Loved You First

@Arielalala: 4 AM lobby call is no fun. I have no idea how the boys do this for a living #tiredasfuck

“Where the fuck did you get light sabers at 4 in the morning?” I asked as I caught the handle of the one Louis tossed at me.

He shrugged, pressing the button for his to light up. It sprang open, revealing the pretty green color that was Yoda’s light saber. I pressed the button on mine, and found myself holding the red saber of Darth Vader.

“Oh, of course, I’m the villain?” I sighed as I pulled it up by my face, eyeing Louis warily as he moved toward me.

“You’re always the villain,” he replied. “You know the drill, little bird. We’re battling to the death for Harry’s best friendship.”

“Aren’t-” Louis swung at me and I blocked it with my own, causing the toys to emit exaggerated clashing sounds. “You-” Swing. “Getting-” Block. “A little-” Swing. Block. Swing. “Too old-” Block. “For this?” Louis swung wide and I ducked, swinging my saber under his, swiping right across his collar bones. “You’re headless. I win.”

Louis and I struggled to catch our breath as we took seats on either side of Harry at the table. Paul was giving us a disproving look, but he couldn’t say we were disturbing anyone, because the only people in the hotel breakfast area at this ungodly hour were with the band.

“I can’t believe you’ve never beaten her after all these years,” Harry laughed, watching the video replay on his phone as he posted it to instagram. The 15 second limit included only the actual fight, Louis’ speech at the beginning was cropped out.

“It wouldn’t be fair of me to actually try to beat her. I can see over her head, she’s so tiny!” Louis said, smiling at me and pinching my cheeks.

“Oi! Do or do not, there is no try,” I reminded him, sticking my tongue out at him and swatting his hands away from my face.

harrystyles: Normal morning for us. @arielagarcia @louist91

@Harry_Styles: Normal morning for us @Arielalala @Louis_Tomlinson instagram.com/awjfi0josdf

@Arielalala: Louis just tossed me a plastic light saber and challenged me to a duel for Harry’s best friendship

@Arielalala: That actually has happened before. It was like a monthly thing when H & Lou lived together

@Arielalala: btw I ALWAYS win

@Louis_Tomlinson: @Arielalala I let you win!!

@Arielalala: @Louis_Tomlinson bullshit. you’re not even capable of letting someone win, you competitive arse.

@Harry_Styles: @Arielalala @Louis_Tomlinson play nice, Ela.

@Louis_Tomlinson: @Harry_Styles @Arielalala yeah ‘Ela.’ Play nice. ;)

@Arielalala: @Louis_Tomlinson @Harry_Styles cheeky bastard

***

Despite having won the duel, I let Louis sit with Harry on the plane. I knew it was still weird for them, coming home from tour and going to their separate houses instead of their shared flat. Their friendship was something I’d promised myself I would never fuck with because I couldn’t even fathom how much they cared for each other. Switching with Louis left me next to Zayn, across the aisle from Lou and Lux.

“I’m glad you switched with him. I don’t think I could stand to listen to his voice right now,” Zayn said quietly, rubbing at his temples.

“Are you hungover?” I tried to keep my voice low so as not to aggravate his headache. He nodded.

“I may have raided the mini bar in my hotel room last night,” he admitted.

“Well I hope the overpriced alcohol was worth it,” I chuckled, placing a hand on his shoulder. He scowled at me and moved to lean back in his chair.

“Wake me up if they come by with food,” he murmured just before drifting off. I rolled my eyes at him and pulled my laptop from my bag.

@Arielalala: I’m so boredddddd

@Arielalala: someone said do a twitcam…would you guys want to watch that??

@Arielalala: keep in mind it’d just be me bc all the lads are knocked out

@Arielalala: well alright. Join me twitcam.com/arielalala

“Hello, hello, hello,” I said, having turned on my webcam and plugged in my apple headset.

“Oh, there’s a lot of you. Hi. How goes it?

No, sorry, the boys are sleeping. Look, here’s sleepy Zayn.” I turned the laptop toward him briefly.

“Kay, that’s enough of that, because when he wakes up and sees that I showed him asleep and with his glasses on, he’s not gonna be happy with me.

Hmm…A lot of you are commenting on the fact that I’m sitting next to Zayn. I switched with Louis so he and Harry could have ‘bro time,’ although they’re both asleep, so I don’t really see how sleeping is ‘bonding’ but whatevs.

What do you guys wanna talk about? I dunno how to do this...I see a few of you asking how I met Harry.

