Letters

The next days went the same. They were going to Carol's in the morning, and staying the whole day with the baby. She was really cute, and everyone loved her.

On the third day, the girls asked to go to her grave. Alan didn't want to let go of his baby girl, but he let her go.

They were walking to the grave. Alan had take the book. They needed to know.

By the time they were before the grave, everyone was crying. Alan was the only one that wasn't. He had cried half of the night, after one particularly horrible nightmare about her.

He went down on his knees, looking at the flowers. The girls had brought a big bouquet, and they put it next to the others.

Every couple were wrapped into each other's arms. Justin was trying his best not to cry, but he barely could.

Austin was crying, and had his arm wrapped around Eli's shoulder as she cried.

Alan was looking at the stone wondering how this rock could represent his love.

He took a deep breath. "Zoey wrote something for all of you. She asked me to tell you, so here it is"

He opened the book, and read. " Amanda. She's the sweetest girl ever. Please, tell her." Alan threw her a look, as she cried. "Tell her that I really really love her. I didn't knew her long, but I knew we could have been best friends. And tell Jenna too," She bit her lip, her head against Tino chest." tell her she's great, but she's more shy, and I never knew well how to talk with her. But she's so cute with Tino, all the time. And Anouk, please tell her that if I wasn't close with her wasn't at all her fault. She's just so perfect. I always wanted to become someone like her. Really nice with everyone, but someone who still knew what she wanted. Please, tell them." Anouk was covering her mouth with her two hands, as Phil stroked her back. Alan turned the pages to go where he wanted. He had read the book some times, and knew what he was searching for. He took a deep breath. "Tell the guys... Tell Tino I love him, he's so cute and so fun, and damn he's so smart!" He chucked through his tears. " Tell Phil he has the most peaceful smile ever. Tell him how sweet I think he is." He smiled, drying his tears. "Aaron, please tell him that even if I barely knew him, I loved him. He's so gentle, caring. He's always the first to notice that someone's down." Aaron shook his head. You were the one caring and SO gentle, Zoey. He thought. "He always try to make them feel better. And Justin... Gosh, tell Justin he is the best stupid kid on that planet!" Justin laughed, sniffing. "He had always been there for us, and I hope it will continue for a long long time. I hope he is there for you. "

Alan looked up at him and smiled. He wasn't crying.

"We love you too." Amanda managed to say.

"We miss you." Austin whispered.

Alan closed his eyes. He saw her smile. Heard her laugh. Every part of his body missed her. Every cell in him wanted her back. He felt the tears coming. But she would never be back. Never. He was alone for the rest of his long, long life.



Zoey was resting into his arms. Her head in the crook of his neck. He was stroking her hair. They were sitting on a couch, almost asleep.

She smiled to him, and kissed him sweetly. He smiled back. Then he pulled away, and kissed her forehead.

"Will you still be there when I will wake up?" He whispered.

Her face went sad for a second. Then she smiled. "Yes. Yes I'll be there. I'll be there forever. No matter what happen. I promise." He smiled wider, and kissed her again. She answered the kiss, before nuzzling back against his neck. They fell asleep into each other's arms.

He opened his eyes, and saw that Zoey was no longer there. "Zoey?" He called.

He only heard silence. He looked around him, and his apartment was now replaced by white. Everything was white, and empty around him. He closed his eyes. "Where are you, Zoey?"

"Alan!" He heard her voice behind him. He jumped turning around, and saw her.

She was laying on the ground, curled up, like a ball, on her side. Her face reflected all the pain she was feeling. He jumped on his knees, and threw himself at her, to held her. But his hands went through her body.

"Alan!" She screamed again, holding her stomach. Her face was twisted in pain.

"I'm here!" He yelled back, trying to touch her. But he couldn't. His arms couldn't get a hold of her, they were going through her, like a ghost.

"Alan..." she was crying. "Alan, help me..."

She was just there, there had to be a way to help her! He screamed and screamed her name again and again, but nothing. She couldn't hear him. His arms were shaking with fear. He couldn't let her suffer.

"Is there anyone here?!" He screamed, trying to call for help. But no one answered. He was alone.

"Alan... where are you?" she was crying, the pain obvious on her face.

"I'm just there, sweetheart..." He said, stroking her cheek. He couldn't really touch her, but he tried.

"Alan... Why aren't you there? Don't leave me alone.. Please...I don't want to be alone..."

He had abandoned her. He couldn't help her. She was suffering a lot, and he couldn't do anything. He could only stare at her. He was such a failure. He had abandoned the girl he loved.

"ALAN!" She screamed, in an ultimate scream of pain, before falling to the ground, silent.

"NO! ZOEY!!" He screamed on the top of his lungs.

He jolted awake. His whole body was shaking. He looked around himself, and only saw his room, like it always was.

He had abandoned Zoey. She died alone. He should have been there. He should have held her hands all along. He shouldn't have left. He should have seen she was lying when she told him she was cheating. He should have been there.

He was a failure. He couldn't even be there for people he loved. He was useless. He could only hurt others.

But there was another way. Another simple way. She was alone up there, but he still had a way to be with her, to held her hand. He could still be with her.

He slowly stood up, and took his phone for some light. He knew if he turned the lights on, he would wake Austin up. But maybe if he didn't make any sound, Austin wouldn't wake up, like last time. He walked out of his room, and turned his phone on.

