Home

I managed to get Garrett back into the car and back home without much trouble, thankfully, and deposited him on the couch with a tumbler of water I told him to drink and a blanket. It took him approximately three minutes to fall asleep and afterwards I crawled into my own bed and lay awake until I could hear the birds chirping outside my window, thoughts of the boy downstairs keeping me up all night.

At seven am I padded downstairs, still in my pyjamas, with the intention of making myself some coffee and perhaps some toast and heading back upstairs until Garrett woke up. I expected him to be still passed out on the sofa, but when I entered the kitchen he was standing by the sink, a glass of orange juice in his hand, staring out into the yard.

I wasn’t sure how much Garrett remembered from last night, so I plastered a smile on my face but my voice came out higher than usual, squeaky to cover my nervousness.

“Morning sailor! How you feeling?”

He swung around and gave me a faint smile in return. “On top of the world,” he drawled, although his expression clearly said otherwise. His face was contorted and pale.

“That bad huh?”

“I feel like someone’s taken a jackhammer to my skull or something.”

I winced. “Hold on.” I came back with some Advil from my medicine cabinet, which I threw to him, and he swallowed a few tablets gratefully.

“Thanks. I didn’t wanna wake you to ask where you kept them. I hope I didn’t wake you anyway.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t sleep much to be honest.” I moved towards the fridge and got out a carton of eggs. “You hungry or not up for it yet?”

Garrett made a face and shrugged. “Maybe I’ll know when you start cooking.”

I smiled and set about breaking the eggs into a bowl. “This makes a change huh? You being the hung-over one?”

“Yeah, don’t get used to it Brands. Balance will be restored.”

I snorted and busied myself with the scrambled eggs. Turned out Garrett was hungry because as soon as I set them in front of him he grabbed a fork and plunged in. I ate mine more slowly, chewing and watching his face. He hadn’t even asked why he’d woken up in my house and not his own bed, which lead me to believe that he did, in fact, remember last night. Which meant he was just avoiding it. As usual.

John’s words poked at me – ‘he’s not acting on it, that’s the problem.’ My fork clattered against the china as I let it drop from my hand, and Garrett looked up, startled.

“What? Not a fan of scrambled eggs?”

“Are we going to address what happened last night or are we gonna continue tiptoeing around it all day?” I asked, suddenly very tired of everything. My breakfast, this town, Garrett included.

Instantly Garrett’s cheeks coloured and he put down his fork slowly, pushing the half finished plate away from him. “Everything’s a bit hazy,” he admitted, looking down at his lap instead of me. And my heart sank. Of course. He likely didn’t remember anything from inside the car at all.

“Gare?”

“She did it didn’t she? She finished with me?” Of course this is what he remembers.

Despite everything, I wanted to jump up and down and tell Garrett that yes, this was a good thing, but his eyes have slid closed, scrunched up tight and there are valleys of pain in his forehead where his eyebrows crumple over his nose. The words get caught in my throat, instead.

“That’s what it sounded like… Are you okay?”

It’s a stupid question maybe, but Garrett forced his eyes back open and nodded slowly. “Yes. I mean, no, but fuck. I just, I didn’t see it coming, you know?”

I shrugged, because it seemed pretty obvious to me – theirs was not a healthy relationship – but that hadn’t seemed to matter to Garrett. He was still clinging on – for routine or a sense of comfort or lingering affection, I don’t know. But he didn’t love her anymore. Not if what he told me last night was the truth.

Was it the truth? I didn’t feel like asking now, not when Garrett was slumped at my dining room table.

“I kinda hoped I’d just dreamed it. Fucking idiotic, really.”

I said nothing and stayed in my seat because I didn’t trust myself to not lean over and grab his shoulders and shake, hopefully force some sense into him.

“I have to go talk to her, don’t I?” He said wearily. “Closure, or something.”

“It’s a good idea,” I replied, trying to sound off-hand and supportive. Garrett hauled himself upright.

“Thanks for saving my ass last night B. My knight in shining armour - I owe you.”

I couldn’t help smiling. “I accept payment in chocolate and iced coffee only.”

Garrett’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he stepped towards me and pressed a kiss to the side of my head, pulling me into a light hug.

“Duly noted. I’ll catch the bus home. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed as Garrett pulled away, heading for the door.

Baby steps, I told myself. I’d talk to him about the car conversation later. One thing at a time. What was it my mother used to tell me? Rome wasn’t built in a day.

It’s just that lately, it felt like Garrett and I were crumbling from the foundations upwards.

Xxx

Tayla had been M.I.A quite often recently, which I assumed was a result of her blossoming relationship with Ben. (Which I tried not to feel bitter about, I really did.) I did feel bad, however, that we’d spent so much time talking about me and my life that I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her about Ben at all, really. I hoped he wasn’t a douchebag. Tayla had history with douchebags.

