Home

So I was drunk. Majorly drunk. Not the drunkest I’d ever been, but definitely pretty intoxicated. God damn, this stupid country and its culture of binge drinking. It never solved anything. But right then, I wasn’t exactly letting that stop me. I needed to lose myself in the thumping bass, the buzz in my brain, that was all. Just pure escapism. Something to stop myself from back-pedalling through time, back to when Garrett and I spent the afternoon watching movies, eating pizza and making dinner. He was close to me that afternoon, I could just feel it. It felt good being around him, it felt like… home. And now? Not so much.

I wouldn’t look over there. I wouldn’t. The music was loud loud loud, strobe lights and flashing green lasers. The dance floor was a mosh pit of people, gyrating bodies, flashes of skin, sweat dusting the backs of necks, and that was fine. That was how I wanted it. On the dance floor you couldn’t tell who was who anyway, I didn’t have to concentrate on whom the hands skating up my sides or the lips brushing my neck belonged to. I didn’t even have to care. The beat dropped and I went with it, and the hands on my hips clamped down, pulling me impossibly closer. I tried to remember his name – he’d bought me a drink at least before allowing me to grind on him – Richard? Ryan? I was pretty sure it began with an R. The song ended and I heard him panting. His hands felt clammy.

“You want another drink?” he rasped directly into my ear.

I nodded. I wasn’t going to say no to a free drink.

I felt him pull away and I pushed myself to the edge of the dance floor, still breathing hard. If I looked over to the booth in the corner, I could see…
No. Stop torturing yourself Brandy.

Plenty of other guys walked past me, giving me the once over, which made me cringe. It occurred to me that Ryan probably wouldn’t be able to find me now that I’d moved. Damn. I could have used another vodka and coke. There was Kenny, with Jess, pulling some outrageously bad moves together, cracking up. I smiled as I looked at them. They looked like idiots, but idiots in love nonetheless. Kind of sickening. Pat was nursing a fruity cocktail by the bar with Jared, Eric and Nick and they were wrapped up in the conversations, laughing and cheering each other on.

I blinked, trying to find John amongst the sea of people, but I was dizzy and people wouldn’t keep still. I didn’t know where he was. My leggings were beginning to stick to my skin, hot and uncomfortable. I span around looking for John, but my eye caught Garrett’s instead.

He was spread out in the booth in the corner, a tall beer in his hand, looking bored out of his mind. I’d hardly spoken to him all evening. Because Rhiannon was sat next to him, her arm draped possessively around his neck, practically sitting on him she was so close. It was a posture that clearly said ‘he’s mine.’ The gaudy green crop top she was wearing shimmered under the lights and her bleach blonde hair looked almost green too. It made me want to giggle, in my drunken state, but my laughter died on my throat when she followed Garrett’s eye and found me looking. She narrowed her eyes at me, and then hooked her fingers under Garrett’s chin, turning his face to her own, and planted a kiss firmly on his lips. Garrett melted in to her, and I wanted to be sick. She knew. She had to know how I felt about him. Vomit rose in my throat. I wanted to be sick, or maybe I just wanted another drink. Maybe that was it.

“You weren’t trying to run away were you?”

I felt someone press a cold glass into my hands – my promised drink – and looked up to see Ryan leering down at me. I shook my head.

“You look so beautiful tonight.”

Empty words. But it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like I cared what he thought of me. I knocked back my drink in one and tried not to choke as the bitter aftertaste of vodka hit my taste buds.

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the club.” He didn’t have to shout over the music for me to hear him. Probably because he was so close to me – as close as we were on the dance floor – bot now we weren’t dancing. He took another step forward until he was looming over me and reached down to grip my hand. I thought the best option would be to ignore him. He was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

“Let’s just dance!”

He shook his head. “No, I’m tired. How about we go somewhere else, yeah?”

“No, I just wanna dance…”

“Aww, come on baby, you can’t say no now….”

