I Can Be Your Everything

I can't sleep at night. Your voice haunts my dreams and your body nips at my soul. I wish I had the words. The words to make it better, to help you feel closure. But I can't. I'm rotten to the core and I always will be. I'll never be able to make you happy but I can't seem to let you go because I'm afraid nobody else will love me the way you do. I'm so selfish. Somebody else could have you that deserved every inch of you. But I can't change myself. How can I? People never really change. We don't. It's a simple fact that we collectively as a society can never get our heads round. What if we all just stopped for a single moment and looked at ourselves. Really looked at our bare bones. Who do we see? A saint or a sinner. Because that's all we really are in the long run. People trying to make a living. Trying to make something of ourselves, willing to do whatever it takes bad or good, let's face it we've all shit on someone. We all are bullies. We all are insatiates. Greedy and undesirable. The saints never make it out alive. We tarnish them, kick them so hard so they fall down and never get up. All because we will never be as good as them, and Effie was one of them.

She's ignoring me. She has been for three days and it's killing. I don't know what to do. Effie hardly comes out of my room, just stays there for hours on end coming down to get something to eat and rarely just to talk to Val. To be honest I couldn't call it my room anymore. She had taken over it and I had to cope with the sleepless nights on the couch. I'm not going to try and make myself feel better by putting the blame on her because it's all my fault, even a blind man could see that but I'll fix it. Some how.

I stared at the bottle of jack in front of me. 70cl bottles don't last long. Especially in the mood I was in just now. I downed the last of it and walked through to kitchen in hopes of another bottle creeping about. Throwing the empty bottle in the trash, I then opened the cabinets searching for any sign of alcohol. I paused for second listening to the sound of thumping and chains rattling below me. The one problem I've not though about since I knew Effie was back. The real Effie. The rattling continued. I leaned on the kitchen counter sighing. I shook my head and went to the basement door opening and closing the door softly and switched on the light.

The small light sat in the middle of the room. It was cold and felt damp. It say on the floor with it's head facing down.

"Come to tease me Zacky?", a soulless laugh escaped it's lips, "Cause we know I don't like being teased".

"You don't get privileges", it's head snapped in my direction, still my beautiful Effie's face covered the evil inside it.

"Oh come on Mr. Vengeance, we both know you like to tease, get's you off doesn't it? Tell me does little Effie enjoy it as much as I do?", She stood, the chains cuffed to her wrist moving loudly, "Have you told her about you and I darling?", I gripped her by the throat bring her face close to mine.

"Don't even mention her name. You're nothing but filth", I seethed and threw her onto the cold floor.

"Is this why she doesn't love you? Your cruelty. Your sheer lack of emotions? Little Zachary Baker still so weak. Daddy dearest wasn't though...was he Zacky? I can still taste him darling". Don't react. It'll only give it pleasure. Something I didn't ever want to do. I got close to her, kneeling down beside her. Gripping onto her hair pulling it into the light putting my lips to her ear.

"No man will love you. No person will care for you because you are nothing and the only pleasure you'll ever give me is when I'm ripping your black fucking heart from your chest". I let her go giving her a wink before her face contorted with anger. I headed back up the stairs, turning the light off and shutting the door, locking it so nobody could get in. Especially not Effie. I looked at the clocked and it read 3:36am. You know what? That bedroom upstairs is mine, fuck sleeping on the couch again. I turned the lights off and walked to my room trying to be quiet as I could, just to make sure I wasn't waking anyone. Especially going up the second set of stairs to my room. There's no telling how Effie would react. I stopped at the door for a couple seconds taking a deep breath in. Fuck it, here goes nothing. I carefully opened the door popping my head through to see if she was sleeping. She looked as if she was out like a light. As I shut the door I stripped of my clothes and got into bed beside her trying to disturb her. She was snoring softly. I had to hold back a chuckle. I slid my arm around her waist pulling her closer. I might as well. Already here anyway. She didn't stir or react negatively, she actually seemed to relax more. I shut my eyes and felt myself drift off into a deep drunken sleep.

------

As I woke up, I noticed my legs were tangled with another pair and and arm was wrapped around me. I knew exactly who it was. I turned around to confirm my suspicions. I stared at him for a moment. Wondering if I should wake him up or just leave him be. We hadn't spoke since I basically threw the whole kitchen at him. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was hurt and alone and he had been the cause of it. He stirred slightly pulling me in closer but I put him hands on his chest and pushed him back.

"Stop it", He spoke with conviction but i still continued. I was sort of winning...I gave him a run for his money anyway but he won in the end.

"I want to get up", I said.

"No, go back to sleep", he replied as he rolled onto him back taking me with him so I was lying on top of him.

"Shift your arse", he opened one eye and looked at me.

"Shhh", I poked his ribs hard and pushed myself up, straddling his hips. He opened both eyes this time and gripped onto my hips, "If I wasn't so hungover maybe".

"Psh, arse", I got up and stretched heading for the bathroom. Getting a shower and heading downstairs. Everyone was already up considering it was 10am. Well everyone except that shit head. Matt and the other two sat on the couch.

"Hey Effie, do you know where Zack is?"

"He's sleeping", Val burst through the door.

"Where?", Val had a mischievous look on her face.

"By that look I think you already know Val", I shook my head and sat on one of the couches.

"Tell me everything!", she looked so happy. The first time I've ever seen her look happy these past few days. I hated having to tell her that nothing happened.

"He was there when I woke up, and now I'm here five minutes later", I said feeling slightly disappointed. I shook all feelings like that away. No chance was I going to feel anything like that for him.

"So nothing at all?".

"Nothing, unless you count the nasty, filthy sex", her face was a picture. "I'm kidding". I chuckled.

"Don't do that!".

"Don't do what?" He stood there smirking. I wanted to hit him again.

"None of your fucking business". I could feel him lean down behind me next to my ear.

"Oh it is my fucking business when it comes to you".

"Aye right. It bloody well is not", I retorted as I stood from my seat facing him. I could see him get agitated.

"Since when isn't it?", he said through gritted teeth.

"Since you left me down there in that fucking shitty basement", I finally said it. His eyes softened and his body became less tense.

"Effie-" He started but I cut him off.

"No, for three days I've been here walking about this damn house and you've said fuck all to me. I was alone in the god forsaken hole and you left me. To be beaten and abused by your shitty fucking friends. Nothing you could say or do would ever change the fact that I hate you. You despicable human being". He moved closer to me until we were nose to nose.

"Luckily, I'm not human sweetheart".