How to Train Your Avengers

“Ruff, Tuff! What were you thinking? What if there was a person inside of that suit?”Hicca shouted up to the two blonde Vikings on the back of their green Zippleback.

Tuffnut looked at Hicca and then at his sister and shrugged. “What if my chicken had horns? Then it would be my yak.”

Ruffnut giggled. “And what if I was weak and girly? Then I’d be my brother.”

Tuffnut giggled. “Yeah! …Wait…”

Tony Stark scowled. “You know these hoodlums?”

“Unfortunately, yes. They really like destruction and blowing things up, but usually they’re harmless. I’d offer to punish them by having them help you rebuild the suit, but trust me, that would be more punishment for you.”

Hicca called up to the twins on the back of their Zippleback. “Where’s the rest of the Academy?”

The twins scoffed. “Wasn’t my turn to watch them. Was it yours?” “Nope, definitely not mine. That was last week….wait…no…nope. Not my turn.” “It was yours, Hicca!” “Ha, you lost four Vikings and their dragons!”

“Guys, Snotlout, Fishlegs and Astrid are only three Vikings…” The twins gaped at her and then both muttered that they knew that at different intervals. “Okay, well. Good talk. Anyway these are the Avengers. This is Natasha, Clint, Steve, and Tony…the guy whose iron suit you just exploded with Barf and Belch…”

“I know! Wasn’t it awesome?” “Pretty sweet. So much explosion!” “Oh, sis, let’s rebuild it and destroy it again!” “Yeah! Barf, Belch, pick up the pieces!”

Hicca shook her head. “Ruff, Tuff, this is serious.”

“Oh,” the twins said in unison. After a brief moment their eyes lit up and they rattled off their newest idea. “What if….wait for it….we rebuild it seriously and then blast it seriously?” “Hey that was my idea!” “Get your own idea!” “It was my own idea!” “Get outta my brain!” “You don’t have a brain!” Their quarrel was short-lived as Ruffnut pushed her brother clear off the back of the double-headed dragon.

Hicca turned to her newfound 21st century friends and gestured to the twins. “So yeah…that’s Ruffnut and Tuffnut in a nutshell and their Zippleback Barf and Belch. They have a tendency to destroy things for fun. Sorry,” she added the last part for Tony, who scowled at her. Although he had dozens of Iron Man suits, he was particularly attached to the portability of the suitcase one.

The Zippleback landed next to Toothless. Ruffnut jumped down from the right head and the other half of the Zippleback affectionately picked up Tuffnut in its jaws to help him stand up. Tuffnut brushed himself off and smirked at his sister. Although she had just pushed him off Barf and Belch, Tuffnut had a strange affliction for pain, and besides he would get her back somehow. They high-fived, still pretty excited about the destruction they had caused moments before.

“Look, now there’s more Viking Dragon Riders so there’s no need for me to have a dragon,” Tony huffed. He felt very out of control on the Monstrous Nightmare and definitely felt more comfortable in his Iron Man suit. The Monstrous Nightmare growled, ignited just its tail and smacked Tony in the back. “What? Ow! See? Tony Spark Jr. doesn’t even like me, and everybody likes me.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so full of yourself. We already discussed why we need to be on dragons.”

After putting a hand to her ear and listening to the communique, Agent Hill interrupted the Avengers. “Dagur has been spotted. He’s near HQ.”

“How did he find it?”

Hicca shrugged. She wasn’t usually in the business of questioning anything that Dagur did. “And he’s bombed the whole place.”

“Hang on,” Steve said. “How does a 1000-year-old Viking out of time get a hold of bombs?”

Natasha shrugged. “I have a few theories, but you won’t like any of them.”

“HYDRA.” They both said in unison.

Hicca had become bored of the conversation and already was on her Night Fury. “C’mon guys! Are we just gonna stand there and discuss the dementedness of Dagur or are you gonna get on your dragons and do something about it?”

***
The Avengers, Hicca, Tuffnut, Ruffnut and their dragons arrived at SHIELD headquarters. Surrounding the tower was a dark grey smoke. “All right team, stay in formation,” Steve Rogers commanded.

“Wait, we have a formation?” “Do I have to be next to Tuffnut?”

Steve Rogers glared at the twins, but ignored their comments and continued to bark orders to the team. Tony brought his dragon down onto the ground and stepped into another suit. Hicca and the twins awed at the sight of the metal super-suit appearing out of thin air and attaching itself systematically to Tony’s body. “How many of those does he have?” Hicca wondered aloud.

“Hey guys…”

“Not now, Tuffnut!” Hicca growled.

“Guys…” Hicca dismissed him a second time. Tuffnut, getting frustrated, shouted, “GUYS! Is it just me or does this smoke look like the Fog-Monsters from Breakneck Bog?”

“Fog-monsters?” Natasha shouted, exasperatedly.

Hicca’s eyes lit up. “No, no, Tuffnut, you’re right!” Natasha glared at the Vikings…was nothing going to make sense anymore? Hicca patted Toothless’ head. “All right, buddy, you know what to do!” Toothless nodded and beat his wings to blow the smoke away. The other dragons joined the Night Fury and slowly the small black dragons appeared as the smoke dispersed. They were no bigger than the Terrible Terrors, and they screeched in annoyance that their cover had been blown. Natasha, seeing the dragons as an easy target, fired several shots at them but to her surprise they ate the bullets.

