Say You'll Never Change

I felt a wave of panic rush through me.
Holy shit he's kissing me.
Josh is kissing me.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to stop but I had no idea of what to do. I have never kissed anyone before.
Josh started to pull away so I put my hands on the back of his head and began moving my lips against his.
I could feel him smile and pull me closer to him.
When we eventually had to pull away to breathe I could feel my whole face lit up in a bright red color so I looked down and covered my face with my hair. I went back to stroking Oskars head again.
I didn't say anything and neither did Josh, we just sat there in silence, looking in different directions.
Was he being serious when he said that he loved me? Did he really? I found that hard to believe but could see no reason to why Josh would be lying to me. I didn't really have anything he could take from me. I had nothing left. I only had him and he meant a lot to me, he really did. But the question was, did I love him back? I mean I obviously had feelings for him that I had never had for anyone else but I wasn't sure if it was what you could call love. I'm not good with that stuff.
"I think I love you too" I eventually decided to say and I could see him in the corner of my eye turning his head back to me, a smile forming on his lips.
"So what does that make us?" he said, still smiling. I guess he was hoping for the best but my mind hadn't gone that far yet.
What was supposed to happen now? Was he supposed to be my boyfriend? What do couples even do? What would be different?
"I have no idea" I said.
"uhh ok" Josh said, nervious now "Will you be my boyfriend?" he asked.
"Yes" I just said and started to blush again. God, I probably looked like an idiot.
Josh didn't seem to mind though since he took my face in his hands, turning my head to him again and kissing me. This kiss lasted a couple of seconds before he pulled away and buried his face in my neck. I couldn't help but smile to myself.
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The next couple of days went by faster than I expected them to even if Josh wasn't around. He had stay over at a friends house for the rest of the weekend since he was working late so he gave me a key to his appartment so someone could feed and keep Oskar company.
I was now sitting on his couch with Oskar in my lap this friday night and waited for him to come home. I had tried to keep everything I touched in the same place when I left them so Josh wouldn't think it looked like a mess.
I don't recall falling asleep but I must have since I woke up by being lifted into the air. My eyes flew open in fear and I stared up at Josh who appariently was carrying me in his arms.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, sounding awfully sleepy.
"Carrying you to bed" He simply said
"Stop, I'm huge I'm like 10 pounds"
He just laughed and shook his head.
He carried me into his bedroom and placed me down on his bed. He fumbled with my zipper before succeeding to get my pants down and off of my legs.
"Don't rape me" I mumbled and closed my eyes again.
"Not planning to" he said before pulling the covers over me.
He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth before coming back and taking off his pants. He turned the lights off before slipping into the bed next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist. He kissed my cheek before mumbling goodnight and nuzzling his face into my neck.
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I was woken up by a weight on my chest and a slimy tongue licking all over my face.
I opened my eyes only to find Oskar standing on my chest and drooling down at me.
"Ew" I just said and wiped my face with the back of my hand.
"Go make out with Josh instead" I told Oskar and pushed him in Josh's direction who was still asleep.
Oskar happily jumped onto Josh instead and started licking his face and it wasn't long until Josh's eyes opened.
"Oskar" he just mumbled and wiped his face.
He moved closer to me again and wrapped his arms around me before closing his eyes again.
"Go back to sleep it's too early" he mumbled.
"Josh, it's like in the middle of the day"
"Still too early"
I didn't say anything, just turned towards him so I was pressed against his chest before trying to fall back to sleep again.
I couldn't though.
All I could do was to lay awake and think about how happy I felt. I had never felt this way in a really long time and never have I ever in my life felt as if someone actually wanted me until now. I felt loved and safe when I was with Josh. He made me happy and I could no longer imagine how my life would be without him. I didn't want him to leave me, ever.