Love Never Felt So Good

Bailey and Sidney’s drive home from New Jersey was much less lighthearted than their drive out, Bailey slept most of the way and didn’t play hardly any music. She would occasionally watch Sidney as he drove, she liked the way his arms looked and his serious face as he concentrated on the road.

Upon arriving back at the house, she grabbed their overnight bags, heading straight to the laundry room as she usually did, and tossed their dirty clothes into the washing machine. She walked back to the main level where Sidney was already on the couch in the family room, flipping through television channels, and grabbed a pair of car keys before disappearing from the house.

The drive to James and Missy’s apartment was much shorter in the summer than the winter, and she was thankful to be getting her sidekick back. James opened the front door after the first ring, Belle greeting her excitedly and wiggling her little pug tail as fast as she could.

“Hi! Come in!” James smiled, throwing the door open and letting her pass through.

“Hi baby, I missed you.” She baby-talked the dog, who was more than happy to see her mama.

“How was New Jersey?” James asked, regretting he asked when she shrugged, not offering much in a verbal response. “Missy!” He called, not wanting to get pulled in, “Bailey’s here!”

Not a few minutes later, Bailey was sitting on Missy’s couch, each of them with a small glass of wine in hand and Belle perched in Bailey’s lap.

“So what happened in Jersey?” Missy asked, “you don’t look very thrilled to be back.”

Bailey sighed, shaking her head before taking a sip of her wine, looking at her phone to see a text from Sidney before turning it over.

“I probably could have been a little more understanding, but I’m always dealing with Sidney’s jealousy – always. He’s so possessive and literally all I wanted to do was catch up with friends from home and he couldn’t give me a moment of peace.” She explained, “plus, I was so embarrassed by him after he would act up, I couldn’t even look people in the eye after he finally eased off.” She explained. Missy stayed quiet to let her friend vent entirely. “I don’t know, I feel like we just jumped from casually dating right into something super serious. Like one morning we’re getting coffee and the next morning he’s buying me a car to drive into the city and talking to me about kids.”

“You have been dating for – what? Ten months? Eleven?” Missy asked.

“I know, but to me, it feels like we have been living together for nine. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not cut out for a really serious relationship.” Bailey questioned, knowing that it didn’t sound right coming out of her mouth. “No, I mean, that isn’t right, I just… I don’t know. I guess I just wish we hadn’t gotten so serious so fast.” She finished. “But everyone makes me feel like I can’t think that way, I mean remember when you told Sidney he was the perfect boyfriend that night we went out to Diesel with Gina? How am I supposed to not want to be with the perfect boyfriend all the time?”

“Bails, I’m sorry if I made you think that you weren’t enough for Sidney.” Missy frowned, “I swear that was never the intention.”

“No, I know, I mean, it’s not like you’re the first person to say it.” She waved her hand.

“I mean, Bails, are you not happy?” She asked, furrowing her brow. James was trying his hardest not to eavesdrop.

“I am happy, I swear. Sidney treats me like a queen and is so understanding and lets me drive the Range Rover and makes his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…” She trailed with a laugh. “I just don’t know why I feel so unfulfilled.” She shrugged. “Maybe because we moved so fast, we got comfortable so quick – but why would I ever complain about that? I mean, that’s great, right?” She asked.

“It can be, but maybe it’s not for everyone. Maybe you were looking for a little more romance first, more getting-to-know-you or something.” Missy offered.

“We didn’t really get to go on dates in public,” She said, taking another drink of her wine. “It was always my place or his, or late at night where no one could see us.” She elaborated. “Maybe I was expecting more.” She shrugged.

“But you’re happy,” Missy began, worried about what her friend may be thinking about.

“Blissful.” Bailey countered, “Sidney is so good to me, I just don’t understand why I’m feeling like this.” She finished.

“When was the last serious relationship you were in?” Missy asked, “When was the last time you were a ‘we’?” Bailey bit her lip.

“High school.” She offered, Missy gave her a knowing smile.

“I hate to tell you this, babe, but you just don’t know how to be a ‘we’ instead of just Bailey yet.” She insisted, “it’s not just about you any more, it probably hasn’t been since you moved in with Sidney, but that’s not a bad thing. Now you get to share everything with Sidney, and vice versa. Think that over for a while, then come talk to me.” She finished, leaning over and taking Bailey’s wine glass. “Go home to your boyfriend, I’m sure he’d like to talk to you.” She encouraged.

