Let My Love Open the Door to Your Heart

I pull up to my parent's house with Ken.

"You good?" I ask.
"They don't like me,” Ken said.
"They say they will be open."

He looks at me and I kiss his lips.

"Just the five of us?"
"Yeah Ryan and Lindsay went to her parents house."
"OK."

I get out and walk to the front of the truck.

"They have been good right?" Ken asks when we get to the door.
"Yes. They are being real nice."

I smile at him. I open the door and don't hear anything.

"Mom?" I called out walking to the kitchen.

I hear footsteps ruining. I look and see Mike. He runs to me and hold on to my neck tight.

"Hey baby," I said.

My mom came in and I look at her.

"He been very distance since Ryan left," she said.

I look at Mike and seen he's been crying.

"Was I gone to long?" I ask knowing he been on edge with the trip.
"Yeah."
"Sorry buddy. I made a few wrong turns."
"It wasn't important."

I make him look at Ken.

Mike waves at him.

"Hey buddy," Ken said smiling at him.
"Mom picked you up?" Mike asks.
"Yeah."

Mike looks at me.

"Important?" I ask.
"Yes."

I smile and kiss Mikes forehead.

"You see all?" I ask.
"Yeah the gway is all gone finally," Mike said.

I nod my head and smile at him.

"Where is dad?" I ask my mom.
"He got a called a few minutes about the business."

I nod my head and look at Ken. I smile at him then room my mom is in.

"Hello Mrs. Dungey," Ken said.
"Hello Ken. Had a nice flight?" My mom asks.
"Yes, thank you for asking."

My dad came out of his office.

"Hello Ken," My dad said.
"Hello Mr. Dungey," Ken said.
"Let's go sit down at the table," my dad said.

We go to the diner room.

"Mommy can I have hot chocolate?" Mike asks.
"We got to ask grandma," I said.
"Yes. Use the coffee machine."

I walk over and make it for Mike. I carry it to the table where I see Ken is mad and my dad doesn't care. Ken takes the cup from my hands making me smile. I sit down and Ken put the cup in front of me. Mike reaches out and mess with Ken's hair so it's lay how it normal is. Ken smiles at him.

"Thanks Mike," Ken said.
"No pwoblem. It’s all better."

Ken smiles a little wider. I look at my parents who are looking at Ken and Mike.

"So what are your intentions with my daughter?" My dad asks.
"Um to be a good boyfriend?" Ken said.
"Future goals?"
"They are there."
"Who are they?"
"Jezebel and Mike."
"Are just in your future?"

"Can we stop this line of questions?" I ask felling like my dad is going to start pressing weddings with us.
"Why?" My mom asks.
"I'm not thinking about getting married so neither should you."

"Mike you like Ken around?" My dad asks.
"Yes. He rides a dirt bike,” Mike said.
"Yeah he does."

I look at my dad.

"Do you really think I will be with a guy my kid doesn't Like? I ask.
“I just want to make sure."
"Can't ever be to safe with him,” My mom said.

I sigh since my parents have been picking at my parenting all day. Mike looks at me making me kiss his head.

"You want to go play?" I ask.
"Yeah."

He climbs down and walks to the living room. My mom gets up and goes to the kitchen. My dad looks at Ken.

"How did you guys meet?" My dad asks.
"When I went out to A1, I went with Ryan. She was there with Mike," Ken said.
"You knew about Mike from the start?"
"Yes."
"It started then?"
"No when I came back to Florida I happen to go to her work and talk to her there."
"Where do you see this going?"
"Dad please let's not talk about that," I said felling my anxiety getting high but can't pin point why.

Ken looks at me and I know he is concern about me.

"What's wrong?" Ken asks.
"I don't want to talk about marriage," I said.
"Do you want to get married?" My dad asks.
"Yes."
"To Ken?"

I start hearing buzzing making me lay my head on the table.

"Jezebel, answer your dad?" My mom yells.

I feel a hand on me. I look at Ken holding back my tears.

"Let's go outside Ok?" He asks.

I nod my head. He gets up and helps me up before warping his arm around my waist. He takes me to the backyard and gets me to sit on one of the chairs that are out here. I take a deep breath and let it go and sigh looking at Ken.

"Sorry for freaking out. You really didn't need that today,” I told him.
"It's fine. When we talk abut the future you were not like this."
"It's marriage that is doing it. It has caused some anxiety attacks before. I just haven't thought about it."

