The Island

We somehow managed to get up enough strength to cover Devin’s body with sand on the beach the next day, and I cried the whole time. I had killed someone. Me, Niki, I had taken someone off the face of this Earth and sent them into who knows what. Maybe he went to Hell, after what he’d done he probably deserved it. If there was a Hell, I kind of liked the idea of him going there. That’s probably bad but he tried to rape me, he beat me and carved into my back. He probably deserves any punishment they could give him down there. The thought also kind of scared me though, how could I possibly hate someone enough to literally damn them to Hell? Does that make me just as bad as they are? I didn’t know anymore. And I didn’t dare talk to Kyle about it because I already knew what he would say “He deserved everything he got.”

I thought about that for the entire day, did he really deserve to die? Because even though he did really horrible things, I had trouble believing that he actually deserved it. Yes we’re probably much safer without him around, me in particular. But he was a person too. I mean, he had a family just like I did. If by some miracle we’re rescued, Kyle and I will have to explain everything that’s happened.

How do you tell someone that you killed their son, even if it was an accident? How could you possibly tell someone that their son beat, mutilated, and tried to rape someone? It was too horrible to think about. I guess it won’t matter though because we’re never getting out of here. Nobody is looking for us, our families have all probably mourned and moved on by now. A strange sense of peace came over me when I realized this. It obliterated whatever shreds of hope I previously had of being saved. We were going to die here, and years from now, it wouldn’t even, matter. When I shared these thoughts about our impending doom with Kyle he, surprisingly enough, agreed. So for the next two days we laughed and talked and got to know each other, just like we would have at home. Both nights I fell asleep next to him and was strangely content with the island. It almost began to seem like where I belonged.

We were so bored. Five days had gone by now since Devin died and we had nothing to do. I had done enough laundry to last us for at least two weeks and Kyle had caught five rabbits, one each day. If we rationed it right that should last us for three days or so. As the boredom set in, so did confusion. I thought I was going to go crazy. And I was starting to have nightmares again, mostly about Devin. They were awful. I usually woke up either screaming or crying or both. But Kyle was always there to hold me when I woke up. Always. And I was so incredibly grateful for that.

On the sixth day we were woken up by the roaring sound of an engine. I sleepily sat up and yawned.
I must be hallucinating I thought. But when I walked out of our sad little makeshift hut, I was too shocked to speak. A small, probably privately owned plane was flying right towards us. With the path it was on it would pass right over the island. I couldn’t believe it, we must have been missing for a month, if not more. I knew the chances were slim but I also knew we had to at least try.

“Kyle! Kyle wake up, come quick! Kyle there’s a PLANE!” He came running out of the hut not even a second later.

“Niki quick grab some extra tee shirts and any wood you can find!” Within seconds we had a pile of cotton and wood on the beach and Kyle was holding the matchbox. He lit a single match and dropped it on our last hope of survival. The clock was ticking, the plane was getting closer. Luckily I had heard it when it was still further out in the distance. Sound really carries when there’s no giant buildings or trees to stop it. Maybe 15 seconds later our pile was ablaze and we began to add leaves to it so it would smoke. And boy did it smoke, but it still didn’t seem big enough. The plane was closing in now, this was our last chance. I didn’t know if I could go on any longer if we missed this plane. I had so much adrenaline pumping through me that I was shaking. I knew I’d never forgive myself if we didn’t think of a way to get their attention. Finally after what seemed like forever but was actually only a split second, I grabbed a burning branch from the fire and brought it to the tree line.

Holding the fire up as high as I could the flames just barely brushed the lowest leaves on the tree. “Come on, come on… Damn it come on! Please!” I yelled and screamed and begged for it to catch fire until a few leaves casually caught fire, as if they didn’t understand what was on the line. I silently assured them that their deaths were for a good cause. In less than 10 seconds three of the treetops were completely consumed with flames and were smoking wildly. The plane seemed to be flying lower than a commercial airplane would. But it also didn’t seem fancy enough to be a private jet. And it also looked like it could land on water, but I wasn’t sure. Oh well I thought It won’t matter if they don’t see you. That thought sent me into overdrive.

Kyle and I jumped around and waved our arms and screamed at the tops of our lungs, desperately wanting to live. We didn’t care if we looked stupid, or if it even made a difference to jump and wave.

But it made a difference to us, and that’s what really mattered. We were already exhausted and ready to die, but we knew we had to try, just this one last time. My eyes never left the plane as it approached, getting lower and closer. I could now clearly see that it was equipped to land on water with special legs. It expertly skimmed the water, coming to a stop maybe a 500 feet from the shoreline. As soon as I saw it land I collapsed and sat on the beach. It was over. We were safe.