Uhm, basically, like, Gemma became friends with my sister, Cynthia, because we’d just moved to England and Cynthia was having a hard time adjusting to the new school, so Gemma helped her so they became best friends. So one time Cynthia came over to Gemma’s house and dragged me along because I was twelve and she was supposed to be babysitting me. And Gemma was home alone and supposed to be watching Harry, so naturally both of our sisters left us downstairs, alone, and went to Gemma’s room to gossip. So, I’m sitting on a couch in a house I’ve never been in before and I’m kinda freaked out, because there’s this guy who I know goes to my school and I know he’s two years above me and I’m like, ‘should I say something??’ but then he turns to me and goes, ‘I’m gonna be on this show someday,’ and he points to the TV and X-Factor was showing. So I’m like, ‘Oh, can I come along, when you’re famous?’ and he’s like, ‘sure!’ And we’ve been best friends ever since.”

“And I kept my promise, yeah?” Harry’s voice cut in, and I looked up to find him smirking at me over my laptop.

“Harry!” I turned the laptop toward him, pulling out my headphones so they’d be able to hear him.

“Harry, say hi!”

“Hiiiiiiii,” he drawled, waving at the screen. “Why’re you doin’ a twitcam, Ela?” His voice was thick with sleep.

“I was bored,” I shrugged. “And everyone else was asleep.”

“Sorry, guys, but I’m stealing Ariela, now, because me and Louis are gonna watch a scary movie, and it’s very important to us that we see her reactions,” Harry said, speaking to the screen.

“Bloody fucking wankers,” I said and he laughed as he closed the laptop.

“You sounded a bit British, just then. We’re finally rubbing off on you!” He held his hand out to me after I’d put away my laptop. He kept my hand in his as we walked back to his row.

Louis was in the window seat, laptop open on his lap, glasses falling down his nose. Harry pulled my hand so I sat in his lap, earning us a disproving look from the flight attendant and a smirk from Louis.

Louis leaned forward and messed with his laptop and the buttons on the armrest/console between the seats. He grinned victoriously when he got the screen in front of Harry’s seat and in front of his to show his laptop’s screen.

He pressed play and set the laptop on the floor, leaning back in his seat. Harry handed me a pair of headphones and plugged them into the console, plugging a pair for himself next to mine just as Louis slipped his wireless earphones on.

“Wait, how’ve we got three people connected at once?” I asked, looking at the two boys.

“Mine are bluetooth and they’re connected to the laptop itself,” Louis explained.

“Well, aren’t you tech-savvy this morning?”

“Shh, watch the movie, little bird.”

****

I didn’t see Harry for three weeks after we got home from LA. I was busy with school, keeping my promise to my sister and making sure I didn’t fall behind, and he was busy with album release stuff for Midnight Memories. We were constantly in contact, though, with Snapchats and text messages and sometimes calls late at night when I couldn’t sleep and I knew he’d be awake.

On the second Saturday in December, we both ended up at Lou’s, watching Lux while Cynthia, Gemma, and Lou went shopping for new hair color for Gemma and Lou. Why my sister needed to be there was beyond me.

Harry was sprawled across Lou’s couch and I was laying on top of him, my head tucked into his neck. My hand was resting against his chest, his heart thudding steadily under my palm. His hands were resting on the bare skin between my crop top and my jeans, his long fingers drumming softly, keeping rhythm with the song he was humming to himself. My other arm was curled around his shoulders, under his neck, my fingers drawing mindless patterns across his shoulder.

“Someone get these freeloaders off my couch,” Lou grumbled as she opened the door, Cynthia and Gemma trailing behind her.

“Freeloaders?” Harry objected from under me. “We are watching your child!”

“Yeah, and where is she?” Lou asked, looking around the empty room.

“We put her down for a nap. Look, we even have a baby monitor!” I pointed at the device sitting on the end table.

Lou just snorted and walked toward the stairs to go check on Lux. Gemma perched on the arm of the couch and patted Harry’s thigh.

“C’mon, H, we’re supposed to drive to Holmes Chapel tonight,” she reminded him.

“No,” Harry groaned. “I don’t want to drive.”

“Then I’ll drive, you prat,” Gemma rolled her eyes at him.

“I am not letting you drive the Audi,” Harry sat up suddenly, causing me to fall against the other side of the couch.

“Oi!” I grumbled, letting my head fall against Gemma’s thigh. She laughed and ran her fingers through my hair absently.

