All I'll Ever Need

I couldn’t watch this.

My dreams had been haunted with the image of Sidney after the game if the Blackhawks won on top of Jonathan and me going out, and it was heartbreaking.

My nightmare, however, was very quickly becoming a reality.

Box seats were awkward, and I knew that if we ever came to another game, we wouldn’t get them. Matty and I sat together, right next to the glass, while we watched the nightmare unravel onto the ice.

Something was wrong with Sidney. He had been off all day long, but when coming out onto the ice, he seemed so normal, so Sidney-like. When it came time to skate, he was ready, but not anymore. Something was going on that I wasn’t aware of.

I watched in horror and delight as Tazer scored his second goal of the game, and it took every ounce of focus in my body to not cheer as well. You’re in a Penguins box cheering for Sidney. Cheering for Sidney.

Matty almost found it amusing, but I knew he was mad at me still. After he found out I was going to dinner with Tazer, he insisted I was breaking Sidney’s heart and told me to do what was best for us.

The thing was, I didn’t know what was best for us.

How could a relationship be what’s best for us? We were falling for each other, sure, but just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they’re meant to be together, nor does it mean they should even try to be together.

But then, on the other hand, what if we are meant to be? I’m letting the best thing that could ever happen to me slip away. Was it because I was so scared of being alone?

I wouldn’t be alone, though. No matter what, I would always have Matty, and if things didn’t work out with Sidney, I knew Tazer would still be my friend. He was in no way a replacement or anything better than Sidney, but he would still be there.

Maybe Suzie would be happy if Sidney and I just sorta went our separate ways.

Then again, did it matter what she thought? She was part of the acid in my life, and if she wasn’t willing to be the friend I remembered from elementary school, then she didn’t need a place in my life. Therefore, her opinion shouldn’t even matter.

We all knew Dad’s didn’t matter in the slightest.

His words still weren’t far from accurate. Sidney really was too good for me, and what I was doing to him was only proof. He needed someone stable in his life, someone who wouldn’t go to dinner with Tazer and break his heart in the process.

While most of the Blackhawks team on the ice went over to celebrate Tazer’s goal, one in particular—a Mr. Brent Seabrook—was skating towards Sidney with a mission.

A mission that ended with Sidney tackling him down to the ice.

I definitely had no chance of hearing what Seabrook said, but whatever it was pissed Sidney off so badly that he tackled him had to be serious. Sidney’s helmet got ripped off, and there was a fire in his eyes I didn’t recognize mixed with a fire I did recognize.

It wasn’t surprising when Tazer immediately went over and broke it up, but I wasn’t the only one in shock when he shoved Seabrook back away from Sidney and helped Sidney to his feet. He did more than help him to his feet. After turning and yelling something at Seabrook, he turned to Sidney and said something else, something that immediately calmed Sidney down.

At least calmed him enough that he didn’t tackle Seabrook again.

I had no idea what was going on, but as the linemen escorted Sidney away from Tazer and over to the penalty box, he seemed a bit less upset. Still, after that, he didn’t play like himself. He was distracted and pissed off, and by the end of the game, when the third period ended with a five to one score, my heart had torn itself into so many pieces that it wasn’t funny.

I also wasn’t waiting in the box when the game ended. Though the air was mind-numbingly cold in Chicago after the sun set, I pushed through the chill and made my way down to where Sidney asked me to come meet him after the game.

Standing just outside the Pens locker room, I could hear the quiet as the players made their way in. Some saw me as they passed and waved, like Beau and Geno, but others didn’t even notice. They just went in with their heads hung low and their minds somewhere else entirely.

Sidney barely even noticed me, and he was the one that asked me to meet him there.

“Hey,” I said, my voice much quieter than I meant for it to be. Honestly, Sidney looked like a mess of emotions that worried me. No one should be as upset and mad as he was, yet it was how I imagined he got after every tough loss.

His eyes shifted away from me and down to the ground. “Look, Mika, I-I can’t talk. I’ve gotta get in there with the guys. Just . . . go have fun.”

“Sidney, what happened out there?”

My question set something off in his mind I didn’t comprehend, and as his anger burned even brighter in his eyes, I actually wasn’t sure if he was actually made at me or not.

“What the fuck do you mean what happened out there?” he scoffed. “You know damn well what happened out there! You were up in the box! Why the fuck do you need a play-by-play?”

I had to count to five and bite down on my lower lip to keep me from snapping back at him. Clearly, he didn’t need sass because he had it all.

“I meant with Seabrook,” I said, once I was certain I was calm.