Once it was completely stopped on the water, a blow up raft was set up just outside the plane. The raft looked strange. It seemed like it was a blow up raft but it had a small engine and propellers on it. Next a man stepped out into the boat, it seemed sturdy enough. He started up the engine and began coming towards us. Kyle came over and sat down by me as the stranger approached.

“We did it Niki, we did it…” was all he said. And that was all it took. I started bawling like a child who had fallen and hit their head. Once the tears started so did the memories of my family, one after the other images of my sister, my mom, my dad, my grandma, even my pets began to spin through my head. I couldn’t believe I was going to see them again. It was amazing. I hugged Kyle as tightly as I could, laughing and crying at the same time. He was a bit more composed that I was, but I knew that was only because he was trying to be strong for me.

The stranger had finally reached us and put a hand on my shoulder. “Hello, my name is Jason. Don’t worry, we’re from the search party. You’re safe now.” I nodded. “What’s your name?”

I took a minute to compose myself so I could speak. “Niki” I finally croaked out “My name is Niki, and this is Kyle.” He reached over and shook Kyle’s hand.

“Where are the others? We were told that there were 12 teenagers and three adults on the plane. Where are they?” I opened my mouth but no sound came out. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth and the lump in my throat seemed to grow larger. I guess Jason noticed because he let it go. “You know what,” he said “Don’t worry about that right now. We can talk about that later.” I nodded as a few stray tears slowly slid down my cheeks once again. He helped Kyle up and led him to the little boat, then came back for me. But I wasn’t ready yet, there was something I had yet to do. I turned around to face the treeline right smack in the middle of the beach, directly in front of almost all of the graves.

“Niki, what are you doing?” called Jason. He and Kyle both looked at me with obvious concern and confusion, but I ignored them, I wasn’t ready to leave quite yet.

Staring down at the anonymous graves where my friends were buried I shed one last tear and whispered “Goodbye.” and walked towards the boat. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. As if now I could finally breathe. I knew they would come back and exhume the bodies, at least the ones that were still on the island. But I was okay with that. Their families deserved to have some peace of mind. I wondered if they would appreciate the fact that we buried them. I hoped so. Actually, I was sure they would.

My legs were finally steady as I climbed into the helicopter. The pilots name was Jim. The four of us flew for a while in silence until we reached a military helicopter carrier ship. I was impressed as the pilot landed us smoothly on the ship. It was only as people started rushing towards us on deck that I realized everyone was dressed in full military uniform, except the nurses and doctors. They laid us on stretchers and wheeled us into separate rooms where they examined the extent of our injuries. Overall I think they were impressed. Other than borderline malnutrition and dehydration we were fine. No cuts or infections or anything. That made me feel a little better.

My nurse for the ride home was named Carrie. When she first walked in and told me her name I started crying and she ran out to get a doctor. But there was no medical reason for my tears, unless you count heartbreak as an injury. If you ask me it should definitely be considered an injury. A crippling, horrible injury that you never completely recover from. So they just let me rest. It was weird to lay in a real bed again. When I laid down I felt like I would sink in all the cushions and covers. But eventually I fell asleep, and I slept for a while before the nightmares started. I cried in my sleep, leaving a small wet spot on my pillow. I woke up and fell back to sleep again before I finally gave in and snuck over to Kyle’s room next door to me. I tiptoed into the room and whispered “Kyle? Kyle are you awake?” He sat up immediately and turned on the little lamp by his bed. He had already been awake.

“Yeah I’m awake. Are you okay?” I shook my head and he patted the bed next to him, inviting me over. I put my head to my forehead and sighed.

“It’s nothing really, just nightmares. I can’t sleep for more than an hour without having one. I’ve seen everybody. Carrie, Devin, Vanessa…” I trailed off and leaned against his shoulder. “Oh God Kyle, I can’t believe we survived. Why us? It’s not fair.” Tears began leaking out of my eyes now.

“I know Niki, it’s hard. I miss Cole so much. I see his face whenever I close my eyes. It’s awful.” I turned myself to hug him and said what I had been wanting to say ever since we got on that helicopter.

“I want Carrie back.” I sobbed, finally letting all my emotions out in one waterfall of tears. I went on like that for 15 minutes before I became so tired that I had to stop. Once I stopped hiccuping we laid back and I fell asleep. There were no windows on the ship so there was no way to tell what time it was. I’m not sure how long we slept but it seemed like quite a while. Presumably in the morning there was a knock on the door and a nurse walked in.

