Loved You First

“Que esta haciendo?” Cynthia asked me, looking up at me from where she was sitting on the couch. What are you doing? I was pacing back and forth, pulling nervously at my hair and biting my lip.

I shook my head and continued my pacing. My sister sighed and stood up, putting her hands on my shoulders and forcing me to stop.

“Ari,” she said, using the name she’d given me as a kid. “Look at me.” My eyes flicked up to meet hers, taking in the dark brown orbs that matched mine. “What’s wrong?”

“Abe is gonna break up with me,” I blurted out.

“Whoa, what makes you say that?” Cynthia asked, pulling me to sit on the couch and wrapping a thin arm around me.

“He was all pissed and ignoring me this weekend because I was with Harry and then he wasn’t at school today and he just texted me that we need to talk tomorrow before school,” I elaborated.

“Ah, so the usual then?” She teased. I glared at her. “Didn’t you two have this exact fight in August when Harry was here for the movie?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I just hate that he doesn’t trust me! Like, I get that it’s not super ideal for me to be spending nights with my gorgeous straight male best friend, but…Harry’s like my other half! Abe needs to learn how to deal with it instead of just shutting me out!”

“You’re right to be pissed off,” Cynthia rubbed my arms soothingly. “You know those Greek myths we were named after?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“There’s a story in the Greek myths about Cupid that I like. Basically, his lover betrays his trust, so he leaves. He tells her he can’t stay because, ‘Love cannot exist where there is no trust.’”

“Love cannot exist where there is no trust,” I repeated, nodding.

“So, maybe you and Abe breaking up would be a good thing,” she continued. “Because he doesn't trust you.”

***

I stood at the tree as soon as I got to school the next morning, clutching the straps of my backpack and biting my lip. I was wearing a big sweater over my printed leggings, my feet clad in black combat boots. It was raining lightly and the hood of my yellow raincoat was pulled up over my head.

“You’re gonna freeze out here,” Abe’s voice made me jump. I turned toward him, giving him a weak smile.

“You said to meet at the tree,” I reminded him, taking in his appearance. His thin hoodie was already soaked through with rain, clinging to his thin frame. His blond hair was dripping over his grey eyes, and he was looking at me with a somber expression.

“C'mon, let’s get out of this rain,” he turned on his heels; hands stuffed in his pockets, and started walking toward the main building. I followed him, struggling to keep up with his long strides. We found a somewhat private corner behind some lockers near the door to the school.

For a few minutes, we stood, not looking at the other, both with our hoods still up and our hands still stuffed in our pockets. After a while, I couldn't take the silence.

“You’re breaking up with me.” It wasn't a question.

“Yeah,” Abe laughed without humor. “Yeah, I am.”

“You don’t trust me around Harry,” I stated.

“Ariela?” My (ex?) boyfriend asked.

“Yeah?”

“How long have you been in love with your best friend?” He asked calmly.

“What?” I stared at him in shock. “I’m not in love with Harry!”

“I really loved you, Ariela. I did,” Abe continued, ignoring me. “But I should have seen that you have loved him from the start. You probably don’t even realize it, but everyone else can see it. You love him, and I hope for your sake he loves you back.”

“You loved me?” I asked, dumbfounded. In our four months together, Abe had never said those words to me and I had never said them to him. I’d never even thought about them.

“Is that really all you got out of that?” Abe chuckled. “Of course I did. Of course I loved you. I still do. But this,” he gestured between us. “Is never gonna work. You don’t love me the way that I love you, the way that you love Harry.”

“I. Don’t. Love. Harry!” I insisted. “Not like that!” Abe was being uncharacteristically calm about all this, and it was kind of freaking me out. “Dump me because you don’t trust me, fine, but don’t dump me because you have delusions about me being in love with someone else!” I yelled.

A few people turned to look and I shot them glares until they looked away.

“If you really didn't love him you wouldn't be reacting so vehemently right now,” Abe whispered, leaning over and kissing my cheek.

“It’s been fun, darling, it really has, but you and I both know we can’t go on like this,” and with that, he was gone, walking in the direction of his first class.

