Status: I try to update once a week :) comment please
Letters
"We were in love"
The time with you was really passing by too quick. Before I knew it, I knew you for two month. We were great friends. I had met some of yours, and you had met most of mine. I wasn't really the kind of person with hundreds of friends. I knew many people, but there was something like 5 people I called friends. I would have take a bullet for them.
Somewhere in April, I started seeing a cute guy of my class. I simply didn't liked being alone. If only I had understood you were all I was searching for, it would have being easier. But I hadn't. A week after, or so, you started dating one of my friend, Kylee. It was one of my best friend, and I was really happy for you two. I had to admit you were cute... But somehow, I've always find you two a bit annoying. I guess I just wanted you for myself, but didn't knew it.
Anyway, do you remember when we told Austin? We were at some bar, and his girl was sitting next to us.
"So how you two doing, since... last time?"
"I'm great, and that fucker is, too" I told him. You gave me the thumbs up. I smiled.
"So, when you two are getting married?" He asked, with a smirk.
Alan chocked on his beer, as I gave him a funny look. "What are you talking about?" I asked. I taped on your back, since you were coughing. "You okay?" I asked you.
"yeah, just... badly drink." I laughed.
"Seriously, you're not together?" Gielle asked. I didn't really knew her, but she seemed to be a really gentle and sweet girl. But as I told you, I just couldn't hear her voice. It wasn't in the way she talked or anything, honestly, she was really gentle... She just had a horrible voice. Anytime I told you this, you laughed and told me I was crazy, her voice was perfectly normal. Maybe it was just me. I had a problem with her voice. Anyways, go back to the story i'm telling.
I laughed. "No we're not." I didn't saw the dark look you gave them, but Austin told me, and is still joking about it. For him, it was obvious, but not for me. And you... You really believed I didn't liked you the same way, right? That's what you told me. But that's normal you thought that: I believed that too.
"Kylee is gonna come, right?" I asked you. You nodded, a sadness in your eyes. I frowned. "You're not happy to see her?"
You smiled wide, the sadness was gone. "Sure I am. I'm gonna get laid." You winked.
"She's my friend! Don't talk like that about her!" I lightly hit your shoulder.
"Come on, you're gonna get laid too, so don't complain!" I hit your shoulder another time.
"I'm seeing my boyfriend, not 'getting laid'!"
You rolled your eyes at me. "Yeah sure, tell me you two aren't going to fuck."
"Can you just, for two second, stop talking about sex, please?" Honestly, I was annoyed.
You rolled your eyes as an answer. Austin and Gielle were talking together, about something. I looked at them. They seemed madly in love with each other, and I smiled. They had something in their eyes, when they looked at each other, I really wished I could have the same. Before you told me you had some doubt about her, I never guessed she could be lying. In the end, you were right. But once again, I need to focus on the story. Sorry!
"Alan!" Kylee called, from behind us. You stood up, and walked to her. You wrapped your arms around her, and kissed her deeply. Really deeply. I felt a bit uncomfortable. You were pulling your tongue down my friend's throat, and Austin and Gielle were talking. I felt like the third heel. I just looked at you making out with that girl. I remember I was insulting you in my head. I was like 'Really, they don't fit together' or 'alan, let her breath for fuck shake'. I shook my head, and then my boyfriend came. At the second he came, I jumped into his arms. We started making out, even heavier than you were. So much, that we walked without saying any goodbye to anyone, and we went to his car. We didn't even tried to drive, but fucked inside that car. I crashed at his for the night.
I couldn't sleep well, through. around nine, I walked away from his apartment, leaving a note saying I had stuff to do. And I walked home. It was a bit far, but I didn't cared. On the way, I saw the park we went the first day we met, after going to IKEA.
I found the same bench, and sit there for a moment. I didn't really knew why, but i felt better.
"Hey, Zoeeey!" I heard your voice. my eyes shot open. I was still on the bench.
"What the fuck?" I muttered.
"You were asleep there. I was calling you to do something today, but you didn't answered. So I walked to yours, but I saw you on the way, so I woke you up." Once again I knew you were lying, but
I didn't questioned it.
"Why were you calling me? You want something?" My sentence was more rude that I thought.
"Ow, hu... I just... You know, this film you wanted to see?" I nodded. "I may, or may not have two places for it."