“Oops, sorry guys. There’s someone who wants to talk to each of you though. Report on deck in 10 minutes.” She said, embarrassed that she saw us sleeping together. Frankly I didn’t care but she seemed to think it was an invasion of privacy. So I got up and went into my room again to get dressed. I won’t deny, it was nice to have clean clothes. They were soft and smelled like lavender fabric softener. It was difficult to get used to the jeans again though, they felt so confining. But I knew I’d get used to them. I walked up on deck, greeted by a cool breeze from the ocean. It was early morning and there was a chill in the air that made me shiver. As I hugged myself, a man dressed in full military uniform came up to me. I noticed many decorations on his chest, he must have been a high rank.

“Niki?” He asked, already knowing the answer. I nodded. “My name is Captain Wilson S. Roberts of the United States Navy. I’d like to talk to you about what happened on that island, just so there’s an official record. Please follow me.” It was clearly an order and I had no reason to not comply so I followed him into the captains quarters in the hull of the ship. It was warmly lit and the desk had pictures of his family on it. It didn’t feel like a ship, except for there being no windows. I sat down in the padded chair in front of his desk as he settled into his chair, which had obviously been molded to his shape from years of use.

“Now Niki…” he began, “I want to know everything, from the plane crashing to us rescuing you. Please include as much detail as possible. Our conversation will be recorded on audio tape just to be sure I don’t miss any details in my final report. We can take breaks as often as you need them but I’d like to get this done today. Are you ready?” I nodded and so it began. I told him everything, including every grisly detail. There were some parts, involving Carrie and Devin mostly, that I had to write down because I was too upset to say them out loud. Overall it took almost three hours, with two breaks. One for lunch and the other so I could blow my nose and clean my face.

Once I was done he said “Thank you for your time Niki, I know this was difficult for you.” He then turned off the recorder. “Now what I’m about to say next is completely off the record alright?” I nodded, apprehensive. “Okay...” I said cautiously.

“I am so sorry for what you went through. I can’t even imagine going through all of that, and I’m in the military.” He almost laughed, but then regained his stony look. “I’m gonna talk to Kyle too, I’m sure your stories will match up but it’s protocol. Especially since so many people died. You’re excused.”

I walked back towards my room and bumped into Kyle, walking in the opposite directions, presumably to talk to the captain. He gave me an inquisitive look as if to ask if I was okay. In response I gave a tiny nod, just enough so he could see, then went on my way to my room. I was exhausted and needed to rest. Dropping onto my bed, not even bothering to change my clothes first, I snuggled in and sighed. It was going to be a long trip home.

Epilogue

I’ve been home for three months now, and I have no idea what I’m doing. Once we got back I tried to become a part of society again. And I think I succeeded. The nightmares stopped last month but I never go a day without thinking about one of my dead classmates. Especially Carrie, I missed her the most. I slowly regained my appetite and readjusted myself to the greasy fast food and caloric monsters that permeated American society. My body accepted them now but I never enjoyed them.

The first chicken nugget I had after I got back made me want to throw up but I got used to it. My parents both kept the house stocked with white rice, fish, and chicken for me. I found that I hated chemically treated and processed food now, for the most part. My favorite meal was teriyaki fish on top of white rice.

I also convinced my parents to get me a membership to the gym right down the street. I could walk to it from either house and I worked out at least four times a week. I couldn’t stand the idea of not being in shape. Working hard for everything had been pounded into me on the island and without the physical exercise life seemed too easy.

Kyle was with me every step of the way though. I saw him almost every day and we had never been closer. Trying to become normal teenagers again was ridiculously difficult. Almost everything in the modern world seemed really pointless. The noise was incredible. Car horns, police sirens, music blasting on the radio, just the general static noise of life in the modern world gave me a perpetual headache for almost the first month. But those were petty complaints compared to everyone else’s reactions to me returning home.

The requests for interviews were endless for the first couple weeks. I must have done about five interviews on different talk and news shows. They all called me “brave” and “strong” and even “courageous”, and I suppose in some ways I was. But really it wasn’t that heroic. “We did what we had to do to survive.” was what I told every single one of them. They all smiled and called me modest and I went along with it and smiled and waved to the cameras. But I was smirking on the inside at how fake it all was. I requested at every show that they not put makeup on me, and they all complied except one. It was the first interview I did, three days after we got back. I had rested and bathed and looked much better, but they insisted on putting makeup on me because I looked “worn down.”

