Heartless

The difference between me and Josh is that I am a morning person,but he's not. Therefore,next morning when I woke up he was snoring,drowned in his dreams.
Trying my best not to wake him up,because who would be happy and wide awake at 7 in the morning,I dressed up in the bathroom for a cross. I haven't ran in a while and it seemed a good morning to do it again.
When I got out the venue was trashed and I am getting used to that. It's going to be 2 months full of trashed venues and moans from other buses.
2 hour later when I returned everyone was still asleep and snores filled all the buses and vans.
Today we leave for another town. The road wouldn't be very long because we had to tour in many cities all over the US. This was my first time in US ,I never had the opportunity to travel. I was always busy being a nerd and the most of my time I was spending on music. I can play piano and guitar,but this is one of my sides that no one knew about.

Silently getting in the bus I heard Josh's yawns. He woke up and as I already said,he is not a morning person.
"Mornin' Joshua." I said ,turning on my kettle.HE let out small groans when when he turned around he saw me and instantly stopped his childish morning groans.
"Where are Matt and Max when I need them the most." He half cried. Well,I'm glad to see you too Alphonse.

"Probably sleeping in the bus like all drunk people did last night.Why do you need Matt and Max now? You just woke up and they definitely have a terrible headache." I sighed.
"I doubt it,plus when I wake up they already prepared something to eat." He told me,laying on his tummy and looking at me,while I was rolling my eyes.
"That sounded like you want me to prepare something for you. Well,okay,but I hope you enjoy fruit salads,because that's what I eat every morning after sport." His face brightened up and I started to grab all the fruits that I had.

"You better help me,lazy ass!"I shouted at him. He grabbed some apples,but usually I chop the apples."Nope,you leave the apples alone,cut that mango and give me those nuts."
His eyes widened."DON'T TOUCH MY NUTS!" he yelled.
"God damn it Josh! Calm down,nobody's touching your nuts! Oh my god!" I snorted.
After some minutes of laughter we finally finished the salad.

"Don't forget sugar and cream!" he punched my elbow .
"I won't! Give that to me!" I said and he gave me the cream."And finally! Finish! Who tastes it first? " I asked.
"You,I don't want to get a food poison!"He laughed. "Okay,let's taste it at the same time,so we can get food poisoning together."
We grabbed two spoons and ate some salad.
"Josh,it was a pleasure to collaborate with you. " I said and he cheered. "We're such little dumb kids,but we made a huge bowl of this fruit salad,unexpected huh?"
He was devouring the salad. The bus door slammed and we choked on our food. "The fuck?" I mumbled.
"CALIFORNIA,WE'RE COMING BITCH!"Brad yelled."Oh holy shit guys,did you make fruit salad? That's mine!" He continued. He approached and I could feel how he smell. Fuck no!
"Ew,Brad,my god,go take a damn shower. Where are all?" I asked.
"Well,Jay is at Of Mice's bus with Stephanie. We're leaving in 2 hours,get ready and send your fuck buddy back at his bus." Brad said,heading towards bathroom.

I rolled my eyes "Douglas,you're such an asshole. He's not my fuck buddy." I feel so ashamed of Brad sometimes.
"At least not yet." He retorted and left us. I looked at Josh who kept his hysterical laugh inside.
"Okay,just don't pay attention to them and everything will pass.I'll better go,I have to get ready too." He leaned a bit down and kissed me on the cheek. That made me smile and blush. Bitch,what the fuck is happening with me.
"Good luck with your party animals! Tell them I love them." I yelled.
"I will,see you in Cali!" and he left.

Some minutes after silence,Brad returned from the shower and Jay with Staph fought for another stupid reason,which made me leave the bus for a smoke. I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one up. Here Alan joined me.
"Hey." He said shyly .
"Hey mate." I breathed in the smoke.
"Why didn't you come yesterday at the party?" He asked. Most possible that he doesn't know that I was listening to the whole conversation between him and Jay.
"I hate parties." I easily answered.
"There's a reason behind all this numbness, isn't it?" He turned his body to face me.
"Well,let's just say that it's none of your business ." I said.
"I just want to know what's wrong with you? I don't even understand,and after that show when you hugged that fan instead of staying in silence. There's something definitely wrong with you and I just want to figure out what. Don't get me wrong but Jay told me that's something about your past .What happened." He's annoying,and so is Jay sometimes,but what about leave me alone and go the fuck away ?
"As I already said,it's none of your business." I unlit the cigarette and got in the bus.
What is so hard to understand? I just don't want to tell my story. I telling it only to people that I trust.
After packing everything and cleaning our bus,we were ready to leave. It's not going to be a long ride anyways.
"Ready for Los Angeles?"Steph asked. Inside I was excited,maybe because I have never been in Los Angeles nor in San Diego or any other California city.
"Actually yes. I'm a bit excited. It's my first time in US for fuck's sake. I should have expected that." I answered,now conscious that this would not be the only time .
"I hope you will be ready for our interview . It will be with Alternative Press,we have to shine there."
"Yeah,I guess."I sighed.
Next minutes I spent listening to music,locked in my own world,with my memories .

