Letters

"So, we can post about you and Kat'?" Austin asked, a huge smile on his face.

Alan rolled his eyes. "Why do you ant to post about us?"

"Just answer, asshole!" Aaron laughed behind them.

They were all happy he had finally agree to open up. They all knew it would be better for him, but they couldn't do that for him. They were all believing he was beginning to get better. Slowly, and step by step but still.

"Yeah, you can!" Alan finally agreed, rolling his eyes.

"Yeaah!" Austin cheered, high-fiving Aaron.

They went directly to their phones.

One minutes after, he felt his phone vibrate, and opened it.

He saw a montage from Austin with four pictures. It was him and his daughter on the four. They had been taken on different days, and to Allan they were only usual pics.

On the first, he was shirtless, holding her into his arms, over his head, laughing. On the second, he was wearing a shirt, she was sleeping in his arms, against his chest, and he kissed the top of her head. On the lasts two, he was feeding her: with a baby bottle as she was in his arms on the first, and with some kind of puree. She was sitting on a baby chair, and he had his mouth open, to tell her to open hers. She had food up to her nose.

He read the caption, and smiled.

@austincarlile: holy shit I've wanted to post those for fucking ever! Look at that and tell me that Mommy Ashby isn't the best!

Then, there was a pic of Aaron, and he stared at it.

It was a pic of a sleeping Katelynn, into her baby bed. And Alan was laying down on the floor, against the bed, sleeping. It was from some times before, when she was still sleeping at Carol's.

@AaronPauley: who would have guessed he would be the first of us to be dad?

Alan smiled to his friends.

"Thanks." He told them.

Austin turned to the ginger, about to laugh it off, when he saw the seriousness on his face. So he only nodded. Aaron smiled and patted his shoulder.

****

Alan was chilling in his bunk, watching a movie. He had choose Sleepy Hallow, because it was fun, and one of Zoey's favorite.

He watched it more for the memory the movie brought him than for the movie itself. He remembered watching it, on her couch into her of apartment. They were laying against the other, their feet tangled. She was playing with his right hand, that was underneath her, and he had his head in her neck, lazily kissing her neck. They had pizza right before the movie, and now everything seemed perfect. Around the end of the movie, she had turned around, bidding her head in his chest, and they had fell asleep.

He smiled at the memory,his heart arching.

He turned his head as her saw the curtain being opened.

"We're going too party, wanna come?" Austin asked. Alan thought for a second.

"Yeah, let me get dressed." He stood up, and took a jean and a shirt, to change his baseball shorts.

They all went to the nearest bar, and partied. Alan didn't gat drunk, but wasn't over neither, when a girl went to him, and basically offered herself to him. It had been quite a long time since he last got laid, so he agreed.

He lead her to the bus, and went to his bunk.

The whole thing made him feel good. He didn't felt like cheating on Zoey,it only made him feel less alone. It made him feel alive, wanted.

The girl couldn't be compared to Zoey, she wasn't by far as good as her, but he didn't cared. He wasn't searching for a second Zoey. He only wanted some time to make him feel good. It had been over six months since he got laid, and he felt like he deserved it.

The girl walked away nearly as soon as they had finished, and he stood up to take some snacks, before turning a movie on. He didn't feel like going to sleep.

An hour later, the guys came back, too trashed to comment on what he had done.

Even in the morning, when they woke up, none of them said a word about the girl. Alan was slightly surprised, but he wasn't going to complain.

The guys simply understood, and knew it would be useless to talk to him. They weren't searching for an argument, so as long as Alan was okay, they wanted to leave him be.

****

The rest of Wrapped Tour went great. The guys from the other bands were nice, and were congratulating Alan. They were all happy for him. The fans were also nice. At least, those with who he talked. On internet, it was different, but he paid attention not to read them too much.

And finally, they went home. Like the last times, coming to the airport was awful. All the girls were waiting for them. So he watched all his friends run into their lover's arms. While he stood there, alone. Even Austin had found someone to take him home. And since Justin finally had found the guts to ask Eli out, they were together. Alan walked to where they would take their luggages, and waited there.

At the second he saw his, he took it and walked to the cabs. He didn't even said goodbye, but he wasn't in the mood for that. He wanted to be with Katelynn, not to watch his friends be happy.

He took the first cab, and half an hour later, he was opening Carol's door.