My eyes went wide. "Really?" You nodded. "Gimme!!" You laughed.
"Here." you said, handing me a place.
"You said two." I pouted, joking. But you didn't catch it.
You looked away. "It was for me, but if you don..."
"When?" I cut in, exited.
"Like, in three minutes." You calmly told me.
"But the closest cinema is like, five minutes away."
"I know." You smiled.
"So we need to go?" I asked confuse.
"Sure." With that, you stood up, and took my hand. At the second I was on my feet, you started running toward the cinema, pulling me with you.
We arrived right in time, out of breath. We sat, laughing. The room was almost empty. Two sits before us, there was a couple, and two or three kids with their mom. I remembered it was in the morning. Nobody go to the theater in the morning.
We sat next to each other, laughing. You had a big smile on your face. You were still dressed with the clothes of the day before. You surely had stay the night at Kylee's home.
After the movie, we went to some restaurant, and we talked until the end of the afternoon. It really was amazing. I had a great day.
I noticed once at home, remembering the day, that you didn't once made any comment with sexual content. Nothing. I smiled.
*****
And then, still so quickly, May came. And with it, your birthday. it was amazing. it wasn't even the exact day of your birthday, but the day before. The 22th, you were going with your family, and spend the night with Kylee. So we did your birthday the 21th.
I only went to yours, and we talked about many many things. From our childhoods to our favorite kind of shoes. We were laying side by side on your bed. After, you made me listen some stuff you had done with your previous bands, in more details, you played me some. We ate pizza (that you almost burned in the oven. But it was still good. Just a bit burned.).
I told you, all those tattoos I wanted to have one day, but I was a bit afraid to make them. You told me we needed to go do it right now. I told you we would do that in some day. I didn't wanted to move. I was good, right there, laying in your bed.
"You know, I really believe you're gonna make it. One day, you'll be on the top, on a huge scene, your guitar in your hands, and thousands of fans in front of you." I told you.
"Would you be there?" You asked.
"Yes. I will be in the front row. I will be one of your biggest fan. I guess, something between the 3 and the 4th fan. the first being your mom, the second your dad. Then I'll be next to your sister."
You laughed. "Then Yeah, I really want this to happen one day. i'm gonna make it. I'll show to all of them that I did it."
"To who?" I asked.
"To the guys from my former band. I was with them because they missed a guitarist. But they always treated me like they were over me. To my ex, too, who never believed I was going to make it. To all those kids, back in high school, who were laughing at me, saying that musician wasn't a real thing, to the teacher who always said that one day I'll see that I need a 'real job'. I'll show them."
I smiled to you. "I don't doubt a second. I know you're going to make it."
You turned your head to me. There was something in your eyes. It took my breath away. And a big smile covered that little thing I had seen. "Thanks. I promise you to help you doing whatever you want to do with your life."
"You know, i don't really have my life planned, like you do. There isn't something I want to happens. There's no real dream."
"There is nothing you dream to do, one day?"
I blushed.
You smiled. "See, I'm sure there's something!"
"I... I want to write a book one day. I want to write something that could put smile on the faces of people. I don't dream of becoming a huge writer, no, just to write a book. Write something true enough to touch people. That's all."
"You've already wrote some stuff?"
"Yeah, but that's... Not good enough."
"Can I read it?" You asked, with a big smile. I looked away. "Come on! I showed you my music! Show me!"
I couldn't help but smile. I never showed my writings to anyone, I always felt like I would disturb the person, and I wanted the exact opposite. But when you asked that way... I couldn't say no. So I nodded.
"Yeah!!" I laughed. "And you know, I'm sure you have the possibilities to do it. You're a great person, Zoey. You can."
I blushed,a bit. "Thank you." You smiled, and looked back at the ceiling.
"You don't want to be a writer? Like, you just want to write one book? Not more?"
"Not really..."
"I'm sure there's something else. You can't dream to only that. I mean, I don't want to make one great album, I want to make a thousand amazing records."
I blushed hard. "If you're asking what I want for my life, in the future... I would probably said a family."
My heart arched a bit, like every time I was talking about this.
"I guess that's what most of people wants." You said.
"You don't want that?"
"I'm not saying I don't want a family, I'm saying that it depends with who, and when."
"I guess you're right."
We laid there in silence for a bit.
"How it felt to be almost 19?" I asked.
