Loved You First

“It’s no wonder you and Harry are best friends,” my sister shook her head at me as I walked out of my room, pulling on my coat as I went.

“What makes you say that?” I asked absently as I fished through the Michael Kors bag that she and Gemma had gotten me for Christmas. I pulled out my phone, tapping out a quick response to Harry.

“Those shoes are awful,” she said, eying the sparkly Saint Laurent high-top sneakers Harry had gotten me for Christmas.

“I like them!” I pouted, picking one foot up and shaking it to watch it sparkle offensively in the light from the lamp next to the couch.

“They’re obnoxious,” Cynthia pointed out, rolling her eyes at me. “And horribly expensive.”

“So are you,” I said as I opened the door. “But I still keep you around.”

She just raised an eyebrow in response. “And just where do you think you’re going?”

“Harry’s. Doing gifts with the boys. Don’t wait up!” I called over my shoulder, ignoring my sister yelling at me in Spanish as the door slammed shut behind me.

I climbed into the familiar Audi on the curb, suddenly very thankful for Harry’s lavish cars and their wonderful heating systems as I held my hands in front of the vents.

“Hey,” I said when I’d defrosted a bit.

“A bit cold there, Ela?” Harry teased, pulling away from the curb.

“I’m not English. I wasn’t made for this,” I whined, yearning for the mild winters of South Texas.

“But it snows here!” Harry reasoned, right hand on the wheel and the other gesturing wildly as he spoke. “You love the snow. You told me you’d only seen snow once before you moved here.”

“I can’t believe you remember that,” I murmured, looking at him curiously as he pulled his lip between his forefinger and thumb with his left hand.

His eyes flicked to me before focusing on the road again. “Why wouldn’t I remember? I’m nineteen, Ela, not sixty.”

****

The lads were already at Harry’s house when we pulled up. I resisted the urge to take a photo of all the identical Range Rovers in Harry’s driveway.

Harry joined the boys in the living room while I ran up the stairs to my room to grab the bags containing their presents that I had stashed in my closet.

Harry was sitting between Louis and Niall on the couch, Zayn in the chair next to Louis and Liam in the chair on the other side of Zayn. I dropped a bag in front of each of the boys then took a seat in the only chair left, next to the couch on Niall’s side.
“You have to go first, because I know whatever you got me is going to blow my shit gifts out of the water,” I said and was met with a chorus of laughs before the boys dug into their bags all at once.

“Alcohol for Christmas? A girl after me own heart,” Niall chimed, leaning over to muss my hair.

Liam, Zayn, and Harry murmured similar thanks and Louis just popped the cap on one of his bottles, taking a swig of the expensive beer.

“You alright, Lou?” I asked hesitantly. The rest of the boys were eying him warily.

“Had to meet Lottie’s boyfriend today,” he said between gulps. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Aw!” I cooed, placing a hand over my heart. “Is big brother sad about Lottie growing up too fast?”

“She’s a fucking child!” He snarled, gesturing widely and almost spilling his beer.

“She’s fifteen, mate,” Zayn pointed out, his voice calm and soothing. “Not much younger than Haz was when One Direction started.”

“She’s a fucking child,” Louis repeated, glaring at Zayn and taking another swig of his beer.

Harry made a thumbs up sign and pressed his fist gently against Louis’ thigh. “’S alright, Lou,” he murmured.

“Lottie’s smart,” Liam said, ever the voice of reason. “She’s smart enough to make good choices. She’s a good kid. She’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Louis reached for the box sitting by his feet and thrust it at me. “Happy Christmas, Ariela.”

I unwrapped it, snickering when I found all three of Taylor Swift’s perfumes in the box. The look on Harry’s face when I set them on the coffee table was priceless.

Louis was grinning madly and Zayn, Liam and Niall burst into laughter when they realized what they were.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and did his best to glare at us, but he couldn’t hide the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Those were just to fuck with Haz,” Louis said after the giggles died down, handing me a card from his pocket. “Here.”

