Letters

The fans took well the news. They were all accepting, and supporting. Alan never expected that. when he met fans, they would hug him, and try to comfort him, the better they could. He was so touched to see that they cared. They didn't know everything, they didn't knew him, but they cared.

And also, all his friends. Friends he wasn't really close with, friends he hadn't seen in a long time. Even friends of Zoey. All those people called him, tried to see him, tried to help. He made him feel less alone. Loved, wanted.

Katelynn was still the center of all the attentions, even more now that everyone knew about her mother. They all tired to help, to make her smile. She was growing fast, too fast to Alan. She learned more and more words. Her hair were long now, and the girls loved to play with them.

Of Mice And Men continued touring, going to Wrapped Tour, all summer. Katelynn was coming, one or two nights. Everyone loved her, as always.

She was learning words by days. She was learning names, even if she couldn't still associate them with the person. And they all had fun, teaching her stupid words. Each time they saw an object, they tried to make her say it. Most of the time they laughed because she couldn't really say it, but that was close enough for them to laugh.

Everyone on Warped tour loved playing with her. On the days that her and Kellin's daughter, Copeland were on the tour at the same time, the older girl would observe, and play with the younger. Katelynn was already always doing whatever was forbidden.

Alan's parent kept complaining how much she was like him, at the same age. She was annoying everyone, but always with the best smile ever, so everyone just laughed and let her do.

She went to watch some of their concerts, and she admired her dad the whole time. She couldn't understand very well what was happening, but she could understand the huge smile on Alan's face every time he looked at her.

And then, September came, and with it, Alan and Zoey's anniversary. He stayed all day on her grave. He refused to left. He felt kind of guilty for his behavior during the summer. When his daughter wasn't there, he was hooking up with girls. Not a lot, only two or three times, but in the last two months. It didn't felt like cheating, since he needed to move on with his life. But as he sat on the grave, it felt as if he had betrayed her.

She probably wasn't angry at him, she wanted him to find another girl, and continue his life. Those night stand probably were the first steps. Even through he felt disgusting because of them. He observed the ring on his chest. Now everyone knew what it meant. He didn't hide it under his shirt, it was most of the time on full display. He thought back to the necklace Zoey wanted Katelynn to have. He still had kept it to himself, into his room. He thought that Katelynn was too young. She would probably break it, or lost it. She couldn't understand the meaning of it. One day, when she would be older, he would tell her all about her mother, and he would gave it to her. Like people told their kids about how they were adopted. Or well, he wouldn't wait as long as some people did. He knew she would end up by asking question. She would notice how everyone else had a mom. He hoped it wouldn't be too soon. He wasn't ready for that just yet.

He observed the tattoo on his hand. He wanted to get a new tattoo. One for Katelynn. He wanted something beautiful, meaningful. Something just for her. She was the most important thing, to him. She deserved to do any and every sacrifice. He knew that if he had to leave the bad to stay with her, he would. It would crush him, and he would be pissed because if it, but at the end of the day, he would always choose her, over everything. Hopefully for him, he would never have to choose between his band and Katelynn.

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On the day of Katelynn’s second birthday, they did another party, like they did for her first. Only this time, she was more aware of what was happening around herself. She knew everyone was celebrating for her. She was going from arms to arms, and she loved it. She was like a star, and everyone loved her.

Eli, Sandra and Carol, who now were living together, since Sandra had found a work on Los Angeles, were thinking it was the best for the baby. Yes, she was loved and cherished, but they feared that she would turn it some bitch, who had been spoiled all her life and take it for granted. So when she was living with them, which was most of the time when Alan was on tour, they were way more strict. More than they would have been with any other kid: they were making up for the time she was with Alan, when she could do whatever she wanted, and he loved it. None of them would blame him, they all understood that he would never use a strong voice on her. Not even yelling, just rising his voice. Nothing. They had decided it was better for Katelynn’s future. Of course, none of them had talked to Alan about it. He would probably react badly, and yell at them for yelling at his baby, or something among those lines.