"Great" you said. I smiled. "You want to do something tonight?"
I shrugged. "all I need, is staying awake until midnight to give you your present, on the day of your birthday."
You laughed. "I told you to not buy me anything."
"I don't care, I brought one, anyway. Don't worry, it's nothing."
"Thanks."
"I didn't do anything, and you know, it's a really small thing, it's just-"
"Not for the present." You were looking at me. I blushed hard. there was that thing in your eyes, once again. I turned to look away. I saw your face change, in the corner of my sight, and I saw only hurt in your eyes. But you smiled to me.
That smile had me week in the knees. I looked at you.
"I hope we could stay like that forever." You whispered. I nodded. But I knew we wouldn't stay like that forever. I knew it. My heart was running.
At this exact moment, I understood I was in love with you. I looked into your eyes. And I saw you felt it too. We were in love. But not in the same 'In love' I had been with my previous boyfriends, or even with the current one. It was something that came from my gut. You went closer. Your hand on my cheek. You must have seen it in my eyes. You closed yours as your lips touched mine. My heart was racing. I kissed you back, knowing it was a mistake. Your lips felt so great against mine. my hand went to your cheek, as you pulled away. We slowly opened our eyes, and you looked into mine, with all your feeling in your look. My throat went dry. You laid back on the bed, but way closer.
I knew I shouldn't do that. It felt so right,but I didn't want to hurt you.
That's when I decided. I needed to go. To leave you have the perfect life you deserved.
We watched some movies, and around midnight, I gave your your present. It was the model of effect unit you wanted for so long. You smiled wide.
"How could you remember it was that? I told you about this so long ago!" You had stars in your eyes.
"I listen to you when you talk, that's all. i hope I took the exact one, and I also hope you like it, there were two other colors but I thought the best was black since you want to be on shows, and you said it was good for shows, and on shows you need those stuff to be hidden, so I figured out that bla-"
You shut me up with your lips, smiling like a fool. I smiled back and kissed you.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
"I love it."
That night, we slept in each other's arms. My eyes opened around five, and I took a deep breath. I stood up, careful to not wake you up, and took my stuff. i observed you sleeping, and kissed your cheek.
"Bye Alan." I told you.
With that I walked away, leaving a simple note.
I'm sorry, Alan. I'm not the person you should fall in love with. Forget me, please.
Somewhere in April, I started seeing a cute guy of my class. I simply didn't liked being alone. If only I had understood you were all I was searching for, it would have being easier. But I hadn't. A week after, or so, you started dating one of my friend, Kylee. It was one of my best friend, and I was really happy for you two. I had to admit you were cute... But somehow, I've always find you two a bit annoying. I guess I just wanted you for myself, but didn't knew it.
Anyway, do you remember when we told Austin? We were at some bar, and his girl was sitting next to us.
"So how you two doing, since... last time?"
"I'm great, and that fucker is, too" I told him. You gave me the thumbs up. I smiled.
"So, when you two are getting married?" He asked, with a smirk.
Alan chocked on his beer, as I gave him a funny look. "What are you talking about?" I asked. I taped on your back, since you were coughing. "You okay?" I asked you.
"yeah, just... badly drink." I laughed.
"Seriously, you're not together?" Gielle asked. I didn't really knew her, but she seemed to be a really gentle and sweet girl. But as I told you, I just couldn't hear her voice. It wasn't in the way she talked or anything, honestly, she was really gentle... She just had a horrible voice. Anytime I told you this, you laughed and told me I was crazy, her voice was perfectly normal. Maybe it was just me. I had a problem with her voice. Anyways, go back to the story i'm telling.
I laughed. "No we're not." I didn't saw the dark look you gave them, but Austin told me, and is still joking about it. For him, it was obvious, but not for me. And you... You really believed I didn't liked you the same way, right? That's what you told me. But that's normal you thought that: I believed that too.
"Kylee is gonna come, right?" I asked you. You nodded, a sadness in your eyes. I frowned. "You're not happy to see her?"
You smiled wide, the sadness was gone. "Sure I am. I'm gonna get laid." You winked.
"She's my friend! Don't talk like that about her!" I lightly hit your shoulder.
"Come on, you're gonna get laid too, so don't complain!" I hit your shoulder another time.
"I'm seeing my boyfriend, not 'getting laid'!"