"I'm home!" He called, as he walked to the living room.

He was met by Roxane, Zoey's best friend, from high school. He smiled to her, and hugged her. Behind her, on the couch, Sheryl was sitting talking with Carol, and Sandra, as Katelynn was in her arms. When they saw Alan, they smiled to him, and Sheryl gently handed him the baby.

"Hello, baby!" He told her, kissing her, esquimo-way. She laughed.

"Been a long time, bro!" Sandra cheered. He smiled to her, kissing Katelynn's forehead, and sitting next to them.

He watched Sandra and Sheryl sitting next to the other, smiling at him, and talking. Zoey would have been so happy to see our families like that. He looked down a Katelynn. And All thanks to you. He smiled hand kissed her again. He had missed her so much.

"Alan, I have some big news!" Sandra smiled to him, as he rose his head to her. "I'm moving in here!"

***

Sandra finally decided to move in at Carol's, so she would be closer from anyone. She had found a job in LA through her old one, so it was prefect. Since the guys had three weeks at home, they were helping her, and celebrating a lot. Since the next time, they would only be gone for a long week, almost two, all the girls had managed to find time to come, Sandra included.

There was even a possibility for Katelynn to come too. They were still discussing it, since they knew she was going to cry, and prevent them from sleeping. But at the same time, they all loved her like their own.

Alan was still going to the cemetery every week. And each time, he went to buy flowers in the same flower shop. The first time he went back after the tour, the girl seemed surprised.

"You're back? I haven't seen you in a long time." She had asked with a smile.

He shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but my friend came instead."

"Really?" She asked, curious.

"Yeah, a small girl with short hair. Really cute. "

She noddded, wondering why he would absolutely need to buy flower, to the point where he had to send someone else to buy them for him. But she did remember the girl. She had came a lot, in the summer, and seemed really nice.

"What is it today?" She asked.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I want something new."

She thought for a moment. "Blue? You don't buy a lot of blue flowers."

He smiled. "Why not?"

He was feeling good that day. Katelynn was already walking on all four, and running everywhere in the house, hurting herself against every furniture. He had had a great night, since he was next to Katelynn, without any nightmare, so he was having a good day.

He brought the flowers, and went to his car. He breathed deeply, and drove to the cemetery. He was planning what he would say, like he was doing most of the time, now. He wanted to tell her about Katelynn's progress. He knew she was probably around them all the time, but in case she wasn't he wanted to be sure she knew.

But when he walked there, he was meet by someone else. Owen. He put the flower on the grave noticing new ones, that Owen had probably put there.

"Alan." Owen breathed.

"Long time, no see." Alan answered.

"I guess."

The two men stayed there in silence, watching the grave as if something was going to move.

"How's Katelynn?"

"Good."

"Great."

They didn't really had anything to tell the other.

Owen still blamed Alan for what happened, because he always knew about her heart. And he was still jealous of him, because he was the one who had the chance to pass time with her. Owen wanted to be at his place. He wanted to be the one she had loved. He wanted to be the one to have to take care of her daughter. Not this guy she had meet some times ago. He had known her for way longer, it wasn't fair. He had wanted her for way longer.

Alan sat down, in front of the grave.

"It must be hard for you." Owen finally said.

Alan frowned. That guy had never been gentle with him.

"It is."

"After all, It's your fault."

Alan's head flew at him. "What?!"

Owen rose an eyebrow. "What? It's your fault. If you had been more careful, she wouldn't have been pregnant." Owen knew that he was being a bastard. But he wanted to hurt that guy. Alan had came and took everything he wanted. He didn't know how much Owen had been hurt in the processes.

Alan stayed silent, tears in his eyes. He knew it was his fault, but he couldn't regret it. He regretted a lot of things, but her pregnancy, no. He was so glad that Katelynn existed, and even if it was the cause, he didn't regret it. If anything, he was thankful Katelynn was there.

"I wish she never met you. She would be still there." And with that, Owen walked away.

Alan stared at his disappearing figure. Was it true? Was it really all his fault? He started crying. Yes, it was. It was his fault.

But as egoist as it seemed, he couldn't regret it. He couldn't wish he never met her. It was the best moment of his life. So even if it was egoist, he was glad he had met her. He was glad to have share time with her. He only wished it had last longer.