*flashback*

"Paige,you don't even know do you?" He asked,gently rubbing my back.

"What I don't know?" I asked him,listening to his heartbeat .

"That even forever,doesn't last that long." His words made me confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You'll understand sooner or later..."

*the end of fashback*

My memories were stopped by Jay's screams.
"EVERYONE OUT! WE ARE IN LOS ANGELES BITCHES!" He yelled,joined by Brad. They were very excited and they planned their days in California already.
"My god,grow the fuck up already!" I told them,their answers being just a roll of their eyes.
I shook my head,smirking to myself. I'm happy with these fucktards,even if I don't look like I really am.
Deep inside I feel that happiness and excitement like anyone does.

"Babe,calm them down. We have an interview soon and they should get ready." Steph said and I simply nodded. I grabbed Jay and Brad by their collars and pulled them back in the bus.
"why so rude,Miss Vander?" Brad asked.
"First,you have to get ready 'cause we have an interview soon. Second,you'll have fun later!" They shrugged and headed to the bunk side. I was ready,I just needed to take another shirt.
I grabbed my favorite Down But Not Out t-shirt and a black jeans jacket and quickly dressed up.

I waited outside for them,smoking my cigarette.
"I like your outfit." Josh said,smirking. I smiled back and thanked him."I bet you didn't understand. That's my clothing line." He laughed.
"Oh really? Cool. I like it." He thanked and we figured out that's time to go to Alternative Press Building.
"Good evening everyone. We are here with Alchemy,Of Mice & Men,You Me At Six and Bring Me The Horizon!" The interviewer said.We all cheered and he started the questions one by one. "What are you thinking about touring with other bands for the first time?" He asked our band.

"It's very exciting because all these guys are so cool and friendly and so are their crews." Stephanie said.

"Do you enjoy the American Summer Dream tour with two of British bands and only one American?"

"Definitely,"Jay answered first,"It's so awesome that you can see the difference between British and Southern accents. It drives me insane,but it's so cool!" Brad continued.

"Wow,that's nice. How did you find that connection between female vocals and male growls in your music? It's the most interesting and amazing combination that I've ever heard."

"It's not that hard actually. We just combine them and it is very enjoyable." Staph said.

"Who is the most mature and serious in your band?" He asked and all the band members turned to me.

"It's Paige!" They all yelled.

"Wait ,why me? There's also Tino and Phil!" I said,shrugging.

"Nah,you are the most serious. Paige is never getting drunk,she's vegan,she's not even drinking coffee,she's always and al-ways drinking her green tea with jasmine. That scares me because she never gets tired of it. Also she is always ready and has everything planned and packed. Her bunk is always clean and smells like jasmine and vanilla.She runs every morning and she is still able to plan everything. She smokes also,a lot but that doesn't matter." Jay said,making me blush and smile.

"Yeah,well,thank you guys." I said shyly.

"That's very interesting because next question is about you,Paige. Why some of your band's fans hate you and give you nick names like Heartless and Cold hearted bitch? Also many of them protect you,saying that they're wrong. There are several recordings of you hugging fans. That is a bit confusing."

"I am heavily confused too because I haven't done anything bad to fans and I don't know why they hate me and give me nick names." I answered.

"Okay,this is kinda weird. Fine ,one more question. Your songs are very heart breaking. Who writes them?"He asked. My anxiety was now on a high level . Here Stephanie started to say something.

"It's a mutual thing to do,but I write songs about society,and some of our songs are written by Brad and Jay but if you ask me who writes the most heart breaking and sad songs,then I tell you that they are Paige's masterpieces." Steph said proudly. I was focusing the ground,because the next was some pressure.

"Paige,is there a story behind all these songs?" The interviewer asked. I remained silent for some seconds before answering. There was a story behind all my songs but I'd better shut the fuck up because that's my weakness.

"I'd rather pass this question. It's something personal and I don't want to tell it ,knowing that it will be all over the internet. I least all I can say is that I'm not that weak anymore." Their eyes widened.

"Okay. Thank you for answering at our questions. Good luck for the American Summer Dream tour ! We met Bring Me The Horizon,Alchemy,You Me At Six and Of Mice & Men. Bye."

I ran out as fast as I could and lit up my cigarette. I was very anxious and all I didn't want to think about was my past. If someone wonders why I don't feel anything anymore the should accept this and leave me alone.
"Hey you okay?" Someone said behind me. It was Dan Flint. I quickly changed the expression of my face.
"Yeah,I'm fine. Just a bit tired and my head is full of bullshit right now,I'll get over it." I answered. He smiled .
"Well,what about going to Nandos for another Max and Matt Munchies. Come on,you'll enjoy it. They are all already going there. It's going to be very funny." I accepted and we went with You Me At Six to watch another Max and Matt Munchies.

As I'm vegan,I couldn't eat any of their wings and nuggets so I ordered salad and just stayed there,enjoying Matt and Max's show while getting warm glares from Josh.

Nobody asked me what was my story,and I loved that. The silence inside me that shouldn't be disturbed.
Also I start to love these guys. They are funny and friendly . Maybe it's time to melt a little...