“Why are you driving the Audi?” Gemma scoffed. “Is the Range Rover not conspicuous enough for you?”

“Believe it or not, I get recognized less in the Audi then I do in the Range Rover. ‘Sides, the Audi is Ela’s favorite,” Harry gave me a cheeky grin and wrapped an arm around me.

“C’mon, Ari, we should get you home,” Cynthia spoke up from where she was standing near the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

“No, I don’t wanna go home. Can we go to Holmes Chapel? We haven’t seen Abuelo and Abuela in aaaaages!” I whined.

“Ari, you can’t just invite yourself to everything Harry does, you know,” Cynthia sighed.

“She can and she will,” Harry quipped before I could, both of us sticking our tongues out at my sister. Cynthia heaved a sigh and Gemma laughed to herself.

“C’mon then, you lot, let’s go to H’s and trade in the Audi for the Range Rover and then maybe stop by your flat to get clothes for you and Ari?” Gemma stood and turned to her best friend.

“I think we have clothes in our old room so stopping at ours won’t be necessary,” Cynthia answered her.

****

Harry’s house wasn’t that far from Lou’s so we were piled in the Range Rover and on our way to Holmes Chapel in no time at all. Cynthia was driving and Gemma was in the passenger seat. I was sitting behind my sister and Harry was sprawled across the middle and the right seat, his head resting in my lap. His lanky frame was entirely too long, even in his huge car, he was curled up with his knees pressed to his chest just to fit in the small space. He held one of my hands in both of his, up near his face.

“Well, don’t you two look cozy,” Gemma grinned at me from the front seat. She and Cynthia had always poked fun at how close Harry and I had always been.

“Sod off,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.

“For real though Ari, is there something going on with you two?” Cynthia asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Yeah, what was with those pap pictures from the other week? School, the mall, and in LA?” Gemma asked, turning to look at me.

“And what the hell did we walk in on today?” Cynthia continued, waggling her eyebrows at me suggestively in the rearview mirror.

“You’re both asshats,” was my response. The older girls cackled at me and I blushed furiously at them.

“Leave ‘er alone you loons,” Harry rasped sleepily from my lap. “You lot are worse…worse than the paps.”

“Did they say something to you today? I know they caught you and Grimmy leaving the restaurant,” I looked down at him, running my free hand through his hair.

“Mmm…just the usual. ‘Who’s your new girl, Harry?’ ‘Where’s your jailbait, Harry?’ ‘Is she even legal, Harry?’ Same old shit, different day,” Harry drawled, eyes remaining closed.

I snorted. “Did you just make a reference to your own song?”

“Shh…I’m tired and can’t be held accountable for my words,” he smiled crookedly at me. He brought my hand in his up to his mouth for a kiss before his breathing evened again and he went still.

“You’re adorable,” Gemma sniggered, a smirk that was identical to Harry’s cheeky one stretching across her face.

“Shut the fuck up,” I huffed, staring out the window and ignoring the jibes of my big sisters.

namlessgem: @cynthiagarcia is having fun driving @harrystyles pretty car @arielagarcia and I are having fun taking selfies

We all got off at Harry and Gem’s house so Cynthia and I could say hi to Anne and Robin. It took some major coaxing on my part to get Harry up and out of the car, and by that I mean I slid out from under his head, walked around and opened the other door, and dragged him out by his feet.

“Fucking hell, Ela,” Harry swore, grabbed a hold of the handle above the door with one hand and pressing his other against the seat to keep himself from face planting on the driveway.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” I grinned cheekily, dropping his feet and skipping away before he could react.

“Gem, you’re home! And you’ve brought the girls!” Anne pulled her daughter into a hug and then reached for my sister.

“Missed you, Mum,” Gemma kissed her mother’s cheek and walked past her into the house.
Cynthia did the same, planting a kiss on Anne’s cheek and then walking past her.

“Oh, Ariela, baby, you’ve gotten so tall,” my mother-for-all-intents-and-purposes murmured into my hair as she hugged me.

“I missed you,” I whispered, even though it really hadn’t been that long since I’d seen her at Gemma’s graduation.

“I missed you, too, baby. It’s still so weird not seeing all you kids around here! It’s so quiet now!” She smiled and I laughed.

“Now,” she said when we’d pulled away. “Not to sound greedy or anything, but where is my son? Or did you girls steal his car and leave him in London?” She wagged her finger at us in and we held up our hands in surrender.

“I’m right here, Mum,” Harry called from the door, laughing at us.

