A New Life

-Sean-
If I said I wasn’t worried about Charlie during the game, I would be lying. Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful friend in Janine who I trust immensely to take care of her while I’m gone. How she’s always so wonderful is a mystery to me. Especially now that she has little Elise to take care of. But she’s amazing none the less.

We’re a month into the season now, and everything is going well. Our front lines are clicking with each other and our defense is working hard to support Mase, who’s been absolutely stellar so far. We’re currently second in the division, but we’re only two points behind the Penguins and we have a home and home coming up with them next week.

We beat the Islanders in dramatic fashion, 8-2. I still haven’t gotten the hat trick I promised for my girls, but I was close. 2 goals and 2 assists. I had another shot that hit the post. I was sure it was going in, but the angry sound of the puck hitting that stupid metal bar just had to go and torment me.

Since it was a day game and we were only in New York, it’s still light out when we get home. I get in my car and head home to find both Janine and Johanna’s cars in our driveway. As soon as I’m through the door, I hear the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen and follow it, finding the three women seated around the kitchen counter.

“Hello, ladies!” I say, plugging my phone into the charger.
“Sean! Great game, sweetheart.” Johanna says, standing to hug me.
“Thanks.”
“If only it wasn’t for that damn post!” Janine laughs.
“I know. I still owe my girls a hat trick.” I joke.

Charlie smiles a little, but I can immediately tell she’s had a really bad day. Her eyes aren’t lit up the way they normally are after a win, and she has dark bags around her eyes.

“Hey baby.” I say, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and giving her a kiss.
“Good game.” She says, resting her forehead on my chest.
“Thanks.” I drop my hand to her bump. “Hi girls.” I say, addressing her stomach.

I laugh when I feel a small thump beneath my hand. Ever since Charlie pointed out that they get excited when I’m around I’ve been addressing them specifically, trying to get them used to hearing my voice. They took to it immediately and a lot of times will kick when I first come home from a road game.

“They seriously do that every time?” Janine asks, a huge smile on her face.
“Yeah. They know their daddy!” I smile.
“Fiona did that too.” Johanna says. “She used to kick up a storm! We were convinced she was a boy because she would kick so much.”
“Ellie hardly ever kicked.” Janine says. “She did a couple times towards the end, but not much more.”
“They only kick when Sean’s gone for a long time and then when he comes home.” Charlie says. “They miss him when he’s away, and then they’re happy when he comes back.”

My smile couldn’t be any brighter than it is right now, and I think it’s infectious because Janine and Johanna both are grinning wildly.

“They already have him wrapped around their little fingers.” Janine laughs.
“Of course they do! Little girls own their fathers before they’re even born. Just ask Kimmo. He’d do anything for ours. You think he’s whipped now, just wait until the first time he holds them.” Johanna says.

I can’t help but lean over and kiss Charlie’s head. As much as I love this chat with the women, I really want to get her alone. She’s been off all day and I can tell something is bothering her. I need to fix it, whatever it is.

“I think it’s time for me to go.” Janine says, moving to pick Ellie’s carrier up. “Sean, would you mind grabbing that box for me?” She nods to the counter.
“Sure.” I say, picking it up.
“I’m going to head out too.” Johanna says. “Charlie, get some sleep dear, okay?”
Charlie nods and moves to hug her two friends.
“I’ll be right back in babe.” I promise.

I follow the two women out to their cars and help load the box into Janine’s trunk before they turn on me.

“Okay, what’s up?” I ask. “She’s not herself.”
“She had a really scary dream last night.” Janine admits. “It woke her up in the middle of the night and she was so freaked out that she couldn’t fall back asleep. I got her to take a nap for a couple hours before the game, but she’s drained.”
“What was it about the dream?” I ask.
They share a look.
“Maybe Charlie should tell you about it.” Johanna suggests.
“So it’s bad.” I say.
“Yeah.”

I sigh, running my hand through my hair.

“We think-” Johanna sighs. “Sean, we think she might still be suffering from PTSD from the accident.”
I look at her, surprised.
“But her shrink said she was okay.” I protest.
“Things change when you get pregnant. When you realize you’re responsible for a little human being growing inside you. In Charlie’s case, two little human beings.” Janine responds. “Emotions change, insecurities are magnetized, just everything about a woman’s peace of mind changes.”
“So you think she should go back to her shrink?” I ask.