Bailey was confused, but dutifully grabbed Belle’s belongings before making her way back down to the car in the garage, driving past her old apartment building. She felt a little sad, she thought she had become an entirely different person since she lived there, and she became very nostalgic, not minding if she would have split her time between her apartment and Sidney’s a little longer.

She checked her phone as it buzzed with another text message.

From: Sid
I said I was going to follow you when you ran away. Do you want me to come to Missy's? Or would that embarrass you?

To: Sid
I'm on my way back now. We need to talk.

Bailey ran over what she was going to say in her head as she drove back to the house, taking in a deep breath before parking in the garage. She sat in the car for a few moments, feeling anxious enough to make her stomach turn as she opened the garage door into the house. Letting Belle out of her carrier, she tore through the house to her food dish, checking to see if there was any kibble in there from before she left.

Making her way up the stairs, she could feel her feet feeling heavy with each step. Passing their empty bedroom, she made her way towards the office to see it was empty as well. She could very faintly hear the scrap and slap of a hockey stick against the concrete floor in the shooting gallery in the basement and she turned down the stairs.

There was Sid in all of his spandex and curly glory, taking shot after shot at the goal across the room. She walked over, sitting on the little hockey bench alongside the wall. He took four more shots, finishing up his bucket of pucks before looking up at her.

"Hi." She said quietly, her legs swinging back and forth under the bench.

"Belle back?" He asked, to which she nodded. They fell silent for a moment before Bailey took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk at Travis' party, I never should have acted like that and I never should have said that you were embarrassing. I didn't mean I was embarrassed of you, I meant to stay that I was embarrassed by the way you were acting in front of my friends." She said, trying her best to swallow the lump in her throat. The very last thing she wanted was to start crying.

"I didn't understand why you wouldn't just introduce me to Brian. I know I acted kind of stupid about it, but you blatantly ignored me, it's a really shitty feeling, Bails." He hated how awkward he felt standing in front of her, watching her try not to cry. Bailey bit her tongue, wanting to call him a hypocrite, but knew it wasn't going to help their conversation. She knew exactly how it felt.

"I'm sorry, that's really all I can say." She added quietly. "I just wanted to talk to people as me, Bailey, before they just saw me as, Bailey - Sidney's girlfriend." She added.

"So you are embarrassed of me?" He looked confused as ever, causing tears to roll down her cheeks.

"No! I'm not embarrassed of you!" She insisted, "I just feel maybe we rushed into this," she finished, a heavy, uncomfortable silence hanging over them. "And I feel like I'm the worst person on the planet for thinking it because you're so great and you've always been so great..." She trailed, shaking her head because she wasn't sure where she was going with her thoughts. She hastily wiped way her tears with the back of her hands.

"What do you want, Bails? How do we fix this?" He asked. Heart breaking as he watched her cry. He leaned heavily on his stick, glad it was there to hold him up. "I feel like you're letting one bad thing make you question our entire relationship." He added.

"I'm not." She frowned, feeling like he wasn't taking her feelings seriously.

"So tell me what's me wrong, tell me what needs to change." He countered.

"I think maybe I should go back to my apartment for a while." She said, trying her best to stop her tears.

"No." He shook his head. "How is that going to help anything?" He asked, feeling the frustration mounting in his chest. "I will move into the bedroom down here." He offered.

"I'm not going to make you move into the guest room of your own house." She rolled her eyes with a sad laugh.

"It's our house, Bailey, it's been our house for three months." He insisted.

"Kay." She nodded, feeling defeated.

"Don't give up on this, okay? I can feel you pulling further and further away, and it's killing me. Don't give up on us." He insisted. "I'm willing to do whatever you need me to do to fix this." He tilted her chin up to kiss her cheek.

"I'm gonna go unpack Belle's stuff." She got up from the bench, heading upstairs. Sidney took her spot, letting out a deep breath and resting his head back against the wall behind him. He brought his hands up to his face, pressing the heels of his palms into his closed eyes and exhaling again. He grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket, seeing a missed call from James. He laid down across the length if the bench on his stomach, calling James.

"Hey Sid." His teammate answered

"How's it going." Sidney mumbled, trying to even out his heart rate.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" James asked.

"Probably." He laughed dryly.

"Look, you can't tell Missy this, but I heard them talking when Bailey was here earlier." He began, "I might be able to help you out a bit."