A New Life

-Charlie-
The next time I open my eyes, my entire body feels lighter. It’s like someone flipped a switch inside me. I feel relaxed and... well, I feel good.

“Charlie. Baby. You’re awake again.” Sean says, sitting on the bed next to me smiling.
“Hey.” I croak, matching his smile.
“How do you feel?” He asks.
“Better.” I respond. “Much better.”
“That’s so fantastic, my love. I was just about to go get Maddy and bring her up here.”

I smile at my husband, thinking about the implications of what he just said. I’m about to meet my daughter for the first time. A week after her birth.

“Can you bring Bella up too?” I ask.
His face falls.
“I can ask, but I don’t know if they’ll let me.” He responds.
“Oh.”
“Charlie... I-”
“Don’t worry about it.” I interrupt. “I was just hoping to meet them both at the same time, you know? I mean... they’re both my daughters.”
“I can ask. They haven’t taken Bella off the machine yet, but it is portable. Maybe they can bring her up here?” He suggests.
“It’s okay if they can’t. But maybe.... maybe we wait to bring Maddy up? So that I can have them both at the same time.”
“Of course, Charlie. I’m so sorry I didn’t think about it.”
“It’s okay.”

He rubs my hand with his fingers for a minute before I speak again.

“Are you ever going to tell me what exactly happened?” I ask.
“With the birth?”
“Yeah.”

He frowns and in the light I can see the dark circles under his eyes more clearly.

“Charlie, it’s.... I.... you deserve to know. And I want to be the one to tell you everything. But....”
“It’s bad...” I supply.
“It’s really bad.”
“Will I be okay?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Are the girls okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Then everything will be fine.”
“We can’t have any more kids.” He blurts out.

My head pulls back slightly, and my eyes are wide.

“They couldn’t fix your uterus after it ripped. They tried, initially. But it was more damaged than we originally thought. They couldn’t stitch the scar tissue together and that’s why you just kept bleeding and bleeding. That’s why you lost so much blood. That’s why you... died on the table.” He chokes back a sob and I can feel my hand squeezing his. “They had to do an emergency hysterectomy in order to save your life.”

I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, processing the information he just told me. My uterus was worse that we thought. They couldn’t fix it. I died. They removed my uterus completely. I lost so much blood that I was in a coma for a week.

“Okay.” I say, surprising both Sean and myself.
“Okay?” He asks.
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Baby...”
“It’s okay, Sean.” I cut him off. “We have two daughters of our own now. We’ll love them and take care of them and make sure that they’re absolutely perfect in every way. And if, for whatever reason, we decide that two isn’t enough.... well, we can always adopt a kid, right?”

He sighs, visibly relaxing.

“Yeah. We can.” He agrees.

“I love you, Sean Couturier.”
“I love you too, Charlie Couturier.”
“Kiss me.”

A small smile plays on his face and he leans forward, capturing my lips with his. It feels comforting, having skin to skin contact with him. It feels right.

“I actually have something else to tell you.” He says, pulling away.
“Is it more bad news?” I ask.
“No. But it’s.... it’s a toss up, actually.”
“Tell me.”

He takes a deep breath in, tucking my hair back before speaking.

“The day after the birth, they had to go back in and do another surgery. The first time they only did a partial hysterectomy, since they had to close you up as soon as possible. So they finished it the next day. Before that surgery, I asked Dr. Roberts if there was anything we could do to save your eggs. You know, preserve them. So that in the future we can still have the option to have another kid.”

“What did she say?” I ask.

“She said that she would remove your eggs when they finished the surgery and have them froze. But she also said that with the damage that was done between the explosion, the built up scar tissue, the pregnancy, the uterus tear, and the hysterectomy, there’s a huge possibility that they would be damaged as well. But there’s no way for them to test if they’re damaged or not, other than to combine them with sperm and see if they create a baby.”

“So.... my eggs are frozen. But they might be damaged. And the only way to find out if they work is to try to make another baby?” I clarify.

“Pretty much.” He nods.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry if that wasn’t the right thing to do. I don’t mean to get your hopes up or anything. I just.... I saw our two little girls and even though I know we have no idea what we’re doing and it’ll be a while before we’re ready to even consider another.... I just couldn’t help but think about having more. Maybe a boy this time? A little hockey player. Another girl would be fine, though. I wouldn’t be picky or anything. I just... I want more.”

I reach up and brush my fingers along his cheek.

“Thank you.” I say. He furrows his brow at me. “It might be getting both of our hopes up. But... I haven’t even met our daughters yet and I already want more too. I want everything with you. And if another kid will make you happy, I’m more than willing to try.”
His smile glows bright, breaking the gloom that had been painted on his face.
“We’ll wait a couple years, of course.” I add. “And make sure that we’re not complete failures as parents.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we will. But then we’ll have another?”
“We will try.” I smile.