Letters

None of them slept more, through the night. Austin put on a jean and a shit. He was too cared to open the bathroom door and face the blood to go showering.

Everyone arrived pretty much at the same time. He greeted them all, and they all asked about Alan, who was still in his room.

When he had make everyone sit down on the couch, or on the floor, he called Alan.

Alan walked into the lounge, his eyes still dead. He sat next to Austin not even looking at everyone.

"Alan?" Justin asked.

Alan looked up at him. Justin. Zoey used to be pretty close to him. He tried to smile, but his smile was far from true.

Austin put his head into his hand.

"How can I explain this?" He whispered. Everyone was silent. They really wanted to know.

"Well... It's... It's about Zoey." They frowned. Justin was about to talk, but Austin stopped him by rising his hand. "Let me explain, you'll ask later. So she... You know she had a problem with her heart, right?" They nodded." In fact it was a lot more serious than she said. I think worse than mine. Yeah, way worse. And so... During January, last year, she discovered that she... That she was pregnant." Everyone's eyes wet wide. "But she also discovered that her heart wouldn't make it. And so she knew that pregnancy was going to kill her. But she refused to abort. So, she thought about a plan: going away from Alan, so he wouldn't have to take care of a baby he didn't have the choice to have, alone. And so he wouldn't have to support her death. She though it would be easier if he hated her thinking she had cheated on him, than knowing she was dead. That's why she did what she did. But the thing that wasn't in her plan, is that when she broke up with Alan, when she was crying and heartbroken, she came to me, and I didn't let her go. That's why I was so weird. I had to keep all of that in, and not saying a word, when you all thought she was a whore. It was really hard. And then... Then she..." He felt his throat becoming dry, and his eyes wet. He sniffed. "She gave birth to a baby girl, Katelyn. And she.... She didn't... Make it." He stared at his hand. That day would never be erased from his mind. Never. "It's been over a month. Zoey asked me to wait before telling Alan, but at the same time we were about to get the baby adopted, because no one can really take care of her. But I refused to get the baby adopted without Alan knowing. So... Here we are."

He looked up at everyone. They were shocked. It was a lot of information. The girls were crying, and the guys were trying their best not to.

He turned to Alan. He had still dead eyes. He wanted to be gone. To be with Zoey.

"Can we go, now?" Alan asked, speaking for the first time.

"Where?" Austin answered.

"Carol's. You said we had to told then, and then we could go." His voice was expressionless.

"Carol? Zoey's grand mother?"

"Katelyn is there."

"I'm going to the bathroom, wait a second." Amanda smiled.

They nodded, and waited for her. Nobody knew what to say.

They were waiting in an awkward silence, when they heard a scream. Amanda came back, running.

"What's going on?" Aaron asked, worried, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"The-The bathroom..."

Austin eyes went wide. "You went in the bathroom?" He whispered.

"Why is there so much blood?!" She asked, her voice rising. Everyone turned to Austin, with questioning eyes. His eyes went by themselves to Alan. And to his bandage.

"It... It's complicated." He whispered, closing his eyes.

"Austin. Tell us." Jenna asked.

"It's Alan... Last night... He..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't. The images were inside of his head.

Alan was looking at his wrist. He understood that Austin didn't wanted him to go, but at the same time, that was all he wanted. He only wanted to be happy for the rest of his life. Well, of his death. It was the only exit he saw before him. He couldn't imagine another ending.

"You got hurt?" Amanda asked.

Austin and Alan stayed silent. Alan let his hand wander on his bandage.

"You didn't..." Justin stared at him. "Tell me you didn't do that yourself..."

Alan looked at the floor, ashamed. "I just want to be with her." He whispered.

There was a long silence, while Alan had his eyes on the floor, and Austin was trying to think about something else than the sight he had in the morning. He couldn't erase it.

"Can we go?" Alan asked.

Austin nodded, and walked outside. He only wanted to forget that.

The other followed him. They took two cars, and went to Carol's.

At the second Austin parked his car, Alan jumped out, and walked to the door. The others followed, and walked inside behind Alan. They walked to the living room.

Alan walked inside, and went directly to Carol and the baby in her arms. With a look, she let him take the baby. He wrapped his arms around his daughter, and kissed her forehead.

"Hello Katelyn" he whispered. She giggled at him, looking at him with her green eyes.

He stroked the top of her head. He sat on the couch, not caring about anything in the world beside this little girl. He smiled to her, holding her close, as she played to catch his finger between hers.

All the others stared at him. If he seemed dead some minutes before, he had a big smile on his face now.

