All I'll Ever Need

Mika hopped out of the Range Rover and immediately turned back to Sidney, who was nothing but smiles and sexy in his Aviators and black Penguins cap. She found it adorable and irritating all at once. Sidney just wasn’t fair.

He laughed when her eyes playfully narrowed. “We’ll be good, I swear.”

“Mmhmm,” she said, though everyone knew she really believed him. “No running stop signs and hitting random strangers?”

His laughter got louder. “That was a low blow, but, I mean, look how incredible things have turned out.”

Mika shot him a smirk. “Maybe for you. You’re not the one who had to drive an old man’s car around the past month.”

Sidney’s face twisted into a scowl while Matty laughed quite loudly in the backseat. Matty had no idea what they were really talking about, but that didn’t mean he didn’t find it hilarious. Whatever they were bickering about was nonsense—probably nothing—but it was amusing to anyone watching.

“No,” he agreed. “I just had to spend at least thirty minutes of my day talking to a child. I should get paid for this babysitting shit.”

Mika’s eyes narrowed as both Sidney and Matty’s laughter grew louder, but she couldn’t fake mad long. There was too much joy inside of her.

“I’ll see you guys when you get done.”

“I don’t know,” Sidney said. “I mean, old men are so slow, so it may take me a while to get in and out of the building. Then, I mean, there’s the drive over here, so . . . it may be a while.”

Mika rolled her eyes and shut the door, not even bothering to respond. She felt good not having to rush into class, not having every eye on her as she barely made it inside. Honestly, she sometimes felt like her classmates wanted her to get kicked out, but not today.

And she was proud of that.

Sidney and Matty, however, weren’t as fortunate. Matty was supposed to be at rehab at nine thirty, and they pulled into a parking spot at that exact time. Sidney opened Matty’s door to help him out of the car, but Matty just laughed and tilted his head towards the front door.

“Go on, man. I can get out. Let them know I’m here so they don’t call Mika.”

Sidney knew better than to let them call Mika. That was simply a terrible idea. She wouldn’t answer it in class—at least he hoped not—but she would get the voicemail, and she would tease him to no end. Fun as it may be, the “old man” thing nearly touched a nerve. After all, he was closer to thirty than he would like to think about.

When Sidney rushed through the automatic doors, the people inside the rather small, scarcely lit waiting room all stared. Some looked like they might even be taking pictures, and if he wasn’t in the public eye, he would’ve rolled his eyes at the “news” he figured he’d hear pretty soon.

Sidney Crosby goes to rehab. Is there something wrong with the Pens captain?

It didn’t really bother him, that headline, but it bothered him how easily lies were made the “truth.” Something more hurtful could easily become “real,” and what if it hurt Mika? What if it hurt Matty? He couldn’t imagine letting his fame ruin her life even further.

All he wanted to do was make it better.

“Um, I’m here with Matty Dixon,” Sidney told the receptionist with her curly brown hair and hazel eyes.

She immediately recognized who he was and felt an overwhelming urge to flirt. After all, they were around the same age, and her relationship wasn’t too serious. If Sidney Crosby would go for her, she’d dump her boyfriend in a heartbeat.

But Sidney’s eyes, and heart, were set on someone else, so set that he didn’t even notice her advances.

“Well, we usually can’t let anyone besides his sister back there,” she said, batting her eyelashes a few too many times.

Matty hobbled in behind Sidney and smiled at the receptionist, whose chipper and flirtatious mood immediately left her. It wasn’t that she didn’t think Matty was cute, but she dealt with enough cripple people as it was. She didn’t wanna have to deal with a crippled boyfriend as well, but if Matty’s rehab worked, she might consider him.

“Come on, Lissa,” he laughed. “He’s with me. It’s fine.”

“Well, I suppose I can make an exception this time,” she said, but the flirty smile that pulled across her lips wasn’t directed at Matty. Everyone but Sidney realized that.

Matty grinned over at Sidney and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Lissa.”

She nodded, but her eyes stayed on the clueless Sidney the entire time. He followed behind Matty until it was time to open the doors, and then, he rushed ahead to hold them open for him.

The moment they were out of earshot of the lobby, Matty started laughing. “What is it about hockey players that draws women in?”

Sidney laughed, but something in his mind . . . took him somewhere else. Was . . . he talking about Mika?

Did he draw Mika in . . . ?

“I mean, it’s crazy,” Matty said. “You could probably get anyone, yet you don’t want anyone. I guess I can see where you’re coming from, though.”

Sidney’s eyebrows furrowed now—he was lost. If Matty wasn’t talking about Mika, who was he talking about?

“It’s not that I don’t want anyone,” Sidney disagreed. “It’s that . . . I’m waiting for the right person to be ready to want me.”

And Matty knew just what he was talking about. Really, the idea of someone so sought out wanting his insecure baby sister who had gone through hell and back for everyone she loved . . . it made him feel good inside, completely good. Mixed with how happy Sidney made Mika, he was set for life.

There was no more doubt in his mind. Sidney was just what she needed.

“She’ll come around eventually,” Matty promised. “She has this idea in her head that Dad and I need babysitting, but what Dad needs is to be euthanized, and me? I don’t know. I guess I do, too.”

“Come on, none of that shit,” Sidney said, and he lightly punched Matty’s shoulder. “Alright. Before we start this rehab process, let’s go over something. You have one chance to get out after I tell you my terms.”

Matty’s eyebrows rose. “Whoa. This sounds intense. Shoot.”