Sidney looked back down at his feet and shrugged it off as no big deal before making a subtle shift in the direction away from me, towards the locker room. “It’s not important.”

“Sidney, come on. Wait.”

But he didn’t wait. Without another word, he went off into the locker room and left me there. Had Matty not been right behind me, I would’ve been alone.

Alone . . . I couldn’t handle that right now. Dad would die any day, and every part of me would like to think that I could handle it. My gut told me otherwise.

I needed Sidney.

“Well, Captain, you’re certainly getting mighty spiffy!” Patrick Kane laughed as he came up behind Jonathan and slapped him on the shoulder. “Trying to out-do Sidney Crosby?”

“Wouldn’t take much after the ass kicking we put on tonight!” exclaimed Corey Crawford as he jumped onto Kane’s shoulders.

Jonathan smiled a little as his teammates cheered, and he checked the mirror one last time before closing his locker and grabbing his keys. Though he was overjoyed they beat the Penguins as badly as they did, he couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for Sidney.

Someone else was taking his girl out the night they lose, and to make matters worse, it was the captain of the team that beat them.

There was something about this girl that Jonathan found intriguing. Maybe it was the luminance of her eyes that made his head spin, or maybe it was her soft and reserved voice.

It couldn’t be anything that had to do with looks because Jonathan had found himself intrigued after a simple phone call that didn’t even last five minutes, so why was he so fixated?

He wasn’t the only one. Sidney Crosby had fallen head over heels. Jonathan found it amusing when Sidney would come out of his room with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips that was different from the usual Sidney Crosby smile. He picked fun at him, but really, he was jealous.

Why couldn’t he find someone that did that for him?

As much as he wanted to get to know Mika more for his own good, he knew Sidney needed some help. Mika put herself in a place where she would never make a decision about Sidney on her own. She might want to be with him, but without a push from someone else, she might not ever choose to be.

Every fiber of Jonathan’s being told him to let her stay friends with Sidney, sweep her off her feet and bring her to Chicago for himself.

But he just couldn’t find it in himself to do that to Sidney.

I felt stupid again, but truth be told, I had felt stupid all night. Dressed like I was for a hockey game was unusual, so I stuck out pretty drastically.

I didn’t feel stupid because of what I wore, however. I felt stupid because there was something seriously wrong with Sidney, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I couldn’t figure out how to make it better, and I couldn’t figure out why I was hurting him so damn much. Why did I have to make it all so complicated?

The guys were flying home straight from the game, but Matty and I had a flight set for later that night. It worked out, with Tazer inviting me to dinner and everything.

Sidney almost walked past me without saying a word, but he just couldn’t do it. The poor guy made the mistake of looking back at me, and I must’ve looked as horrible as I felt because he stopped and came over to give me a hug.

“The Range Rover keys are on your dresser in your room,” he murmured. “Geno’s giving me a ride home. Whenever we wake up, I’m working out with some of the guys, so don’t freak out if I’m not there when you wake up.”

“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t wanna step out of his hug. As he gripped his hands together, I felt his muscles tighten, and he kissed the top of my head ever so softly. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Just get home safely,” he whispered. “I’ll be fine when I see your beautiful face again. I’m worried.”

The way he stumbled over “worried” was odd to me. Sidney worried, obviously, because Matty and I were living with him. But it sounded fuller than it should, more than just a simple concern for my safety.

So instead of thinking too much about it, I tightened my grip around him and just asked the question burning in my mind, despite the fact that I heard someone walking behind us. “Are you worried about me . . . or us?”

“Both, but I’ve gotta get outta here. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

And if Sidney hadn’t let me go, I probably would’ve questioned it. He let me go, stared behind me for a good five seconds, and walked away without another word.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that it was Tazer that had come up behind me.

I turned around to face him with a timid smile. “You guys played a great game, but I’d feel bad if I congratulated you for winning.”

Tazer had the reputation of being serious, hence his nickname “Captain Serious,” but the way that man laughed, and those dark eyes lit up a little . . . I couldn’t understand where it came from.

“Well thank you,” he said. “At least it’s something. You, by the way, look stunning.”

I looked down to my burgundy dress for a brief second and timidly smiled back. “Thank you.”

As I looked back at him, I realized that the man didn’t look shabby himself. Dressed in a pair of nice black pants, a white button-up rolled up to the crease of his elbow, and a black suit-vest, he looked rather dashing, actually.

“You look incredible yourself.”

A bashful smile came to his lips while he averted his eyes away from me. “Uh, thanks. I figured I’d probably look stupid or be overdressed.”

“Well, I mean, at least we’re both overdressed for whatever you have planned, right?”