He leant down to kiss me before I could argue, his hot breath covering my face. He reeked of cheap shots and cigarette smoke and I nearly choked. I just wanted to dance and fucking forget everything, not this. His arm wound around my waist, pulling me against him tightly and I couldn’t do anything about it. His lips were forceful, and his tongue pushed into my mouth without my permission. I felt myself starting to gag, my breath catching in my throat. I tried to struggle, but it was no use. His other hand moved to cup my ass possessively and that’s when I started to panic. It sobered me up immediately. I couldn’t pull away and I couldn’t breathe and he was backing me against the wall and I was suffocating, I was going to---

Ryan was ripped off me by two sets of strong arms. I looked up to find John and Garrett wild eyed and breathing heavily. Garrett had Ryan in an arm lock. John’s fist swung towards his face before I could do anything and it caught Ryan in the jaw, sweeping him backwards, making him howl in pain. Garrett let go of him with a look of disgust but John stopped to square up to him.

“That’s not how you treat girls, jackass,” he spat.

Ryan actually whimpered. I was stood there in shock, unable to move until I felt Garrett slip an arm around my waist, guiding me gently away from where Ryan was left cradling his jaw, bust lip bleeding. He had to tug John away too, who looked like he wanted to get a few more punches in still.

I was unsteady on my feet, and people were staring and I felt so utterly ashamed, that I couldn’t stop the tears that started to leak from eyes.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. Brandy, please don’t cry,” Garrett whispered softly.

I choked on my answer, unable to do anything apart from lean into Garrett and let him guide me out of the hot and stuffy club. I was flanked by John on my other side, my angry looking bodyguard. I felt a small hand on the small of my back too, and I almost flinched until I heard Hannah’s lovely voice comforting me.

“Brandy, honey, remember to breathe.”

I sobbed in a breath, looking at John. I didn’t know Hannah was there. Did John? Apparently not, because his anger had slipped off his face to be replaced with a look of shock and nervousness.

Once we were outside Garrett sat me down on the sidewalk. “Are you okay?”

I nodded jarringly. John was on the phone calling a cab, and Hannah hovered nearby, looking concerned. I was fine, just shaken and embarrassed. Garrett looked worse than me, he was as white as a sheet.

“Thanks for saving me,” I muttered. John hung up and gave me a weak smile, and Garrett just reached for my hand to run his thumb over the back of it comfortingly.

“There are some fucking assholes around,” John spat. Hannah nodded, looking like she wanted to make sure I was okay, but Garrett was sitting so close to me there wasn’t room for anyone else. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“You sure you’re okay, Brandy?” Hannah asked.

“Yeah, thanks for coming after me.”

“I just wanted to see you were alright, I couldn’t ignore you after that,” she said. I saw John shoot her a look.

“You still got your phone and everything?” Garrett asked quietly.

I nodded, holding up my clutch, which I’d just about been able to keep a hold of. “Good.” I felt him stroke my hair.

John moved over to Hannah and touched her gently on the wrist. They started whispering feverishly to each other, and I really hoped John would have a chance to explain how he felt. Hannah looked conflicted, rocking back on her heels.

I hadn’t bought an extra layer with me and it was cold sitting on the sidewalk. I began to shiver and immediately Garrett was shrugging off his leather jacket and folding it around my shoulders.

“Looks good on you,” he smiled.

“What’s going on?” Rhiannon’s voice pierced both our quiet conversations. John and Hannah froze and I saw Garrett wince.

“We’re taking Brandy home,” he answered flatly.

“Back to Tempe? What about me?”

Garrett bristled. “Quite frankly I don’t care. Getting Brandy home is my priority. Order a taxi back to Gilbert or something.”

Rhiannon looked outraged. She pointed at me, her finger shaking. I didn’t even have the energy to argue with her myself. “You’re not even meant to be with her! Didn’t I tell you?”

Garrett pulled himself to his feet. He rarely got really angry, it was completely against his nature, but I could see his shoulders heaving and the look in his eye would have sent any sensible person running. Rhiannon however just stood there with her arms crossed, waiting for an answer.

“Does it look like that even matters anymore? Brandy just got assaulted! Not everything is about you, Rhiannon. I’m really sorry but you have to fucking let go sometimes. Catch a taxi home and I’ll see you later, but right now you’re drunk and you have no right to be out here.”

