Letters

"Can I?" Sandra asked.

Alan turned to her, frowning. He was playing with Katelynn at the moment, pulling her over his head, his two hands by her side.

He saw her showing him her phone. On her screen, he was viewing a pic of him and Katelynn. He was holding her into the air, as she extended her arms to reach him. The look on his face made him smile. It was the look people had when they were looking at someone they loved.

"You can what?" He finally said, holding Katelynn against his chest.

"Post it." She looked at his face. She sighed. "I won't tell she's yours. The pic is just beautiful. Look at you two, you're so cute!"

He looked back at the pic. Sandra was on his left, as she took the picture, so he could see his left hand holding his daughter. His hand with a squirrel tattooed.

He took in the whole picture. It almost felt as if they were all together, even if she was there only through his tattoo.

Finally, he nodded.

She smiled wide, and took her phone back, typing on it.

He turned to Katelynn, who was staring at him. He kissed her nose. She giggled and put her hand on his face. He smiled and extended her hand for her to high five. She looked at it, not understanding. He laughed, and took her arm to smack it on his hand, to show her.

She laughed as she understood what he wanted, and then did it a hundred time. He only laughed.

He took his phone, and looked at Instagram. He couldn't help a big smile at the caption.

@SandraAshby: True love.

He looked again at their faces in the pic. She was looking at him in adoration, and he was mirroring her look.

Curious, he opened the contents. Most were wondering who was the baby, and why did that mean. Some were admitting how cute they were. And he saw Jenna's comment.

@Jenna: We can? We can? We can?

He laughed, and threw her a look. She was with Tino, and they talked with old friends of Amanda.

He saw that Sandra had answered her.

@SandraAshby: yes we finally can!!!!!!

He frowned, wondering how many pictures they were going to post. He was okay with Katelynn being on internet, and known, but he wasn't sure he was ready for everyone to know every details. He thought about telling them, but he decided against it. They already knew how he felt, they wouldn't do something like that.

He turned back to his baby girl. She was eating her own hand. He laughed, and took her in his arms, as he walked to the guys.

Austin held up his hand to grab her, and Alan nodded giving him the little girl.

Austin kissed her forehead as soon as she was in his arms. She rested against him, as he played with some toys before her eyes.

"You really agree?!" Jenna asked behind him.

Alan nodded. "Just... Don't post too much, please." He told her.

"We can post about her?!" Austin asked, his eyes wide.

Alan nodded.

He let out a scream, twirling with Katelynn. He was already tall, so when he held her the higher he could, it was really high. And she loved it.

He pulled her down enough to kiss her nose.

"Wait, people are gonna be suspect, if they only see you with her." Sandra said, as a pretext to take and post pics of Austin and Katelynn.

Alan took his phone out, and smiled at the pic once again. "Can you send it to me?" He asked his sister. She nodded, looking at her phone.

He opened again Instagram to see the pic of Austin holding Katelynn against his chest, as he kissed her head. You could only see Katelynn's back, but she was easily recognized.

He smiled at the caption. "Cuties".

"Already on your phones!" They heard Aaron sigh behind then. "Is it boring here?"

"Not at all, it's just that Alan agreed to post pics of Katelynn!!" Jenna cheered.

A big smile went on Aaron's face. "That's awesome."

At first Alan hadn't really understood why they were so happy about being able to post. It was nothing, and didn't really mattered. But he had quickly seen the truth. They were happy because of the progress he had made. He was better, he was able to post about her. That was what was making them happy.

"How's your day?" He asked to Aaron with a smile.

Aaron looked at him with so much happiness. "Crazy." He only said as the others smiled.

The guys smiled to him. "Happy for you, man." Alan smiled to him. "Now go to your wife!" He cheered, as Aaron's eyes went huge, and the biggest smile ever sprung on his lips.

He turned to Amanda who was walking to them. He was looking at her as if she was the most precious thing on the whole universe.

Would I look at her the same way? Would she look at me like that? He saw Zoey in a white dress, walking down the aisle, to reach him.

He closed his eyes. Don't think about that. You're here to celebrate not to sadden their day.

But Zoey would have been so happy to see them getting married. She would have wear a beautiful dress, like Jenna or Anouk was. Or even like Eli, who came with Justin. Their relationship wasn't official, and no one knew if they really were into one. Sandra was beautiful too. She had a really nice dress. She was staying next to Austin, and the singer wasn't going to complain.

Alan looked at his friends. They were all so happy. He felt so alone. And he realized he would always be. He would forever be. She would never be there.

"Alan?" He heard. He turned his head to the voice to see Aaron handing him Katelynn. He took her, and she nuzzled her head into his neck. He smiled.

Maybe he wasn't so alone. After all, he had the nicest daughter ever.



Throughout the wedding, Katelynn went from arms to arms. Everybody was admiring how cute she was, how a good kid she was. Adam stayed almost a whole hour playing with her. He loved kids, and he had to admit this one was great.

Alan stayed next to him, not liking being separated from his daughter, but still glad everyone liked her.

At the wedding there weren't much people from bands, or fans, Alan didn't knew everyone, so no one asked about Katelynn. They all felt like it wasn't their business. And Alan was glad.

On the internet, it wasn't the same. Many were wondering who she was, since everyone was posting pictures with her. And also, who was the mother.



It was some days after the wedding, and Alan found himself at night sitting with her book on his lap.

Some time had passed since he had last read it. It was hard not to cry. He looked at Katelynn who was peacefully sleeping in her bed next to his. The bedroom was small, so he had moved his bed on the side, and her small bed was squeezed between his own and the wall. But he liked it, she was closer that way.