“Oh, my baby boy,” Anne breathed as Harry wrapped her in his arms.

“Muuuuum, I’m nearly twenty, I’m not a baby!” Harry protested. “You have to look up to talk to me!”

“Oh, hush!” She grabbed his face in her hand and pulled him down so he was closer to eye level with her. “You will be my baby boy until the day that I die. Deal with it.” She patted his cheek and walked away.

cynthiagarcia: we missed you @aconed @arielagarcia #adoptedmother

@CynthiaNallely: we missed you @MrsAnneTwist @Arielalala instagram.com/13frjalsdgjaf

@Arielalala: @CynthiaNallely oh look it’s me and Anne #fuckingpapparazzi

***

My grandmother was less than pleased with our surprise visit.

“Dios mío, Nallely y Diana! ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?” She exclaimed, using the middle names that only our family ever did. My God, Nallely and Diana! What are you doing here?

“Lo sentimos, Abuela! Nos olvidamos de llamar. Fue una decisión muy último minuto para venir aquí esta noche,” Cynthia apologized, automatically slipping into Spanish. Sorry, Grandma! We forgot to call. It was a very last minute decision to come here tonight.

“How did you get here? You did not take the tube this late at night did you?” Abuela prompted, looking at us with concern.

“Harry and Gemma gave us a ride,” I told her, slipping into Spanish myself.

Maria, let them in! Abuelo called from inside the house. Abuela sighed but led us into the living room, where Abuelo was just standing from the couch. “There you are, my beautiful granddaughters!” he immediately pulled us into his arms. I was comforted by the familiar smell of sun and cigarettes. “I missed you a lot. And so did Abuela, I promise.”

“I did not miss them appearing at odd hours without explanation!” Abuela huffed.

“Diana suddenly decided that we were going to come with the Styles'! My sister was quick to throw me under the bus, switching to my middle name out of habit.

“In any case, we're glad you're here. You should probably go to your room to rest, we can talk in the morning.” Abuelo patted my head affectionately. We nodded and hugged Abuela and him again before venturing up the stairs to our old room, me calling buenos noches over my shoulder.

****

“I can’t believe I lived here until I was twenty-two,” was the first thing my sister said when we entered our old room. There was a massive bunk bed pushed against the wall, the kind that had a twin mattress on the top and a full size on the bottom. There was even a pull out mattress under Cynthia’s bed that Gemma or Harry used to sleep on. The large white steps leading up to my bed had drawers built into them, where Cynthia and I kept most of our clothes when we lived here. Across from the bed, leaning against the wall, was a green bike that I used to ride up the street to Harry’s house. There was also a small nightstand and a desk that matched the bed, against the wall opposite the bed.

“Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you live with your grandparents and share a room with your baby sister? Not just a room, a bunk bed. Fucking hell,” Cynthia continued, laughing to herself. I rolled my eyes at her.

“Gem wanted you to share a flat with her when she moved out to London for uni,” I reminded her.

“I couldn’t leave you here,” Cynthia scoffed, like that should have been obvious. “I had to wait for you to finish secondary school so we could move out to London before you started college.”

I gave her a small smile.

Cynthia irritated me to no end sometimes but there was no doubt that she loved me and would give up anything to take care of me. She’d always been that way, even before the accident that landed us in the UK in the first place. After we’d had to travel across an ocean to live with our retired grandparents, she’d only gotten more protective of me.

arielagarcia: mi hermana y mis abuelos xoxo @cynthiagarcia #family

@Arielalala: mi hermana y mis abuelos @CynthiaNallely instagram.com/awgjasljsa2

@CynthiaNallely: @Arielalala who’s the paparazzi now, sis??

***

I studied the board of photos I had on the wall next to my bed as I tried to fall asleep that night. I’d felt weird leaving it here when we moved, but I felt that moving it or adding more pictures to it made it feel less authentic. The way I’d left it was like looking at a snapshot of my life in the four years between when I moved to England and when I moved to London.

It was full of photos: Cynthia in her last year at school, oldies of Louis and Harry, circa Up All Night, me at 15 or 16 at a party with Harry (you couldn’t see my face but I had a drink in my hand and he was leaning down to talk into my ear), silly ones of Cynthia, dumb candids of the lads, a photo of me in my secondary school uniform, photos I took from the crowd of the boys on X-Factor, prints of Cynthia from her first photo-shoots, an old picture of Eleanor and Louis that Harry sent me while they were on tour, and a print of Harry with the boys’ Brit in 2012, but my favorite was the one in the top right corner.

