Status: This is for Brinlee, so I hope you guys enjoy, too! :)

All I'll Ever Need

12. The Story

I stood in the doorway of Sidney’s house with a sigh as he forcefully shoved the couch into the chairs to make more room for Matty to get around. He hadn’t said much of anything after I explained who Scott was—an ex-boyfriend turned stalker when I broke up with him when he raped me and left me for dead.

Sidney needed to talk about it, but he knew Matty didn’t need to hear it again. When I said, “He was an ex-boyfriend that couldn’t take no for an answer,” Sidney understood everything. At least that’s how it seemed.

“Sidney, let me help you before you scratch your floors.”

“I could give two shits about these fucking floors, Mika,” he said, and there was nothing but ice in his voice when he stood from the couch and looked over at me.

I knew he wasn’t mad at me. Really, I knew, but if I didn’t hate Scott so much, I would’ve felt horrible for him. If he ever came face to face with Sidney, I was a bit worried Sid might do something kind of stupid.

“But why mess them up if it’s not necessary?” I asked.

“Because logic doesn’t make sense when all I see is red,” he whispered.

“He can’t hurt me right now, Sidney,” I insisted. “They’re on their way to arrest him. I’m okay. Really, this is all unnecessary because—”

“He’ll get out tomorrow, Mika, and then what?” he scoffed. “We’ll stand idly by while we try and get a restraining order?”

Sidney’s panic . . . I realized this was never gonna end. Scott would always be a problem in my life, and I had accepted that a long time ago. It was a big reason why I didn’t need to be in a relationship. With an ex-boyfriend who was always gonna linger, always gonna be a threat to not only my safety but his . . . ? And you can forget future children.

So I did what I had to do.

“There’s no we.”

To tell you that I could see Sidney’s heart breaking was no exaggeration. Those chocolate eyes began filling with tears almost instantly, though he tried to hide it. His face turned away from me, and he took a few deep and shallow breaths before he even thought of something he might possibly say.

“R . . . Right,” he stuttered out. “I meant, um . . . fuck, it doesn’t matter. I’m just really worried about all this, Mika.”

“He’s not gonna do anything to you, Sidney,” I scoffed. “You’re not the one in danger, so you don’t have to worry.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Um . . . you’re right? But I’m concerned for you. I realize that’s new for you, aside from Matty, but you do have someone that actually cares about your well-being now, Mika. I may not be in danger, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna get hurt protecting you.”

“You’re absolutely insane!” I exclaimed. “There is no way in hell that you’re gonna get hurt from this! Listen to me, and listen very carefully. After tonight, we’re going back home. We’re not coming back here, and after I get my car back, we’re not gonna see each other anymore, Sidney. Whatever this is that we have going . . . it’s gotta stop before something bad happens.”

“You know, it’s not your call,” he said, his voice so calm that I was actually shocked. “If I wanna stick my neck out there for you, I’m damn well gonna do it whether you like it or not. I would rather have the shit beaten out of me and get that sick fuck locked away than stand back and wait for something bad to happen!”

He was persistent, and I knew that would never change. Sidney Crosby was a fighter, and he wasn’t gonna give up on the puck—on the thing he wanted most.

And for some reason, that was me. I didn’t get it, but I didn’t have to get it. As much as I wanted to protect him and keep him out of this, Sidney wasn’t going anywhere. Whether we dated or not, that’s how Scott would see it, and whatever he would do to a future lover, he would do to Sidney.

Despite my belief that he was making the wrong choice, Sidney wasn’t gonna make a different one. He wasn’t going anywhere.

For now.

“That’s just it! You don’t even know what you’re waiting for! You have no idea what happened, what he did to me! You have no idea what he put my brother through, what he put my grandparents through . . . how little my dad really cared . . . .”

I hadn’t realized I was crying until Sidney stepped closer to me and wiped the tears from my cheeks in the gentlest way possible. All anger and frustration immediately fell out of his eyes and got replaced with sorrow and longing that I didn’t understand. Then again, I had come to realize that most of the things going on in Sidney’s head were still a mystery to me.

The tears turned into sobs before I could push back down the sorrow, but Sidney was ready for them with open arms. His muscles tightened against my back, and I melted into the shape of him. I was tiny, for the most part, and Sidney was tiny for a hockey player. For any other five foot eleven guy? No. He wasn’t tiny.

Compared to me in my five foot glory? He was a giant.

I didn’t cry as much as I needed to, but I got enough out that I felt a little better about it. There were still feelings I had to repress back down for now, but this wasn’t the time to let them all out.

Matty cleared his throat from the living room doorway and reminded us—or maybe just me—that we weren’t alone.

“You’re an idiot, Mika, if you think you can push him away like that,” he informed me. “Sid’s not going anywhere. I, however, and fucking exhausted. Where’s a room I can crash in?”

The smile on Sidney’s face as he looked down at me, waiting for me to look back at him . . . it was absolutely adorable. It almost looked like a smirk, but he turned away before I could be sure. Either way, the pain from just a minute ago was temporarily gone. He was able to genuinely smile and show Matty to the two guest rooms remaining.