I stood there, staring after him, wondering what the hell had just happened and what I was supposed to do now.

The bell rang then, and everyone began walking to their first period classes. I walked down the hallway with my head down, feeling incredibly lonely without Abe’s hand in mine. My face burned where his lips had touched my cheek.

I got to the door before I remembered that I had class with Fenna, Alex, Oli and Abe. I caught sight of my now ex-boyfriend sitting far away from my friends, his hood up and his headphones in. Alex and Oli were sitting at their usual desks, behind the three desks Fen, Abe and I usually sat in. Fenna’s bag was in her seat, but she was sitting on top of my desk, swinging her legs and chatting animatedly with the two boys. She saw me standing in the doorway and raised her eyebrows, looking pointedly at Abe, then back at me like, What gives?

Bile rose in my throat all of a sudden and all I could think was get away, away, away. It reminded me of the day Harry and I ran away to the park when I was 14. I wished Harry was there to take my hand and run away with me again. Instead, I turned on my heels and ran into the girls’ bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror; my hair was messy from the rain and the running, but otherwise my appearance didn't let on to the chaos in my head or the dull ache in my chest.
My phone was vibrating wildly in my jacket, the distinct pattern indicating a phone call. I assumed it to be Fenna, probably wondering where the hell I was and why I’d sprinted away from my class.
The vibrating continued, forcing some long forgotten memory to the front of my mind.

I was sitting at a cafe, and Abe was across from me, smirking at my mobile, which was vibrating frantically on the table.

“I’m so sorry,” I grinned sheepishly, picking it up and finding four missed calls from Harry and 7 texts.

New Messages from: Harry :)
Hello?
Why won’t you answer me
I have an hour to kill before this interview and I wanna talk to youuuu
Pretty bird, pretty birddd
Answer me
You don’t love me
Ela, ela, ela

New Message to: Harry :)
I’m on a date, you spaz!
I love you, though.
And I’ll call as soon as I can, okay?

“You know,” Abe’s voice was suddenly right at my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “Some people find it rude to text on a first date.”

I turned to look at him, acutely aware of the fact that his face was suddenly inches from mine. His lips were quirked up on the right side and his eyes were bright.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It’s just that my best friend has to travel a lot for his job and his schedule and the time differences makes it crazy for us to talk so I always answer him right away,” I explained, making a conscious effort to not look at his lips.

“Ariela,” Fenna’s voice brought me back to the present. She was standing behind me, her blue eyes finding my brown ones in the mirror. She was running her hands up and down my arms soothingly.

“Abe broke up with me,” I told her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, babe,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around my waist and hooking her chin over my shoulder.

“I don’t wanna talk about it. And I don’t wanna go back in there and face him.”

“Hmm. I have a proposition for you. We sit and hide in here for ten minutes. But then we have to go back, and you walk in there with your head high, alright?” Fenna offered.

“Fine,” I conceded.

“Anyways,” Fen pulled out her phone. “Did you download your lads’ new song? It’s actually really good.”

“I downloaded it but I fell asleep before I had a chance to listen,” I reached into my backpack and pulled out my headphones, plugging them into my phone.

“I just thought it was kinda funny that was it was called ‘Diana.’ Isn’t that your middle name?” She asked. I nodded.

“It’s probably just a coincidence. I think Liam and Louis wrote it, and I don’t know why they’d be naming any song after me,” I shrugged, pulling up my music library and selecting the new song.

“Yeah, maybe. Maybe they just needed a girl name and Diana worked,” Fenna said, as the song began playing in my ears.

@Arielalala: Love cannot exist where there is no trust.

@Arielalala: I’m late but I’m barely listening to ‘Diana’ and it’s perfect. Well done lads. Xoxo

@CynthiaNallely: Hmm, I wonder who ‘Diana’ is... What do you think, @Arielalala ?

Our teacher glared at us as Fenna and I entered the room, 17 minutes into first block.

“Sorry, Ma’am. I was feeling sick and Ariela was making sure I was okay,” Fenna could bullshit like no one I had ever met. The teacher eyed her warily but decided to buy her story, nodding at us as we took our seats.

