Say You'll Never Change

Wednesday.
I was woken up around 15:45 by my phone buzzing in my ear. I cursed and mentally slapped myself for literally falling asleep with my head on my phone. Happens a lot.
I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles and read the text.

"Did I leave my earphones there last saturday? Can't find them anywhere :(

- Tom"

I yawned tiredly and looked around the room, almost immidietly noticing the black earphones hanging on the chair next to my computer in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, they're here

- Oli"

I yawned and forced myself to sit up before taking my phone and stading up and walking over to the chair. I put the phone down on the table my computer was standing on before taking his earphones and putting them in my pocket, making sure they didn't get lost again. Not that I would forget that they were hanging there but I would feel more safe having them on me since stuff magically dissapears all the time.
I clicked on the start button on my computer and stared blindly out the window, listening to the loud thinking sounds it was making. It was old what did you expect.
I went online on facebook and looked at my notifications
game invite
game invite
Tom
some Josh guy
wait
what.

"Not nice"

I raised an eyebrow and clicked on the comment to look at whatever he had commented on. It probably was a picture of me. He probably thought I was gross, disgusting. I could feel a wave of panic rush through me and spread through my body.
And yep. It was a picture Tom had tagged me in.
He had taken it a year ago when I wasn't looking and insisted that I should use it as my profile picture since I didn't have one. I refused so instead he just posted it and tagged me. I was angry at him for over a week and begging him to delete it but I guess I eventually gave in.
I snapped out of my thoughts and read the comment above that Josh guys (I am now officially naming him Josh guy).
1.st comment:

"He's fucking disgusting why do you even hang out with him"

I raised an eyebrow. Guess she didn't know we were brothers.
Kaitlyn.
I think we went to the same school how could she not have picked up on something like that..
Did she think that someone like Tom would actually want to hang out with somebody like me intentionally?

And then Tom of course had commented. Always sticking up for me.

"He's my fucking brother you can't say that about him"

Sometimes I felt bad for him for feeling like he had to stick up for me. He would prbably be a lot happier without a useless brother that everyone hated to always drag him down with him.
He even left home because of me. He said it was because he wanted to be more of an adult and get a job and stuff but deep down I think it was because off all the shit that went down at home. All the shit that went down because of me.

I turned my eyes back to the screen, not wanting to think about it and read the third comment, also from Kaitlyn.

"I feel bad for you. We all know Oliver is pretty worthless, bet u want a better big brother"

I swallowed and tried to ignore that tugging feeling in my chest. I should be used to be treated like shit by now. After all I had been bullied all through my high school years.

The last comment was that Josh's

"Not nice"

I realised that the comment wasn't actually about me or my appearance and felt a little of the weight on my chest lifting.
But that didn't really change the fact that I felt like shit.
I brought so much darkness over my brother's life. I felt like a cloud that follows him and rains down wherever he goes.
I wanted to be a good brother. I wanted to be someone he could look up to. Someone he could be proud of. I was none of those things. I was just me. A dissapointment.

"Please delete this photo"

I typed and hit send.
He shouldn't have my face there for everyone to see. He shouldn't let everybody see that I'm his brother 'cause maybe then they would start treating him like they treat me.
I'm fucking 19 years old shouldn't we all be acting like adults by now?

My phone suddenly started ringing, scaring the crap out of me.
I looked at the number on the screen, Tom, before pressing answer.

"Hello?" I said my voice sounding a little bit too high pitched and groggy.

"Why doesn't you answer your texts?" he said, a hint of worry in his voice.

It was a little bit annoying that he would get worried whenever I didn't answer within the first minutes but he knows the state I'm in so I can't blame him.

"Sorry. Didn't notice I had any new texts" I said quietly, hoping he wouldn't be mad.

"It's alright." he said awkwardly and I could almost see him shrugging and scratching the back of his neck. "So ehm can I come over today? To like pick up my earphones?"

"Sure" I just said but immidietly regretted it after I looked around my room and out the open door that led to the hallway. It was a mess.

"Great. I'll be there by five?"

"Sure"
Here I go again with my one world sentences.
We said our goodbyes and I turned to the screen again just to see that Kaitlyn had commented again and this time linked her friend.
Great so now they were calling me a pussy and laughing at me. Just great.
But that wasn't really what caught my attention.
It was the fact that I had one new message.
From Josh.