But anyway, Tayla wasn’t home, and whilst Jess and Hannah were awesome I didn’t feel comfortable talking to them when they were both so blissfully in love, and I’d bugged John too much already. Which left me with one option.

Time to call Mom.

Was I really about to do this? It was like I was sixteen again and crying about my latest high school crush to my mother over my Froot Loops in the morning. Instead of cutting away to her answering machine the phone started to ring, and it appeared that apparently I was doing this. Brilliant.

“Hello?”

“Mom? It’s me.”

“Brandy? Darling! Are you okay? Well isn’t this a surprise! How lovely!”

I chuckled lightly at my mother’s enthusiastic response. “Hey Mom. How have you been?”

“Me? Oh I’ve been excellent. I’m just out grocery shopping. Gregg and I are hosting a dinner party later on for his work colleagues. It’s going to be fabulous!”

“Sounds great, Mom.”

“We’re doing canapés, too. Canapés! How exciting! Oh Brandy, I wish you were here!”

I sniffed. “Yeah, me too Mom.”
There was a crackling down the line as my mom adjusted the phone against her ear. “How’s Arizona been?”

“Humid. Good, I guess.”

“You guess? Honey, is something wrong?”

“Uhhmmm….” I found myself struggling with where to start, and my mom jumped over me.

“Brandy, sweetie, tell me what it is.”

“There’s this boy…”

My mother clicked her tongue derisively. “Isn’t there always? “

I laughed darkly in reply, because in a way this is true. It had always been Garrett, since we were kids in high school. Always.

“Well, honey?” her voice was concerned, but just a teensy bit curious. I still paused, and even though I was just talking to her on the phone, my face heated up anyway. Which was ridiculous.

“I’minlovewithGarrettandIdon’tknowwhattodo.” It came out as a jumble of letters and sounds, a garble of emotion.

“Oh, honey. You couldn’t have realised this earlier?”

“What? You knew? You live in New Jersey!”

“Brandy, dear, you’re not as good at hiding your emotions as you think you are. I’m your mother, it was obvious.”

“What?” I’m still astounded. “But I didn’t realise I liked him until a couple of months ago! And I thought it was just a passing crush, but it wasn’t and it isn’t and I really like him Mom, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Are you sure you love him this time?”

“I’m sure Mom,” my voice cracked even though I thought I had control over it. “It’s just everything else that is confusing.”

My mother sighed. “This sure would have been easier if you discovered this during high school, you know. But you always do take your time with things. Do it your own way.”

“Huh?”

“Brandy, dear, you’ve been in love with Garrett since you were fifteen years old and everybody but the two of you could tell. But you left it too late and I thought you’d missed the opportunity. But since you’re ringing me now, I’d guess you haven’t.”

“Huh?” I repeated stupidly. My mother was doing nothing but confuse me further, and when I said as much, she laughed.

“I’m sitting down for a coffee now. Tell me everything, and then we’ll see what to do, okay?”

“Okay…”

So I relayed mostly everything to my Mom (leaving out almost sleeping with John and downplaying what happened at the club) whilst my Mom made little humming noises and interjected a few ‘go on’s and ‘and then what?’ as I talked. When I was finished there was a clink as she put down her coffee mug. It felt good to get it all off my chest – how I felt, all the idiotic things that had happened, and it felt better that at last I had my Mom’s support.

“Well, Brandy, you’ve got yourself in quite a pickle.”

“Gee, thanks Mom.”

“Oh honey. This is what you need to do: find the right moment and tell Garrett how you feel.”

“But that’s terrifying!”

“Of course it is, dear, but it’s the only way. Make sure he’s comfortable and then tell him. You say Rhiannon and Garrett are no longer an item?”

I worried at my pinkie nail as I talked. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, there. Perfect. Go get ‘em girl.”

“Mom,” I cringed. “Don’t say things like that.”

She laughed and ignored me. “Now, any more emotional breakdowns? How’s work?”

“Paying the bills,” I replied flatly.

“Which is enough for now. You have to really show Garrett how you feel, Brandy – and then tell me everything after, promise?”

“Mom.”

“Only remember to be safe, won’t you? I know you can get caught up in the moment but—“

“Mom!” I spluttered. “I haven’t even kissed him yet!”

“Well hopefully that’ll change! Brandy, darling, I have to go, but call me soon, okay? Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom. Bye,” I replied sadly, before hanging up and throwing my phone to the end of my bed.

I hadn’t really got any new advice from my mother, but it felt good to hear her voice and know she was on my side. What she said about always being in love with Garrett stuck, though. All those years if friendship – had I been lying to myself the entire time? It appeared I had. Oh joy.