“Oi!” Oli hissed behind me when the lesson resumed.

“What’s up with you and Captain America? Why isn’t he sitting with us?” Alex asked.

“Abe looks nothing like Captain America,” Oli murmured indignantly.

“And I’m American, too, so I’m not really sure what you mean by that,” I whispered to them.

“They broke up,” Fenna answered their question for me.

“Oh, shit,” Oli swore under his breath.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex sounded like he regretted asking in the first place.

“It’s fine,” I said, willing them to stop talking about it. “I’m fine.”

Fenna leaned over and placed my phone on my desk.

“When did you even take my phone?” I gave her a sideways glance. She just shrugged.

I opened my twitter and found nothing suspicious, so I locked it and went back to pretending to listen to the lesson.

Not ten minutes later, one of the secretaries from the front office stuck her head in the door.

“Mrs. Turner? I need Miss Garcia. She’s going home,” she said, nodding at me. I was confused but I wasn’t gonna turn down getting out of class. I packed my stuff and stood.

“May I ask why you’re taking one of my students during first block?” Mrs. Turner huffed.

“He didn’t give us a reason,” the secretary answered. He? Not Cynthia? He?

“You can’t just take a student without a reason!” The teacher protested.

“Uhm, actually, ma’am, you can. Anyone on the pick-up list can,” she pointed out.

“Fine, go!” Mrs. Turner waved me off and turned back to the board. I waved at Fen, Alex and Oli, and then I followed the secretary down the hall and toward the front office.

“Just sign out here,” she handed me a clipboard and I signed my name, the date and time. “He’s waiting for you outside,” she gestured toward the door.

I walked out and found a very familiar Audi R8 Coupe pulled up to the curb, an even more familiar shape leaning against the hood: all long skinny legs, broad shoulders, scuffed boots and wild curls wrapped in a printed scarf.

“Harry!” I squealed, running toward him. I plowed straight into him and would’ve fallen if he hadn’t caught me and pulled me into his arms, holding me against him as he leaned against the car. I curled my fingers around his massive biceps and tried to keep myself from sliding onto the asphalt.

“Hiiiii,” he breathed.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, grinning wildly at him.

“Fenna texted me from your phone,” Harry replied.

“That’s why she stole my phone!” I yelled in realization. Harry rolled his eyes; then his gaze hardened at something over my shoulder.

“Fuck, paps,” he swore. “Get in the car.” He stood abruptly, almost dropping me in the process.

“Haz!” I latched my arms around his neck in terror. “I’m gonna fall!”

“Shit, sorry, Ela,” he helped me stand up and opened the passenger door for me.

We sped out of the parking lot, nearly taking out one particularly daring photographer. Harry was quiet as he drove, and I turned the radio on, laughing maniacally when Best Song Ever came on.

“No, no, turn it off, turn it off!” Harry yelled, reaching for the dial. I swatted his hands away and turned it up.

“Sing with me, Haz!” I giggled as I pulled out my phone and opened the video camera, facing it toward me, Harry scowling in the background.

“SAID HER NAME WAS GEORGIA ROSE, OW, AND HER DADDY WAS A DENTIST!” I sang loudly. “C’mon, H, the next part is you!”

“SAID I HAD A DIRTY MOUTH!” He sang, rolling his eyes but grinning. “BUT SHE KISSED ME LIKE SHE MEANT IT!”

“Yay! That was wonderful, Harry,” I praised, smiling widely.

“Yeah, yeah, now will you turn that thing off?”

ArielaGarcia: Car jams with @HarryStyles #bestfriend #BestSongEver #whoneedsschool

@Arielalala: Car jams with @Harry_Styles instagram.com/wii103fjw-afa

@CynthiaNallely: I knew I shouldn’t have put Harry on Ari’s pick-up list. Pinches kids give me canas!!

“Heyyy, we’re not going to your house!” I realized, looking around.

“Nope,” Harry said. “We’re going shopping with El and Lou.”

I squealed and did a little happy dance in my seat, much to his amusement.

