Lullabies
First Sight
. Snow fell from the sky and scattered across the sidewalk in fluffy clumps. I smiled to myself and listened intently to Nirvana through my headphones while patting the beat of a song on my bare thighs, I was wearing shorts and a tank top, flip flops and my hair pulled back in a pony tail. The whistling wind didn't move my hair the slightest bit. This is how I enjoy my days, I listen to music and wander around New York. At least that is what I do now.
After the... Er, accident...
It's an uncomfortable thing for me to think about so I avoid it at all costs. But you can't easily avoid everything your life was.
Was,
Such a painful word...
Before the accident, I'd had a nice big pool of popular friends at the Bay view high school in Rodeo California. I'd had my fair share of crushes and broken hearts. Even broke a few of my own. I was beautiful, somewhere beyond 'pretty' standards. I had all the finest designer clothes and Daddy's credit card. I never felt like a genuine popular person though... I mean because I did a few things that were probably out of code, like I fell in love with one of the lower class boys who all the other populars called a dork and loser. Though every afternoon while our group sat at our table and they sat at theirs. I'd watch him and his best friend kick around a football in the grass of the school sports fields.
I had never had an interest in sports until I'd seen him play. I was so cliché and stupid. I thought that I was really something else at school. But at home, I became the same old nerdy girl I'd always been. The contacts came off and my old, thick rimmed glasses went on while I studied. My perfectly curled blond hair got pulled back into a scruffy bun. The pretty sundresses I'd wear to school everyday got stripped off and I'd change into sweat pants and a band shirt. I was very casual at home. No one was ever really looking at you there.
But now I dressed and acted like that just about everyday. I left California after the accident because I couldn't stand to be at home and watch my usually very happy parents morn over something I couldn't help or change now. I couldn't stand to lay in my bed at night and hear my mothers sobs and my dads reassuring words. I know all the pain I'd caused them. So I suppose I thought their pain would ease if I left all together. New York was full of people who never looked your way anyways so you never felt exposed. Well It'd really help if anyone could see me at all...
My song ended and I chose something else. And continued to walk cheerily up the street- right through all the business people on their way to work. I'll never be noticed again.
I suppose itd be a little more fair on your end if I gave more details about what happened to me. What drove all my friends away in row boats and what makes my mom cry at night. What could have been the downfall to an otherwise perfect, popular life? Well I'll tell you. It isn't a pretty story and I don't like to think about it often. Think about everything that was ahead of me. The horizon of possibilities... Crushed.
After the... Er, accident...
It's an uncomfortable thing for me to think about so I avoid it at all costs. But you can't easily avoid everything your life was.
Was,
Such a painful word...
Before the accident, I'd had a nice big pool of popular friends at the Bay view high school in Rodeo California. I'd had my fair share of crushes and broken hearts. Even broke a few of my own. I was beautiful, somewhere beyond 'pretty' standards. I had all the finest designer clothes and Daddy's credit card. I never felt like a genuine popular person though... I mean because I did a few things that were probably out of code, like I fell in love with one of the lower class boys who all the other populars called a dork and loser. Though every afternoon while our group sat at our table and they sat at theirs. I'd watch him and his best friend kick around a football in the grass of the school sports fields.
I had never had an interest in sports until I'd seen him play. I was so cliché and stupid. I thought that I was really something else at school. But at home, I became the same old nerdy girl I'd always been. The contacts came off and my old, thick rimmed glasses went on while I studied. My perfectly curled blond hair got pulled back into a scruffy bun. The pretty sundresses I'd wear to school everyday got stripped off and I'd change into sweat pants and a band shirt. I was very casual at home. No one was ever really looking at you there.
But now I dressed and acted like that just about everyday. I left California after the accident because I couldn't stand to be at home and watch my usually very happy parents morn over something I couldn't help or change now. I couldn't stand to lay in my bed at night and hear my mothers sobs and my dads reassuring words. I know all the pain I'd caused them. So I suppose I thought their pain would ease if I left all together. New York was full of people who never looked your way anyways so you never felt exposed. Well It'd really help if anyone could see me at all...
My song ended and I chose something else. And continued to walk cheerily up the street- right through all the business people on their way to work. I'll never be noticed again.
I suppose itd be a little more fair on your end if I gave more details about what happened to me. What drove all my friends away in row boats and what makes my mom cry at night. What could have been the downfall to an otherwise perfect, popular life? Well I'll tell you. It isn't a pretty story and I don't like to think about it often. Think about everything that was ahead of me. The horizon of possibilities... Crushed.