I flipped up the little piece of cardstock with the TOPSHOP logo on it and found a small plastic gift card with the sum of £250 written in Louis’ scrawl on the blank. I also noticed that where my name was supposed to go, he’d written, Little Bird

“Thanks, Lou,” I stood up to hug him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Niall stood when I got back to my seat, handing me a small box with a gold bow on it. I ripped the paper off, grinning when I saw the Ray Ban logo on the box. Inside was a pair of black ‘club-master’ sunglasses.

“I wanted this exact pair. Thank you!” I leaned over to wrap an arm around Niall.

“I’m glad you like them,” he said into my hair, smiling at me when I pulled away.

Zayn stood next, pulling out a large bag from behind his chair that was surprisingly light when he put it in my lap.

I pulled out a Penny Longboard with a multicolored pastel deck: blue at the nose, with matching blue wheels, yellow in the middle, and pink at the tail, with matching pink wheels. Taped to the top of the deck was a gift card for a skate shop.

“Zayn,” I whispered, running my fingers over it lovingly. “It’s beautiful.”

I set it down next to my chair and walked around the coffee table to hug him.

He whispered, “Happy Christmas, babe,” and kissed the top of my head.

Liam handed me his gift, roughly the size of a shoe box, and I carried it back to my seat. My suspicions were proven right when I opened it and found a pair of beautiful sparkly Betsey Johnson platform heels.

“They match my outfit for Grimmy’s party!” I all but squealed, holding them up so they could catch the light. “Liam, you’re a godsend,” I told him earnestly as set the shoes down and walked around to hug him. He just laughed.

“Happy Christmas, Ari.”

“I’ve still got one for you, Ela,” Harry sing-songed.

“But you’ve already given me yours!” I said, shaking one of my feet at him as an example.

“Did he buy those awful things?” Louis asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I should’ve guessed. No one else could have that bad taste in shoes.”

“And that’s why the fans think you’re gay,” I quipped.

“I think they look sick,” Zayn said, giving me a small smile.

“They definitely look better on her than they would on Harry,” Niall mused.

“Oh, God, yeah. I can’t stand those sparkle boots of yours, Harry,” Liam threw in, looking at Harry seriously.

“Oi!” Harry cried indignantly. “What is this, ‘attack Harry’s shoes day?’”

“Well,” I said. “You do give us a lot to work with in that department.”

“You’re all bloody tossers,” he said to the four boys. “And you’re not getting your present now, Ela.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” I protested at the same time that Louis said, “You have to give it to her. What the hell are you gonna do with a bloody standee of yourself?”

Harry swatted at the back of his head. “Way to ruin the surprise, mate.”

He leaned over the couch and pulled a cardboard standee of himself that had apparently been lying on the floor this whole time. He set it in front of me and I stared at it apprehensively.

“Bit creepy, innit?” Zayn asked, laughing a little at my serious expression.

I poked at cardboard!Harry’s cheek. “He’s like, what, two years behind what you look like now? It’s weird,” I said, looking between Harry and the standee.

“Can I keep him here? I don’t think Cynthia wants a cardboard you in our flat.”

****

“Have you got something to wear?” Cynthia asked, fastening one of her earrings as she walked into my room. I gestured to the outfit laid out on my bed. Gemma floated in behind her and sat on the edge of the mattress.

“How come you haven’t started getting ready?” Cynthia asked. “The car will be here in forty-five. Are you gonna do your hair?”

“I’m waiting for Fenna to get here. She stole my strapless bra and she’s bringing it back with her. And I dunno what I’m gonna do with my hair,” I answered, frowning at the mass of black curls in my vanity mirror.

“Can I straighten your hair?” Gemma asked excitedly, looking at me hopefully. I shrugged and nodded at her. She shot off the bed and into the bathroom, returning with my sister’s expensive straightener. She plugged it in and set it on the surface of my vanity.

“Have you ever straightened Ari’s hair, Gem? It’s like battling a beast,” Cynthia sighed, digging in the drawers of my vanity and pulling out my straightener so she could help her best friend.

“Not up for the challenge, Garcia?” Gemma teased, clapping her straightener in Cynthia’s direction.

“Don’t wave that thing at me, it’s 400 degrees!” Cynthia leaned away from her wearily, holding out her own straightener in defense.

“400 degrees!?”

“Fahrenheit, Gem.”

“Oh.”