Xxx

The doorbell sounded for the eighth time in as many seconds and I fumbled with my kimono, throwing it on over my pyjamas. It was mid-day but I still wasn’t dressed. What else was new?

The person on the other side of the door was obviously impatient because the doorbell rang again. “Alright! Jesus, calm down!” I yelled, before running down that stairs and throwing the door open, still frowning at their incessant door bell ringing.

Garrett was stood on my front porch and when he saw me he looked me up and down, eyeing my floral silk kimono that I used as a dressing gown when it was warm, and then at my ratty sweat shorts and NASA shirt underneath, coupled with my old worn flip flops. Not quite matching. He smiled warmly at me, but then shook his head. “Nope, that’s not gonna do.”

I blinked. “Uhm, hello? And I’m sorry?” He brushed past me. “Oh, yes, please, do come in.”

It was only then I noticed the 8123 holdall he was carrying, and what looked like a suit in its dry cleaning cover draped over his arm. “Gare? What’s going on?”

“We’re going on a road trip,” he announced happily. “To Florida. Surprise!”

I stood and stared at him. “What?”

“Road trip to Florida!” he repeated, sounding fake-ly enthused, throwing his hands into the air.

“Uhhm, can I ask why?”

Garrett sighed and dropped the whole over enthusiastic act. “I was hoping you’d just say yes and jump in.”

“But that would make me insane,” I pointed out. “You’re insane. What’s going on?”

“Fine. My cousin’s wedding is this weekend in Coral Springs – where I was born – and I have to go. And I was flying with Rhiannon, but, uhhh, she made it very clear earlier that we are no longer together, so I guess that isn’t happening anymore. So I figured that maybe you and I could go?” he squinted at me hopefully and I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Oh, you figured, did you?”

“Please Brands! Are you gonna make me beg?”

“Maybe….” I answered. Honestly it wasn’t so much the prospect of long road trip that bothered me now I understood the reason behind it, it was the fact that it was a wedding. I hated weddings. Everything about them revolted me. From the table displays to the sickeningly cute but completely fake exchange of vows – I despised every part. It was a charade of love, an excuse to indulge and party and kid yourself that you were doing the right thing.

Garrett knew this – but yet he was still asking. That was also the problem – long road trip equalled lots of one on one time with Garrett and that kind of terrified me. With so much time to fill what if I accidently blurted out my feelings and the time wasn’t right like my Mom said?

Garrett was already scrambling to get on his knees before me, hands clasped in a mocking prayer. “Pleaseeee Brandy? I don’t wanna go on my own. My whole family’s gonna be there and it’ll be unbearable. Major suckage.” He batted his eyelashes at me for good measure, dark against his blue eyes.

How quickly my resolve shattered.

“Fine,” I said grouchily, and immediately Garrett jumped back to his feet, beaming. “When do we leave?”

“Uhh, now? That’s why your pyjamas aren’t gonna work.”

“Now? Jesus Garrett! You just want to get up and go?”

“I’m really sorry! Do you think you can get a bag together, a dress?” he asked sheepishly.

I sighed extra melodramatically to make sure he knew he owed me, and nodded. “Give me, like, an hour.”

He nodded readily. “Sure, sure.”

“And I have to ring Tayla and tell her I’m going away! And oh, God, I’m gonna have to skive off work again,” I realised, bringing a hand to my head. “They’re going to fire me!”

“No they won’t Brands. You’ve been ‘ill’ remember? Just extend it a little more.”

“Hopefully they’ll buy it. Ugh, you’re the worst. I can’t believe you’re making me go on this trip. To a wedding! I hate weddings!”

“Yeah, you’re a marriage non-believer, I know. But it won’t be that bad, I promise!”

I looked at him pointedly until he shrugged. “Okay, so maybe it will, but we’ll have our own fun, alright? Now go pack, crazy girl!”

I headed upstairs and started throwing clothes into a small holdall – random tanks, shorts, a few nicer sundresses, finally pulling out a dress I kept for special occasions out of my closet and some matching shoes. Garrett was right, this was crazy. I was crazy. He was crazy, the entire road trip idea was crazy. But yet I was going anyway.

This could be my time, right? With Garrett. And me. Together. Sure, it was a little soon after his break up (try, right after) but he seemed fine. He acted liked he was fine. I didn’t know how much he was keeping inside, though… and that bugged me.

Our own kind of fun. I wondered if he and I had different definitions of that kind of ‘fun’, and found myself blushing as I stuffed clothes into my bag. This was either going to be one of the best irrational, impromptu decisions of my life, or I was seriously going to regret it.

I’d just have to wait and find out.