He managed to reign in his temper pretty well, the tone of his voice just crossing ‘firm’, but it didn’t stop Rhiannon’s eyes from flashing,

“Don’t hurry home, Garrett,” she snarled, before flouncing back into the club. Garrett point blank ignored her and helped me to my feet as the taxi drew up the curb. He climbed in after me, as did Hannah and John.

The seats were facing each other, arranged in benches. Obviously what John has said to Hannah had worked, because she was calling her friends still in the club, letting them know she was heading home. There was still a careful distance between them though, and Hannah looked nervous as she assured her friends she’d be all right. She made no mention of John.

Garrett had barely let go of me since we left the club. I curled into the arm he had slung over my shoulder, feeling sleep trying to claim me. The incident inside the club had exhausted me and now I knew I was going home I felt safe and okay and the feel of the taxi swinging around corners was lulling me to sleep. Just as I was dropping off, John leant over to where Garrett had his arm around me while Hannah was distracted. “Dude, you alright?”

He didn’t answer, but I felt him press a kiss to my forehead and shake his head.

Xxx

I woke up with a throat like sandpaper and a dull thumping in my head. My bed sheets were twisted around my ankles, and I felt hot and in need of shower. The sunlight was bleeding through my curtains, urging me to seek out the painkillers, so I kicked out, trying to free my legs, only for my foot to collide with something behind me. I rolled over to find Garrett sprawled across the other side of my bed. His hair stuck up in all directions, and he was still in his jeans and shirt from the night before. He was sleeping with one arm thrown out towards me, like we’d been close in our sleep and then I’d moved away. I felt myself flush red. What was he doing there? Thinking back to the night before made me shudder, but I couldn’t remember getting to bed, or anything past the taxi home, really. I slid carefully out from under the sheets, desperate not to disturb him, and snatched my phone off my bedside table. I was in a loose t-shirt and some lounge shorts – sort of pyjamas then – but it was obvious someone else had helped me dress. Oh God, it wasn’t Garrett was it? I was still in my bra and panties, but if Garrett had even had to dress me like I was some sort of incapable rag doll – I’d absolutely die.

I crept towards the bathroom and sank down to the tiled floor, pulling my phone out to call John.

“Hello?”

“Hey John, umm sorry if I woke you…” I heard him stifle a yawn.

“Nah, it’s okay.” His voice dropped low. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine…it’s just, umm, Garrett’s in my bed, and…I don’t exactly remember…”

John chuckled at my awkwardness. “You like, passed out in the taxi home – kind of understandable to be honest. We couldn’t get Garrett to leave after Hannah put you to bed. He kinda insisted, and I didn’t think you’d mind.”

I could almost hear the wink he was giving me over the phone, but I was too busy being relieved that Hannah was the one who had helped my get undressed. Crisis averted. Which reminded me…

“Is Hannah still with you?”

There was the sound of some shuffling and floorboards creaking. I heard John take a deep breath in. “Yeah. She’s still here. I slept on the couch, but she’s still here.”

He sounded so amazed that he’d managed to persuade Hannah to stay, but so happy at the same time. “Did you talk to her about the song?”

“Sort of. I told I’d made a mistake. I don’t know, it’s kind of a work in progress Brandy. I’m gonna go make her breakfast. You’re okay with Garrett right?”

“Yeah, sure. Good luck with Hannah.”

“Cheers, darlin’”

There was a click as John hung up and I sighed. I really hoped the damage he’d done with Hannah wasn’t irreversible. That was the thing with John – he was so scared of intimacy, sometimes it stopped him from keeping close to the people that really mattered to him. It was kind of tragic, that someone in the past had managed to have that much of an impact on him.

I peeled off my clothes and stepped in the shower, feeling the hot spray wash over my skin. The events of last night still made me feel dirty and I spent half an hour scrubbing at my skin, rubbing it raw in places, trying to remove all lingering feeling of Ryan’s hands on my skin, until the water went cold. When I finally felt satisfied I climbed out and wrapped a towel around myself. Which is when I realised I hadn’t bought a change of clothes in with me. Shit. Maybe Garrett was still asleep. Hopefully.

