I Remember

I awoke with Bam’s arms around me, I had remembered last night. I didn’t regret it, but I wasn’t proud of myself. I slipped out of Bam’s arms, being careful not to wake him. I went into the bathroom and started the shower; a nice relaxing shower was what I needed. I stepped under the war water, thoughts of the previous night hitting me. I felt guilty, like I had cheated on Ville. I knew this wasn’t the case, but it didn’t change how I felt.

Ville and I had never really talked about what we would do if, god forbid, something happened to one of us. I think that we both knew that no matter what happened, we would be loyal and faithful to one another, even if death separated us. So I guess that explained the guilt I was feeling. I felt as I had broken that silent vow Ville and I shared.

I stepped out of the shower and got dressed. I looked at Bam’s sleeping form and knew I had to talk to Ville. I quietly walked downstairs and got the keys to the Hummer. I left a note for Bam, telling him where I would be and left the house.

I arrived at the cemetery minutes later, dreading what I was about to say. I slowly walked to the grave, kneeling before it.

“Ville, darling, I feel horrible. Last night . . . I . . . I . . . I slept with Bam,” I whispered, tears pouring out of my eyes.

“I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just kinda did. I wanted to tell you that it will never happen again and that I love you, for eternity,” I said, sobbing uncontrollably.

An hour or so later I knew I was ready to go get the kids and send them off to Finland. I needed alone time, I needed time to think. I wiped my eyes one final time before getting into the Hummer.

I headed over to Ape and Phil’s to get the kids. Once we were all settled, we sped back to Castle Bam to get their things. I tried to avoid Bam as much as I could, but it was impossible since he wanted to see the kids off. We all piled into the Hummer thirty minutes later.

Once at the Airport, I let Bam take care of everything. I just wanted to cling to my kids and hold onto them till the time came, when I finally had to let go. Bam got their passports sorted and got their boarding passes. Soon we were standing at security, the final stop for me and Bam.

“Brandon, I want you to look after your sister, and be good for Linde and Mige . . . okay?”

“Yes mom, don’t worry, I can handle it,” He said, giving me a hug and going through the security gate, Eveliina in tow.

“Bam, I hope they are going to be okay,” I said, finally looking at him.

“They will be, they are more like Ville than you think,” He said, pulling me into a hug.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I whispered into Bam’s neck.

By the time we finally arrived home it was late. I got out of the Hummer and headed straight for bed, yelling a goodnight to Bam over my shoulder. Once in my room, I quickly changed into my pajamas and took my place under the sheets. I turned to face the nightstand, staring at a picture of me and Ville, the night we got engaged. I drifted off to sleep thinking of that night.

HIM started the set and I can see a change in Ville, he was smiling and was so energetic. It was like he had a glow about him. The band played a few songs. I and the guys jammed for a while and as it grew near to the end of the concert, Ville called all of us out onstage for the last couple songs. I all walked onstage, Bam walked over to Ville and hugged him. The crowd screamed when they saw Bam.

The band started to play Soul on Fire, I loved this song. As Ville sang, I and Dunn danced around screaming the lyrics. Bam joined in not to soon after you started. Then as the song ended Ville walked over and grabbed my hand, I looked at him confused.

“Tonight is a very special night.” He said to the crowd.

“Tonight you get to witness something that I hope you all support. As my fans you know I love you all but there is someone I love more.” Ville bends down on one knee and looks into my eyes. Tears swell up and start to cascade down my cheek.

“Angelus, My Beautiful Angel, the love of my life, mother of my child, Will you marry me?” he opened a small box.

Inside is a diamond in the shape of a heart with two tear dropped shaped sapphires on the side and engraved along the band was My Beautiful Angel, No one Will Love You The Way I Do. I looked at Ville and all I could do was nod my head. He placed the ring on my finger and drew me into a warm embrace, the crowd screamed. Ville kissed me tenderly and whispered “I love you.” into my ear. All I could do was smile.

Suddenly I was back on that path again. I followed it to the bench where Ville sat, waiting for me. I ran to him, hugging him so tight, placing kisses all over his face.

“That night was so special,” he said as I took my place in his lap.

“I know that night was the best night of my life. It meant I would be yours and you would be mine, forever,” I said, taking in his sent.

“Forever is a long time sweetheart,” Ville whispered as he kissed me.

“Forever is not long enough,” I said as I smiled.

“Maybe it is too much to ask of you,” He said looking into my eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Bam. If you only wanted me forever, why did you do what you did with Bam?” He asked a hurt tone in his voice.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen. You are my only love, you are my everything. Forgive me my love,” I pleaded, tears in my eyes. Ville placed a tender kiss on my lips.

“You’re Beyond Redemption.”

I awoke, crying, gasping for breath. I had hurt Ville and that was his way of telling me. I needed to redeem myself; I had to find a way. I needed Ville’s love and forgiveness, but most of all I needed Ville.