Gerard Is Dead!
Texts
“My phone? Who could be calling me here,” Gerard wondered out loud. The only person he could think of was…
“God?” Gerard looked to the heavens. No, it can’t be, he then thought to himself. How would He have gotten my number?.
“Oh! A text!” Gerard exclaimed pleasantly when he took out his pocket. He did so love getting texts. “And from my best friend Frankie!”
When Gerard read the text, he gasped. ‘at mi FUNeral,’ he replied, ‘without meh?! how culd u?!’ He hit send and waiting haughtily for the reply.
Back at the church, Frank had his phone in Loud Ring, and it rang, quite loudly, into the church. The minister stopped talking, and everyone gave Frank a disapproving look. “Oops sorry!” Frank apologized. “A text!”
When Frank read the text he had received from Gerard, he covered his mouth to keep from screaming. ‘im sory gee! i didnt kno u were planning on coming!’
‘its ok. r ther flowers at my funeral?’ Gerard texted back.
‘only dead 1s lyke u wanted’
‘good,’ Gerard was starting to type, when his phone suddenly started beeping. A red light on the screen flashed. “Rats!” he cursed, and quickly texted, ‘sory hav to go, fone almost out of battery. luv u’
‘luv u 2’ Frankie replied, and then turned off his phone so no one else could interrupt him for the rest of Gerard’s service.
“Frank that was really disrespectful, getting a phone call like that in the middle of Gerard’s funeral,” Mikey sniffled when they exited the church a while later.
“Well sorry,” Frank huffed. “It’s not like I called myself and made the phone ring! I didn’t know it was gonna happened!”
“Who did you get a call from, anyway?” asked Bob. “I thought Gerard was the only person who ever called you.”
“NO!” said Frank defiantly. “And it was a text.”
“So who was it?” Bob pressed.
Frank didn’t answer for a long while, feeling embarrassed. Finally, he admitted, “Okay, it was Gerard! Happy?!”
Everyone stared at him.
Back in limbo, Gerard was sitting on the curb, trying to think of how to reach Patrick. He didn’t know the first thing about the guy. And then it came to him.
“Pete! Pete!” Gerard screamed, running back into Pete’s limbo hideout.
“You’ve got Patrick to love me?!” Pete exclaimed. “And so quick!”
“Actually… no,” Gerard admitted.
“What?!?” screeched Pete, and he clapped his hands so that the lights dimmed, giving the impression that the room was getting darker because of Pete’s own darkening mood. “I thought I told you not to return here until you had done what was asked of you!?”
“Yeah, but see the thing is, I need Patrick’s phone number. And a cell phone charger.”
Pete clapped and the lights got brighter again. “Why?” he asked briskly.
“To contact Patrick!” explained Gerard.
“What do I look like to you?” Pete wondered. “A phonebook? A mobile phone supplies shop?”
“No,” whimpered Gerard.
“Alright then…” said Pete. “I’ll write down both Patrick’s home phone numbers, and his cell. And here –” Pete tossed a cell phone charger at Gerard’s face “ – but don’t come back here sniveling and asking for help again until you’ve done the job!”
“M’kay,” agreed Gerard, and he left.
“God?” Gerard looked to the heavens. No, it can’t be, he then thought to himself. How would He have gotten my number?.
“Oh! A text!” Gerard exclaimed pleasantly when he took out his pocket. He did so love getting texts. “And from my best friend Frankie!”
When Gerard read the text, he gasped. ‘at mi FUNeral,’ he replied, ‘without meh?! how culd u?!’ He hit send and waiting haughtily for the reply.
Back at the church, Frank had his phone in Loud Ring, and it rang, quite loudly, into the church. The minister stopped talking, and everyone gave Frank a disapproving look. “Oops sorry!” Frank apologized. “A text!”
When Frank read the text he had received from Gerard, he covered his mouth to keep from screaming. ‘im sory gee! i didnt kno u were planning on coming!’
‘its ok. r ther flowers at my funeral?’ Gerard texted back.
‘only dead 1s lyke u wanted’
‘good,’ Gerard was starting to type, when his phone suddenly started beeping. A red light on the screen flashed. “Rats!” he cursed, and quickly texted, ‘sory hav to go, fone almost out of battery. luv u’
‘luv u 2’ Frankie replied, and then turned off his phone so no one else could interrupt him for the rest of Gerard’s service.
“Frank that was really disrespectful, getting a phone call like that in the middle of Gerard’s funeral,” Mikey sniffled when they exited the church a while later.
“Well sorry,” Frank huffed. “It’s not like I called myself and made the phone ring! I didn’t know it was gonna happened!”
“Who did you get a call from, anyway?” asked Bob. “I thought Gerard was the only person who ever called you.”
“NO!” said Frank defiantly. “And it was a text.”
“So who was it?” Bob pressed.
Frank didn’t answer for a long while, feeling embarrassed. Finally, he admitted, “Okay, it was Gerard! Happy?!”
Everyone stared at him.
Back in limbo, Gerard was sitting on the curb, trying to think of how to reach Patrick. He didn’t know the first thing about the guy. And then it came to him.
“Pete! Pete!” Gerard screamed, running back into Pete’s limbo hideout.
“You’ve got Patrick to love me?!” Pete exclaimed. “And so quick!”
“Actually… no,” Gerard admitted.
“What?!?” screeched Pete, and he clapped his hands so that the lights dimmed, giving the impression that the room was getting darker because of Pete’s own darkening mood. “I thought I told you not to return here until you had done what was asked of you!?”
“Yeah, but see the thing is, I need Patrick’s phone number. And a cell phone charger.”
Pete clapped and the lights got brighter again. “Why?” he asked briskly.
“To contact Patrick!” explained Gerard.
“What do I look like to you?” Pete wondered. “A phonebook? A mobile phone supplies shop?”
“No,” whimpered Gerard.
“Alright then…” said Pete. “I’ll write down both Patrick’s home phone numbers, and his cell. And here –” Pete tossed a cell phone charger at Gerard’s face “ – but don’t come back here sniveling and asking for help again until you’ve done the job!”
“M’kay,” agreed Gerard, and he left.