A New Life

*Three updates in under 24 hours! Make sure you read 4 and 5!*

-Charlie-
The rest of the day goes just as wonderfully as the beginning. After lunch, Sean and I crawl into bed together for his pre-game nap and he wraps his arms around me, snuggling close.

“I know I’ve already said this a million times, but you’re going to have to get used to hearing it. Charlotte Rose Colemann Couturier, I love you so much. To the moon and back. I know that having twins is going to be hard on us. Especially on you, since I have to travel a lot. But I promise you I’m going to do everything I can to make it easier on you whenever I get the chance. I’ll be here as often as I can for both you and our little little girls. You’re my queen, and they’re my princesses.” He leans down and presses two kisses on my stomach, one for each girl. Then he brings his face back up to mine and presses a strong kiss to my lips.

“Sean, I know you will be the best father ever. I know how much you already love them both. And that’s all that I can ask for. It is going to be tough, but we know it’s going to work out. Just look at Kimmo and Johanna, they still have the perfect family even though he’s not around as often as they’d like. We can do that too.”

“Tell me you love me?” He asks, nuzzling his face into my neck.
“Of course I love you. I love you with everything I have, and everything I am.”

“Good. Now let’s sleep so I can score a hat trick tonight. One goal for each of my girls.”

A couple hours later Sean’s alarm goes off and we get out of bed, getting ready for the game. I slide on the Winter Classic jersey he gave me our first Christmas together and help him with his tie, my fingers fumbling as we go. Sean notices my behavior is off slightly and wraps his arms around me.

“Baby, if you’re too tired let me know. You don’t have to come to the game.” He says.
“Sean, I’m fine. I can handle going to a hockey game.”
“You’re exhausted, I can tell. Charlie, please. It’s been an emotional couple of days and I don’t want you to overwork yourself. I’m not going to be mad if you’re not there. I’d rather you watch from bed and rest.”
“Jesus, Sean. I said I’m fine!” I snap, pulling away from him.
I don’t appreciate him insinuating that I’m not okay.
“Okay, Charlie.” He growls. “Sorry for trying to look out for you.”
“You don’t have to look out for me!” I yell. “I’m a grown ass woman.”
“Yeah, a grown ass woman pregnant with twins!”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask.
“Pregnancy makes women tired. Carrying twins is even more exhausting!”

“Oh thanks, Mr. Pregnancy. You just know everything, don’t you?” I spit, sarcastically.
“I know what the doctor told us!”
“Well guess what? I think I know my body better than you do.”
“You can’t even tell how tired you are! I can see it, Charlie. Your eyes are drooping, your muscles aren’t responding as quickly as normal... you’re tired, Charlie! I just think it would be better if you didn’t come tonight.”
“I’m telling you I’m fine! Why are you so against me going to your game?” I ask, storming into the bathroom.
“I’m not against you going! You know I love you being there.” He says, following me. “I just want you to do what’s best for the babies.”

I scoff, pulling my hair into a high ponytail.
“So you don’t trust my decisions?” I ask.

“What?”

“You don’t think I’m making the right decisions for the babies. Tell me, Sean. When they’re born, will you trust me enough to leave me home alone with them when you’re on a two week road trip to the west coast?”
“Of course I will! Where is this coming from?”

“Why don’t you trust me with them now? You’re trying to force me to stay home because you don’t think I’m capable of going to the game.”

“NO!” He hollers, startling me. “I just think it would be best if you stayed home and rested. You’re an amputee pregnant with twins! Your body needs to relax, or you could be putting them in danger!”
“So now I’m an unfit mother because I only have one leg?”

I can’t believe he’s saying this about me.

“That’s not what I said!”
“That’s exactly what you just said! I have one leg, so my babies are in danger!”
“Charlie! Shut up for a second and listen to me!”
“Don’t you dare tell me to shut up.” I growl.
“This is ridiculous. I have to leave now. You know, for my game that I need to be focusing on. Are you coming or not?”

I growl, furrowing my brow at him.

“You know what, I’ll just stay here. So the unfit mother isn’t a distraction for you.”
He sighs, frustrated. “I never said you’re an unfit mother.” He growls.
“You have a game to get to. Get out.” I demand, staring at the hairbrush in my hand.

He takes one more look at me before heading back into the bedroom, without a kiss. I hear the door shut and his car start.

Letting out a breath and holding in my tears, I look in the mirror and notice the dark bags under my eyes. My shoulders drop and I realize how right he was. I’m exhausted, physically emotionally and mentally.

I head back to the bedroom and strip my jeans off, changing them out for my comfy plaid pajamas pants. I look down at Sean’s jersey, debating if I want to keep it on or not. I’ve never worn anything else when he’s playing, home or away game. I decide to keep it on and head to the kitchen to just do something to take my mind off the argument.

I realize now that I overreacted. Sean had a valid point, my body is already compensating for the fact that I have a prosthetic leg. Add to that being pregnant, and with twins? I do need all the rest I can get. Actually, more like I need to minimize all the stress I can. Funny, since that argument actually made me more stressed than anything.

I plug my phone into the charger on the island and turn to my kitchen counter, deciding to cook myself dinner. I choose to make a cheeseburger casserole, since I’ve been craving cheeseburgers all day but don’t feel like firing up the grill. Also, that’ll leave something for Sean to have when he comes home after the game.