The woman who said this was absolutely ridiculous looking anyways. She was wearing dark eyeshadow, too much lipstick and a spray tan that made her look orange. And she said I was the one who looked bad. I laughed in her painted face and said “I’m not going out there with a single speck of makeup on. So no makeup or no interview, your choice.” I know it sounds like a bratty thing to say, but honestly I didn’t care. I didn’t want to do a damn interview anyway, and I’m sure people would still watch the show without me on it. But I must have been a big, viewer grabbing attraction for them because she put on a smile as fake as her tan and said “Alright then sweetie.” and left with her fists balled up at her sides. And I smiled the whole interview.

Fending off interviewers was nothing compared to when I got a phone call from Devins parents. They asked me to come over to their house for a little bit and tell them about the island. I told them I’d come over the next day at noon, they gave me their address, and we hung up. I was so nervous I thought I might vomit. I immediately called Kyle and told him. He offered to come with me but I said no.

“They didn’t say I could bring anyone else, and this is about Devin, not me.”

“Okay Niki, I just want you to be okay, that’s all.” he said. We walked for a couple more minutes but eventually ran out of things to say. So we hung up and I went into my room and thought about how I could possibly tell someone that I had killed their son.

When I arrived at their doorstep they welcomed me in and his mom, Jenny, gave me a hug. But I was shaking with fear and nerves. We sat down in their living room and his dad, James, got me a glass of water.

“I’m so sorry to ask this of you Niki, but the military won’t tell us anything. We’ve been trying to figure everything out ever since you came back.” said James. “We wouldn’t ask unless we were absolutely desperate.”

I could tell by the look on his face that they were, in fact, very desperate. And I felt so bad for them, they deserved to know the truth. Unbiased, untainted truth, and only I could provide that. Besides, I wasn’t under a gag order. The military hadn’t said anything about me not being allowed to tell anyone. So I was going to tell these poor people everything.

“Alright…” I began “But I feel obligated to warn you, you’re not going to like most of what you hear. I won’t water anything down, because you deserve more than that. I’ll mostly focus on Devin.” They looked at each other, then back at me, then nodded. So I began.

“Well, Devin and I never got along. Ever since elementary school, we just didn’t play well together I guess you could say. But I guess I always felt bad for him. I won’t lie, he was kind of loud in class, so naturally people yelled at him for it. In middle school, as you guys already know, we went on a date. He was vey nice and gentlemanly but I just didn’t feel a connection. But we still tried to be together for a little bit before we broke it off. I then found out from one of his friends that he had never really cared about me that way anyways. So essentially he had lead me on and let me make a fool of myself.” I stopped to let it sink in. Their faces seemed to be made of stone as they tried to process this new, perhaps shocking information about their son.

“Anyways, on to the accident. The plane was really small, we all sat towards the back to be away from the adults. Even though the flight attendant was really nice. Her name was Michelle. I’ll never forget her name. Everything was fine until we had been on the plane for about four hours. The pilot came on the intercom and said the plane had run out of fuel. He said it had been an honor flying with us. And then, I don’t know, the plane crashed. There’s no other way to put it. Because we had been in the back all of us lived. I still can’t believe we all made it through that crash…” I trailed off and prepared myself. Now came the ugly stuff.

“Cole and I went up to the front of the plane to look for the adults. The pilot had killed himself with a letter opener. I think it was because he felt guilty or something. And Mr. Ross had been killed by a big shard of glass flying into his neck. Michelle was alive but I knew she wasn’t going to make it. I think she had some broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Some internal bleeding. She didn’t even make it through the first day on the island.” I stopped to wipe a stray tear off my cheek. Devin’s parents were still holding it together, but just barely.

“Several days went by until Vanessa went crazy. She stabbed and killed Brittany while they were on watch together. That same night when Tiffany found out she was so upset… we tried to stop her but she wouldn’t listen. She attacked Vanessa and stabbed her until the handle broke off the knife. I was the one who cleaned all the bodies. We buried them the next day.” They were crying now, tears slowly sliding down their cheeks.

“After that Tim was so depressed. I couldn’t believe how much he loved Vanessa, it was crazy. He had twisted his ankle really bad in the crash so he couldn’t really move much. I guess he just gave up. He asked me to stop bringing him food and water. And after seeking advice from my peers I did. He died about three days later. We buried him next to Vanessa. That same night we had a bonfire and played truth or dare. I know it sounds ridiculous but we were just so run down and it helped us feel how we did before everything bad happened.”