Anyway, for now, Katelynn was a cute kid, who loved her dad more than anything in her life. And the feeling was mutual.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alan and the band went back on tour, talking about a new album, in not too long. The nights on tour were always so long. He had become a light sleeper. He used to sleep a lot, but with all the nightmares, now he was way less sleeping. He didn’t have nightmares every night, now, only once in a while, but the lack of sleep stayed still. When he was away enough, and that the time zones worked the right way, he would call and talk with Katelynn. Until she had to go for one or another reason. If she couldn’t at night he would call her in the daytime. Everyday. When they were in foreign country, he called every time they could find free wifi, in hotels. When they stayed in the bus, he couldn’t call too much because of how expensive it was. But he still called. Just not too long. If they were staying in the same country long enough, he would buy some phone card on there to have internet, and call home. The others were making fun of him, but he didn’t cared. He couldn’t let go of his baby girl. He wanted to appreciate every second with her. He refused to let the same thing happen with her. He always paid attention that the last thing he told her was how much he loved her. He refused to be angry at her, and never found any reason to.

He was always doing small things for her. Like, he was always buying things for heron tour, so she had stuffed coming from everywhere in the world. She loved stuffed, that was why he was buying her so much of them.

Then Christmas came, and Katelynn and Alan celebrated a Christmas just the two of them on the 24th night. They ate watching Disney movies. They were eating what she loved them most: ice cream. They were sitting on his bed, their legs underneath the cover, their back against pillows. On his stretched legs, his computer was laying, playing now The Little Mermaid. They had each a cup of Ice Cream, him much bigger than hers. She was acting ‘Like grown-ups’. Eating in the bed, and watching a film on a computer. They had stayed in pajamas the whole day, not leaving the apartment. Hers was a cute pink-ish long sleeved fluffy shirt, with a big butterfly on her stomach. The sleeves were striped in pink and purple. The pants consisted in a fluffy pink material. She was wearing socks to walk, because he feared that she would have cold feets. But since she was really small, and walking wasn’t still totally safe, she had fluffy orange socks -Sandra had buy them, they weren’t at all fitting with the pajamas, but oh well- with small paw print underneath that were sticking to the ground so she wouldn’t fall so much.

His own pajamas was way less developed. It was only some old sweatpants, with his bowers underneath. He didn’t bothered with a shirt, he didn’t like sleeping with a shirt on, and he figured that Katelynn didn’t give a damn if he was wearing a shirt or not, so he simply made himself comfortable. Plus he liked holding her against his skin. Her skin was so soft… and her pajama so fluffy.

The Little Mermaid was one of Katelynn’s favorite Dinsey movie. Why? Because Ariel was a redhead just like her. Becoming a mermaid had become her answer to the habitual ‘what do you want to do, when you’ll be a grown up’ question. In the bath she had toys of the different characters of the movie, and she was playing around with them. Talking to them as if they were alive.

Under the sea started, and Katelynn started singing, probably not understanding a word she was saying, only saying the different song, more or less right. Alan laughed, and sang with her, dancing on his bed.

When their Ice Cream were finished, Alan put the cups away on his bedside table, and laid down on the bed, the movie still playing. Katelynn laid against him, still watching the movie. I was a little late, so she fell asleep before then end of it. Alan stopped the movie, once he was sure she was 100% sleeping. He closed his laptop, and pulled it away. He knew it was a bad habit to put in on the floor by his bed, but he was so used to it that he wasn’t even worried that he would walk on it. He knew he wouldn’t. He stood up, to turn off all the light in the apartment, and close the front door. He went back to bed, and curled up around Katelynn’s small body, kissing her red curls.

"I love you, Merry Christmas." He whispered, before drifting off to sleep.

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The next day, they were having a big barbecue.It wasn’t Christmas-y, but there was so many people invited that it was easier. Plus they were in Cali, it wasn’t cold outside. The whole Of Mice And Men family would be there: Every member with their girls, plus Alan’s parents and sister, Austin’s dad who didn’t wanted to be lone on Christmas, and Tino’s mom and dad who were there for the same reason.

