Say You'll Never Change

JOSH'S POV:

I woke up the next morning and everything was hurting.
My face. My hips. My arms. But mostly my heart.
I felt disgusting, tired and torn apart.
I never thought Max would ever do something like this. He was a good guy. He was one of my best friends. Was. He was one of my best friends.
After he had finished yesterday night he had poured water on my face which and shook me so I would wake up again. Then he had left me to get dressed on my own. I wanted to die. I was scared. I felt like filth. I honestly didn't know what to do. I thought about going to the police but I after all I for some reason didn't wanna get Max in trouble. When I thought of him I thought about all of the good times we had, not the man that I saw yesterday. Adding up to that I felt disgusting and ashamed. I could not tell anyone about this. No one could know. I wasn't strong enough to defend myself. It was almost like I let this happen. Also if I told anyone no one would believe me. Max was a good guy.
I slowly sat up in the bed and sighed. I didn't even bother to brush my hair out or rub my eyes before making my way into the kitchen to get breakfast.
As I passed I saw Oliver still asleep on the couch. Even in his sleep he looked stressed out. I wanted to cry. I might have just lost him. What the fuck do I do know? I bet he was pretty sure that I was cheating on him with Max. There was no way in hell that he believed my story. I should've come up with something better. After all I had the whole way home to figure something out. Didn't know about the hickeys Max must've left on my neck though. It was like he really was trying to ruin everything. Maybe this was his plan. To fuck me and plant hickeys on my neck for Oliver to see. Maybe he was trying to break us up. If that was his plan then it's obviously working, Oliver didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me.
I realised that I was staring at him like a creep and continued walking. Better to let him sleep since we would probably start fighting the first thing when he woke up. Oliver didn't really seem like a person that fought with others but he seemed upset so I wouldn't blame him.
-
I didn't really feel like eating breakfast so I just drank a glass of water before jumping into the shower while I waited for him to wake up. I must've been in there for almost an hour, trying to wash the filth off of myself but no matter how hard I scrubbed I felt disgusting. I might even have cried a little but let's say that I didn't.
I changed into the clothes that I have picked up before walking out of the bathroom and into my room.
To my surprise Oliver was sitting on the bed. He didn't say anything when I walked in. He didn't even look at me. But he looked so awfully sad that I couldn't help but feel bad for him even if this all was my fault.
"Hey" I mumbled but he didn't respond.
I sighed and sat down next to him, neither of us saying anything for a while.
"What happened yesterday will never happen again" I finally said.
Great, now I made it seem like I was cheating on him.
"I know" he said "I'm breaking up with you"
Please don't. Please.
"It's not what you think" I tried even though I knew that it wouldn't make any difference. He had made up his mind and there was nothing I could do to change it. I couldn't tell him. I really couldn't tell him what happened. He would think I was disgusting. After all, I did sleep with another man even if I didn't want to. If I had tried harder to get Max off of me then maybe I could've stopped it. But I didn't.
"I can't be with you if you want someone else" Oliver said "I love you but there is someone else for you and I accept that"
He looked emotionless but the way he kept gulping and looking away from me told me that he was close to crying.
"I love you" I said, not sure about what I could save in this situation to save everything.
Oliver just shook his head, before standing up and leaving the room.
This could not be happening.

--

OLIVER'S POV:

Why? Why did this always happen to me? Didn't I deserve to be happy? I had lost both Tom and Josh, this was too much for me to handle. He didn't even try that hard to keep me when I broke up with him. It's obvious that he has deeper feelings for Max than for me.
I couldn't do this.
I locked myself into the bathroom and finally let the tears fall. I was sobbing so loudly that Josh could probably hear me but didn't knock and ask if I was ok. He didn't care.
After a while I heard the front door open and close. He left. He didn't care. He left.
I didn't know what to think. Why would he lead me on like this just to leave me? Why would he ask me to move in with him if there was someone else all along?
He probably left to see Max again. He probably left to tell Max that we broke up. He's probably going to kick me out so Max could move in with him. I didn't have my brother, where the fuck would I go?
Life was pretty much over for me by now.
I had nothing left so why keep living? Josh was all I had left, how would I be able to go on without him? I wouldn't. This was it. This was the end for Oliver Scott Sykes.
I got myself off of the floor and walked into the kitchen. A knife. I need a knife.
When I had found what I looked for I went back into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat down on the floor again before taking my phone out. I don't know what got into me but I wanted to say goodbye to my brother before I left. Even though he hated me now he had been there my entire life and I needed him to know that I still loved him. Not sure if he would care though.

"I know you don't want to hear from me right now but I just wanted to say goodbye.
You probably hate me but you're still my brother and I will always love and care for you.
Take care.
- Oliver"

Wow that sounded pathetic but there was no taking it back since I had already sent it.
I wonder how he would react when he read it and realised that his big brother commited suicide.
Suicide.
I was going to take my life away and I didn't really even care.
It was scary to say at least but I didn't give it a second though before I rolled my sleeves up and dug the knife into my arms. It cut a lot deeper than I thought and blood started flowing out of me.
I did it again and again until I felt so weak that I could even hold the knife anymore. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall. I heard the buzzing of my phone in the distance but didn't care of have enough strenght to check.
Wouldn't matter anyway 'cause Oliver Scott Sykes would not exist another day.
The world won't have to deal with me anymore.