I whip it up and put it in the oven, also grabbing the box of pigs in a blanket Sean bought me last week and putting them in there too. Apparently our girls love picnic foods. I decide to completely sanitize the kitchen while I wait for it to cook, and eventually I have most of it done.

The timer beeps and I pull the casserole and pigs out of the oven and place them on the sanitized island to cool while I attack the stove with chemicals. Then I clean the lower oven, which wasn’t used and by the time I’ve got all that done, it’s almost time for the game.

I serve a generous portion of the casserole onto a plate and cover the rest with tin foil, putting it back into the top oven to stay warm. I write a quick note that the casserole is in the oven, and place it next to the refrigerator. I put my plate of casserole on the baking sheet of pigs in a blankets and grab a glass of water, taking it all back to the bedroom.

I lock the door behind me and get situated in the bed with my food, just in time for the puck to drop. I can tell immediately that Sean’s game is off, and feel guilty for it. I shouldn’t have freaked out on him, he really was just looking out for me. But then again, he shouldn’t have left without making it right. Or at least kissing me. That hurt a lot.

As the game progresses, Sean’s play continues to get worse. His passes are off line, the few shots he takes are way wide, and his defense is sloppy at best. Shoveling my food into my mouth, I debate texting him and apologizing. But then I remember my phone is still plugged into the charger in the kitchen, and I’m still mad at him for leaving without kissing me.

The game is painful, and they end up losing 7-1. Sean could easily be blamed for 4 of those goals. I watch the post-game interviews with eyes half-closed, wincing whenever they mention how terribly Sean played. I know it’s my fault.

Eventually, I feel sleep overpowering me and turn the tv off, curling on my side against Sean’s pillow and giving in to unconsciousness.

The sound of the garage door stirs me, and I look at the clock realizing Sean just got home. It’s well past the time he normally gets home, which worries me slightly. I hear the garage door slam shut and the sound of Sean’s feet heading for our bedroom door.

The doorknob jiggles and I remember that I locked it.
“Charlie!” He yells, clearly drunk. “Open the fucking door!”
I don’t get up, though. He pounds on the door.
“God damn it, Charlie. Don’t be a fucking bitch. Open the damn door!”
I roll over, tears piercing my eyes.
“You’re the reason I was so horrible today, you know. It’s all your fucking fault!”

I feel the tears slip past my eyelids and hear him muttering curse words at me on the other side of the door. Eventually I hear his feet leave from outside the door, heading for the kitchen. A couple minutes later, I hear the beep of the microwave and the clank of silverware. The television turns on and I can hear the soft sound of NHL Tonight. Everything else goes silent.

Sniffling, I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. But sleep never comes. I watch as the clock ticks minute by minute. Hours pass, and the sun starts peaking through the window. When the clock says it’s eight thirty, I get up and slowly start getting ready for the day. I hop to the shower and take my time washing off the dirty feel from yesterday. I brush my teeth and pull on a pair of yoga pants and my favorite long sleeved Air Force shirt. I have to get out of the house, that much I know.

When I’m ready, I sneak out the bedroom door and find Sean passed out on the couch, still in his suit from last night. I grab his dirty plate rom the table and take it into the kitchen, placing it in the sink. I grab the keys to my car, my phone, and the grocery list, heading out to the garage. I know the grocery store isn’t open yet, so I head to the park first.

When I pull in, I find a parking spot and let out a sigh. I get out and start walking the familiar path I’ve been taking for my daily walks. I check my phone, noticing the dozens of missed calls and texts from everyone. Everyone except Sean.

I decide to respond to Janine’s, who seemed the most worried about me.

Janine: Where are you? You feeling okay?
Charlie: Hey, sorry I didn’t respond last night. It’s a long story. I was exhausted and defensive and Sean and I got into a huge fight, so I didn’t go to the game. Still haven’t talked to him since he came home drunk last night and slept on the couch. I hope they don’t have practice today, since he’s still passed out. Want to go for brunch soon?

I get a response back immediately.

Janine: Oh thank God you’re okay. We were all worried and Sean wasn’t saying anything. They have optional skate at 3 today. Do you want to talk about it? Where are you?
Charlie: Sorry I worried you. I don’t really want to go home right now, so it doesn’t matter if I talk about it or not. I’m going to do some grocery shopping later and then force myself to go home. I’m at the park now, walking my usual route.
Janine: Want to come over after? I’ll make brunch foods.
Charlie: Sounds fantastic. No eggs, though. Just the thought of them makes me want to puke.
Janine: Will do. Let me know when you’re on your way.

I sigh, deciding to cut my walk short a little bit. Turning around, I start heading back to the parking lot. As I reach my car, my phone rings and I look down to see that Sean is calling me. I freeze, debating if I want to answer it or not. I choose not to and watch as it rings and rings, finally going to voicemail. A minute later, my phone dings again telling me that I have a message. I decide to listen to it right away. His voice is rough and I can tell he’s hungover. But I can also tell he’s in pain.

“Charlie, baby. I’m so sorry for last night. Please come home. I want- no I need to talk to you. Please, baby. At least let me know where you are. That you’re safe.... I love you, Charlie. I really do.”

The sound of his begging voice brings tears to my eyes and I let them fall. I can’t avoid him forever. I need to go home now. I send a quick text to Janine, telling her about my change of plans and pull out of the parking spot.