Honestly, with Sid having practice so early in the morning, I didn’t expect him to do anything else besides head straight to bed, but I barely had time to change into my pajamas before he was knocking on my door. I pulled it open but didn’t look at him. Just opened the door and walked over to plop down onto the bed.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“If I don’t get some answers, I’m not getting sleep anyways,” he sighed, and he carefully sat down beside me. Those chocolate eyes must’ve had a magnet or something in them because when he looked over at me, I found my eyes moving away from the floor so they could stare straight into his. “What happened?”

“It’ll just be easier if I start from the beginning,” I said, and as the memories started rushing to the front of my mind, so did the pain and anger. “Do you know what happened to my mom?”

“I figured she passed away somehow,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “Didn’t really need to know if you didn’t wanna tell.”

I knew there was no easy way to say it, so I took a deep breath and just let the words fall out of my mouth. “She killed herself after finding out my dad had so many affairs that he stopped counting after seventy-three. I found out a few years later that she killed herself the day the doctor called her and told her she had contracted HIV from Dad, so instead of dealing with it, she offed herself and left us alone. I was just eight, Matty was ten. After that, we were stuck with our dad, who didn’t slow down with the women. He could just bring them in the house now. It’s when Matty had to start raising me because at that point, we had no idea when Dad’s condition would turn into AIDS. It was all a waiting game—still is. Dad can’t travel anymore. He gets sick from every little thing. Honestly, I’m pretty sure this cold is gonna kill him. We could come home tomorrow and find out he died. I really wouldn’t be surprised. It’s why we stayed in Pittsburgh, however.”

Sidney wasn’t looking at me anymore. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t sure he could see anything. His body shifted forward, and his face was lost in-between his large hands. No words came out of his mouth, only rugged and unsteady breaths that frightened me a bit.

I kept my gaze on him so I’d know if he fell over, but I went on. “Scott was never really a good thing in my life. We grew up in the same school, and in middle school, we just started dating. I don’t know why. For some reason, I can’t even remember. We were never happy together, but with the pressure of everyone around me telling me that a boyfriend was the only way to be happy . . . I just sorta stuck it out. As we got older, things got worse. He was just an ass, always downing me in front of his friends, making up for it when we were alone with sweet things he read on the Internet. In all of the years we were together, he never once bought me anything. No dinner, no movie ticket, no stuffed bear, no flowers . . . yet I was always expected to buy him things. On his sixteenth birthday, it was the same story. He wanted something, and I was expected to give it to him. When I didn’t, he took it anyways. After drugging me, tying me up, and throwing me in the trunk of his car, he drove us to only God knows where and got what he wanted. Then, he left me there. In the middle of the night, with all the drugs in my system and no clothes . . . I had no idea how to get home. I didn’t even know where I was. It was two o’clock in the afternoon of the next day before I found my way home. I still didn’t have clothes, but a nice older woman found me stumbling near the road and drove over a hundred miles to get me home. After that, she drove me to the police station so I could report what happened. She came to the trial, too.”

“Why is the fucker not in jail?” Sidney hissed, but he could barely spit the words out. I could see his eyes now as they peeked out from under his hands and looked at the wall directly in front of himself. There was a bright fire burning in the chocolate that resembled the depths of hell that I imagined in my nightmares sometimes.

“Because they couldn’t prove he had done it,” I said, and admitting that out-loud for the first time hurt my heart so bad I wondered if it might crumple inside my chest. That’s what it felt like it was trying to do. “They couldn’t deny that I was raped, but to this day, my case is listed as ‘unsolved.’ The answer was right there. He fucking went to trial but was released because there was no hard evidence that put him at the scene of the crime.”

Even though I was watching Sidney, I was caught off guard when he finally moved from his position. Instead of standing up, like I half expected him to do, he turned around and pushed me back onto the bed.

The sexual tension filled the air so thick that I wondered if a chainsaw could even cut through it, but Sid’s purpose wasn’t to turn me on—admittedly, if that had been his purpose, he would’ve accomplished it quite well.

But it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, pushing me back was only one step in his entire process. He was as caught off guard by the arousal he felt when pushing me back like that, but unlike me, his mind didn’t swirl with wonderful fantasies. Instead, he rolled over to the other side of the bed and pulled me deep into his arms.

With his arms wrapped around my waist and my body pulled against his, I experienced cuddling for the first time in my entire life.

With Sidney Crosby.

“Go to sleep, beautiful girl,” he whispered in my ear. “This is the only way I’m gonna be able to sleep tonight. I hope you don’t mind. We’ll talk more tomorrow, and I promise you. He will never hurt you again, not while I’m still breathing.”

And within minutes, I was peacefully asleep with his words floating around in my mind.

He will never hurt you again.
♠ ♠ ♠
The lyrics are from Haunted by Kelly Clarkson.

I really thought this chapter was a lot worse than it actually is when I finished it last night, but after reading it over and editing a few things here and there, I realized that it's not so bad. Sidney. <3

I hope you love this chapter, too! Even though I was extremely tired when I finished, I enjoyed writing it—aside from Mika's terrible past. I've dreaded that part since the beginning.

Let me know what you think! There's more to come today, so I hope you enjoy this. Things lighten up a bit in the next chapter, so I'm excited for that. :)