Jane nodded, as if to say she understood. As if she could ever understand. But I guess that didn’t matter. So I continued. “So eventually I chose truth and they all asked me about my relationship with Kyle and my feelings for him. I told them every mushy detail. I t must have really upset Devin cause he ran off into the woods. I felt bad, like it was my fault. So I ran after him and asked if he was okay and apologized if I made him feel bad. And he just went off at me. He started beating me. Kicking, punching, pulling my hair… anything he could think of to hurt me. I’m so sorry I know this must be awful for you to hear.”

James spoke with a thick voice, obviously weighed down by tears. “It’s what happened. We asked for the truth, and we are ready to hear it. Please continue.” So I did.

“Okay. After that happened we held a trial of sorts and ended up banishing him from the group. Which on that island was practically a death sentence. He just walked off into the woods. I thought he would die. The next day I asked Brian to change his mind but he said no so I stormed off like an idiot. When I was about four miles away from camp Devin found me and attacked me again. He, he umm-” I stopped to take a deep breath and get ready to say it out loud.

“He made me strip down to my underwear. I thought… I thought he was going to rape me. But he didn’t. He made me lay down on the forest floor and he shoved my shirt in my mouth so I couldn’t scream. Then he uh, he carved the word “filth” into my back and left me there, but I blacked out from the pain before then. I’m pretty sure he thought I was dead. My group found me later that day, still unconscious.” I looked up at them, they looked terrified. Their eyes wide and brimmed with tears.

“Some of them brought me back to camp while the others looked for Devin. When they found him they held another trial and sentenced him to death. Brian led him into the woods with his knife in hand. The same knife Devin had used… Brian came back without Devin and we all went about our business. Slowly though our group dwindled down until it was just me and Kyle left. We were out hunting one day when we stumbled upon Devin. He had lived in the woods that whole time. Brian had let him go. So we brought him back with us as kind of a prisoner. He stayed with us and gained our trust until Kyle went hunting one day, leaving me alone with Devin. And he attacked one last time. I had fallen asleep on the beach and he woke me up by covering my mouth with his hand. After that he rolled me over and pulled my pants off before pulling his own down. He held my hands above my head and was about to do it when I kneed him in his groin. His grip loosened enough so that I could slip away and grab my knife out of my pants pocket…” His mom had lost it now. She was sobbing and her husband seemed like he was going to soon. But I kept going. They asked for the truth, they were going to get all of it.

“I tried to run but he chased after me. He managed to catch my wrist and I swung around so fast I didn’t even know what happened until he gasped. I had stabbed him. I didn’t mean to… Oh God I’m so sorry.” I sobbed and held my face in my hands as I listened to his parents weep. As I listened to the suffering I had created.

After about 10 minutes James looked up at me and asked “Is there anything else?” I shook my head.
“Nothing else about Devin. We covered him with sand on the beach. We should have buried him but we were just so tired…”

This time it was Jane who nodded “It’s alright, we understand. They recovered most of the bodies anyway. He’s already been cremated.” I didn’t dare ask where his ashes were. It was none of my business and honestly I didn’t want to know. We talked a little more and tried to have a little lunch but none of us were very hungry. After about half an hour I figured it was time to go. But I had one last thing to say before I left.

“James, Jane…” I started. They looked at me with this strange look. Like they were looking at a stray cat. They wanted to help me but also knew they couldn’t. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened. I killed your son, and I am so sorry. Even though it was an accident, that doesn’t make me any less responsible.” I felt hot tears burning in my eyes again.

Jane looked at me sternly. “I loved my son with all my heart.” I nodded and looked at the floor. “But what he did was wrong. It was cruel and I don’t blame you for defending yourself how you did. I forgive you.” As she said it I left out a huge breath I didn’t know I’d been holding in. It was as if a gigantic weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I ran up to her and hugged her as tight as I could. “Thank you.” I mumbled into her shoulder, letting my tears seep onto her purple shirt. After I broke away they let me use the bathroom to freshen up and I left. Once I closed their door behind me I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the warm summer breeze on my face. I walked down the street to a coffee shop where Kyle met up with me. I didn’t have to tell him how it went, he already knew. I could see it in his beautiful hazel eyes.

He understood. After we got our coffees we sat down on a big red couch. He reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling it up and kissing the top of it softly. I breathed out a deep sigh and knew that we’d make it, no matter what life threw at us. We were survivors, toughened and molded to be fierce and strong. Yet we were still capable of compassion, and love. I thought about it and smiled, I had one thing no force on earth could take away from me: hope.