You rolled your eyes at me. "Yeah sure, tell me you two aren't going to fuck."
"Can you just, for two second, stop talking about sex, please?" Honestly, I was annoyed.
You rolled your eyes as an answer. Austin and Gielle were talking together, about something. I looked at them. They seemed madly in love with each other, and I smiled. They had something in their eyes, when they looked at each other, I really wished I could have the same. Before you told me you had some doubt about her, I never guessed she could be lying. In the end, you were right. But once again, I need to focus on the story. Sorry!
"Alan!" Kylee called, from behind us. You stood up, and walked to her. You wrapped your arms around her, and kissed her deeply. Really deeply. I felt a bit uncomfortable. You were pulling your tongue down my friend's throat, and Austin and Gielle were talking. I felt like the third heel. I just looked at you making out with that girl. I remember I was insulting you in my head. I was like 'Really, they don't fit together' or 'alan, let her breath for fuck shake'. I shook my head, and then my boyfriend came. At the second he came, I jumped into his arms. We started making out, even heavier than you were. So much, that we walked without saying any goodbye to anyone, and we went to his car. We didn't even tried to drive, but fucked inside that car. I crashed at his for the night.
I couldn't sleep well, through. around nine, I walked away from his apartment, leaving a note saying I had stuff to do. And I walked home. It was a bit far, but I didn't cared. On the way, I saw the park we went the first day we met, after going to IKEA.
I found the same bench, and sit there for a moment. I didn't really knew why, but i felt better.
"Hey, Zoeeey!" I heard your voice. my eyes shot open. I was still on the bench.
"What the fuck?" I muttered.
"You were asleep there. I was calling you to do something today, but you didn't answered. So I walked to yours, but I saw you on the way, so I woke you up." Once again I knew you were lying, but
I didn't questioned it.
"Why were you calling me? You want something?" My sentence was more rude that I thought.
"Ow, hu... I just... You know, this film you wanted to see?" I nodded. "I may, or may not have two places for it."
My eyes went wide. "Really?" You nodded. "Gimme!!" You laughed.
"Here." you said, handing me a place.
"You said two." I pouted, joking. But you didn't catch it.
You looked away. "It was for me, but if you don..."
"When?" I cut in, exited.
"Like, in three minutes." You calmly told me.
"But the closest cinema is like, five minutes away."
"I know." You smiled.
"So we need to go?" I asked confuse.
"Sure." With that, you stood up, and took my hand. At the second I was on my feet, you started running toward the cinema, pulling me with you.
We arrived right in time, out of breath. We sat, laughing. The room was almost empty. Two sits before us, there was a couple, and two or three kids with their mom. I remembered it was in the morning. Nobody go to the theater in the morning.
We sat next to each other, laughing. You had a big smile on your face. You were still dressed with the clothes of the day before. You surely had stay the night at Kylee's home.
After the movie, we went to some restaurant, and we talked until the end of the afternoon. It really was amazing. I had a great day.
I noticed once at home, remembering the day, that you didn't once made any comment with sexual content. Nothing. I smiled.
*****
And then, still so quickly, May came. And with it, your birthday. it was amazing. it wasn't even the exact day of your birthday, but the day before. The 22th, you were going with your family, and spend the night with Kylee. So we did your birthday the 21th.
I only went to yours, and we talked about many many things. From our childhoods to our favorite kind of shoes. We were laying side by side on your bed. After, you made me listen some stuff you had done with your previous bands, in more details, you played me some. We ate pizza (that you almost burned in the oven. But it was still good. Just a bit burned.).
I told you, all those tattoos I wanted to have one day, but I was a bit afraid to make them. You told me we needed to go do it right now. I told you we would do that in some day. I didn't wanted to move. I was good, right there, laying in your bed.
"You know, I really believe you're gonna make it. One day, you'll be on the top, on a huge scene, your guitar in your hands, and thousands of fans in front of you." I told you.
"Would you be there?" You asked.
"Yes. I will be in the front row. I will be one of your biggest fan. I guess, something between the 3 and the 4th fan. the first being your mom, the second your dad. Then I'll be next to your sister."
You laughed. "Then Yeah, I really want this to happen one day. i'm gonna make it. I'll show to all of them that I did it."
"To who?" I asked.
