd.

“That was a great night,” I commented happily,

“One of many more to come,” he grabbed my hand tightly and kissed it.

We spent the whole afternoon holed up in my college room reminiscing over the many mementoes that were now scattered all over my bare mattress.

“I’m so glad you showed me this,” said Gerard, his beautiful eyes almost tearing up, “you’re perfect,”

I smiled shyly, the way I always did when Gerard gave me compliments I did not deserve, and lent in for a kiss that blew my mind.

“So are you,” I assured him, meaning every syllable,

“You’re the one for me, that’s for sure,” he murmured, “and I want to-“

My phone started to vibrate agitatedly in my bag.

“Oh!” I got the feeling it had interrupted Gerard during a very profound moment; he looked ever so slightly crestfallen.

“Hello?” I answered, not even having had time to check the caller i.d.

“Hey Connie, its me,” Frank’s voice was immediately recognisable, “where are you guys? It’s nearly 6 o’ clock and they wanted us to be at the venue by half past,”

“Oh crap!” I exclaimed, “we’re leaving now,”

I hung up quickly, and attempted to gather all of my Gerard stuff into a pile so that I could slip it into my bag.

“You don’t need the box anymore?” he asked,

“I don’t have to keep this hidden away now,” I smiled, allowing him a fleeting kiss before fastening my bag and standing up,

“Did you know it was almost 6?” I asked,
“Oh crap,” moaned Gerard, “No, we’re going to be late, aren’t we?”

“We have half an hour,” I assured him, “we’ll be fine,”
It was only as we hurried down the shabby dorm corridor that I remembered there was one thing that I hadn’t shown Gerard.

“Wait,” I said suddenly, “there was one thing I didn’t show you that was in the box,”

“What is it?” he asked, slightly breathlessly.

I reached back into my bag, to where I had been keeping the small letter in my wallet; I had relocated it there when I realised I only had so many clothes with pockets.

“Your wallet?” asked Gerard in a confused tone,

“Yeah,” I answered, “I have carried it around with me since before we went on tour,”

I handed him the letter he had had given to me on my birthday.

“Oh my God,” he whispered after reading it, “you kept this?”
When he turned his perfect face back up to greet mine, there were tears shining in his beautiful eyes,

“I needed a reminder that there was a time when you loved me...loved me a lot,”

“Connie,” he said sincerely, “there has never been a time when I haven’t loved you a lot, except perhaps before I met you...but even then, I was just waiting for you to walk in my life and...”

I took the letter from him with steady hands, and carefully tore it in two.
“What..?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion,

“This is void now,” I explained, “you don’t need to be sorry for that indiscretion again, our love is bigger than that, it just eclipses it. You are so forgiven you don’t even need to think about it again. We are perfect. And,” I let the delicate pieces of white paper fall to the floor like wedding confetti, “I don’t need to carry around assurances that you loved me once because you’re here with me always, loving me, and telling me so and-“

Gerard stopped my lips with a kiss, “sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you,” he said, “But considering the fact that you seem to be nearly as in love with me as I am with you I want to ask you to-“

Another aggressively loud buzz interrupted us at an emotional moment.

“That’ll be the guys reminding us that we have to be racing over there,”

I nodded, and hand in hand we ran out of the building and onto the subway like two bats hurtling right out of a cave.