I snuck back into my room, the towel clutched tightly around my chest. Garrett was sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I froze in the doorway, and then decided I’d just have to roll with it.

“Hey.”

His head jerked upwards. “Hey, I was wondering where you were –“ He seemed to notice my towel and his eyes widened. “Oh, you showered.”

“Yeah, I felt gross so…and I forgot my clothes…”

“Oh, umm, I’ll just close my eyes…”

He did so, squeezing them tight shut, so I dropped my towel and shimmied into some new underwear and a Pink Floyd shirt and some short dungarees in record time. I kept an eye on him the whole time so I knew he didn’t peek. To be honest I didn’t know if I was disappointed or not.

“I’m done.”

“Nice shirt.”

“Cheers. Umm, thanks for staying last night Garrett.”

He smiled at me warmly. “No problem, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I collapsed back on the bed, feeling my headache begin to make itself known again, and groaned, burying my head into my pillows. I felt Garrett’s hand rubbing my back, and I cracked an eye open to find him lying down opposite me. We were so close, inches apart on my bed, and I could count individual eyelashes, see his pupils widening in those beautiful blue irises. For a split second I didn’t know whether to roll away or just close the distance between us. I so badly wanted to. Garrett solved my problem by speaking, knocking me back to reality.

“Headache?”

I nodded. He rolled away from me and rummaged in my bedside cabinet, pulling out a small bottle of tablets, and then handing me some water that he must have got the night before. I smiled gratefully and popped them in my mouth.

“Better?”

“Getting there.”

He laughed and rolled onto his back, staring up at my ceiling. I watched him carefully for a second. “You didn’t want to go home, huh?”

“Didn’t fancy having my head bitten off more like. Besides it just seemed logical staying here instead of trying to get back to Gilbert. And I wanted to stay for you.”

I grimaced, remembering Rhiannon’s attitude from the night before. I honestly just didn’t understand how Garrett was continuing to deal with her. She was clearly a control freak on crack. As if to prove my point suddenly Garrett’s phone started to ring shrilly.

Rhiannon’s smiling face popped into view, grinning at us both. The ringing phone seemed to hang in the air between us. Garrett looked at it with disgust written clearly over his face, and then he did something I’d never seen before. He reached over and turned his phone off, and then tossed it back on the side.

“We should probably get up, seize the day and all the crap.”

It took me a second to respond, still shocked from what I’d just witnessed. Garrett was pretending like it was nothing, but to me it really wasn’t. At the end of the day when Rhiannon called, Garrett went running. But he was ignoring her, he was staying right here, and I felt my heart expand.

“Umm, I don’t know if you noticed, but I already got up, sleepyhead.”

He chuckled and swung his legs out of the bed. “Of course you did. Can I use your shower and a toothbrush?”

I nodded and told him to take a new one out of the cupboard. He smiled gratefully and then headed into the bathroom, leaving his phone behind. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at it.

Eventually I realised perhaps I was reading too much into it and I forced myself downstairs, firing up the coffee machine and starting to mix some pancake mixture while I could still hear the shower running upstairs. I turned the radio on, and as if by magic after a couple of tracks my favourite Beatles song was being played. ‘Something’ was such a beautiful song, and I sang along as I cracked the eggs into the bowl and beat in the flour. The events of the night before now felt like a lingering shadow rather than something horrible and consuming, and everything was good. Perfect. Almost. Near to perfect. Plus banana pancakes made everything better, anyway. I continued dancing and singing, shaking the spatula in the air as I went.

I was just serving the first pancake when I heard a noise from the doorway, and I swung around to find Garrett laughing at me, his lips twisted upwards into a smile, his body propped against the doorframe like he’s been watching a for a while. I froze.

“Oh don’t stop, I was enjoying the show.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, Garrett,” I said, trying to hide my embarrassment by turning my back on him and returning to the pancakes.

“Aww, but it was so cute,” he pouted.