Carol stood up, and smiled to them.

"I'm Carol, Zoey's grandma."

"Nice to meet you. We heard a lot about you." Tino smiled. "I'm Tino."

"He's the drummer." Austin smiled. "And here's Aaron, the singer and Phil the guitarist. The ginger is Justin, and the girls are Amanda, Anouk and Jenna, Aaron's, Phil's and Tino's girls."

She nodded. "I can't promise I'll memorize all the name today but it's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot of things about all of you. Zoey loved you all."'

They looked down. They felt ashamed of what they had thought about her.

The door of the first floor, opened, and a sweet voice spoke.

"Aus? You're here?" And Elizabeth walked out. She froze as she saw Justin. And he froze too. They hadn't spoke since six months. He had never felt so stupid in his whole life.

She breathed in and walked downstairs. She hugged Austin.

"How are you?" He asked. She shrugged.

"I put flowers on her grave yesterday. The ones we put some days ago were getting old."

Austin nodded. "What kind?"

"Blue daisies. I know she loves them."

"Thanks" he smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Can we... See the baby?" Anouk asked.

"Sure" Carol smiled. She went closer to Alan, who was still admiring his baby. "Alan, your friends want to see your beautiful girl."

He rose his head, and pouted. "But I don't want to let her go."

Carol laughed, and Amanda walked closer. She looked at the little girl.

"She has Zoey's eyes." She sadly said. "She's beautiful."

"I know." Alan proudly smiled.

Austin stared. He was shocked by the difference between Alan's face now, and when he was in the bathroom the night before. It seemed like he had completely changed. A huge smile formed on his face. Maybe Alan had a way out of all this shit. Maybe from all of this pain, something good will grow. Maybe Katelyn would save him.



When he saw Elizabeth walking to her room, Justin was questioning if he should go after her. Was it the right thing to do? His look crossed Austin's one. The singer pointed the door with his head, telling him to go. Justin nodded, and walked further inside the house. He walked upstairs, but once there, he didn't know which room she was in.

"Eli?" He called.

After a silence, he heard an answer. "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

Another silence. Then one of the door opened.

"Come." She said.

He walked into her room, and sat on the bed next to her.

He remembered the last time they talked.

He was waiting for her to answer. He had finally found the gut to ask her number and since, they were talking, and passing time together. They were becoming closer, and he wasn't sure it was a really good thing, but the girl was cute and funny, when she finally opened herself.

"Justin?" She smiled.

"Hey! How are you?"

"Great! You?"

"Same! I was wondering if we could, like, go watch a movie or something?" He asked.

She let out a disappointed sign. "I can't I'm sorry. I'm at some friend's house."

"Oh" he was obviously disappointed.

"Yeah, I'm so-"

"Who are you talking to, Eli? Come back, the movie's amazing!" Justin froze. He recognized that voice.

"I have to-" she started, but he cut her off.

"Was it Zoey?" She stayed silent. "Eli." His voice was rising, he was getting angry. "Eli are you with her?"

"Yeah" she finally whispered.

"Why in hell are you with her? You don't know what she did to Alan? why are you still friend with such a fucking whore?!"

"I... It's complicated..."

"Oh really? You know what?"

"No?" She whispered.

"Forget for the theater. Go watch your movie with your slutty friend." And with that he hung up. He was fucking angry at her. How could she still be friends with Zoey?

Justin breathed in. "I'm sorry. I... I didn't know the truth." He whispered, not looking at him.

"I know." She whispered back.

They stayed silent. Justin knew he had to say something. He had to be forgiven by her, but he had no idea what to say. Everything seemed stupid to say.

"Maybe, we could..." He finally said. "we could go watch this movie, someday... if you want..." He turned to her, and saw a big smile on her face. He smiled back, his eyes not leaving her lips.

"I'd love to." She said. His eyes stayed on her lips, as she spoke. He finally looked up, and saw something in her eyes. He felt something weird in the pit of his stomach, and broke the strong eye contact.

"I'm gonna go back with the other." He managed to say, as he walked away. He closed the door and took a deep breath. That was weird. He had wanted to fucking kiss her, and it wasn't really a great news. He knew for a fact that even trying something with her would be a stupid idea. They were way too different. It wasn't even what he wanted at all. She was the kind of girl who wanted the 'charming prince' as a boyfriend. Yeah, he kinda found it cute, but he wasn't that at all. And he didn't wanted to be that. He was more a guy for the 'friends with benefits' kind of things. He shook his head, and walked into the living room.