Fenna arrived just as Gemma and Cynthia were finishing my hair. I hurried to get dressed and Cynthia touched up my makeup before whisking us all out the door and into an Uber car that was waiting on the curb.

arielagarcia: on our way to the NYE party at @grimmers #Ubercarsarecool @namelessgem @cynthiagarcia @fennasykes

@Arielalala: on our way to the NYE party instagram.com/ajf023joai

We weren’t all that surprised to find a mob of paparazzi lining the entrance to Nick’s building, given the social status of most of the people who came to Grimshaw’s parties.

“Right, Ari, with me, Fenna, stay with Gem, alright?” My sister asked before opened the door and climbing out of the car. I climbed out after her and she looped her arm through mine, pulling me through the mass of people. Gemma had Fenna’s arm in hers and was leading her similarly behind us.

“Cynthia! What are you wearing?”

“Is that Gemma Styles?”

“Can I get a smile, Cynthia?”

“Ariela! How come you didn’t come with Harry?”

“How do feel about your baby sister getting involved with a womanizer, Cynthia?”

The noise was abruptly muted as the door to the lobby shut behind us. The doorman looked up at us, taking in my sister’s designer dress and overall immaculate appearance.

“Grimshaw?” He guessed. We nodded at him, Cynthia reaching into her purse to pull out her ID, but he waved her off. “Go on in, I recognize you.”

I shot him a grateful smile as we piled into the lift.

“Security here is not what it once was,” Gemma said when the doors had closed.

Cynthia nodded and she and Gemma began discussing all sorts of elaborate disasters that could come from this apparent lapse of security. I laughed at the pair of them, linking my arm with Fenna’s and leaning my head on her shoulder.

“How was your date? You never told me,” I said, quiet enough that Cynthia and Gemma wouldn’t hear us over their conversation.

She just shook her head.

“That bad?” I asked.

She nodded. “I’m gonna get proper pissed tonight and forget about her.”

“That we can do,” I said, earning a smile from Fenna.

We pushed our way through the mass of people in the living room when we entered Nick’s massive flat. We found Zayn leaning against the archway leading into the kitchen, Perrie curled into his side. His eyes widened when he saw me.

“Holy shit, Ariela, you look amazing,” he said into my ear as he hugged me. Perrie smiled at me when he let me go.

“You really do look great,” she said, wrapping her thin arms around me briefly.

Cynthia and Gemma were already waving at them and pushing past the couple into the kitchen, Fenna standing awkwardly behind me. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen, where, unsurprisingly, Niall was mixing drinks.

Eleanor was sitting on the counter, Louis standing between her legs with his back to her, a beer bottle in one of his hands and lazy smile on his lips. She was leaning over him, her arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders, a champagne flute dangling from her fingers as she giggled into his ear.

“Little bird!” Louis beamed at me. His eyes ran over my outfit and his smile dropped. The bodice of my romper clung to my chest while the shorts flared out, just barely making it to mid-thigh. The Betsey Johnson pumps that Liam had bought me made my legs look deceptively long and gorgeous.

“You let her wear that?” He asked, addressing Cynthia, who was standing next to Niall and pouring herself some champagne. I scowled at him and Eleanor swatted at his head, but my sister just laughed and rolled her eyes.

“She’s a big girl,” she took a sip from her glass and patted his cheek lightly. “She makes her own choices. ‘Sides, she looks fit as hell.”

Niall handed me a drink without me asking and I grinned at him as I took a sip.

“And for you, Ariela’s pretty friend?” Niall asked, turning to Fenna.

“It’s Fenna,” she laughed. “And I don’t care. I just need to be as drunk as possible as soon as possible.”

Niall grinned wickedly at her and started pouring Red Bull into a red solo cup and grabbing the bottle of Jägermeister.

“Giving alcohol to minors? Tsk, tsk, Ni,” a smooth voice drawled and I looked up to find Harry sauntering into the kitchen.

“I’m not a minor!” Fenna protested while Niall just chuckled and flipped Harry the bird.

“Ela’s a minor,” Harry said, plucking the drink from my hand and taking a sip. I cackled at him when he choked.

“Jesus,” he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and gave me back my drink. “Is that straight whiskey?”

“It’s a Jack and Coke,” I giggled, taking a sip. “Irish has got the ratio off a bit.”

