Letters

After two weeks in the studio, they had finished two of the three songs Alan had written: The one he had wrote most of the lyrics, Would You Still Be There, and the other, with lyrics wrote by Austin and Aaron alone, that had became Bones Exposed. The last one, the love song, they couldn't manage to finish it, the song never seemed right.
During those two weeks, Austin had wrote the lyrics for another angry song, Break Free. The riff wasn't finished, like the drums. Aaron was working his ass off on a song, and nothing would work with it. He still didn't have lyrics, but the riff was starting to be really great.
On the first four songs Austin and Aaron had written, two had been finished a while ago, and they had finished now the most calm: Glass Heart. They were almost sure the other will be called Sick, but the song wasn't completely written, so they still hesitated.
Everyday, Alan was going to Carol's house where Katelynn was staying during the recording to see her. He simply laid down with her, and took care of her, as much as he could.
One day, after barely sleeping because of nightmares, and work, he went to Carol's house, and she greeted him with a worried look.
"You look so tired. You shouldn't be driving." she said.
He shrugged, and walked inside. He went to the nursery, and took Katelynn in his arms. She giggled for three seconds, before falling asleep in his arms. He smiled wide, before thinking he really wanted to join her. He walked to the room next and opened it. He froze.
It was the room Zoey stayed in. He smiled further in. it smelled like dust and stuffy. Nobody had been inside since everything happened. He sat on the bed. He looked down at Katelynn who was still peacefully sleeping.
He sighed, and laid down on the bed, resting his head on the pillow. He turned to his side, but his face collided with something. Curious, he let his hand wander around him, and finally under the pillow, and found a small box.
He opened it, and stared at the necklace that was inside. It was the one he had brought for her on her birthday. The year he was away, and planned her whole day. There was a small paper in the box.
He recognized the writing instantly, and felt tears in his eyes.
"To the person who found this, please, keep it. Maybe, one day, my daughter will ask about her genetic parents, and if one day she manage to find me, I want someone to give this to her. This is one of the most important thing I own, and please give the paper to her.
Now to you, my daughter, who is reading this: Never Take It Off is brand with meaning, they say. This one means 'Eternal Love'. Your father gave it to me. He doesn't know about you, and I'm so sorry about that. Anyway, take this, and know that I will love you forever and always. You're my little girl, even if we never met. It also is a king of proof that your father loved me, so somehow, it means he loves you too. At least I like to think so.
Goodbye, my daughter. I will protect you forever, and always.
I love you, mom."
Alan was now crying hard, holding his baby like dear life. He curled into a ball, Katelynn in his arms, her back on the mattress, against his chest. He rested his head against hers as he cried.
He cried and cried for what felt like hours, until he fell asleep there.

He opened his eyes, and stared at the ceiling. He was on his back, in an unknown bed. He turned his head to the side, and his eyes fell to the small box. He felt tears in his eyes, and something hit him.
Katelynn. Where is she?!
He jumped up, and walked out of the room, and rushed to the nursery, to discover her, sleeping in her small bed. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his breath.

