Say You'll Never Change

JOSH'S POV:

The next day I woke up a little too excited since Oli was coming over today again.
I quickly got out of bed of bed and got dressed. I ate breakfast and brushed my teeth before also giving Oskar food. He barked loudly and wiggled his tail happily.

Two hours later as I sat on the couch and did nothing (yes I might have been waiting for Oliver) there was a knock and the door. I quickly jumped up from the couch and walked to the door, Oskar happily following behind. I unlocked it quickly and opened, revealing Oliver who just had yesterday looked kind of nervous while dragging his sleeves down so they were covering his hands.
"Hello" I smiled and he nodded an hello and smiled back as I let him in.
The thing about Oliver was that he didn't talk much but still didn't come off as rude at all. He just seemed very shy. Hopefully things will keep moving forward and he would start talking a little bit more.
Just as yesterday Oskar went all in Olivers face with his tongue just as he had taken his shoes off. Oliver laughed quietly before petting Oskars head and standing up.

We spent the day watching movies in my bedroom since I had the TV there instead of in the living room for some reason. Well, it was mostly Oliver who was watching the movie and I was watching him to see that he reacted right to the movie since I had seen it before. Yes, I am a creep.
As he could sense my eyes on him he turned his head and our eyes met again just like yesterday and I couldn't help but think about how fucking beautiful they were. This time he held his eyes on mine longer before he quickly turned his head to the screen again, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. Why was he blushing? Was he nervous? Did he felt embarrassed? Did he feel like I embarrassed him?
I turned my head back to the screen, moving a little closer so that our arms were touching. He didn't move away or say anything, he just sat there and continued to watch the movie.

Later after we had made and eaten pancakes we were, just like yesterday, laying on my bed and listening to music while staring up at the ceiling. The only thing that was different this time was that we were both laying closer to each other and whispering about all different things. I wasn't sure why we were whispering but I think Oliver said something quietly as he usually does and then I did it and then we just started to whisper. It was kind of funny if you thought about.
"Wait, why are we whispering?" I suddenly said in my normal talking voice, almost making Oliver jump in surprise because of how quiet I had talked just seconds ago.
"Uh, I don't know" he said, followed by a laugh.
His laugh. I really liked his laugh.
"Your laugh is really cute, you know that right?" I said
Josh
that's just creepy.
Can I please stop being awkward?
"uhm, thanks" he said nervously.
He was probably creeped out. Great.
"You should laugh more" I said, even adding up to the creepy. I'm not very good at this, no.
"Nah, not my thing" he said and shrugged his shoulders playfully, causing me to smile. I quickly popped up to my elbows, causing him to jump slightly at my sudden movement.
"You sure about that?" I asked and he looked kind of confused for a moment before he broke out in laughter as I started to aggresively tickling his sides. He tried to wiggle out of my grasp but I swung my legs over his and sat on top of him, holding him down as he was crying out in laughter below me.
"No please Josh stop!" he screamed while laughting so hard that tears were almost welling up in his eyes. I was laughing with him.
He got his left arm free and started pushing me off of him but I grabbed his wrist and held it down just above his head.
I was about to continue with my torment but something felt wrong. The skin on his left wrist felt weird and bumpy. I looked up at his wrist and froze.
It was like everything else also froze, Oliver as well. He quickly wiggled his wrist out of my grip and pulled the sleeve down. I got off of him so he could sit up which he did, with his back turned to me. He didn't say anything.
"Oliver?" I asked, obviously shocked.
Are they what I thought they were? Did he do that to himself?
The mood had dropped down to rock bottom.
I moved forward and sat down so I was sitting next to him. He just kept his head down and stared at his hands in his lap. It was obvious that this was something he had done and it was also obvious that he felt ashamed.
I reached out and grabbed his left arm again, the one that was closest to me, and tried to roll his sleeve up to get a better look but he quickly yanked his arm away and looked away from me. I just wanted to see. I wanted to make sure that they weren't too deep. I wanted to know how much danger he was in.
"Please let me see" I begged but he just shook his head. "please" I said again but he didn't say anything.
"Just don't laugh" he said after a while.
Did he seriously think I would do that?
He rolled his sleeve up and if it wasn't already bad enough he also rolled the sleeve up on his right arm and turned to me, placing them in front of me. I gently held his lower arm in my hands.
His arms were literally covered in cuts so there was no questioning that he had been doing this for a while. Some of them on his left wrist even looked pretty recent. Was this was Tom meant when he said that Oliver had done bad stuff to himself before? Why would he had done this? What went through his head when he did this to himself? Was he really hurting so bad that he felt like he needed to hurt himself? If he was already hurting, why would he wanna hurt himself more?
"Why did you do this?" I asked, looking up at his face and trying to get him to look at me but he just continued to stare down at his arms and not saying anything.
"Tom knows you do this, right?" I then asked when I realized that he wasn't going to answer.
He shook his head and my heart broke into even more pieces than it already was in.
I can't believe that he has suffered with this all alone.
"He knows I used to do it before but he don't know that I never stopped" he said, his voice sounding weak and shaky as if he was about to cry.
"You need to tell him" I said, causing Oliver to shake his head quickly.
His bottom lip trembled and he removed his arms from my grip and pulled the sleeves down before covering his face with his hands. He let out soft cries as his body started to tremble and I was quick to wrap my arms around him and pull him into me.
"It's ok" I whispered, rubbing his back softly as he cried into me.
I kept stroking his back and holding him, listening to his cries and feeling his body tremble in my grip. He was the most lovely person I have ever met, he didn't deserve to be hurting this bad. He deserved to be happy.
After almost an hour he had stopped crying and wrapped his arms around my waist, sniffing quietly.
"Please tell Tom" I whispered, breaking the silence that lingered between us.
"I don't think I can, I don't want him to be dissapointed in me" he mumbled and I rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him.
"He won't" I said "He cares about you a lot"

After a while of trying to get him to agree to telling Tom he finally did and when he was leaving to go back to his appartment that night I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek which caused him to blush and hang his head down. I told him that I'd call him tomorrow before he went back to his appartment and now I was sitting on the sofa in my living room thinking everything through.
I think I was really falling for this guy.