A New Life

-Charlie-
I’m standing in the middle of the Kandahar desert, wearing my Air Force uniform. It’s sweltering hot, and I don’t have any water with me. I don’t have anything with me at all. I quickly inspect myself, finding no scars on my arms at all. I lift my left leg hesitantly, and see that it’s not my prosthetic. It’s real.

I know this dream.

A voice cries out to my left, and I look over. About fifty or sixty yards away I see a man laying on the hot sand, holding his knee. Even from the far distance I can see the dark maroon color of blood. He’s wearing an Air Force uniform exactly like mine. He’s American.

I start running towards him as fast as I can. He needs my help. It’s my job to help him. I close the distance quickly and as I’m about ten yards away, I realize that I recognize the man.

In the old dream, it was Chris. But not this time. This time, it’s Sean.

He’s screaming out in pain, but there are no obvious wounds. No shrapnel, no deformities. But there’s blood. There’s a lot of blood. It’s everywhere.

He cries out again, and I try to yell to him, to tell him that I’m coming for him. But nothing comes out of my mouth.

Just as I reach his side something hits my back, causing me to turn around. There’s another man standing about thirty yards from us. His head is down, but I can see that he’s dressed in the traditional robes of the Taliban. I know exactly who he is. I turn back to look at Sean, but he’s completely gone.

I hear another agonizing scream and I know it’s Sean. But I can’t see him anywhere. I turn once more to see the Taliban man, but this time I can see his face.

It’s him. I knew it was him, but it still makes my heart stop in fear.

It’s the suicide bomber who almost killed me. The one who almost ruined my life.

His black beady eyes stare right into my soul. He gives me a small toothless smile and opens his robe, showing me the bomb strapped to his chest. I freeze.

“Your time is up.” He says in Arabic, his voice deep and rough.

I don’t speak Arabic.

“Your girls will end like they did.” He points to the left and I see the five children I failed to save. “Or you will.” He shrugs. “Your husband? He will suffer heartache like never before. He will break into a million pieces, unable to do anything but sit back and watch the love of his life and his daughters struggle for their lives.”

I can feel the tears building in my eyes.

No.

My girls will not die. I will not die. Sean will not have to deal with that.

No!

I try to shake my head, but I can’t move. Tears are streaming down my face.

“It’s either you or them. You’ll know when you get to that moment. You’ll know when you have to make your choice. Do you give your husband the daughters he deserves? Or do you make the selfish decision and save your own life, killing the only chance Sean has to have a child with you?”

I sob, silently begging him to stop talking.

“You’ll know, Senior Airman.”

He winks at me before pressing the detonator for his vest. The ground shakes and I close my eyes, feeling myself flying through the air. I hit a wall and-

I gasp, sitting straight up in bed. My hair is damp with sweat and the sheets are tossed about on the bed. I lift my hand to my face, wiping the mass of tears from my eyes. I look over to the empty bed next to me, wishing more than anything that Sean was here with me. Wishing with everything that he wasn’t in New York.

My clock says it’s two thirty in the morning, which means it’s way too late to be calling him. I wish I could, though. I need to hear his voice. I need him to reassure me that I’m okay. That we’re okay. That everything will be okay.

I rub my bump gently, my heart rate finally slowing down. I reach for the other side of the bed, grabbing Sean’s hoodie and putting it on over my night shirt. I prop myself up against the headboard and surround myself with the pillows from the bed.

Knowing I’m not going to get any more sleep tonight, I turn on the television and flip through the channels, attempting to push the thoughts of that nightmare out of my mind. Attempting to stop analyzing every second of it. There’s nothing good on tv. I mindlessly flip for hours, until the sun starts to peak through the curtains.

This is horrible.

As soon as the clock tells me it’s late enough, I shoot Janine a text requesting her presence and grab my crutches, hobbling to the bathroom to take a shower. I learned my lesson about hopping, and ever since that stupid night I’ve been diligent about using my crutches.

I take a short shower and get dressed in my new maternity Flyers clothes just as I hear Janine come into the house. I head out to meet her in the kitchen and she’s already started to make breakfast.

“You look like shit!” She says, giving me the once over.
“Thanks. I feel like shit.” I growl, staring longingly at the cup of coffee in her hand.
“Talk to me!” She demands, handing me a plate of food and a cup of warm tea.

I take a deep breath and tell her the whole story of the nightmare from the very beginning, all the way up to waking up and being unable to find something on tv to occupy my brain.

“Sweetheart, you shouldn’t think too much about this.” Janine says once I finish the story. “It was just a dream. You and the girls will all be fine, okay?”

I sniffle, slightly convinced by her words.

“I just can’t help but think about what my doctor has said all along. It’s a danger for me to be carrying twins. To them and to me. What will Sean do if something does happen? What if I can’t carry them to term and they both die? Or if one of them dies and not the other? What if I die?”

“Charlie, you really need to have this conversation with Sean once they come home. But I’m going to tell you this right now. No one here has any plans of letting anything happen to you or the girls. I promise you if anything goes wrong, the Couturier family has one of the strongest support systems behind them.”

“Promise me you’ll take care of him if something does happen to me?” I ask.
“I did before, and I will again.” She says.

I nod, accepting her promise.

“Now listen to me. We have a while before the game starts. I want you to go back into your room and get comfortable. Take a nap and let your body rest. I’ll call Brayden and let him know that you didn’t sleep well last night so Sean isn’t worried about you. And then I’ll come back and wake you up before the puck drops.”

I let her lead me back to my bedroom where I lay down, snuggling with Sean’s pillow.

“Thank you.” I whisper. “I don’t know what I did to deserve such a good friend like you. But thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Charlie.” She smiles gently.

She closes the door and I feel myself falling asleep, my brain finally relaxing a little bit from the events of the night before.

Half way unconscious, I grab my phone from the table next to the bed and quickly type out a text to Sean.

Charlie: The girls and I love you more than anything. We can’t wait until you come home. Score us a goal. xoxo

I plug my phone back in and finally let the temptation of sleep pull me in.