He walked out of her room, and went downstairs. He was greeted by Carol who was cooking, and Justin and Eli who were watching a movie.
Carol smiled as she noticed him. "Slept well?" She asked. Alan nodded. "I took Katelynn to her nursery while you slept because she was starting to cry, and I didn't want to woke you up. You needed sleep." Alan nodded again.
"Aren't you recording?" Justin asked, from the couch.
Alan's eyes went wide. "Holy shit! I fell asleep, I should be at the studio!"
"I called Austin and told him you were resting today. No studio today. Go with your baby instead. I'm making dinner for later. You can sleep here."
A huge smile formed on Alan's lips. "Thank you sooooo much! I love you!" He kissed Carol's cheek, and ran back upstairs, listening to her laugh.
He was going to open the nursery, when he decided against it, and instead, he went into Zoey's room, closing the door behind him. He observed around him. The wall were paint in a light blue, and there was wood on the floor. the room was small. Just enough to fit in a bed for two, a desk -which was barely showing, since there were mountains of paper over it- and a wardrobe. He lifted the two pillows, to know if there was something else hidden, before walking to the wardrobe. He opened the door, and stared. He fell on the bed, right behind him. Inside, he recognized the huge sweat he had brought her for Christmas, so long ago. And his shirt. The one she told him she had stolen. He didn't want to take it. If she wanted it, then she could keep it. He took the end of a drawer, and opened it. He didn't really knew why he did that. But he did anyway. Inside were her jewelry, and he stared at it. A big box caught his attention. He took it, and recognized it instantly. It was the ring he had brought her on her birthday. Only weeks before she broke up with him. He stared at it. She was already off at that moment: She already knew she was pregnant. He had brought that hopping she would like it, and pay more attention to him. He had prepared a big date for that day. Not as much as the one he had prepared for the day of the break up, but still. He had been hurt after that. She was smiling, yes, but he could see the whole night that something was wrong. He didn't want to ask, at first, and ended up asking anyway.
"Zoey, is there something wrong?" He asked, worried.
They were now sitting on the bed, watching a movie on his computer. it was a shitty screen, but the bed was more comfortable than the couch.
"N-No, nothing's wrong" She said, looking at the screen. "Nothing's wrong, b-babe."
Babe. It was like she didn't wanted to say that. He could hear it in her voice, her tone. He closed his eyes, and looked at the ring on her finger. He hoped she would keep it on her finger, but highly doubted it. Slowly he stroked her arms. He looked down at her tattoo. The one on the top of her hand. The squirrel. He couldn't help smiling. He wanted to make his doubt go away, so he lent in, and whispered in her hear. "I love you" she smiled and turned to him. She still had that small sadness deep into her eyes, but it was covered with happiness. She looked at his bare chest, and he saw her eyes filling themselves with desire. The look only had him growing hard.
"I love you too." And she leant in to kiss him.
He took the ring between his fingers. He turned it around, looking at every detail of it. Like he did the day he brought it. He smiled seeing sign that it had been worn. She had kept it on her finger, like she said in the book. She had loved it. He felt tears in his eyes, but managed not to let them spill. He had cried enough for the day.
"You should keep it."
He turned around to face Eli. "You think?" He asked.
"You brought it to her, right?" He nodded. "She loved it, and wore it all the time. You should keep it. Take a chain and keep it around your neck or something."
Alan turned the ring between his fingers. He was seeing her beautiful smile, in his head. He closed his eyes.
He missed her so much.
He put the ring back in its box, and put it back. If he wanted it, he would come back to take it.
He smiled to Eli and went to the nursery. He took Katelynn in his arms, and went sat back in Zoey's bed. The baby was looking around herself. She probably could barely see anything, but she was looking around. He leant in to kiss her, and she giggled. He went further on the bed, his back against the wall, his legs on the bed.
"You know, your Mommy was super great, Katelynn. Even if we can't see her, right now, she's around us, taking care of us. I'm gonna try my best for you, okay? I'm gonna be the best dad I can. You deserve it, cutie. You deserve everything." With that he kissed her forehead.

Eli sat back on the couch. The movie was finished, but Justin didn't want to go.
"Do you think he's going to be okay?" She asked.
"I hope. You barely know him,but he's great."
"I know, Zoey and I talked a lot during the pregnancy." She smiled.