“If I’m gonna come to rehab with you every time you come, there will be no giving up,” Sidney said. “There will be no negative comments about how useless you are, how you’ll never walk. You know what they told me? They said I’d never make it as a hockey player. They said I wasn’t big enough, wasn’t good enough. I was too small. Now, fuck them. I won. It’s your turn to win.”

“Sidney, I’m gonna try, but—”

“There is no trying on my team,” Sidney interrupted with a stern glance into Matty’s eyes. “You will walk by the end of this season. Hell, if I have my way, you’ll be playing hockey again.”

Matty had no idea where this came from, but then again, neither did Sidney. It was kinda a spur of the moment thing he just said. To Sidney, that seemed like motivation, right?

To Matty, that seemed like a nightmare waiting to be relived.

“I-I, Sidney, I can never play hockey again, even if I physically can.”

Sidney’s eyebrows rose. “Why? Because someone broke you? Fuck them. Show them that you’re better than that. Show them you can fight back. I did. I was out for a hundred and twenty-three days because of a concussion and soft tissue injuries in my neck. My entire career was almost over. I thought I couldn’t take another solid hit again. I almost lost everything I had worked my entire life for, but I came back. When everyone started to give up one me, I almost did, too, but I didn’t give up. And you shouldn’t give up either. Don’t let the other person win.”

“It’s not about the other person!” Matty exclaimed, and even though he knew he shouldn’t, he felt himself getting angry, at Sidney of all people. “I just won’t ever play hockey again if I ever even walk again! I’m glad things worked out for you, Sidney. I was watching, beyond upset when things kept going wrong with your head. I never gave up on you, though. Ever.”

“And I’m never giving up on you,” Sidney said. “Why won’t you play hockey, Matty? If it’s because you’re scared to go back out there, believe me. I was, too. It’s okay to be scared, but you shouldn’t let fear stop you from living your dream.”

“Because I can’t do that to her again!”

And suddenly, it all made sense to Sidney. Why Matty always gave up, why Matty stopped trying . . . because he didn’t think he was worth anything. Just like his sister, he thought he was worthless and expendable, so why try?

Because he felt as though he was a selfish, worthless human being.

“Matty, listen to me,” Sidney said. “I—”

“No, Sidney, you listen,” Matty said, taking authority over the conversation in a way that surprised Sidney. “Hockey ruined what little piece of happiness Mika had left. She didn’t get to finish growing up like a normal teenager. She had to take care of me and our dying father, so no. If I ever walk again, I’m not risking that. Not again. She’s worked too damn hard for me, and I’m not gonna throw away a miracle like that. It was selfish of me to play hockey to begin with, and I’m not making that mistake again.”

“The mistake is thinking that playing hockey was selfish,” Sidney informed him. “Everyone has to have something. You say that your supposed selfishness forced Mika to grow up early, but what about you? It’s not selfish to need something for yourself. It’s not selfish to want something to hold onto, a piece of childhood. Like it or not, Matty, you shouldn’t have had to take care of Mika.”

“But I did, and shouldn’t have doesn’t change that.”

Matty felt furious at this point, but he was good at holding it in. He always had been—very well tempered, like their mother used to be.

“It doesn’t, but it’s time you stopped,” Sidney said, and he shrugged. In the back of his mind, he wondered why they hadn’t seen any therapists around, why no one had asked Matty to come back to therapy, but he was thankful for his brief time to get some sense into Matty’s head.

Now, Matty couldn’t hold it all in, and he pushed Sidney back away from him a little. When he did, his crutches hit the ground with a loud CRACK! but Matty didn’t notice. All Matty saw was anger, confusion.

Why would Sidney say that? Mika deserved to be taken care of for the rest of her life.

“I can’t just stop! She’s my baby sister! What the fuck do you mean, stop taking care of her? After everything she’s done for me? If I ever walk again, it’s my turn to repay the favor.”

“You mean like you did before?” Sidney scoffed. “Looks to me like she’s the one repaying the favor. You raised her, which isn’t right, but you did. You’re in a bad point in your life, and she’s taking care of you. You’ll pull through, and you’ll take care of yourself. She’ll be taken care of.”

Matty got closer to Sidney, something he only did when he got mad. Sidney expected this reaction, expected him to get defensive as he was—but he was also proving a point that Matty didn’t see.

“No she won’t!” he exclaimed. “Mika doesn’t take care of herself. In her eyes, she’s not worth taking care of, so she’ll use whatever money she has to give to Suzie, or something. Like Suzie needs the money so she can buy more heroin. But she knows Mika will always give it because Mika doesn’t want her to get hurt. Mika’s just . . . too trusting to realize it’s not for food, or whatever lie Suzie tells her. That’s what you don’t get, Sidney. She’ll continue to take care of everyone else!”

Sidney smiled, and when he smiled, Matty froze . . . where he stood. Of course Sidney knew this. Of course he knew that Mika trusted and gave too easily.

Of course he knew that Matty could walk.

Matty’s legs wobbled as he braced himself on Sidney, his eyes wide. “Wh-What?”

“It’s all in your head,” Sidney whispered. “Your legs are weaker than they were, and you’ve got some rehab ahead of you, but you’re gonna walk before the end of next month. That, I can guarantee.”

Matty felt the tears on his face as he tried to remember how to breathe, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t think straight, much less breathe as he should. All he could do was hold onto Sidney’s arm and stare down at him with a look of absolute wonder.

How . . . how did Sidney know? How did he do that?

Sidney held his arm up for Matty to brace onto as he leaned down and picked up his crutches. Matty took them, but he didn’t use them as heavily as he did. He found this new concept to be . . . uplifting.

“And by the way, for the rest of her life, I will make sure Mika is taken care of.”