It showed Harry at 14 or 15, with big headphones covering his ears, dancing around my room with an iPod in his hand. His eyes were closed and he was grinning madly, the dimple in his left cheek deeper than his right.

He was, in short, adorable.

I pulled out my phone and snapped a photo of the board.

arielagarcia: photo board in my old room. #throwbacksaturday? Top right is my favorite

@Arielalala: photo board in my old room instagram.com/af430aifa

@Harry_Styles: @Arielalala Yikes, I did not remember most of those.

@GemmaAnneStyles: I think Ariela’s got almost as many embarrassing pictures of Haz as me #excellent

****

My phone read 2:47 AM when I felt my phone vibrating under my pillow. Harry’s name was flashing across the screen, along with his contact photo, which was a dumb selfie he’d taken on the plane. I was asleep curled up to him, my face buried in his neck, and he was sticking his tongue out and pointing at me.

“Harry?” I whispered trying not to wake up my sister, who was sound asleep in the bunk under me.

“Hey,” he breathed.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked, already climbing slowly off the bed.

“Yeah. I forgot how small my old bed was,” he laughed softly.

“Well, if you weren’t so fucking huge, this wouldn’t be a problem,” I slipped on my shoes, grabbing a pen and a sticky note off the desk and leaving a note for Cynthia.

“Go for a walk with me?” He asked in a small voice.

Cynthia,
I’m with Harry. I have my phone.
-xoxo Ariela

“I’m already on my way,” I said, placing the note on my bed, grabbing my keys, and slipping quietly down the stairs and out the back door.

“You know me too well,” he laughed. “See you in five?”

There was a large field stretching behind all of the houses on our street, a few trees scattered about it, and just beyond lay the wooded area Harry and I spent most of our time exploring as kids. The tree behind Mrs. Hutchinson’s backyard was equidistant from Harry’s mom’s house and my grandparents’ house. It was where Harry and I always met when we went for walks.

My best friend was leaning against it when I got there, head down, long curls spilling over his face, arms crossed over his chest. I rolled my eyes when I realized he was only wearing pajama pants, TOMS that I was pretty sure were Louis’, and an unbuttoned pea coat.

“Couldn’t be bothered to wear an actual shirt?” I asked, causing Harry’s head to snap up. His eyes raked over me and he snorted.

“I like your pajamas,” he smirked, ignoring my question completely. The only pajamas I could find in my old room were the ‘I heart 1D’ set he’d bought me as a joke. I’d thrown on one of Cynthia’s coats over the flimsy tank and short-shorts.

“You’re the one who bought me these,” I glared at him.

“I don’t remember them fitting like that when I bought them,” he raised one eyebrow, running his eyes over my exposed thighs.

“I didn’t have an ass when you bought them.” I pulled self-consciously on the hem of my shorts, acutely aware of my ass spilling out of the back, and stuffed my hands in my pockets.

“Are we gonna walk, or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure we’re gonna get hypothermia if we don’t move.” I said, bringing his eyes back to my face. He grinned sheepishly at me, hooking his arm through mine and walking back toward his house.

We walked along the edge of the tree line, shivering a little in the cold. It was warm for a December night in England but it was still really cold.

“Why did you call it steamy?” I said, when we passed the group of trees where Harry and I had our first kiss.

“Huh?” He looked at me quizzically.

“Our first kiss, in the movie, you called it steamy,” I explained.

“We were against a tree and you were in my lap,” Harry winked at me. “That’s pretty steamy if you ask me.”

“Don’t be a twat,” I smacked the back of his head. “You make it sound like I was straddling you and you were pinning me against a tree or something. I was thirteen!”

“Well, what you have said?” He asked, turning to me and putting his hands on my waist inside my coat, thumbs rubbing circles over the exposed skin.

“I would’ve said it was innocent. And very sweet,” I said softly, looking up at him through my lashes and interlocking my fingers behind his neck.

“Innocent,” he scoffed, not looking me in the eyes. “Right.”

“Hey,” I whispered, threading my fingers through his curls. “It’s not a bad thing, Haz.” He didn’t say anything. I placed a kiss against each of his bird tattoos where they were peeking out of his open coat. He tightened his arms around me and I buried my face in his chest.

I don’t know how long we stayed there, in the warmth and safety of our embrace, but eventually the December wind nipping at my thighs became too much to ignore.

“You should go home and get some sleep,” I said, shivering a little in the cold of the night.

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”