And less than ten days after, it was Christmas. They were all going to Aaron and Amanda's place to celebrate, this year.
Everyone was there: the whole Of Mice band, with their girls, Justin, Eli, Sandra and Travis, her boyfriend.
Allan had took Katelynn with him, and everyone was playing with her. Most of them were drinking, during the diner, but Alan refused, wanting to take care of his baby.
Sandra walked to him, right before the desert, as he went to the bathroom.
"Alan?" She asked. He looked up at her. "You can go and drink. I'm taking care of Katelynn tonight." He was about to protest, when she cut him. "Come on, you deserve a party." She smiled.
They went back and he went drinking like everyone else. He hadn't drink much since he knew about Katelynn. He wouldn't let go any occasion to see his baby, and liked more staying home with her than going to a party. And he refused to drink when he was taking care of her. It had been even longer since he had been in a party with all his friends.
He remembered how he used to be a happy drunk ginger, at every party. He remembered talking with everyone, joking all the time.
But he just couldn't do that, now. Now, he felt older. He felt like he couldn't laugh about everything.
He stared at his beer. He wished that for a night he could be back what he used to be. But he couldn't. Not even booze could help him. He went to the kitchen, and opened the bottle of vodka. He drank from it. The liquid was burning his throat, but he wished it would help.
After he downed half of it, he wasn't still feeling better. He couldn't concentrate much in anything.
Austin walked in the kitchen, and his eyes wide.
"What are you doing here alone?" He asked.
Alan stared at the held empty bottle. "I wanna be the old me." He whispered.
"The old you?" Austin asked.
"The happy me."
Austin didn't know what to say, so he stayed silent, as Alan drank more.
"Let's go back with everyone, okay?" Austin finally said.
Alan nodded, not letting go of his bottle.
The night went on, and everyone was having fun. Alan was by far the more intoxicated, since he was downing bottle after bottle. The other tried to stop him, but being drunk was all he wanted, and they ended up letting him. If he wanted a night without remembering reality, he deserved it.
Sandra was the only one being pretty bored. She was happy to take care of Katelynn, and knew her brother enough to know he needed that. But what she's hadn't expected was a drunk Travis trying to talk her into having sex. And even if he was good looking, even if she knew if she had been drunk too she would have loved to accept, right now she wasn't in the mood at all.
After his hundredth catastrophic attempt, Austin sat next to her.
She could smell the alcohol on him, but he didn't seemed so drunk.
"Night's good?" He asked. She shrugged. "Yeah, that's right, being the only sober is shit. Do you want not to be sober anymore?" He handed her his beer, as he spoke.
She laughed, and shook her head. "Alan would kill me."
Austin stared at Alan, who was in the middle of everyone, dancing. "Why?" He asked. "You're older you can do what you want."
She turned to look at him. He was drunk. Drunk enough not to remember Katelynn who was sleeping another room.
She shook her head to him, smiling.
"This dress is hot." Austin stated. She blushed a bit.
"You think so?"
"I dunno." He dumbly answered. She looked at him disappointed. "What?" He said, referring to her look of disappointment. "I dunno if the dress is, since you already are all the time. I guess yes, because you're even hotter today." He said like it was nothing.
She stared. He wasn't at all the kind of guy who would say that. Or at least he usually wasn't that kind of guy with her. He had never told her she was hot. But he was completely drunk, so maybe that was why he thought that.
"You're not too bad yourself." She answered.
"Do you think so?" He hopefully asked. She nodded, and a big smile went on his face. "I'm glad you do, it took me at least three fucking hours to know what to wear. I wanted you to like it, and since you do, I succeeded."
Her eyes went big. Woww, he would never had say something like that if he wasn't drunk. She felt her cheek get hot. Was it true?
"You're just drunk."
"I'm not!" He defended himself.
She shook her head. She couldn't help but find him cute. She looked up at her boyfriend. He was laughing with the rest of the guys, and she compared them. She looked down, when she though that Austin was better. She shook the idea off, telling herself that it was only because Travis had been asking for sex and nothing else all night.
She felt something on her shoulder, and turned to see Austin's head renting there. He was sleeping, his mouth open.
She laughed and tried to shake him awake, but he didn't woke up. She smiled and let him rest there.

