Say You'll Never Change

The days went by and I did nothing but sit in my appartment feeling lonely and crying. I was such a dissapointment to my brother but I couldn't bring myself to get to the hospital after the meeting with Josh. I had only eaten 1 meal in these last 5 days. Not that I could've eaten much more, I had almost run out of food.
Josh had texted me a few times but I never replyed.

I'm not sure which day it was but one day when I was sitting on the floor next to the sofa crying I heard a knock on the door. I froze and quickly wiped my tears, awkwardly staring at the door.
Josh's face popped up in my mind but was quickly replaced by Tom's when I heard his voice call out
"Oli, are you in there?"
Was he out of the hospital already?
After a few minutes there was another knock and I thought about getting up from the floor and opening the door but quickly changed my mind. I couldn't let him see me like this. I probably looked like shit, like I always do after crying.
"Oli, please open the door" he called out again but I just sat there and ignored him.
"Please, I can't find my key. I just wanna check that you're okay" He sounded worried now and then he knocked again, harder this time.
I always opened the door so I could see why it freaked him out when I hadn't visited him at the hospital and didn't open the door now. I felt guilty.
"OLIVER" he shouted, his voice shaking slightly.
He knocked again and then I heard him starting to sob outside the door.
Please don't wake the neighbours up, I don't want any attention. After all it was late at night and supposed to be quiet.
"Please, just say something" He begged.
I didn't. I couldn't let him hear my voice since it could probably be heard that I had been crying and then he would beg me even more to let him in.
"Please" he begged again then I heard him slide down the door and he sat there outside crying.
That's when I quietly started to cry again.
Please just go home, Tom.
Please just go home and be happy. You don't need me.

He was sitting there outside even when the sun had gone down and my appartment was dark. He knocked a few times and called out for me but I just sat there crying. I just wanted him to go away.
Then I heard another voice.
Tom was talking to someone.
I quietly walked over to the foor and sat down next to it so I could hear what was being said outside.
"I'm just worried that he has done something bad to himself, I don't know what do to" I could hear Tom sniffing.
Then that other voice asked "Have he done bad stuff to himself before?"
Josh. It was Josh.
Please no.
He couldn't know that. He couldn't know what I did to myself. He can't know what I do.
"Yes" Tom said then there was a knock on the door.
"Oliver, it's Josh. Are you okay?" He sounded worried as well.
I didn't say anything.
There was a silence as they waited for me to say something. Instead I just pulled up my kneest to my chest and hugged them against my body.
"If I go home again and look harder for the key, can you stay here? In case he opens the door" Tom asked.
"Yeah. Of course"

I heard Tom leave and Josh sit down on the other side of the door. He knocked again.
"Oliver?" he asked. "Knock if you're conscious"
I knocked lightly on the door probably surprising him a bit since I was just on the other side.
"Thank you" he then said
For what?

After about 30 minutes I heard Tom come back.
"I found it" I heard him say.
No. Please no.
He stuck it into the lock of the door and locked it up. I hugged my knees tighter against me, hanging my head low as he opened the door.
"Oli" he just said, releaved but also a hint of worry in his voice as he awkwardly tried to kneel down next to me but his cruthches made it kind of hard.
I probably looked like shit. My eyes were probably red and puffy from crying and with bags under them for not sleeping in the last 3 days.
I felt his arms wrap around me and he pressed me against his chest.
I could feel Josh's presence as he closed the door and awkwardly sat down next to me.

Before Josh went back to his apartment that night I apologized for not texting him back. He said it was ok and that he understood.
Tom stayed at my apartment that night and slept in my bed, this time with his arm around my waist. I had also apologized to him for not visiting him more times at the hospital. He said he understood and told me that I really should start hanging out with Josh because he was a nice guy and he didn't want me to be all alone.

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JOSH'S POV:
As I stepped into my appartment I was like always greeted by Oskar who jumped right into me and barked happily.
I leant down and scratched him behind his ears, smiling slightly before making my way into the kitchen to get something to eat.
I started making pancakes (at 22:15 yes) and once again my thoughts drifted back to Oliver.
If I hadn't been worried about him before I sure as hell was now.
The second I had gotten to the third floor and seen his brother outside one of the doors crying (which I immidietly guessed were Olivers) I immidietly thought that something was wrong. The fact that I hadn't heard from him in over a week also added up to my concearn and worry.

I filled up a glass of water and began drinking as I thought about what Tom had said.
"I'm just worried that he have done something bad to himself".
Did Oliver have a past of self mutalation? Does he still do it? Had he gotten help with it?
So many questions were running through my head and I just wanted to shake them out of him but I felt like it wasn't exactly my business. Of course I was his friend and everything and friends are supposed to help each other but I didn't wanna pressure him and make him feel as if I would hate him if he didn't tell me 'cause that wasn't the case.
I was really worried about him but felt a lot better knowing that Tom was there with him right now.
Maybe I should've asked for his number incase Oliver stopped replying to my texts again? No Josh, that's just weird.
When we first walked in and I saw him sitting on the floor with red puffy eyes all I wanted to do was to fall down next to him and just hold him but instead I just sat there and pattet his back awkwardly a few times.
At least things weren't bad between us. I think. I mean he talked to me before I left. He said we'd talk tomorrow and today that felt like an awfully long time. I sighed. Yes, I was growing a lot more attached to him than I was first meant to but there was just something about him that made me wanna spend every minute of every day with him.
I really liked this guy.