He kisses my lips making me smile at him.

"We kind of talked about it when we talk about the future," He said.
"It was a vague sense," I said.

He nods his head and then looks out in the field.

"So this is your backyard as a child?" he asks.
"Yeah didn't play out here much. I was either inside learning how to bake or I was at one of the tracks out here or away training."

He looks at me and I smile at him.

"Did you want to be a professional?" He asks.

I look at him and sigh and shrugged my shoulders.

"No because if I wanted to race again I could have. I was encouraged to do it after I gave birth but there has be no want to do that," I said.

He nods his head and smiles at me making me smile at him.

"Ready to get back in there?" He asks.
"Yeah. I'm sorry about them. They were being nice since I been back. My dad said he will give you a chance. I guess that went out the window when they saw you."

He kisses my forehead.

"When you meet my dad he had you on the verge of crying so we are fine. I expected this when I meet them," He said.
"Right."

I get up and go to the door and see my dad and Mom were looking as us through the glass door.

"Not creepy at all," Ken mumbles making me laugh. I open the door and step in.

"Are you going to get married Jezebel?" My mom asks.
"Yes now can we stop this? I'm really don't want to talk about the future."
"You need to constantly think about it. You have a son to think about. You remember him right? You are making the right choices for him not for you. You’re not being selfish are you.”
"Do you think I'm a good mother?"
"That isn't what we are talking about."
"You have done that to me three times. You never answer that question so I have to go through your words and things you are saying I'm being selfish because I have a boyfriend makes it seem like I'm a bad mother."
"I saw his tantrum today what about the one at the race?"
"His has never thrown a tantrum he has meltdowns because he is over stimulated mom. There is often not cause by me saying no there are causing because things don't contact and he's frustrated."
"Right I said no wining when he learns to ask nicely with a good tone then he can have hot chocolate. Tone matters."
"He was frustrated not whining. I know when he's winning and the fact that you didn't tell him to go sit down in a counter he wasn't winning. "
"He doesn't like strangers," My dad said.
"That's bad parenting?"
"It was worse than you."
"I was shy dad. How else do you expect me to act when the first question out of so many people's mouth was if I was Ryan Dungey's little sister?"
"It wasn't that bad."
"The only person who didn’t ask me that was Adam Cianciarulo. He was the only friend I knew wasn't hanging out with me because of my brothers."
"What about the Martian’s?"
"They were family friends’ dad. I never really dealt with them much. They were around but I wasn't talking to them."
"Not all strangers are bad."
"I'm not going to tell him his gut is wrong like you did with me. I told you for years that the guy was not someone I wanted anything to do with but no he was working at the track for years he's a good guy nothing ever happens. I listen to you and it got me raped. There are bad people out there in the world and I'm not going to teach my son that what he believes is wrong. He might not like a lot of people but he's not going to be taken advantage like I was."
"It happened once while you were seeing him many times in his office."
"Troy, stop it," My mom said.

I look at my mom then at my dad.

"You don't believe I got rape do you?" I ask my dad since there be signs but he never said anything and my mom has tended to move the conversations on other things.
"We are not talking about his," My mom said.
"Then answer if you think I'm a bad mom."
"No. Neither are going to get answers."

I bit my lip feeling tears happening.

"Great seeing you both. I'm going to leave and see you at Ryan's Wedding. We will talk in January maybe but before that I will not talk to either of you," I said.
"Jezebel," my mom said.
"What?" I ask
"Introducing random guys to Mike is not good mothering. Leaving his grandparents out of his life is not good mothering skills either."
"Thanks mom."

I start going to the living room and my dad looks at me.

"Can I give you my opinion of this relationship?"
"You can do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care about it because you don't even care about facts in my life."
"I don't approve."
"Me either,” my mom said.
"That's great," I said.
"Break up," My dad said.
"I'm not going to break up with someone I love just because you don't approve because I'm done trying to please you. I been doing it for all my life and I'm done. The more you talk to me the longer I feel like it's going to happen."

I go to the living room and see Mike playing with his bikes.

"Mike, come on we are going to the hotel," I said.
"What about dinnew?" He asks.
"We go to MacDonald’s," ken said.
"Ok."

He gets up and put his bikes away. I grab them and Pick Mike up. I go outside and put him in. I drive to MacDonald’s and go in the drive through.