The next day went too soon. Everyone was hungover, and they all needed more sleep, but decided to do the presents.
Austin barely remembered the night before, but he remembered most of his talk with Sandra. He was way too embarrassed with what he had admit to her the night before to talk with her.
He knew it wasn't a good idea. She had a boyfriend, with who she seemed really happy, and she was Alan's sister. And he knew it always was a bad idea to mess up with family. He didn't want to fuck up his friendship with Alan.
They all put their present under the tree, for each person at a different place, and looked at it. The person with the biggest pile was by far Katelynn.
They decided to start with her, so Alan took her in his arms, and everyone took a present which wasn't their, and opened it one after the other.
She received clothes, small baby games, and stuff like that. The last to open was from Aaron and Amanda. Eli opened it, and stared, before handing it to Alan. He stared at the present.
It was a stuffed. A squirrel stuffed. On it's stomach, a writing was embroidered. It said 'Mom'. He looked up at Amanda, with tears in his eyes. "Thanks" he whispered.
Amanda smiled wide. "It was hard to find it, but when I saw it I knew it was perfect." She walked to them, and pressed a kiss on Alan's and Katelynn's foreheads.
He gave the stuffed to his daughter and watched as she played with it.
"Let's unwrap the rest!"
They all unwrapped their present, and laughed a lot on some. Many of the present had somehow a link with Zoey. Like the shirt Austin received: with a big squirrel on it. It mostly was details, but everyone knew it. But nobody said it. They all missed her a lot.
When Alan unwrapped his last present, from Eli, he stared at the box. It was the box of the ring he brought her. The one he found in the wardrobe. He gave her a questioning look, and she smiled to him. Everyone else was staring at the box, wondering.
He opened it, and smiled. He put the ring off of the box, and everyone recognized it. Alan took the chain the ring was now on, and pulled it around his head. The chain was long, and the ring was falling on the bottom of his chest, over his stomach. He looked at the ring, before looking up and smiling at Eli.

Before the new year, they managed to finish the album. Alan's song was now finished, and was called Another You. Hearing it brought him to tears almost every time, so he hoped people wouldn't ask him to play it too much.
The song Aaron had been working on fr a long time had become Feels like Forever, and was one of everyone's favorite.
After having redo details for almost every song, to make them fit with each other, they put them in order, and had finished.
Two days after, on the new year day, a song was updated, as a previous. You're Not Alone had been chosen for that job.
The manager wanted to release the album on the fifteen, but the managed to make him release on the 21th. The 21th of January. Zoey's birthday.
The name, Restoring Forces, came from Tino. While making the album, he noticed how much the album, and making the music itself had helped them feel better. Alan was the most evident. Writing this album, and those song had helped him, he had poured his feelings into the songs.
The fans were stroked for the new album, and for Alan's return, even if they still had hundred of questions.
And then, there will be tour. He didn't really had any choice, he couldn't not go on tour, plus he really wanted to go. The only problem was Katelynn.
So they decided to make tour, but to be sure to have at least five days one after the other off each month, to let Alan and those who wanted come back here. That was really really expensive, since they pretty much toured around the world, but Alan didn't cared about money. He only wanted his daughter.
The day of her birthday, everyone went to the cemetery to see her. They went all to celebrate the new album later, even if it was so weird. They were with other people, who didn't know about Zoey, so they just partied, trying not to think about that.
Alan went later than the rest to the party. He stayed all day at Zoey's grave. He was sitting on the rock under which Zoey rested. He had his head on the one saying her name, and the dates.
An old woman went to the grave next to Zoey's.
"What are you doing here, young boy?" She asked, with a gentle smile. She read the name, and the last date, she couldn't read the other, he was laying on it. "Sorry for your mom." She sadly said.
He rose his head to her. "She was not my mom, but the mom of my daughter." He said.
Her eyes went wide. "So young." She whispered.
He nodded and threw a look at the grave. "Your husband?" He asked, and she nodded.
"We're pretty much in the same case, then." He bitterly said. He was too young to be living that. Way too young. They should have grown old together. "But she should be 23 today. So it's different." He whispered, pressing himself against the cold stone.
He took the ring between his fingers. How was he supposed to live without her? Yeah he had Katelynn, and he had to take care of her, but how could he do that? How could he take care of a baby, when he couldn't take care of himself?

Later, he went to the party. It was huge and many people were here. Everyone congratulated him for being back, and for the album. He smiled, and shook hands.
As soon as her could he went to the bar, asking for a whiskey on the rock. He had drank half of it when Austin went to him.
"Come with everyone. It's for the album, everyone is happy today."
"But it's Zoey's birthday."
"And? It's a celebration. It's the day one o the most amazing girl of that planet was born. It's a day we need to celebrate."
Alan smiled at him. He liked that way of thinking, but knew her couldn't be only happy. He missed her too much.