He took the book in his hands, twirling it in his hands. He was scared of reading it again. He would feel his body being crushed again. But he really wanted to hear her talking again. He wanted to relive their life together.

He breathed deep, before opening it, and reading the first page again.

Do you remember this book, I wanted to write once in my life? Well, here it is. But sadly, I know it won’t put a smile on your face.

Alan stared at those words. Yes, that book made him cry, but it made him smile. It made him feel with her, and that alone made him happy.

He continued reading. The tears were running down his cheeks, but he was smiling.

He stopped, almost at the end of the book, when Katelynn started to cry. He took her into his arms, and rocked her slowly. He sat on his bed.

"See, this is what mommy left us." He told her pointing at the book. "You can't understand a word, but still. You know, your mommy was the best human being that ever walked on earth. Well, maybe it's you, I'm no longer sure." He kissed her forehead. She was looking at him, making noises. "I wish she was still there. You would be even more loved, you know? Everything will be perfect. But you know..." He let his voice trailed off. He was crying silently as he spoke to her. "She was too good to be there. I'm sure the angels over us couldn't let her here, they wanted her with them." He smiled sadly at her. "But I'm proud to be able to say that she shared some time with me." he smiled. "Don't worry, Kat', your mommy is watching after you."

Once she was back asleep, he pulled her slowly back into her bed, pulling the blanket over her small form.

He sat back on the bed, and took the book where he left it. And his eyes fell on a sentence.

Alan, if you think you're ready for that, I would want you to publish this book.

Publishing this? It felt a lot too personal. But at the same time, he wanted everyone to know the truth. but publishing it... It felt weird. but that was what she wished. She wanted that book to be what she left on this world. It was her dream to write a book. It had always been. But would he be okay with knowing his personal life could be read by anyone?



He woke up around nine, when Katelynn cried for food. He wasn't even mad she woke him up. He took her to the kitchen, only wearing some sweatpants. He rested her against his bare chest. She was wearing a cute orange pyjamas. It had a smiling lion on it. Sandra brought it some times ago. He kissed her forehead, and put the baby bottle in the microwave. He waited less than a full minute -if he did, the milk would be way too warm-, took it and sat on the couch. He laughed at Katelynn, who was desperately trying to bring the bottle to her mouth. He put it in her mouth, and her two small hands wrapped themselves around the bottle. He kissed her forehead, and saw that she had her eyes wide open. She wasn't paying any attention to her food, but to him instead. He smiled at her. He kissed her small hand, and she rested it against his face.

He stayed there, admiring his daughter until she was finished with the drink. He put the baby bottle on the table, and sat her on his lap. She clapped her hands. He laughed.

She pointed at him, and said "Aaahaa". He smiled wide. "Yeah, papa's there." He kissed her forehead. she laughed and clapped her hands, cheering herself.

He heard the intercom ringing. He frowned, everybody knew the code to come in. He stood up, and pushed the button to talk.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"Hu... It's Cheryl... Cheryl Campell."

Alan stared at the intercom. What?

"Can I... Can I come in?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, yeah sure." He said, opening the door for her.

He stepped back, and stared into space. What was she doing here? She didn't really liked him, so why would she be there? He looked down at Katelynn.

"Grandma's coming." He told her. She only smiled, sucking on her fingers.

He walked to her park next to the couch, and laid her there, so she would play.

He heard the knock on the door, and took a deep breath. He walked to the door, and opened.

She smiled, a little confused, but still greeted him with a nice "Hello". That's when he remembered he was still shirtless. To meet someone like her, that wasn't the best thing. He opened the door to let her in.

"I'll... I'll go dress up." He whispered, and ran away into his room, pulling on the shirt he was wearing the day before. He checked the mirror. It wasn't too bad, so he walked back into the living room, to find her on her knees next to Katelynn's park.

"Sorry." He said, to tell her he was there.

She turned to him, and smiled. "It's okay." She sat on the couch, quite uncomfortable. None of them knew how to act toward the other. He knew his apartment wasn't really clean, he was a messy person. He wasn't comfortable with her there. He wanted to get along with Zoey's parent. It used to matter to her, so it still mattered to him.

"Do you want... something to drink?" He asked her.

She shook her head, "I'm good, thank you."

He nodded, and sat on a chair, in front of her. They stared into the air, in an uncomfortable silence, only break by Katelynn and her toys.

"She's really a nice baby."

A huge proud smile formed on his lips, as he looked at his daughter. "She is." Cheryl turned to him, and observed his feature for some seconds. His love for the baby was obvious.

"You're rising her right." She smiled to him, as his head shot to her, not used to get any compliment from her. "Alan, I..." She took a deep breath, and started to explain the reason she came here. "I am sorry, for everything. I wish my husband was there with me but he... He is stubborn." She gave him an apologetic smile. "Anyway, I am sorry for being... well, unpleasant with you. We didn't get to know you, and Terry just... assumed who you were. I'm also sorry for how we reacted after... We were really shocked by everything that had happened and... I know it doesn't excuse anything, but..." she gave him a weak smile, as she sniffled, trying not to cry.

"It's okay, Mrs. Campell. I understand." He smiled back. He was so happy to hear that. It would have been exactly what Zoey would have wanted.

"You're nice." She smiled. "I really love my grand daughter. She's amazing, and I feel like since she doesn't have a mom, the least we can do is offer her an attached family, you know? A strong one, so she would not feel alone."

A huge smile crept on his face. "Yeah. She deserve that."

She smiled back. "Happy to count you on our family, Alan."

They stayed silent. He looked at her. She was looking at the floor. They were uncomfortable with the other, but at the same time they felt really close. Zoey meant a lot to them, and somehow they shared that paint. Even if they never shared a actual discussion before, they felt closer than they had been with many other persons for a long time.