"We awe not eating hewe?" Mike asks.
"No I don't want to be around people."
"What about me?" He asks.

I sigh and turn around to look at Mike.

"I always want to be with you. You are never people," i said.
"Ok."

He nods his head. I turn around and get the food before going to Chipotle. Ken gets out and goes inside. My phone rings making me grab it and see it's Blake and I hit ignore not want to deal with anyone. Ken comes back so I drive to the hotel. We go out.

"Go to your room. I check in then come," Ken said.

I nod my head. I get Mike out then go to our room with our food. I lay Mike's food out so he eats. I grab my phone and text the room number to Ken then turn it on airplane mode.

"You had fun with Uncle Ryan?" I ask Mike.
"Yeah. We play with Bikes."

I smile and kiss his forehead. There is a knock on my door. I get up and open it and Ken came in. We sit down and I pick at my fries while they eat and talk.

"Mommy, can we watch a movie?" He asks.
"Yeah. How about we try a new one?"
"Ok."

I get Alice in Wonderland and put the movie in the DVD player. I start it seeing that Mike and Ken are on the bed. I sit down and pull Mike on my lap and hold him through the movie. I look and see Mike is sleeping when the Movie is over. Ken picks him up and lay him down on the other bed.

"Can we talk about something you said today?" He asks.
"What did I say?" I ask.
"Do you love me?"

I look at him and shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. I don't know how it's spouse to feel like," I said.

He kisses my forehead and pulls me on his lap. He looks at me and smiles at me.

"Hey, I'm not judging you," Ken said.
"I know. I know you want an answer that I can't give you."
"Remember when we talked about the future at your house?"
"Yeah."
"That gives me all the answers that I need."

I nod my head. He smiles at me and kisses my lips. I smile when he pull away.

"I love you Jezebel," Ken said.

I smile at him and lay my head on his shoulder.

"Want to talk about what went down with your parents?" he asks.
"Nope, when I see Ryan or Blake they are going to talk about it so that takes care of that."

He laughs and kisses my forehead. I lay down and pull him down with me. We start talking about what we can do since I’m not going to see my parents innless it has to do with the wedding. There is a knock on the door in about an hour. Ken gets up and opens the door. Ken stepped to the side and I see Ryan coming in with Blake.

"Hey," I said.
"You’re not talking to our parents anymore?" Blake asks.
"I’m giving them sometime to cool off before it starts again."
"Haven't you learn anything from running away before that it doesn't solve anything. You need to go over and talk to Mom at least. She's crying. You really hurt her."
"She thinks I’m a bad mom. How do you think that makes me feel? I have feelings too Blake."
"It's important that Mike has grandparents in his life."
"Blake shut up," Ryan said.
"She's in the wrong."

I bit my lip feeling the tears coming.

"Can Jezebel and I talk alone?" Ryan asks.

Ken looks at me and I nod my head. He hands me a key.

"My room is next door. Me and Blake will watch Mike," Ken says.

I smile and go next door and go inside. I sit down on the bed. Ryan sits down next to me and warps his arm around me.

"What else happen because what Mom did is wrong but I can't see you getting as upset as they say you were at just that," He said.
"Dad doesn't believe I was raped."

Ryan sighs and pulls me to his side an kiss the top of my head. I look at him.

"Mom believes me right?" I ask.
"Yes. All three of us believe you to."
"Thanks I know Jade and you did. I figure Blake did to."
"I'm going to talk to him about this and Jade should too."
"Why?"
"You told Jade everything. I know the basics but you went to him. He might say something that helps also Jade tends to talk to him better to get points across."

I nod my head and sigh.

"You OK?" He asks.
"How do you know you’re in love?"
"I don't know how to word it."
"OK."

He kisses the top of my head.

"So since you’re not spending any time with mom and dad what about me, you, and Spencer get some lunch before the wedding?"
"Why?"
"He asked for it."
"OK. I missed him."
"He got upset that he visited us and did see you in the trip."
"They were the friends that visited?"
"Yes."

I hit his arm making him shake his head.

"You know he is my friend?" He asks.
"He loves me more."

He rolled his eyes.

"You OK?" He asks.
"I will be. I'm getting my head around it all."
"OK let's go to your room."

I nod my head and go to my room. The four of us talk a little bit before they leave.