He was behind me, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of turning around. He chuckled, and then I heard his voice, right by ear, singing the last few lines of the song as it came to a close, the radio DJ’s voice cutting over the outro-

‘Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how’

His husky voice made me shiver. Garrett could always sing, but he just didn’t really like using his voice. It wasn’t as strong as John’s or Ken’s but it was melodic and raspy in sections – like in key changes. I had always loved his voice and now it was tickling the shell of my ear and Garrett was right behind me.

I twisted around to find him smiling down at me, his hair from up close still damp from the shower. It was mixture of adorable and sexy that my body couldn’t really take so early in the morning.

“Umm, your pancake is ready,” I said hurriedly, thrusting the plate into his hand.

“Thanks Brands,” he took it off me, his smile wavering for a second before he set it down on the breakfast bar. He looked disappointed, which I just didn’t understand, but I ignored it and sat down opposite him with my own pancake.

Between mouthfuls Garret snapped his eyes up to mine.

“Brands, do you remember that day in eleventh grade, the Kirch’s dinner party?”

I vaguely remembered the afternoon he was referring to. “Umm yeah,” I hummed, “Why?”

“That was the first time we met Tim’s girlfriend, and now he has a kid with her. Isn’t that crazy?”

I thought of Tim and his beautiful daughter and nodded. “Kinda yeah. Why, are you scared of getting old or something?”

“No, not really,” he laughed, “just thinking, like you can know people for so long and not know how your future with them is gonna turn out like. If you asked Tim back then if he was going to have a child he’d have laughed you out of town, probably, and yet he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.”

I nodded, wondering where this was going, but Garrett looked like he was serious, his eyebrows scrunched over his nose; fork forgotten halfway to his mouth. “That’s true,” I agreed.

He finished off his pancake before he spoke again. Putting down his fork he looked up at me as I cleared the table. “You know I can’t imagine my life without you, right?”

I raised my eyebrows. ‘What, because I’m just that clingy?”

“No, B, I mean it. Like I try and think of my life without you in it, and it just doesn’t fit. It doesn’t.”

He was looking at me so solemnly I felt my teasing smile die on my lips. “Yeah, well, you’re pretty important to me too, Gare,” I admitted softly.

“Yeah?”

I frowned at him, confused by his questions and what he was saying. “Yeah, Gare.”

“Like how important?”

I stared at him, still sitting at the breakfast bar. He was twisting his fingers in his lap, looking at me anxiously.

“Pretty damn important, Garrett. Is this some sort of competition or something? Because seriously, you’re my best friend Garrett. I didn’t think we had to say stuff like that out loud anymore.”

“And you’d still love me even if I fucked up?”

Considering he was already fucking up with Rhiannon and I was still around to witness it, I nodded. “Of course, you idiot.”

I turned back to the dirty plates and the frying pan, trying to find the meaning in Garrett’s questions, and trying to furiously crush the assumptions my mind was jumping to, when I felt a hand snake round my stomach and Garrett pulled me into a hug from behind. His arms enveloped me and he rested his head on my shoulder, his sigh humming near my ear.

“You scared me last night. It really freaked me out to see that asshole with you – shit, Brandy, you don’t know what I wanted to do to him…”

I half-smiled. “I’m okay, Gare, you don’t need to worry about it.”

His arms tightened around my middle. “I know, I know, but I swear to God, if John hadn’t got there first I would have hit him myself.”

“Well, thank you.”

I bought a hand up to rub the arm curled around my stomach and let myself fold into his chest for a while. I felt Garrett take a deep breath in, his lips brushing the side of my head. It made my heart flutter, of course. The radio was still playing, ‘Wild Horses’ now filtering softly into the room, and everything settled down to a feeling of peace, like the moment could be frozen just there, or stretched out to last for days, just Garrett and I. The quietness of the moment somehow inspired some honesty in me.

“I love you.” I whispered.

He gave my middle a squeeze. “Love you too, Brands.”

I knew he didn’t catch my double meaning. He slowly released me and began clearing up the kitchen, humming as he went along, completely oblivious to my little declaration. But it was okay; I didn’t feel like I had to rush it anymore. I knew Garrett did love me, if not in the way I wanted him to, but it was there, and it was enough. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and smiled at me as he handed me a plate and I couldn’t help grinning back at him. Everything would be all right… in time.