“Better that way!” Niall beamed.

Cynthia cursed under her breath in Spanish as Niall added three shots of Jägermeister into Fenna’s cup.

“I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be one shot, mate,” Louis said hesitantly as Niall handed Fenna her drink. She guzzled half of it down without a flinch.

“I’m not playing babysitter later!” My sister warned me, looking at Fenna and me with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry,” Harry told her, waving her off. “I’m not drinking, I’ll get them.”

****

“Who invited the rugrats?”

I recognized the voice immediately and turned to find none other than Alexa Chung and her clone-like entourage of models. They were all the same, from their unfairly sleek hair to their weirdly similar mini-dresses, revealing legs for miles and ribs practically visible underneath them.

“I don’t understand what Harry sees in her,” she continued, giving me a once over and curling her lip in disgust.

“Maybe he’s got a bit of a school girl fetish,” one of the clones suggested.

“Oh, kinky,” another giggled.

“Is that it, then?” Alexa addressed me directly for the first time. “Have you got a little school uniform that you wear when he shags you? Are you even legal?”

“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at her. I didn’t bother telling her that I was, in fact, over the legal age of consent in the UK.

“I’ll take that to mean you aren’t legal, then.” She sneered. “I cannot believe Harry would bring a child to a party like this.”

“She’s been coming to my parties since she was in secondary school, doll, and she’s never thrown up on my carpet. Wish I could say the same for you,” an arm wrapped around my shoulder and I found Grimshaw watching smugly as Alexa’s face flushed with embarrassment.

“That was one time,” she hissed. “And we agreed not to speak of it.”

“And we won’t,” a figure had appeared behind Alexa, and even in the dim lighting I instantly recognized the glint of anger in her dark eyes. “But if you ever talk to or about my sister like that again, we’re gonna have a problem.”

Alexa turned, her eyes widening at the sight of Cynthia, Gemma trailing behind her looking angry and slightly intimidating.

Cynthia leaned toward Alexa’s face, towering over the other girl in her massive heels. “If you so much as breathe in her direction, I will fucking ruin you in this town.”

“You-you don’t have that kind of power,” Alexa said, but she sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

My sister had started modelling straight out of college. While Gemma and the rest of their classmates were packing up for uni, Cynthia was climbing the social ladder. She worked her way right into London’s elite. She ran in the same circles as Alexa, Grimmy, and the lads. She wasn’t famous, really, but she’d been on the papers a few times, when she’d become the new face of this brand or that designer. The paparazzi didn’t take much interest in her because she was careful to avoid getting into the sort of trouble that makes for a good cover story. Cynthia Nallely Garcia did have some pull in the modelling world, but Alexa had been modelling longer than she had, and I was willing to bet that Cynthia didn’t really have the kind of power it takes to ruin someone’s career.

The look on Alexa’s face told me she really didn’t want to take that chance.

All of a sudden, Cynthia pulled away from her, smiling widely at someone over my shoulder.

“You’re right, Alexa, she doesn’t,” Harry said breezily, slinking up beside me. “But I do. And I don’t much like the way you were talking to my friend.”

****

With fifteen minutes to midnight, I was slightly drunk, nursing my third Jack and Coke, and on the hunt for Fenna, Harry, my sister or really anyone familiar.

After running around Nick’s flat four times, not tripping once despite my shoes and the alcohol in my system, I gave up the hunt and finished off my drink, setting my cup on an end table and joining the crowd dancing in the living room.

I joined the crowd of jumping and grinding bodies and ended up finding Fenna dancing with one of the random models Harry and Grimmy were friends with. I noted that she wasn’t one of Alexa’s clones and gave Fenna a subtle thumbs-up when she met my eyes.

A guy came up behind me and we started dancing together, but when he tried to put his hands up my shorts I spun around and pushed him away.

“C’mon, baby,” he slurred, wrapping his arms around me. “Don’t be like that.”

“Piss off!” I shoved at his chest but he was much stronger than me. He just grinned and groped my bum as I tried to squirm away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I hissed.

Suddenly, two sets of tattooed arms were ripping the guy’s hands off me and then Zayn was pushing me behind him and Liam was twisting the guy’s arm behind his back until he yelped.