We pulled up to the shopping center then, and I caught sight of Louis and Eleanor climbing out of Louis’ massive black Range Rover, identical to Harry’s and Niall’s. One of the record company’s infinite black SUV’s was parked next to them, Paul and four black clad guards climbing out of it. Harry parked on the other side of Louis and I leapt out of the car, running over and pulling Eleanor into a hug.

“Ari! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Eleanor laughed and she squeezed me back.

“What? No hug for me, little bird?” Louis teased. Harry and Louis were the only people that ever called me that. Everyone else called me Ari, and Harry was the only one who ever called me Ela.

“Of course you get a hug, Lou!” I released Eleanor and threw myself into her boyfriend’s arms, laughing at the little ‘oomph’ he let out.

“You’re not so little anymore, huh?” Louis chuckled and I grinned. My head came up to his nose now; when we’d first met, I had barely come up to his shoulder.

“Alright, alright, break it up,” Harry wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me away from his other best friend. Lou just rolled his eyes and laced his fingers with Eleanor’s.

“Alright, kids,” Paul walked up to us. “You know the drill. If you get approached by fans, ask them not to post the pictures until you leave. If anything crazy happens, we’ll be close by.”
We all nodded and Paul gestured for us to go ahead.

The plus side to hanging around style conscious, slightly feminine guys, like Louis and Harry, was that they shopped as hard as Eleanor and I did and they never complained about all the walking. We even had a movie montage moment in one store where we all tried on ridiculous accessories and took endless silly pictures. My friends’ antics lessened the sadness in the pit of my stomach and the ache in my chest; my smiles and laughter were genuine. We shopped for hours and were approached only a few times by fans, all of whom were older (old enough to be out on a school day) and very respectful and pleasant to Eleanor and me.

“Tengo hambre,” I whined as we passed a little pretzel shop. Harry’s stomach started grumbling them, as if to agree with my statement.

“Come again?” Eleanor quirked an eyebrow at me.

“She’s hungry,” Harry translated for me.

“And so are you, judging by the little symphony your stomach is singing for us,” Louis teased. Harry swatted at him, but there was no force behind it.

Eleanor started to say something about finding the food court, but she stopped mid-sentence when she caught sight of a large group of girls staring and snapping photos from inside a nearby store. I saw them at the same time she did and froze, my eyes widening. There had to be at least fifteen girls, if not more. El curled her fingers around Louis’ bicep and gazed at them apprehensively.

“What’s wrong?” Harry and Louis asked in unison, concerned at our sudden tension.

“Fans. A big group. 10 o’ clock,” I answered, not taking my eyes off the girls, a few of whom were sending me dirty looks that probably had something to do with Harry’s hand on the small of my back.

“Shouldn't those girls be in school?” Louis wondered aloud. None of the girls looked any older than fourteen.

“Maybe it’s some kind of school trip?” Eleanor suggested.

“Either way, we need back up,” Harry pointed out.
Harry caught the eye of Paul, who was standing a respectful distance away, and gestured him over.

“What’s wron--oh, bloody hell,” Paul muttered when he got to us. He waved at the four guards, who were placed strategically around us in a square, and we all huddled together.

“Louis and Harry, you’re gonna have to brave this crowd. Eleanor and Ariela, I hate to send you away, but it’d be better if you two went to go get some food or something and wait for this to die down,” Paul said, already forming a plan in his mind. We all nodded at him. “Alright, George, you go with the girls, make sure they’re okay if anyone approaches them. The rest of you lot go with me and the boys and meet this crowd.”

George picked up the boys’ few bags and we picked up ours and followed him toward a little cafe that was a few stores down.

We settled at a table with our coffees and some pretzels and watched as Paul walked into the store and talked to the group of girls. A few of them jumped up and down, and they all nodded solemnly as he laid out ground rules for meeting the boys. They rushed out of the store but were relatively calm (for Directioners) as they talked to, hugged, and got pictures with Louis and Harry. There was the expected squealing and jumping but the three security men and Paul kept the chaos to a minimum.

It took a while for the boys to get to all the girls, and there was still about half left when half an hour had passed. I ordered Harry a pretzel and began walking over to him, ignoring the protests of Eleanor and George behind me.