“We think you need to have a long conversation with her. You obviously know her better than we do. You need to assure her that everything is going to be okay-”
“But maybe considering going back to therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

My shoulders slump and I let out a long sigh, closing my eyes.

“I’ll do whatever it takes.” I promise.

They both give me small smiles and close in to hug me. I give little Ellie a kiss on the head before helping Janine put her in the carseat.

I’m thankful for their thoughts. It truly worries me that Charlie could still be experiencing PTSD symptoms, and it makes me feel a little better knowing that she’s got someone here looking out for her when I’m not around.

I head back into the house, searching for my wife. I find her sitting on the couch in the living room, watching highlights from the earlier game. I just so happen to walk in right as they’re showing my highlights and secretly watch the smile on her face when they show my two goals and two assists. She sighs a little when they show the shot that hit the post.

“Yeah, that damn post is going to kill me.” I say, letting her know I’m in the room.
“It’s both your friend and your enemy.” She says.

I walk over and take the remote from her hand, turning the television off. I sit next to her and turn so I’m facing her. I grab her hands with mine and gently massage them with my thumbs.

“Charlie...” I sigh. “Please tell me what’s going on?”
She looks up at me with sad eyes and my heart breaks.
“I-I had a bad dream last night.” She says. “I couldn’t go back to sleep. That’s it.”
“I can tell that’s not it, baby. Please talk to me. I’m so worried about you.”
She looks down at our hands.
“I’m afraid.” She says.
“What are you afraid of?” I ask.
“I’m afraid I won’t be good enough. My body isn’t meant to carry twins. What if something goes wrong, Sean? What if I can’t carry them to term and something happens to either of them? To both of them? To me?”

My heart aches. I’m so glad she’s sharing her fears with me, but it hurts so bad to hear that she’s afraid of this.

“Charlie, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’ve saved hundreds- maybe thousands of lives in Afghanistan. You almost got blown up- you lost your leg- but you survived and made this fantastic life out of it. You’ve inspired so many people with your amazing story. You’ve inspired me. Charlie, I don’t think anything will go wrong as long as we listen to what Dr. Roberts tells us to do. And if, by chance, something does go wrong- well, we’ll figure it out together. Because that’s what husbands and wives do for each other. You’ll always have me, and I’ll always have you, Charlie. I promise you that.”

A stray tear runs down her face and I press my lips to her cheek, catching it.

“I love you, Charlie. And I’m not going to ever let anything happen to you. You and I are going to have our two little girls and we’re going to be a happy family. If the doctors say it’s okay, maybe we’ll have another baby. Maybe two. And if they don’t, maybe we’ll look into adoption or surrogacy. You and I both want a big family, and Charlie baby that’s what we’re going to have.”

Her head drops onto my chest and I hear her sniffle slightly.

“I think I need to go back to therapy.” She whispers.
“If that’s what you want, love, that’s what we’ll do.” I promise.
“Will you go with me?” She asks.
“Of course.”

I stroke her hair and we sit there for a while, just holding each other.

“I love you, Sean.” She says.
“I love you too, Charlie.” I respond.
“I’m so tired.”
“Do you want to go to bed?”

She nods her head and I scoop her into my arms, carrying her to our bedroom.
“Will you make love to me?” She asks as I set her on the bed. “Please?”
“Of course.” I say. “Let me go lock up the house first, okay?”
She nods again and I can’t help but press my lips against hers.

I head back out to the front door, locking it and turning on the outside lights. I’m so glad that Charlie admitted she wants to go back to therapy. After talking to her about her fears, I know now that Janine and Johanna were right. She is showing signs of PTSD again. Not only do I not want her to have to feel those emotions again, but I know it’s not good for the babies. We need to make sure that she gets better.

I grab my phone from the kitchen counter and turn off all the inside lights, heading back to our bedroom hell-bent on making sure my wife feels nothing but pleasure for the rest of the night. I’m going to take care of her if it’s the only thing I ever do for the rest of my life.