“Smokebreaths are attracted to metal. They hoard it and use it to create their nests safe from other, bigger dragons.”

“Good thing my shots aren’t metal,” Tony said into his comm., which Hicca couldn’t hear. He charged and recharged his palm blasters several times, forcing the Smokebreaths into a corner. He stepped too close and the Smokebreaths surrounded him and grabbed him in his suit. They pulled his arms and legs in different directions. “I hate these dragons!” Captain America threw his shield at them with the intention of knocking his comrade out of their clutches. Another Smokebreath flew into the path of the shield and swiped it up. Hicca palmed her face. She loved that no one ever listened to…

“Ahh!” Hicca screamed as the Smokebreaths pulled at the metal in Toothless’ tail, breaking the rudder entirely. Three more Smokebreaths grabbed her metal leg and carried her upside-down. Without his tail rudder or rider, Toothless tumbled to the ground.

The Smokebreaths carried her clumsily away from the building back towards where they were constructing their nest. They bonked her head on the ground twice and Hicca tried desperately to free herself from their grasp. She heard the twins shouting orders at Barf and Belch, “Oh, no, this isn’t going to end well.” The Zippleback fired at the three small black dragons, who released their hold on Hicca’s metal leg in surprise. Hicca tumbled to the ground.

“Toothless, plasma blast!” she ordered, striking her left arm through the air to signal her dragon the direction she wanted the shots to go in. “Ruff, Tuff, use Barf and Belch to create a wall of fire between the building and the Smokebreaths.”

“Wall of fire?” “Sweet!” “We can totally do that!” The twins bashed their helmets together.

“Natasha, fly Baba Yaga towards the Smokebreaths and have her roar. Her concussive sound-wave should stun them momentarily.” Natasha and Baba Yaga obliged. The Smokebreaths recovered quickly from the sound-wave, hissed at the Avengers and the Vikings and flew off. They would be back, and probably in greater numbers too, but for now they would have some time to assess the damages and rekindle the fire to create any weapons that the dragons stole. Leave it to Dagur to set Smothering Smokebreaths on SHIELD to get them to lose all of their weapons and be defenseless.

Director Fury stood up and brushed the dust off himself. He barked several orders at nearby agents to start the clean-up process. The Terrible Terrors were flitting about in a frenzy at his feet. “Hicca, get these dragons under control!” His patience for this medieval Midgardian-bullshit was thinning quite rapidly. Hicca hurried the Terrors back into their pen. She shut the door, or what was left of it and tossed several fish from her satchel into the pen to keep them there.

“Who are they?” Fury motioned at the twins who had busied themselves with yet another slap-fest.

Ruffnut grabbed her brother’s hand and used it to slap himself. Barf and Belch watched their dragon riders beat on one another until they got tired of the violence. The Zippleback grabbed the twins by their torsos, one in each mouth and swung them back and forth. The twins screamed in excitement. The Zippleback dropped them back onto the ground. “Whoa, we almost died!” “Let’s do that again!” “Yeah! Barf, Blech, eat!”

“Whoa! Wait, wait, wait!” Hicca put her hands up between the twins and their green dragon. “Let’s save the eating and death-fest for a later time. We have a situation at hand.”

Tony Stark walked up to Director Fury, “And you thought I didn’t play well with others.” Nick shot him a glare.

“So, Hicca, where are we?”

“SHIELD headquarters…pretty far from Berk.”

“Ooh are we on the Frozen Isle of Nowhere?” “Idiot, everything is frozen there! Do you see anything frozen here?” “No….oh I know….this is Murderous Island!”

Hicca shook her head. “No, we’re in the 21st century and until we can find a way back to Berk, we have to play nice with the Avengers and SHIELD.”

“So-o, not Murderous Island?”

Hicca rolled her eyes, thinking that telling the twins that they went to the future was a mistake. Her eyes lit up. “No, not Murderous Island. We’re on the Island of Tomorrow and most of the people here are witches and wizards. There’s this spell that’s keeping us from flying home to Berk on our dragons. Dagur is in with the witch tribe called HYDRA.” The twins “oh’ed” in understanding, or at least in what Hicca hoped was understanding. Hicca glanced at the Avengers and whispered, “Sometimes it’s easier this way,” she explained.

“All righty! Who’s hungry? I’m famished.” Tony clasped his hands together and stepped back into his super suit.

Director Fury pulled Hicca aside. “Can we trust them?” Hicca glanced over her shoulder at the twins and nodded. She knew they weren’t the sharpest arrows in the quiver, but they were loyal to Berk and to the dragons. “All right, team. Here’s the plan. Agent Hill and I will lead a team of agents to clean up this mess. You take the Vikings back to the Tower and get some rest. I want everyone ready for training tomorrow. I have a team working on the location of Dagur and where he sent these little metal-stealing dragons from. Banner is currently working on a way to get you home, although I will have to have him double the efforts now that there are more of you to send home.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I let one Avenger in my tower and now I can’t get any of you to leave,” Tony complained insinuating that his friendship with Bruce Banner was the gateway to the Stark Tower becoming the “Avengers’ Tower.” “And now you want me to allow another dragon? No way. I draw the line at one dragon.”

“Tony…”

“It’s okay, Hicca. Barf and Belch are used to sleeping away from us in the Academy. Toothless isn’t.” Hicca’s jaw dropped. That was the most intelligent and thoughtful thing to come out of Ruffnut’s mouth in a long time.