“Here,” I tapped Harry on the shoulder and thrust it at him when he turned to me. “I could hear your stomach growling from all the way over there.”

“You could not!” He pouted, but he was grinning. “Thanks.”

“No pretzel for me, little bird?” Louis asked. “I’m offended!”

“Not your girlfriend, not my problem!” I said in a sing-song voice.

“But you’re not Hazza’s girlfriend either!” He protested.

“Hmm,” I pretended to think. “Maybe I just love Harry more than you.”

“How dare you,” Louis gasped in mock outrage, holding his hand to his heart dramatically.

The girls had been watching our exchange with amusement and were giggling madly at Louis’ clowning.

“So you’re not Harry’s girlfriend, then?” One of them asked me, her tone curious.

“Nope,” I confirmed. “Just an old best friend from secondary school.”

“So you knew Harry before X-Factor?”

“What was he like?”

“Did you ever have a crush on him?”

“Whoa, whoa, please don’t crowd me, it makes me anxious,” I said, ducking under Paul’s arm as he held them away from me.

“Answer us!” One of them whined.

“Have all of you gotten your pictures and everything?” Paul asked, drawing the attention away from me. “The boys really need to be moving on, now. We haven’t eaten lunch yet.” There was a chorus of ‘aw’s and ‘do you have to leave?’s and it took another full five minutes for the crowd to disperse completely.

***

“I’m sorry about…that,” Harry gestured vaguely behind him as he fell into step next to me. “They can be pretty intense sometimes.”

“It’s no biggie,” I shrugged. “Not the first time and won’t be the last time.”

We’d gotten a quick bite to eat after the fans had left and were now walking to the car park. Harry had insisted on carrying my shopping bags along with his, balancing them all rather impressively in his absurdly large hands.

Eleanor and Louis were walking just ahead of us, their intertwined hands swinging between them. Eleanor was saying something I couldn’t hear and Louis was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“I want to find a love like theirs,” I said softly, more to myself than to Harry, but he answered me anyway.

“You will,” he assured me. “I promise. One day you’ll find it, it’ll have been right under your nose the whole time.”

“Right under my nose, eh?”

****

“You’re in the tabloids,” was my sister’s way of greeting me when I walked into our flat, Harry trailing behind me with my shopping bags. I rolled my eyes and ignored her.

“Hey, Gem,” I said, waving at the blonde who was seated on our couch. She smiled warmly at me. Harry walked past her to deposit my bags in my room then took a seat across from his sister.

“Did you not hear me? You’re in the tabloids!” Cynthia waved her phone in my face, open to some heinous gossip rag’s website.

“I heard you, I just don’t really care,” I sighed, taking the phone from her and scanning the article. There were photos of Harry and me embracing outside the school, us in his car, us and Louis and El getting out of the cars and entering the mall, everyone exiting the mall. Most of them were innocent enough, but a few looked distinctly couple-y and of course the article was insinuating that I was Harry’s new girlfriend.

There were two photos that were particularly compromising: one of me clinging to Harry as he leaned against the hood of his car, and one of me curling my fingers in his jacket and hiding my face in his back as we exited the mall.

“What the hell are you thinking, wrapping yourself around him like that in public?” Cynthia seethed over my shoulder.

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” I placed her phone on the coffee table and faced her, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’ll do what I please, where I please, alright? I’m not gonna let some scumbag photographers dictate how I act.”

“Well then, I hope your happy being Harry’s new ‘jailbait.’ And, Harry, I hope you’re happy being a ‘cradle-robber!’” My sister huffed.

“I’ve been called worse,” Harry shrugged.

“Cynth, seriously, chill out. It’s gonna be fine, okay?” I told her, uncrossing my arms. Harry picked Cynthia’s phone up off the coffee table and looked at the article.

“Some of these pictures are actually kinda nice,” he said as he read. “I mean it’s creepy as all hell, but now I’ve got cool candids of me and my best friend.”

“Leave it to you to find a bright side in all this, Haz,” Gemma laughed, ruffling his hair playfully.

“Hey!” Harry whined. “Don’t mess my hair!”

We all laughed at him.