Without asking for an explanation Liam growled, “You need to leave,” and dragged the guy out by his arm.

“You alright?” Zayn turned to me when they were out of sight, his eyes bloodshot.

“Yeah,” I said. “’M fine. Thanks.”

He nodded at me. “Harry was looking for you in the kitchen. You ought to find him, it’s almost midnight.”

I didn’t know what the time had to do with anything, but I nodded at Zayn and walked into the kitchen to find Harry.

“There you are!” He sounded relieved when he saw me, pulling me against his chest.

“Here I am!” I sang back at him, giggling a little.

He put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me skeptically. “How much have you had to drink, little bird?”

“Three,” I giggled. “But they were all mixed by Niall sooo I’ve probably had like a whole bottle of Jack. Maybe more.”

He rolled his eyes at me fondly. “You look proper gorgeous, you know. Even though you’re half pissed.”

My face flushed and I hoped he would attribute it to the alcohol and not his words. The heels I was wearing made me tall enough to lean over and whisper in his ear.

“You look proper fit yourself, love.”

Before he could respond, a countdown started in the other room.

“TEN!”

I slung my arms around Harry’s neck.

“NINE!”

He put his hands on my waste.

“EIGHT.”

“It’s been one hell of a year, huh?” I said, looking up at Harry and trying to wrap my head around everything that had changed in the last 365 days.

“SEVEN.”

“Yeah, it has,” Harry grinned down at me.

“SIX.”

“Every New Year’s we’re in a different place,” I noted.

“FIVE.”

“Always together though,” he said, rubbing circles with his thumbs on my waist.

“FOUR.”

“Remember that one year we were on Skype because you had band stuff?” I giggled.

“THREE.”

“We celebrated the New Year together in two different time zones!” He recalled.

“TWO.”

My eyes fell to Harry’s outrageously pink lips, then back up to his eyes. “Promise me you won’t freak out?”

“What are you-”

“ONE!”

I swallowed the rest of Harry’s sentence, crashing my lips against his as a chorus of “Happy New Year!” broke out around us.

Harry had me pushed against a wall with his tongue in my mouth when he suddenly froze and jumped away from me roughly.

“What’s wrong?” I gasped, reaching for him again.

“You’re drunk,” he rasped, his eyes wide and his breathing heavy. He grabbed my wrists and unwound my arms from his neck.

“Only a little,” I slurred. “If I was sober, I never would’ve had the guts to do that.”

“If you were sober, you wouldn’t have wanted to,” Harry argued.

“Yuh-huhhhh!” I pouted. “I’ve though about it like-” I hiccupped. “-a billion times. ‘Specially since Christmas.”

He shook his head at me. “You’re not- I just- I can’t take advantage of you like this. I won’t.”

I don’t know if it was the rejection or the alcohol that caused what happened next, maybe it was a bit of both, but the next thing I knew I was kneeling in one of Nick’s bathrooms, emptying my stomach into a toilet.

I felt someone pull my hair away from my face and I knew it was Harry from the way that one of his hands rubbed soothingly at my back.

“Oh, now you wanna touch me?” I snapped as I leaned back. Harry sighed as he flushed the toilet and helped me to my feet.

“Ela, don’t be like that,” he pleaded.

“Piss off, Harry!” I shoved him away from me as I moved to the sink to rinse my mouth out.

“Ela, please, it’s not-” he tried, but I glared at him until he shut up.

“I’ve got her,” my sister said, materializing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to play babysitter,” Harry sighed as he stood.

“It’s fine. Just go find your sister and Fenna and we can get out of here,” she said as she reached around me to grab a bottle of mouthwash from the cabinet.

@Harry_Styles: It’s 2014!! Happy New Year

@Arielalala: sshityt shit shit i fuckded sup

I didn’t speak to Harry for the rest of the night, not even to comment on how sweet he was being when he carried Fenna into the flat after she passed out in the cab. Harry tucked Fenna into my bed, then walked around to kneel next to my head.

“Hey,” he pushed my bangs away from my face and I scowled at him. He sighed. Harry kissed my forehead and stood, pausing when he got to the door.

“Happy New Year, Ela.”

And then he was gone.

@Harry_Styles: In vino veritas.