He froze, staring at his background picture.

Katelynn.

Who would take care of her? He couldn't be with her, and be with Zoey. His hands started shaking. He was the only parent she had left. If he rejoined Zoey, she would be an orphan.

But maybe a better family would adopt her, take care of her, and love her. After all, he was a mess. How could he raise a baby girl? He wasn't strong enough. He would never be. He was nothing. He felt the tears burning to show up.

But what a dad would he be? He didn't wanted to be a dad who abandoned his kid. He knew Zoey never wanted to abandon her baby. He knew she had wished they could rise her together.

He fell on his knees. He would stay. Stay because he knew Zoey would have want him to rise Katelynn. Because Katelynn deserved a dad.



After some long minutes staring at his phone screen, he stood up, and walked back into his room. He took his old acoustic guitar. Slowly he started playing old song he liked to play. He played a lot of songs she loved. Some making him smile, some making him cry.

He played Zoey's favorite song of Blink 182. One of their sad songs. I miss you. As he played, he remembered the lyrics, and felt the tears coming. That was exactly what he was feeling. He started singing the second verse.



He sang the last words again. Will you came home and stop this pain tonight. And again.

"I wish you could still be here." he whispered.

He continued playing, but the more he played, the more he felt like he wanted to write something for her. She had wrote him that book, and he wanted to offer her something back. He started jamming on his guitar, trying to find some melody. Something she would have liked. He wasn't the best for lyrics. But he would try.



Austin woke up around nine, worried about how the day would go. Alan's family was supposed to come. He really hopped Sandra would come. He really needed to talk with her.

As he stood up, he heard the sound of a guitar coming from the other room. He slowly walked to Alan's room, and slowly opened the door. He saw him sitting on the bed, a piece of paper and a pen in his hand. Austin smiled and closed back the door, as he walked to the kitchen. He took his breakfast, thinking about what was going to happen.

There was a knock at the door. Slowly, still barely awake, he opened. His eyes went wide, as he faced Sandra and a guy. She frowned.

"Why are you answering the door? Where's Alan?"

"Nice to see you too." Austin bitterly said. "Come in." He opened the door for them to enter, and closed it behind.

Sandra walked straight to her brother's room, her boyfriend right behind her. Austin followed them, while he observed her boyfriend. He was a tall guy, but shorter than Austin. He had black messy hair, and blue eyes. He seemed cool, but Austin decided at the second he had seen him that he didn't like him.

She opened the door slowly, and saw Alan, his back to her, still on his guitar.

"Alan?" He stopped playing, and turned his head to her. He smiled a little, and stood up.He had a big shirt on, but no pants. She stared at his legs. He was way thinner she remembered. Her mom had told her but she didn't think it was that much. His hair were also really long. And messy, and dirty.

He walked to her, and hugged her. She stroked his back. "How are you feeling?"

He didn't moved, he remembered what he almost did earlier, and he couldn't stop the tears that were coming. She pulled away, and her eyes went wide. "Why are you crying?" He sniffed, and pointed Austin with his head. She frowned and looked at Austin.

"I'll explain when your parents are there. I don't want to tell this twice." Alan nodded, understanding, but Sandra rolled her eyes, walking to him.

"Oh, poor you. That's true, you've suffered a lot. You fucking betrayed your best friend." Her voice was filled with pure hate. Austin looked at her with a sad look. She hated him.

He was about to answer, when they heard a knock on the door. Austin went to open the door, hoping to see Alan's parents, but saw Justin.

"What are you doing there?" Austin asked, an eyebrow risen.

"I just didn't want to stay alone... You know?" He said, blushing lightly. Austin nodded. He walked inside, and saw Sandra.

"Hey!" Sandra smiled, and hugged him. He gave her a small smile back. He wasn't in the state to be all happy. "What's happening to you? You're silent." She said.

He frowned. "You don't know?"

"I'm waiting for their parents" Austin told him.

Justin nodded, as Sandra gave them a weird look, but stayed silent.

"Anyway," Sandra said. "Travis, here's Justin, Alan's best friend, and... Austin." She said. Austin clenched his teeth, and held Travis' hand. Justin did the same.

Justin and Alan man-hugged, and they all sat on the couches. Justin and Sandra talked about they were doing, then Travis joined the discussion. Austin stayed silent, as he kept receiving dark angry looks from Sandra. Alan was just sitting still, in silence, deep in thoughts.

Around half an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Austin stood up, and let Alan's parents come in.

"Hello Austin. It's been a long time." Patricia smiled. She had a sad smile, but she still smiled. He was really glad she did. It was like she was sad of what she thought he had done, but still liked him enough to smile to him. Timothy was more reserved, but still shook his hand. He led them to the couch. Patricia sat next to Alan and wrapped her arms around him, and he instantly curled himself into her embrace. He needed someone to hug. She stroked his back, and he exploded into tears. Her eyes went wide as well as Timothy's, Sandra's and Travis'. They weren't thinking Alan could still broke down like this. It had almost been a year since the breakup.

Justin and Austin exchanged a look. A sad one.

"Why are you crying, Alan?"

"Tell... Tell them, Austin... Tell them." He said through his cries.

"Okay." Austin nodded, as all the heads turned to him. He took a deep breath. "So... Where to start... Yeah, so, You know that Alan and Zoey broke up, because she cheated." They nodded." Well, that's not true. She never cheated."