"To the guys from my former band. I was with them because they missed a guitarist. But they always treated me like they were over me. To my ex, too, who never believed I was going to make it. To all those kids, back in high school, who were laughing at me, saying that musician wasn't a real thing, to the teacher who always said that one day I'll see that I need a 'real job'. I'll show them."
I smiled to you. "I don't doubt a second. I know you're going to make it."
You turned your head to me. There was something in your eyes. It took my breath away. And a big smile covered that little thing I had seen. "Thanks. I promise you to help you doing whatever you want to do with your life."
"You know, i don't really have my life planned, like you do. There isn't something I want to happens. There's no real dream."
"There is nothing you dream to do, one day?"
I blushed.
You smiled. "See, I'm sure there's something!"
"I... I want to write a book one day. I want to write something that could put smile on the faces of people. I don't dream of becoming a huge writer, no, just to write a book. Write something true enough to touch people. That's all."
"You've already wrote some stuff?"
"Yeah, but that's... Not good enough."
"Can I read it?" You asked, with a big smile. I looked away. "Come on! I showed you my music! Show me!"
I couldn't help but smile. I never showed my writings to anyone, I always felt like I would disturb the person, and I wanted the exact opposite. But when you asked that way... I couldn't say no. So I nodded.
"Yeah!!" I laughed. "And you know, I'm sure you have the possibilities to do it. You're a great person, Zoey. You can."
I blushed,a bit. "Thank you." You smiled, and looked back at the ceiling.
"You don't want to be a writer? Like, you just want to write one book? Not more?"
"Not really..."
"I'm sure there's something else. You can't dream to only that. I mean, I don't want to make one great album, I want to make a thousand amazing records."
I blushed hard. "If you're asking what I want for my life, in the future... I would probably said a family."
My heart arched a bit, like every time I was talking about this.
"I guess that's what most of people wants." You said.
"You don't want that?"
"I'm not saying I don't want a family, I'm saying that it depends with who, and when."
"I guess you're right."
We laid there in silence for a bit.
"How it felt to be almost 19?" I asked.
"Great" you said. I smiled. "You want to do something tonight?"
I shrugged. "all I need, is staying awake until midnight to give you your present, on the day of your birthday."
You laughed. "I told you to not buy me anything."
"I don't care, I brought one, anyway. Don't worry, it's nothing."
"Thanks."
"I didn't do anything, and you know, it's a really small thing, it's just-"
"Not for the present." You were looking at me. I blushed hard. there was that thing in your eyes, once again. I turned to look away. I saw your face change, in the corner of my sight, and I saw only hurt in your eyes. But you smiled to me.
That smile had me week in the knees. I looked at you.
"I hope we could stay like that forever." You whispered. I nodded. But I knew we wouldn't stay like that forever. I knew it. My heart was running.
At this exact moment, I understood I was in love with you. I looked into your eyes. And I saw you felt it too. We were in love. But not in the same 'In love' I had been with my previous boyfriends, or even with the current one. It was something that came from my gut. You went closer. Your hand on my cheek. You must have seen it in my eyes. You closed yours as your lips touched mine. My heart was racing. I kissed you back, knowing it was a mistake. Your lips felt so great against mine. my hand went to your cheek, as you pulled away. We slowly opened our eyes, and you looked into mine, with all your feeling in your look. My throat went dry. You laid back on the bed, but way closer.
I knew I shouldn't do that. It felt so right,but I didn't want to hurt you.
That's when I decided. I needed to go. To leave you have the perfect life you deserved.
We watched some movies, and around midnight, I gave your your present. It was the model of effect unit you wanted for so long. You smiled wide.
"How could you remember it was that? I told you about this so long ago!" You had stars in your eyes.
"I listen to you when you talk, that's all. i hope I took the exact one, and I also hope you like it, there were two other colors but I thought the best was black since you want to be on shows, and you said it was good for shows, and on shows you need those stuff to be hidden, so I figured out that bla-"
You shut me up with your lips, smiling like a fool. I smiled back and kissed you.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
"I love it."
That night, we slept in each other's arms. My eyes opened around five, and I took a deep breath. I stood up, careful to not wake you up, and took my stuff. i observed you sleeping, and kissed your cheek.
"Bye Alan." I told you.
With that I walked away, leaving a simple note.
I'm sorry, Alan. I'm not the person you should fall in love with. Forget me, please.
♠ ♠ ♠
Here it is!!Have a good day :)