Around 8, Katelynn woke up and shook Alan’s shoulder with all his strength until he woke up. He stirred before finally opening his eyes.

"Daddy wakey!" She sang with her high pitched voice.

He groaned in answer. "Daddyyyy!" She pleaded.

He sighed, and finally woke up. He sat on the bed. "Ready to go see everyone?" He asked her with a smile.

"Yeeeeess!" She cheered. "Wanna see ’em!"The ‘th’ sound was still pretty hard for her. As well as the ‘r’ sound.

"Let’s get dressed then!" he smiled.

He stood up, and went to her closet, in the guest room. He still only had two rooms in his apartment, and it was pretty small for two. Or well, it was okay since they were sleeping in the same bed most of the time. The guest room was full of crap. Many of her stuff: Her clothes, her toys. Then, it was were was the wash machine, the Iron. The bed was covered with her clothes, so no one could sleep in here. And he couldn’t do much to change it, since the apartment wasn’t his. He knew he should start to look for another place, but this one held so many memories with Zoey… He couldn’t let it go. It would feel like he was forgetting about her or something. He probably needed some change, and to take a new start. But right now, he simply couldn’t. He wasn’t ready just yet.

He let her choose her clothes, only not agreeing when she only settled down for shirt, dress, pants and sweater. That was a bit much. So she decided she wanted the shirt, the jean, and the sweater. He picked the three items up, and walked back to the bathroom, where he made her take a bath, soaping her, since all she wanted to do was playing with toy. Who need to be clean when they have some crappy Sebastian toy?

After, he dried her with a fluffy towel, before dressing her up. Once that was done, he sat her on the couch, watching a cartoon he found on the TV. He quickly went showering before the episode was finished, and dressed up in a black skinny jean -unripped for once- and a white button up shirt. It was Christmas, they were asked to be nicely dressed. Apart for Katelynn, who could do whatever she wanted.

He took her from the cartoon, went brushing their teeth, and finally made it out of the apartment closing the door with one hand, the other holding a bag with the presents for everyone.

"Wanna go!" Katelynn was almost singing next to him, pushing his legs toward the elevator.

"Wait a second, love!" He laughed.

Once the door was closed, she grasped his pointing finger with all her strength. He was only laughing. In the elevator, she went on her tip toes to push the ‘0’ button, on the bottom. When the door opened, she took off running.

"Katelynn, stop!" He yelled for her to hear, as he ran after her. They were into the street so it was pretty dangerous. But he saw that she only ran to his car, stopping right next to it, trying to open the door. He rolled his eyes, and unlocked the car, before pulling the presents into the trunk, while Katelynn was desperately trying to sit on her seat. She was far too small to reach it, but she was still trying. Alan closed the truck, and picked her up to sat her down. He buckled her up, before going to his own seat, before the wheel. She wasn’t behind him, but on the other side of the backseat, so it was easier to see her.

He drove to Carol, since that was the place of the barbecue, while she was singing some song nobody could recognize, but that probably made sense in her head. She was looking by the window. From time to time she would ask him one or two things. Most of the time she was in her own world.

Once at his Carol’s house, he parked, and everyone went to him. He smiled, as Sandra hugged him as soon as he was out of the car. Austin opened Katelynn's car door, as she cheered "Au'tiin!"

He picked her up into his arms. "Christmas was good with daddy?"

"Yeeees!" she clapped her small hands. "We wa'ch Ariel!"

"Watched, it was yesterday." Austin corrected with a smile. "I always knew your dad was a fan of Ariel." He said, a teasing smile on his lips. Alan rolled his eyes, and went inside, to see everyone else.

"I wan' to be like Ariel!" Katelynn smiled to Austin, trying to get his attention back.

"Really? You want to loose your voice?" he smiled.

Katelynn frowned. she probably hadn't thought about that. "no, just be a me'maid." She said.

Austin laughed. "A mermaid? You can become one, you're already as pretty as Ariel." He winked to her.